Baby Shower!! Kinda sad! Anyone else feel the same way?

Shateema - posted on 07/29/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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I had my baby on Jun. 30 @ 29 weeks and 3 days...my shower is this saturday and i feel a little depressed and sad bc for one my baby is still in the NICU and for two i was looking so forward to having my babyshower and being pregnant at it! lol but now all of that has changed and it doesnt seem like i will still have as much fun as i wud have if i was still pregnant! anyone else feel the same way?

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Amanda - posted on 11/05/2009

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I know how you are feeling. My daughter was also born at 29 weeks and 3 days. My family and friends had my baby shower when she came home form the hospital. I felt werid inviting people to come to the shower, because I had to buy the stuff that I need right away. But I put on my happy face and went along with it. You know something I think I had just as much fun if not more. I would reccommed having the shower when you beautiful angel comes home, it really did feel a little bit better to have the party, it was more like we were celebrating her comming home. Best of luck to you.

[deleted account]

I had my daughter the day before my shower. We couldn't cancel because we had people coming from out of state. I got sent home they day I gave birth but sitting outside june 27th + opening gifts for 3 hours was a TON harder then it should have been.

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Kristy - posted on 11/09/2009

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I still had my shower i just made my mates wait till my little man had been released from his ten wk stint in hospital. I tried to look at it how lucky i was to have a baby shower with a baby....

Krystal - posted on 11/07/2009

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I completely understand. I actually was at the hospital in labor for my shower. my family had the shower anyway and took plenty of pictures of my gifts being opened. It was bitter sweet.

Monika - posted on 11/03/2009

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It really is hard, and people who haven't been in our shoes usually just don't get it.

My shower was supposed to be the day after I got admitted to the hospital. That one was cancelled. I had DD a couple of days later... then was able to attend the other shower that was planned the following weekend. People asked me, "where's the baby, we were hoping you'd bring her" which was SO hard (ummm hello! she's in the NICU and barely a week old!). Also, the whole time I was thinking about how I really just wanted to be at the NICU holding DD. It was a beautiful shower and I am so thankful for it, but I had very mixed emotions. I kind of felt shell-shocked too, everything happened so fast and unexpectedly, it hadn't quite registered. I sort of felt like a zombie!

Like previous ladies have said, it's just hard to be excited when you have a baby in the NICU.

What you are feeling is so totally normal for us NICU/preemie mommies! (((hugs)))

Brittni - posted on 11/03/2009

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I had my baby july 30 2009 (32 weeks 2 days) My baby shower was august 9, I felt sad too because I was looking forward to all the games and such. I also feel jipped out of my pregnancy

MARIA - posted on 10/01/2009

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I felt the same way. My mind wasn't one the party it was back in the NICU were my baby was on machines. She was my second child at 28 weeks and my shower was 3 weeks after I had her. I said since I couldn't have her in my belly at the shower that I would make it up when she had her 1st birthday . She will be 1 in a couple weeks and we are having a big birthday bash for her. Can't wait!!! He had a ruf beginning but doing very well now:)

Shari - posted on 10/01/2009

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my son was 3 months early. hes 6 months old now and i never got a baby shower. I still get a little sad that I didn't get one but maybe things will work out if I ever have another baby.

Natessa - posted on 09/25/2009

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My son was a 26 weeker and we waited until he came home to have the showere the title was He's here for the party

Shannon - posted on 09/25/2009

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the same thing happened to me so what we did was we waited a while after she was home and planned a baby arival party, sort of like a meet and greet the new little one party. it was wonderful! I wouldve liked a pre-baby baby shower but things take different paths then the way you plan them sometimes! babys are born when they feel like it! lol

Morgan - posted on 09/25/2009

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my son was born at 32 weeks and he came on the day of my baby shower, i felt so sad that i didnt even have one later on

Cassana - posted on 09/25/2009

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hey, yeah I'm kinda going through the same myself at the mo. My last son was born 11 weeks early and so to make sure I was prepared I was planning my shower for around 27 weeks... unfortunately I have been put on bed rest ( 22 weeks) and so have had to cancel my shower and wait for her to be here safely. wouldn't be much fun having to stay in bed for the party! but I will have more of a "baby's arrived" kinda party instead so it should still be nice. A proper pre-baby shower would hav been lovely but just not going to happen so just gotta wait :( oh well as long as my little girls ok then I'll be happy. x

Paige - posted on 09/25/2009

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My family and friends held of on my shower until My lil guy was home from the hospital . I waas to destracted to even consider attending if they had scheduled it sonner than that

Barbara - posted on 09/20/2009

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Yes, I felt terrible at my shower too. I had my daughter on March 24, 2006 and my baby shower was May 13, 2006. No one really knew what to say to me and I didn't really know what to say to them. At that point my daughter was still receiving oxgen and had only just started bottle feeding. My Mother-in-law wanted to wait and have a welcome home party but I said I didn't want tons of people around my daughter when she got out of the hospital. Hope everything worked out for you.

