any1 have a preemie in nicu while caring 4 a todler aswell??

Lucy - posted on 09/23/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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hi, my baby boy is in the NICU and i have a 2 yr old baby girl. im findin it really dfficult 2 cope as i live an hour away from the hospital so have been given charity housin, i cnt have faye there durin the day so take her home so she can be in a familier enviroment while my partner is at work, he gets home about 7 but by the time time we get 2 the hospital its 9/10. i literally see zack 4 10/15 mins before i take faye back 2 the charity house and get her 2 sleep while my partner sits wiv him, i wait 4 him 2 come back which is usually around 11/12 so he can watch faye and i go sit wiv zack till i feel like i cnt stay awake annymore. i get up at 6 in the morning see zack 4 half an hour and drive home again. my family live 2hours drive from the hospital/home and tried sending her away but couldnt cope being away from her and it effected her aswell. all my friends close that i trust lookin after her work 5 days a week and would feel cheeky askin them 2 take time off, im soo stressed out and missin out on alot wiv my baby boy, they wnt let me have cuddles unless it durin the day but am at home, he is 4weeks old and all i have done is change 5 nappys and had 1 cuddle.... just lookin 4 any advice and how other ppl coped wiv it all xx

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Felicia - posted on 11/14/2010

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Yes i had a baby in the nicu and caring fr a 4 yr old at the time... it was difficult cause it was hard for me to get to the hospital to see her and give her the milk she needed.. i lived about 45 minutes to an hour away from the hospital because of transportation luckily her medicaid covered for transportation there only on certain days those... and was aloud only hour with her... but i was thankful for every minute i spent with her even when i couldn't hold her...i spent lots of time with my 4 yr old but only wishing i could spend time with both... i think the hardest part was when my 4 yr old kept askin were here sister was and when she was coming home....this is my story and hope it could help you in some way...just know that he is good hands and he will be home soon...just keep your head up and god in your life and everything will be okay...

Beverly - posted on 11/06/2010

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I only have one child but when my daughter was in the nicu I was able to do a couple of things that helped me feel much better when I wasnt able to be there. one of those things was scent therapy which is where u simply wear a swatch of cloth on your body for a couple of days and leave it in the baby's crib so he or she can smell their mother another thing i was able to do was record my heart beat and voice on a cheap mp3 player and the staff would play it for her. the nicu where she stayed the first part of her time in the hospital was great. Just a few suggestions to ask the staff about it really does comfort the babies and that is comforting to you!

Jwauna - posted on 11/03/2010

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YES I HAD TWINS IN NICU WITH A TODDLER AT HOME... I WOULD SPEND THE DAY WITH THE TWINS WHILE MY DAUGHTER WAS IN SCHOOL AND COME HOME AND SPEND THE EVENINGS WITH HER I SHOWED HER PICTURES OF HER SISTERS SO SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY MOMMY WAS GONE

Mia - posted on 10/28/2010

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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with it all My baby was in the NICU/SCN for 5 1/2 weeks, his older brother was only 14months old when he was born so only a baby really. I kept him in daycare 3 days per week and my husband was approved leave for two days a week for that time and if my husband happened to need to go to work my mum or sister took care of him.

We were lucky living 20mins from the hospital but I felt so bad for my boy at home, spending so much time at the hospital. I experienced a lot of guilt and got quite teary about it all but I tried to keep things as normal for my oldest as possible and we seemed to get through it without too much issue. The weekends were the same, I went up to the hospital and came home during feeds and played aroud with the times that I was up there and the other fella was awake or sleeping at home to when I'd go back up.

Lucy - posted on 10/24/2010

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thank u every1 4 ur comments my baby boy has now been moved 2 a hospital 20mins from home and nurses have said he could be home within a week, it has been stressfull but like u all said its worth it when he comes home....CNT WAIT!! :) X

Lindsey - posted on 10/01/2010

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I was in the hospital (an hour away from home) for 3 weeks before my daughter was born and a week in they changed visiting policies (flu season) so no one under 18 could enter the hospital (unless they were a patient). I have 5 & 3 year old sons. And then my daughter was in that same hospital in the NICU for 8 1/2 weeks. It was def hard balancing being at the hospital and spending time with my kids at home, but I had lots of help from family.
We could have done charity housing, but chose against it for the kids. We wanted things to be as normal as possible. The sacrifice was only being able to be with Abby a few hours a day on most days. But we scheduled our visits during around her care time so that we could see her awake and change, feed, hold her, and whatever else we could do. It was expensive driving back n forth everyday, but I'd do it all the same again.
Once that precious baby is home you'll forget all this stress. Best of luck!

