Anyone put in a room with a full term mother/healthy baby?

Lani - posted on 01/06/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Looking back, i get so mad when i think about the fact that there were 47 preemies in the hospital and I was put in a room with a full term mother. My early delivery was unexpected and still to this day unexplainable by my doctors. I just woke up in labor at 27 weeks 4 days. I delivered the next day and was put in a vacant room with an extra empty bed and posters all over the room that told me how to "protect my baby" with breast milk and to "be a good mother" and breast feed. That night another mother joined me along with her HUGE hispanic family with flowers balloons and happy conversation. I soon cried continuously and became depressed. the doctor wouldn't let me out of bed with a demorol drip, I hadn't seen my baby, my medication prevented me from expressing milk to give to my daughter(that hadn't even begun to come in) and I had a 2lb 8 oz baby. I was miserable and the nurses kept asking me why i was crying because everything was FINE!! Yeah right!! Not from my standpoint at that time.

The one thing that saved my sanity was my OBGYN. She had 7 year old twins that were preemies and she really knew what I was going through. The best advice she told me was that the worst day of my life was when i would go home without my baby and that it was going to SUCK! She said to go home, lock myself in my room and cry my eyes out. when I was done, get the car keys and drive myself back to the hospital and take control back. She was right. I felt more in control with every mile i drove back. She said the exact thing I needed and she was the best doctor I could've ever had.

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Joanne - posted on 02/08/2009

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(HUGGS) HON, its not easy when this happens. I have had it happen too me, ive also been put in a room with moms who gave birth to happy healthy babies after im miscarried and it ripped my heart out. I lost twins at 26 wks and i wasnt even allowed to see or touch them or bury them but they put me in the same room with a mom of a full term baby. I dont think drs or hospitals think in most cases. they have to change that.

Barbara - posted on 02/07/2009

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I was ver upset and depressed when I was put in a room with someone who had the baby in that room. As she talked to her baby and as I listen to her baby cry I remember tears rolling down my face it was a HORRIBLE feeling. My baby was in the NICU After 3 day of nurses coming in showing me pictures of my child. I finally got to go see him and I was not connected with my child right away.

Liz - posted on 02/07/2009

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I had my twins just one day shy of thirty four weeks. I had to have an emergancy c-section because my son was a breech and my daughter was coming one way or another. I remember that night the women in the room next to me  at like four in the morning having a bunch of her family over and them walking into my room forgetting it was the wrong room.  I remember hearing other babies crying and seeing them going in and out of other peoples rooms.  My son was born with underdeveloped lungs, and there was a time with a strong possibility that he would have had to been transferred to another hospital a good half hour away from us. Luckily they were able to stabilize him though. During that time I remember hearing people with their babies and it really irriated me when one women sent her baby away because she didn't feel like taking care of it. We were in the NICU at the time with our twins while I was still in the hospital.  My son wasn't able to be bothered because it would excite him too much, and we were only able to look at our daughter through her incubator. That mad me so mad, because I would have loved a chance to take care of my twins, I hadn't even been able to hold them yet at that point.  I saw my daughter for a minute and was able to kiss her before they brought her to the NICU, but my son I wasn't able to even do that. The first time I saw him he was getting hooked up to a resperator.  Now though they are eight months old and very healthy babies.  I cannot imagine life without them and am thankful every day for them.  I am hoping next time around I will not have to experience the same heart ache. It's one of the hardest things when things go so unexpected and quickly when it comes to birthing your children.

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2009

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Hey i understand how you feel i went into labour with my twins at just past 26 weeks, i had them in a level 2 hospital because that was were my dr. was but a team of specialist from sick kids hospital rushed in to take over their care. I had to have a c-section and we were at etobicoke general and the sick kids team had to take my twins into down town Toronto to the NICU at Womans College hospital. So my babies were a good 40 minute a way and I was stuck sharing a room with a woman who had just giving birth to a healthy boy. I felt that both she and the staff were insencetive to the fact my babies were not with me. first of all the woman decided she wanted the bed for her baby pushed right up against the curtain separating us and then when her baby was crying all night she wouldn't let the nurses take him to the nursery for a while so she could rest claiming "it's ok his crying isn't bothering me" well I wish someone thought of me maybe hearing someone elses baby crying all night when I had no idea how mine were or even if they would make it and I was soo far a way from them was bother me. Second was this photagrapher going around taking pictures of the moms with their new babies when she came to our room she took the other womans pic and then came to me and checked the list she got from the nurses and said "oh your the one who's babies are gone" . Third my roommate had a big family and even though there was supposed to be a limit to the number of people visiting at a time she always seemed to have one crowed after another. If i could make one recomendation to the hospitals it would be to seperate the preemie moms from the term moms where ever possible. thank you for posting your hospital experience I am the only one in my family and group of friends to have preemies and when I try to talk about how i felt in that room with the other mother noone understands my feelings and it feels good to get them out and no that someone els understands.