Cari - posted on 09/19/2009

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my baby was born on jan 28th and was not due until april 19th. My mother was planning a baby shower for me for jan 30th. We were hoping I would make it to that date and having something to look forward to would maybe help me stay relaxed on bed rest. We ended up having the shower at the hospital with the baby and i got to have a shower get gifts and let everyone see the baby one at a time. It was tiring but rewarding since i couldnt let my family all come see her when she was born. It was nice and i didnt have to leave the hospital or my baby hope this helps if you talk to the hospital they normally have classrooms they will let you do this in. my baby was born at exactly 28 weeks.

Laura - posted on 09/18/2009

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I bought the invitations for my sons shower the day i went into labor, and didnt have his shower till he was 4 months old. it was a little different but, at least he got the things he needed.

Clara - posted on 09/17/2009

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With both of my preemie girls, I had the baby shower the weekend before I had them. Hmm, maybe I ought to plan my next baby shower the weekend before 39 weeks to encourage him/her to stay in longer? My first girly was born at 32 weeks (stillborn due to blood clots), so the memories of her shower are difficult sometimes. It hurts to think that she passed away either right before the shower or right after it.... My second girly was born at 35 weeks, healthy and now 12 months old!, but, like someone else mentioned, I only received clothes for a full-termer. Those things won't fit a 4 lb., 6 oz., princess. Luckily, I had stuck ONE preemie outfit in our "going to the hospital" suitcase, so she had something to wear home. But, even that swallowed her! I'd go with the "Welcome Home Baby" Shower idea someone posted. That way, you can truly celebrate little one's NICU graduation and coming home safely, and the clothes are more likely to fit then, too LOL

Emma - posted on 09/17/2009

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It must be terrible, i think i'd feel the same way. Thankfully, baby showers weren't the norm here in the uk 6 years ago when my son was born at 25wks. He was not allowed home for just over four months and i can honestly say it was the worst time off my life, if i'd had to go to a party to celebrate i think it would off finished me off.
I remember my body mourning my pregnancy, i'd only started to show 3 weeks before he was born so i just sprung back into shape and that made it so much worse it was like i'd never been pregnant, especially as i couldn't hold him for three weeks.
I longed to know what it felt like to really be pregnant, big fat and round but i was too traumatized to try again for over 5 years. (second preg fine) I still have nightmares now even tho my son is perfectly healthy and 6 yrs old.
I think alot of the time our friends and family feel helpless and want to support us the only way they know, this might not be what best for us but they're trying they're best, but ultimately its what you feel up to doing, its you that has to live with the emotional traumas not them, and your right its very difficult to understand what your going through unless you've been through it, i'm six years in and i still have trouble dealing with of the emotions i felt.
To everyone whose babies are still being cared for in hospital or are still feeling the efforts, i send you my love, my thoughts and my prayers, god bless you and your little miracles

Misty - posted on 09/16/2009

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I completely understand! My daughter was born at 24 weeks weighing 1 pound 2 ounces & was in the NICU for 142 days (who's counting!). This was supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life, our journey through months in the NICU was the hardest thing I've ever had to face. Fortunately, I am blessed with wonderful family, friends, & coworkers, I ended up having 4 showers! The only downfall was that lots of people bought clothes that she never wore. She came home at 5 pounds in March and by the time she could fit into newborn clothes it was to hot outside, however, most people stuck to the registry or bought gift cards. The best advice I can give you is to be thankful everyday for the people that are attending your shower & I'm sure they are all very supportive of your situation! All of my gifts ended up sitting in my living room for 2 months before my daughter came home because we were at the hospital everyday. Cherish your little one everyday, it will get better day by day...

Lindsay - posted on 09/16/2009

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I know I am a little late in this, but wanted to post some ideas in case someone else has to go through a babyshower while their baby is in the NICU.



My daughter was born the day before my original baby shower was supposed to take place. It was horrible to have my family call everyone to cancel because she was born 12 weeks early. I did have my shower about a month later, while my daughter was still in the NICU.