Penny - posted on 09/28/2010

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hi hun my prem bby was born 7 weeks early and i had a 3 year old it is hard really hard but you have to share yourself with both children i was likey i had family help they wud watch my eldest for a few hours while i went n saw my youngest then went home to my eldset also wot i did was takin my eldest wit me wen i new bby was gettin better n explained what was going on and why he was there and that he was a big bother and he now had to share mummy and that way your with both children n the eldest does not fell left out xxx

Jeanette L - posted on 09/27/2010

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MY SECOND CHILD WAS A PRIMEY. SHE WAS TWO AND HALF MONTHS OLD BEFORE THEY WOULD LET ME TAKE HER HOME. YES, IT IS ROUGH. WE LIVED AN HOUR AWAY FROM THE HOSPITAL BUT I DIDNT DRIVE SO I HAD TO WAIT TILL MY HUSBAND GOT HOME FROM WORK. I HAD ONE CHILD ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF OLD BUT WAS ALSO TAKING CARE OF TWO OF HIS CHILDREN BY HIS FIRST MARRIAGE. WE GOT THERE AFTER NINE AT NIGHT AND STAYED TELL ELEVEN OR TWELVE AND THEN WENT HOME TO CARE FOR THE OTHERS. I ONLY GOT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK. IT WAS REALLY SAD AND I WAS CRYING ALL THE TIME THINKING THAT SHE WOULD DIE ON ME. SHE MADE IT, SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL AND STILL IS OF COURSE. SHES THIRTY FIVE AND HAS A SON NOW. HANG IN THERE, AND KEEP FAITH IN GOD, ITS ALL THAT GOT ME THROUGH.

Pip - posted on 09/27/2010

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I feel for you. My twins were 10 weeks early and I had a 23 mth old and 3 more kids (school aged), we lived 2 hrs drive from the city hospital they were in. I also had spent a mth in hospital before the delivery of my twins. Life was just so hard, tring to spread yourself every where. I too hardly got to have cuddles with my twins because of my toddler, distance, and time, I felt so guilty and ripped off. The twins moved to a hospital closer to home when they were about 8 weeks old and things became a bit easier, then one of the twins had to go to a different city hospital for surgery and I had them in two different places. I seriously thought I would loose the plot. Fast forward 2 yrs and my twins are such a joy and I watch these little miracles run around the house and I'm so grateful to have them. This hard time will end for you too. No your not alone and yes some of us understand exactly how awful you must feel. Best of luck. Wishing you and you boy to be together again.

Emily - posted on 09/27/2010

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It is so difficult to have a baby in the nicu while trying to spread yourself to other children. I had my daughter in the nicu and I have 2 older sons, 11 and 5. I live an hour and a half from the hospital. We did stay at the Ronald Mcdonald house for a few days, but our older children had to start school so we had to go home. I had to get up every morning to take the boys to school, drive to the hospital and my husband had to swith to a graveyard shift so he could pick them up. I have no family that live close enough to help us out with the boys and school. I was driving 3 hours total every day to and from the hospital. I didnt get to see much of my boys and only a hi and bye from my husband when i would get home and he had to leave for work. My husband couldnt see much of our daughter either, which was very hard on him. It is really really hard and expensive! You just have to keep a posative attitude and know that it will only last a little while. It seems like forever, but you have to keep telling yourself that the baby will be home soon and you can return to life as normal soon! Good luck!

Pamela - posted on 09/26/2010

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Sorry to hear you are goign thru this. My son was 32 months old when my premie baby girl was born. I live in FL and my family lives in MI. Fortunately my mom was able to come live with us for a few months. Not sure how I would have made it thru w/out her. I understand not wanting to be away from your daughter. Holding my 3 year old gave me comfort when I could not hold my new baby girl. Depending on money you could try to find s day care near by. Your daughter could be there during the day, you could sleep and visit the new baby. Or ask the hospital if they have any suggestions? Mayeb volunteers or such. Or could you find a nanny to come to the charity house?