Susan - posted on 02/07/2009

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My story is a little different. While in the NICU the nurses put a 13 lb baby in the crib next to my 1 lb 3.5 oz-er. The nurses joked they were going to put them in the same crib and take a picture. She would have crushed my daughter. It didn't bother us that much. We had a lot of gallows humor in our NICU.

Janet - posted on 01/29/2009

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I'm so sorry for your experience.  I was in a room alone but had to stay in the hospital a couple extra days and I remember after the initial good care I recieved a lot of the days I was alone in my room.  One of the nurses let out one day that they needed to spend more time in the other rooms because they needed to help moms learn how to handle their babies.  I cried all the time.  I remember trying to figure out on my own how the breast pump worked because my family is not here and one nurse who was nice seeing me when she came to give me medicine.  She tried to help me at that time but I was crying too much.  I remember leaving the hospital as well and making my husband take all the flowers and balloons first because I felt funny without the baby.  They need someone at the hospitals to help emotionally worman in these situations. 

User - posted on 01/27/2009

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Now when I look back I smile to myself at the way I was treated in the hospital but at the time I felt dreadful.  I was on the post natal ward surrounded by mums and all their new borns.  Once Jacob was born and whisked to SCBU I found myself, still on the same ward, but in a private room just off the corridor.  Here I was fiercely watched by staff members to make sure I didnt go too near the new Mums or their babies which made me feel extremely outcast and like some sort of criminal about to whisk away someones baby.  I also had to eat my meals with all the new mums and remember flipping out at the dinner table one evening when listening to a new mum complaining about being woken up in the middle of the night for feeds.  Some of these women had no idea just how lucky they were.  I took the lady in question upstairs with me the next day to meet Jacob in his incubator full of wires/drips/etc.  From that moment on she did a complete turn around and cherished the screaming for feeds :D

[deleted account]

I know just how you feel! In the UK we don't have private rooms but wards with 8 beds to a room.When Bethany was born at 34 weeks she was taken straight to Neonatal (baby ICU) and I was taken back to the ward to recover from my c-section. Those next few days were the worst, being in the ward next to 7 other mothers all with their babies in cribs beside them, happy visiting relatives and hearing them get up to feed their crying babies in the night all the while knowing my little baby was upstairs in the unit. the nurses were not very supportive either. I overheard one taking the mickey out of me to the other nurses because I'd been crying over Bethany being in neonatal.
The hardest thing though was being discharged from hospital and having to walk back through my front door without my baby. Mums who get to take their baby home with them don;t realise how lucky they are. You expect once you've had your baby you will go home as a family and it's so hard when it doesn't happen. I sat in the new nursey and cried and cried on the first night.
Happily Bethany is home, healthy and happy now and those horrible experiences are eclipsed by the joy of having our little girl with us :)

[deleted account]

I was very fortunate and was in a private room but there are other circumstances surrounding my case. I was put in the hospital when I was 28 weeks pregnant and I was put on the side of the ward where the women were put when they were pregnant. I had a private room because of the severity of my situation and we knew that I was going to be there for a while. After being in that room for 5 weeks, I had a c-section to deliver Brady. I was supposed to go to the part of the ward where the mother's were who had had their babies, but thankfully, the nurses were considerate and let me stay in the room that I had since I had been there for so long, and I didn't have Brady with me anyway because he had to stay in the NICU. I would have found it absolutely horrible if I had to move to the other part of the ward and see all of the full term babies. Not that I wouldn't be happy for the mother's, but it would have been hard like others have pointed out here.

Yusra - posted on 01/24/2009

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After I had my twins @ 29 weeks, I was thankfully given a private room.  It didn't help much because I could hear all the other babies in the rooms around me crying all the time.  I remember walking down to the NICU in the middle of the night and seeing all the babies at the nurses station because their mothers wanted to rest.  I couldn't imagine how these mothers could send their babies away when all I wanted was to even hold mine for a minute. 



 

Sara - posted on 01/20/2009

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I was put in a ward with Mums that had just given birth, just hours after being told that i had lost my waters at 28 weeks and didnt know if my baby was going to survive. Its a long story but i was in and out of hospital 3 times in the space of a week and was told to hold onto my baby until 34weeks! On the second time of going into labour i had my little boy weighing 3lb 2oz at 29weeks +1.