A few things we did to make it still seem special, was to put out lots of pictures for everyone to see her, we found things to show everyone that compared to her birth size and to the size she was then, and I created a slideshow of my daughter that included pictures and videos we had taken. We also had everyone write a special note to her which we put in a book and took to her room in the NICU. It was nice too, b/c people not only brought their gifts, but several purchased extra things like preemie clothes for us. Hope this can help someone!

Liz - posted on 09/15/2009

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At least you'll be able to be at your baby shower. My twins were born June 8th, 2008 the morning of the Baby shower. It went on without me while I was in the hospital after i gave birth to them. They were born at 33 weeks 6 days, six weeks early.

Crystal - posted on 09/15/2009

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My shower was difficult for me at first, I spent the morning crying to myself, because my baby was born the week before & still in the NICU. Fixing my hair & getting all pretty just didn't feel good, because I would look down at my stomach & know she wasn't there. Plus I had this image of her tiny frame all hooked up to monitors & an IV. I didn't know when she was coming home & I still don't. I just wanted to be with her. I spent the first hour of the shower with the children that were there, which made me feel really good, we went off to a pond & fed turtles & fish, which was weird b/c I was suppose to be hanging out with the adults, right?! :) I was really able to enjoy myself after that & cried only once after b/c a friend of ours bought a picture frame with our daughters pic in it!! So thoughtful, I didn't have to turn on my computer or camera to see my daughter when we were apart, I had a printed picture now!! Great day!! I received a few preemie outfits which I enjoy dressing my daughter in...can't wait to see her today!

Amanda - posted on 08/21/2009

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OMG, I went thorugh the same thing when I had my daughter. I had her two weeks before my baby shower and I tried to cancel it but my family made me have it. My daughter got to go home with me so she was at the shower and all I wanted to do was get in the bed and go to sleep.

Molleen - posted on 08/19/2009

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It is a little overwhelming isn't it?! You will have a good time, but will want to be with your baby! My son was in the hospital too, born at 29 weeks, when I had my shower. We had lots of pictures of him, and we kept it short so I could leave and go see him. Your baby is here and that is something to celebrate!

Dani - posted on 08/14/2009

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I felt the same way that you do. I had my daughter 2 days before my shower ! She just couldnt wait to see the world. It ended up being cancelled and my church threw me another one the day after she came home. Of course she stayed home with daddy and I went to the shower. Good luck and your baby is super cute!

Lisa - posted on 08/09/2009

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I felt the same way! My baby shower was 3 days after I had my son. I wanted to cancel it because I was so overwhelmed with everything him being early and all, but it ended up being a great day and it reminded me how much support I have.

Alina - posted on 08/08/2009

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i wanted to badly to be big and fat for my shower. but my son was 11 weeks early. he spent 59 days in the hospital. my shower was a week before he came home. instead of being sad of the fact that he wasnt with me i put up pics of him every were so everyone could see the progress he was making and he WAS going to live.

Aisha - posted on 08/08/2009

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I totally understand.. I was in the hospital for 8 weeks and was given a surprise shower but paranoid as I didnt know if the pregnancy would last. I was only 24 weeks at the time with twins. I gave birth at 26wks and 3 days and my boys came home about 2 weeks before their due date. I then had a huge shower in my hometown and took the babies.

Karen - posted on 08/07/2009

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I felt the exact same way. I had my baby at 25 weeks gestation and too had my first baby shower while he was still in the NICU, I even at to have it at 11am so that I could get to the hospital to spend time with him. It was very hard but I did get through it.

[deleted account]

I felt the same way. My baby was born a week before his baby shower. My family decided to reschedule the shower after Colin was out of the hospital so that he could be there with us, but it still wasn't the same at all.

AnneMarie - posted on 08/03/2009

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i know how you feel.

my baby shower was supposed to be on a sunday when i was 31 weeks. i woke up the morning before and my water broke! so we rushed to the hospital. sure enough i had to stay admitted. eveyone still attended my baby shower...but me!

i was so upset because the 3 weeks before that i was on bed rest so i was really looking forward to FINALLY being able to do something and see everyone..getting to get all dressed up cute and look good ya know? but no the little one had other plans..she kept me in the hospital for another 3 weeks..she was premie at 34 weeks.

were in a little bit of a diffrent boat..but both had our showers a little spoiled..enjoy it though everyone is still there for the same reason..to celebrate you and your baby..

Shateema - posted on 08/02/2009

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Thanks everyone....well my shower went GREAT and it made me feel alot better!!! Thanks again!

Carie - posted on 08/02/2009

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I decided to change my date. My little one was due June 28 so my shower was set for May. Well, she decided to come in March and we were in the hospital for 5+ months and I was not going to have a shower with out her.