Good Luck,

Crystal - posted on 09/24/2010

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yes, I know exactly what you are going through. Our twins came early at 32 weeks, and we also have a 2 1/2 year old as well. When I went into labor the 3rd time with the twins my doctor thought he had my labor stopped but i went from 3cm to almost 6cm in like 2 hours and it was no stopping the twins from coming. The twins were born June 15, 2010 matthew weighed 4lbs 1oz and madilynn weighed 3lbs 1oz, they were breathing on their own but still transferred to a hospital with a better NICU almost 2 hours away from our home. believe me it is NOT at all easy and i was so stressed and upset i wanted to be at the hospital with our twins and at home with our toddler. and i felt like i was torn between the two, i spent many days and night crying because i didn't have my family together. I would stay at the hospital with the twins a week at a time then come home for 2-3 days to be with our son because he was constantly asking his daddy and grandma "where his mommy and two babies were." when daddy would call that evening to check on the twins i could hear tyler in the background ""want to talk to mommy"" and i would get to crying because i couldn't be at home with him and at the hospital with the twins at the same time. I wont lie it is the hardest thing i have ever had to do leave part of my family to be with the other half in the NICU. Tyler coundn't come the the hospital to see his brother and sister either, they wouldn not let anyone under 12 into the NICU. I just had to keep telling myself that i had to be strong for our son and for our twins so they could get better and come home. Just hang in there and it WILL get better just hang on a little longer. and congratulations on you new baby boy we will be praying for you and your family, to help your little one thrive and finally come home, so it won't be so emotional for you...

Samantha - posted on 09/24/2010

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I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time. It is hard when you have one at home and a preemie in the NICU. My son was four when his sister was born. I couldn't drive myself to the hospital because of having c-section. Thankfully though the hospital wasn't far from our home. Mostly I took care of him during the day and my husband or mom took me to hospital in the evening. I still feel horrible about not being there w/her as much as I had been w/my son when he was in NICU. She thankfully came home a couple days before she was three weeks old, but even that took some adjusting. As when she'd cry so would her big brother. And she is just as attached to me as what he was when he was little. You'd never know that I missed much during the day when I was away from her during those first few weeks.
Our NICU gave the babies a little doll made of receiving blankets we moms would wear them in our shirts against our skin, so that when we weren't there our babies could still smell us.
And if I were you I'd just ask a family member to come stay w/your daughter at your home. I didn't send my son to a sitter or anywhere, but when it looked like my daughter would be in there for a long time after two weeks my husband enlisted his mom to take some vacation time to come stay w/our son. She lived two hours away in another state thankfully she was willing. I probably could have asked her in the first place to take FMLA or something and she would have.
Turned out that our daughter got to home home a few days after the meemaw got here, but we didn't know that would happen. And I was feeling down about not being w/her. So really all I can say is ask. That is what family is for to be there when you need them. I hope that you are able to get the assistance you need, so you can spend more time w/your baby boy.

Emily - posted on 09/23/2010

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So sorry you're going through this. My son was also 2 years old when my daughter was born at 30 weeks. We live 1.25 hours away from the hospital. Basically what we did was my son went to his grandparents' house during the day. I got up around 4:30am to pump and get ready, then drove to the hospital to be there for the 7am feeding. My husband drove my son to his grandparents' before he went to work. I stayed at the hospital usually until after one of the afternoon/evening feedings, then drove home and got my son. Got very little sleep then got up and did it all again the next day.

It was exhausting but necessary because I felt like I needed to be there for both children. Do your think anyone from your family would be willing to come stay at your home for a few days to take care of your daughter? Don't be afraid to ask people for help. I found that many people wanted to help us out, but they didn't really know how. It doesn't hurt to ask.. the worst that can happen is they say no. While it's good to stay involved with your toddler, I do think it's a good idea to spend as much time as you can with your new baby. They do sleep most of the time, but it really does benefit them to spend time feeling your warmth and love. Good luck.. I know this is a hard time. Hope your baby can come home soon.

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