[deleted account]

I had the same situation regarding the nurses (but while I was on labor and delivery).  The nurse I had assigned to my labor couldn't understand why I was so upset about having a premature baby.  It just made a bad situation worse.  My OBGYN was no help (was on vacation at the time) and afterwards really did support me in any way.  While on postpartum I did have a wonderful nurse for three days (I am certain she requested me) that kept going to the NICU to see my baby.  When I went home without my baby I lost it.  I had held it together but as we left the hospital parking lot I just broke down completely.  My husband had to pull over on the side of the road until I calmed down.  It was just more than I could handle.  We had about a half hour drive back to the hospital and every minute closer brought me closer to feeling relief.  I remember that feeling well.  I would get so happy the closer we got to the hospital and as soon as I got on the elevator to the 2nd floor I would start to feel whole again.  Each day when I would have to leave again was just pure hell.  But I never broke down again.  I made sure to hold it all together.  I am sorry that you had to be in a room with a full term happy family.

Cassie - posted on 01/17/2009

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I understand how you feel. My hospital only had private rooms thank goodness. But I got put in the one directly across from the newborn nursery. So all day long while my little 29w, 2 pounder was in his isolette on the respirator, I got to hear nurses and new moms and dads coming to and from the nursery to get their babies. Then the last (4th) night I was there, they had the nerve to move me because they "needed" that particular room for something else. It was so hard to hear everyone else's babies crying all the time when mine could not even breathe on his own let alone cry.

[deleted account]

I to get mad at this. I miscarried at 4 months and had to have a D&C. They put me in a room with another woman who just had a baby. The room was plastered with pictures of healthy babies. Then to top it off, they put me across from the delivery room. I could here every moan and groan. It was horrible! I am happy though cause I did get to experiance two healthy births and then I had my son at 33 weeks with major complications.

Sharna-Lee - posted on 01/12/2009

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Oh I know exactly what you mean. I get so mad thinking about it that I can't really comment, i will though once i've calmed down. I was in hospital for 3 days after his birth and I cried for most of those 3 days which I think wouldn't have been so bad if i hadn't had new happy little families all around me with their newborns while mine is stuck in an incubator fighting for his life. Aaaaaah, it was the most terrable experience if my life. My son was born at 31 weeks and spent a month in the NICU. I hate thinking about those days as it always brings back the feelings I had. Being a preemie mom is a hard thing to do, but I believe that we must be really special women if God would trust us so much as to make us preemie moms. What you ladies think?

Lani - posted on 01/11/2009

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Thanks so much for all the replies. It is so hard to retell all the stories and emotions we go through to others that have not been through it. Even our husbands don't fully understand because we have the extra hormones running our emotions on top of everything else. My daughter will be 4 next month and is so healthy. Everything was worth it!!

Lisa - posted on 01/11/2009

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It is the hardest thing to be away from your baby, I have had 2 pre-term births one when i was 18, a little boy at 24 wks 1lb 5oz sadly he didnt make it, he was transfered to a hospital at the other side of london and i had to wait to the following afternoon and threaten to leave with the drip in my arm before they would let me go. but I was put on the maternity ward too. with my second child 29 wks 2lb 11oz again i was put on the maternity ward, there was a lady in the bed opposite me who asked me to watch her baby for a minute, as soon as she left it started to cry, i didnt want to pick it up, for one i didnt know how the mum woulod feel about it and two i didnt want to hold some one elses baby before my own! You just need to hold it together for your childs sake. she was gone for what seemed like ages! my daughter was in hospital for 56 days and had to be resussatated 3 times on christmas day 2006. she is two now and a little monster but I thank god every day for her little life!

Geneviève - posted on 01/10/2009

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They should definitely separate women as per their history of birth or other. Before I had my daughter, I miscarried 4 times. One of my miscarriages was at 3 months of pregnancy and I needed a D&C. I was put in the same wing as women who had just gave birth. I could hear babies crying, when I had just lost mine. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

Anne - posted on 01/10/2009

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i know how u feel i had my son at 35 weeks and i was put in a room with two full term babys and and they would not let me see my son i was so pissed off and my boyfriend the babys dad want told the nurse if i dont see my son after i get my feeling back because i was frozen after a c-section he was going to get me a wheel chair and take me down to the nursey to see him

Leanne - posted on 01/09/2009

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I too like most of you was in a room with moms of full term babies while I was STILL pregnant on bed rest in the hospital. They had me in a room with 3 other women who just had full term babies. I was on bedrest in the hospital as I had Placenta Previa, there is nothing worse than being told you cant move out of bed not even to pee or you could lose your baby while you are looking at new moms with their healthy newborns.  Finally they moved me to a private room which I dont know if it was better or worse because then I was isolated from everyone and everything and I was there another 3 1/2 weeks until I had another massive bleed and they had no choice but to go in and take her at 34 weeks. And then of course I was put back in a private room due to her medical problems so I could be alone and not be bothered "just in case" they said! It would have been nice to have shared a room with the other woman there also on bed rest and also had a preemie baby just after me.   Pregnancy alone can be an over whelming time for a woman, I think they need to take into account that our chance of loss is so much higher than full term and should not keep us either penned up and alone or in a room full of happy new moms while we are worrying about if our child will survive the night. Mine died twice in the hospital, once when i first got to hold her but she is now 16 and wow full of spirit! and you would never know she was a preemie.  I truly hope your next experience ( if your planning one that is) will be much better.