Carin - posted on 08/02/2009

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i had my son on dec 20 my shower was jan 11, not only was i not pregnant anymore, with no baby to show off, but i was waddling around from all the stitches i got. i definately was dreading the shower, and i felt lost at home since my son was in the NICU, but the baby shower made me feel a lot better cuz it was all for him, and me becoming a mom, some sense of validity for me, cuz it was definatley haard to feel like i REALLY had a beby while nurses were taking care of him and he wasn't home. And if there's no other bright side, at least you have something to talk about at the shower, and lots to tell yer baby when you fly up to the hopital afterward to see em. lol.

Jennifer - posted on 08/01/2009

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I agree with Lysha - take the time he's in the hospital getting every last little thing ready for him. It will keep you busy and keep you focused on the positive - him coming home. My son was born 8 weeks early and in the hospital for 3 1/2 weeks. There were some items, like bassinet, changing table, that we hadn't bought yet. Going to hospital twice daily, recouping from my c-section, and getting things ready for my son kept me busy and helped make that time go by faster. Since you can't change the baby shower, focus on the positive - your baby has come into this world! Maybe share pictures of him and things about him you already love or that make you laugh. I know it's hard with so much already not going as you planned, but try to enjoy your shower. Look at it this way - you won't have to get up and pee as much at your shower as you would have if you were still prego. LOL

Rochandra - posted on 07/31/2009

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Where is the shower? I understand...I was 24.5 weeks (1 lb 10 oz) when I had my son. I thought that I had plenty of time only being 6 months pg. I made an offer on a house thinking I would get his room and the house all decorated and situated for his arrival. However, I went into labor before I closed on the house. After I had my son and was released from the hospital. I closed on my house. He stated in the NICU for 3 more months. He came home on 2 monitors and oxygen. However, I had my shower a month or so before he came home. Everyone was very supportive and I knew even more so what would be helpful and/or needed so all of my gifts were more practical.

Jhonteil - posted on 07/31/2009

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I was suppose to have my babay shower on Sept 21 08 but my son came a month early and he was at the baby shower with me i think i still would have had fun being pregnant but my son also got to see his god parents for the first time there!!

Michelle - posted on 07/31/2009

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I had my shower for my first child and every one bought gifts for a full term baby. Well the next week my daughter was born tinny as ever and none of the stuff could fit her. The most saddest part was leaving the hopital with out the belly that I walked in with and with out my baby. I know what you are feeling. My first premie is going to be five and I have to say all of the birthday parties and holidays has made up for that feeling. I'm am confident that it will for you too. It will be hard for a while but It does get better in time. Hang in there.

Shateema - posted on 07/30/2009

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Thanks everyone for the support!! Iysha my shower is in a whole nother state! lol So even if he was allowed to come home soon he still cudnt travel for at least a few weeks!!

Christy - posted on 07/30/2009

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I completly understand how you feel. You feel cheated out of the whole experience. My son was still in the NICU when I had my shower also. It's supposed to be a happy time but all the guests are worried and you'd rather be at the NICU. Also you don't get to have 20 people come rub your belly. Hang in there though it does get better.

Iysha - posted on 07/30/2009

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I was supposed to have my baby shower on June 27 but was in the hospital for nine days before because of pre-term and got out that day but was on bed rest. We had cancelled the babyshower a few days before. I also missed the baby shower my co-workers were going to have for me. My little girl was born on July 1st and she was in the NICU. The doctors had said to expect her home by her due date. Her due date was Aug. 1st so, we are having a Welcome Baby Shower instead this Saturday. If you feel sad because your baby can't be there, why not wait on the party until your baby can be there?

I was sad that things didn't go the way I wanted them to, I wanted to be pregnant at my baby shower too. I was even trying to plan the baby shower to be in the court yard at the Hospital... but my moniters wouldn't have worked there. lol

You just have to make the best of your situation and be positive. At least this way, you have plenty of time to return duplicate items, get the baby's room decorated, pre wash the baby's new clothes, and get the items you still need.

Taryn - posted on 07/30/2009

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I feel the same way, My daughter was born on June 16 ,2009 and is still in the NICU. She won't be coming home until closer to my due date Sept 14,2009. My family is throwing my baby shower in August and im not feeling it. Its so hard to be excited when you have a sick child in the NICU. I should still be pregnant and no one in my family understands how I feel. Its sad to get all these gifts and not have the baby home, where the baby belongs. None of this is what you planned and I totally understand how you feel. Hope your baby comes home soon!

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