Relatives who smoke and handwashing

Ruth - posted on 11/14/2008

I agree with Jenny. Your first priority is your son's health. Reminding your relatives of the 11 months spent in the hospital SHOULD be all it takes for them to understand your position. You're not being overprotective or insane at all. These kids have fragile systems, especially when they are small, and that combined with his existing lung disease puts him at a much greater risk.



Maybe your doctor can write a note to your inlaws... I'm kidding, but only sort of. I would think that maybe suggesting meeting somewhere other than their house? And maybe staying in a hotel is what you need to do for now, until he is older and his health is more stable.



And I wouldn't worry about anyone's hurt feelings. I know I had a self-imposed exile for my son's first few months (he was born in January in New England where its winter until early June). Handwashing was mandatory (and I still insist on it...its just good practice) as it truly is your first defense against germs.



Best wishes. Its never easy dealing with situations like this.

Jaime - posted on 11/13/2008

Luckly I dont have any family that smokes. What bugs me is when you walk out of a store or restaurant you walk through a cloud of smoke. I live in Kentucky and they still have it were you can smoke in restaurants. Back home in Illinois you cant smoke within so many feet from the entrances. Its really nice. I think if your family wants to see you and the baby then they need to follow your rules. Its simple you are dong what you can to prevent your child from having to spend more time away from you.
When I brought my son home from the hospital i had sanitizer everywhere. I had one hook to his car seat, my diaper bag and even one hooked on my keys. Along with one in about every room. I would make sure anyone that wanted to hold him sanitzed first. My mother in law is a nurse and her mother was complaining that using the sanitizer was making her break out. So she had said to me bring the baby over here. So I handed her the sanitized and she refused to use it saying I just washed my dishes in bleach water my hands are clean. After touching the counter and chairs. I told her you either sanitized or dont hold him. Just stick your guns about it. In the end its your child and you are there to do what ever need be to protect them. Who cares if you are being overprotective you have every right to be. Good luck and do what you have to do. Its your right as the parent.

Catie - posted on 11/11/2008

My husband, mother-in-law, and most of my husband and I's friends smoke. I don't allow it in the house period, I wash clothes a lot, and feel as though I am constantly telling people to go somewhere else. My mother-in-law claims she doesn't smoke in the house while my son is there, but her house smells awful. It is a constant battle that I am tired of fighting. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but when you find something that works, please pass it along.

Ame - posted on 11/10/2008

hi to all, i am new to this group.....my son had TOF surgery at 5months old on 9.4.08 - he is doing GREAT!!!!!

I have his TOF surgery posted on my page (i think that is what it is called)?

if not here is the link

Sherri - posted on 11/10/2008

When my son was in the hospital when he was first born I think it helped that the family would hear the doctors and nurses say it to wash hands, change out of smoke smelling clothes etc... As he started getting older I would bring someone to his appointments (because they had started smoking in the washroom and this point and had convinced themselves the bathroom fan would vent it out, even though that wasn't the case). So hearing the doctor say that even the smell of smoke was still bad for him, his heart, could cause asthma, made it more real for them. Obviously your in laws live farther and that may not be possible, maybe if you found an article online or something to show them how serious this is they would understand. Its not bad to protect your child no matter what anyone else thinks

Jenny - posted on 11/10/2008

Handwashing is not optional in our house. There is hand sanitizer in the living room and in Emmie's bedroom. Soap at all sinks. In the winter, I get downright dictatorial about it - thats just how it is. If your inlaws look at you funny, maybe you should explain about how fragile Braydon is, and how you don't wish to spend even *more* time in the hospital with him, but would rather he be at home leading as normal a life as possible.
As for the smoking, that sounds very selfish, but as a former smoker myself, I can tell you it is a very powerful addiction. So you may just have to deal with staying at friends houses or in a hotel until Braydon's lungs are better. And if they're not happy about it, explain that you are not willing to put your son's life in danger for their habit.
I guess the gist of what I am trying to say is - this is not a time to worry about what other people think of you - even if they are family. This is a time when protecting Braydon takes precedence. If you have to hurt some feelings to make sure he is safe and as healthy as possible, well too bad, I say!