Being a mother is the best thing any woman can aspire to be :)

Michelle - posted on 01/09/2009

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I had just about that same situation..okay well the family wasn't hispanic and I did get rid of that IV rather quickly but for the most part it was the same. 



I wish I would have a doctor that was the same as yours. The doctor that delivered my 31 weeker was young and didn't have children yet. (She had children about a year after my preemie was born) I didn't have any good days either.  I just remember having the nurse bring in the crying baby for the mom next to me and I'd be in my side of the room with the pillow over my face muffling my crys.



Trevor stayed in that NICU for 3 weeks and that was with me visiting every day regardless if I felt really strong enough to be there or not. I had to find a sitter for my daughter too. Thankfully my family was supportive even though they though I should have just sat down and took time for myself but I felt I needed to be there my son. We finally got him to a feeder growing stage in the NICU and I tried to get him a "bed" in the local hospital near me. Well it took a few days of the NICU to get him a "bed" but one Sunday morning they called me and said we got him a transfer. I went to church and then drove straight up to be there for the transfer. I cried...happily mind you because I finally got to be one of those moms to have their babies wheeled out of the hospital...well at least that one.  I remember taking my ticket to the cashier to have it validated and he said...see you tomorrow and I said..Nope not this time...We are going home!!



When we got him transferred to the other hospital it was a much closer drive for us so I got to visit a bit more though our daughter wasn't allowed to visit there. (Isn't it weird that my daughter can come into the NICU but not into a nursery?)  He failed the car seat test so we had to find one of those *bed carseats* which we did and it's been heaven sent!



Sorry I got way off the subject. But I'm with you on this...I personally think they should have separate wings of the hospital for moms that are put into these situations. it's just morally wrong that people who have children in the NICU or even the ones that have LOST their little ones should be put with term babies!!

Ellena - posted on 01/09/2009

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Hi Lani,



I know exactly how you felt, I had my 2nd child at 29wks to the day after my waters broke half way home in the bush at 28wks 3days, i had argued with my local Drs that some thing was going wrong but as i was only 20 at the time i was ignored. i was air lifted to Brisbane and then spent 45mins in the ambulance getting from the airport.



After having my son via an inverted c-section ( mind you there again arguing with the dr that i was in labour as i have painless contractions i just feel a tightning sensation and they didnt belive me as i was in no pain) the bed next to me had a mother who had just had her healthy full term baby who of course would cry and grunt as babies do which made me feel helpless i was used to having a baby in my room and taking it home with me as my first son was full term and weighed a big 8pound 11onz, i didnt know what to do i felt like i had no control, the nicest thing that happened in my room which a lovely midwife thought of was when the lady next to me was going for her shower and asked if they could keep an ear on her baby she asked the lady if it would be ok for me to have a hold of him as mine was in the nicu, the lady was quite happy to help and that was the best thing being able to hold a baby at that point in time, althoe the next 8 weeks had its ups and downs we got through he is no nearly 4years old and since then i have had another prem a little girl at 31wks 4days and weighed 1673grms mind you i was an old hand at it by then and 3.5wks later she was home weighing only 2040grms! she will be 1 in march.



Idefinately think that the hospitals should try putting mothers of prems in together.

Geneviève - posted on 01/08/2009

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I had my daughter at 35 weeks and I was put in the same room as a term baby. Thankfully I wasn't there long that I had a private room. But I can understand how you felt because are so worry about your child and your sad, angry, etc, and you see them having the time of they life.

Amanda - posted on 01/06/2009

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My story is not the same as yours but I know how you feel.I went into Labor shortly before 29 weeks and was airlifted to childrens hosp. about a Three hour drive from my local town. No one was allowed to fly with me. I was all alone! I gave birth to a 3lb 12 oz baby boy about a half hour after landing at the hospital.

After being discharged I went home THREE hours away. I would spend a day or two with him and then I would go home for a day or two and so on.

My son spent about three and a half weeks at Childrens before he was able to move to my local hospital. Being near home was the hardest for me. I would see healthy baby after healthy baby come and go and I would get to watch the happy familys put their baby in the carseat and leave. There I sat watching and waiting. I would get in my car and cray all the way home. My son would spend another three and half weeks in the hospital before he finaly got to come home.

He is going to turn 5 soon but I will never forget how alone and helpless I felt.

I had another child a couple of years latter. I was High Risk and started having trouble at 26 weeks. The Drs don't know why I go into labor pre-term and probobly never will.

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