did your baby live or die?

Ashley - posted on 03/19/2013

I have had three premies my oldest was a 27 weeker 2lb 9oz middle 34 weeker 5lb 6oz youngest 25 weeker 1lb 9oz and she liveds for 11 days and we had to pull the plug on feb 18th 2013 due to an infection no one new she had until it was to late but my other to are growing up fast my oldest almost three and my middle almost 1

Elle - posted on 01/24/2013

I am sitting in a hospital bawling my eyes out as I am reading all of your stories.. I am so sorry for everyone who has lost their precious babies.. We are lucky to have our baby girl. Although she is having some issues with feeding and not gaining enough weight, (failure to thrive).. and is now being fed by a tube due to severe aspiration. I feel blessed to have her in my arms everyday, all of our problems seem so small compare to losing a child. Having a baby is definitely scary experience.. just the thought of something being wrong is just awful.. and I think she will be our only child. Peace & Love to you all,. may all your sweet angels rest in peace ♥

Rose Ann - posted on 01/23/2013

My first child was born at home with a midwife; no doctors, no nurses, just totally natural. With the second pregnancy, the same midwife detected very early on that something wasn't right and told me that legally she could not take on a high-risk case. She went with me to see a medical doctor who so rudely told me, "one or both of you will die," referring to the polyhydraminos condition. I refused to see another doctor until the 27th week, when a very nice woman doctor told me that I was dialating and should prepare myself for an early birth. She could see that I was upset and yet in denial about my feelings, so she didn't push me. She recommended a delivery doctor and hospital. The next week I had the "bloody show", called the midwife, who told me to get to the hospital right away, and that she'd catch up to me later as she was busy with a home delivery at the time.

I went to the hospital in the late afternoon and was hooked up to a fetal monitor, and told I was in active labor. I refused to accept this, as I felt absolutely no pain. I was so huge that all feelings in the abdominal area were numbed. I hid my real feelings of being very frightened behind a wall of denial and being the "patient from hell." I refused to believe I was in labor and about to give birth almost three months too early.

By late night, I was told that I needed to start pushing. Well, I could not push! How could I when I didn't feel anything down there? Then I was told I need to have a C-Section. I refused to allow the procedue until the midwife arrived. Finally....she was able to show up a little after midnight and just one look at her face and I knew I had better behave. So I gave permission for the procedure and was bounced on my the medical staff, rushed off to surgery, and put totally under anethesia.

I woke up on the operating table before the doctors were through sewing me up. I was confused, couldn't figure out what had happened, and then started to panic. I screamed at the top of my lungs out of total fear. Quickly, the staff put me back under. I woke up 16 hours later in a hospital room, all alone. I was anxious to see the baby, so I wrapped up my IV and cath lines and strolled through the halls and elevators until I found the baby nursery. Never having been in a hospital before, I didn't know I was supposed to use the call button and ask for permission to leave my bed and room.

I got to the nursery, but my baby wasn't there! I was told that he would be in the NICU. So, up another floor and down another hall, gowned up, and went in to see him. My first look and I felt my knees start to buckle. He was so small and sickly looking and hooked up to a million wires. But I sucked it up and put on a happy face and greeted my new son.

I stayed in the hospital for three more days. I went back to work a week later. Every spare moment, day and night, I was in the NICU with my son. That was a roller coaster of a time and ended on the day of his original due date when he died. Then came a disheartening first year of mourning, then four more years of acceptance but terrible grief. And now a lifetime of sadness, yet appreciation for what he did to help others.

Yess - posted on 01/23/2013

I'm sorry for lost I would like to know more like how long you stay in the the hospital and what did the doc said to you and after everything ....

Asheon - posted on 01/20/2013

I'm so sorry for your lose my heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

Rose Ann - posted on 12/31/2012

My story is a long one, but I hope it helps any moms who have lost a preemy. It's been 26 years ago that I lost my baby boy. That's a long time for pain to hang on, but I must ask myself what is the pain about? For what happened while he was alive or for what didn't happen because he wasn't able to live out a normal babyhood, childhood, and adulthood? Or is it for myself after having gone through all the stress while he lived and the grieving after his death? I think it is the latter, the pain is about me. --- At first, there was a lot of pain related to guilt for things I did or didn't do during pregnancy that might have caused me to be high-risk, even though many doctors told me that my condition was "mysterious" and the reason totally unknown. So, most of the pain has been about not giving myself credit for the tremondous amount of strength it took for me to survive the horrible days while my child was alive. --- He was born at 28 weeks, lived 10 weeks, and died on the day he was supposed to have been born. As the mother who naturally wanted to comfort, fix, take care of, protect, and control my baby's life, I was not able to do any of that, being forced instead to have nurses and doctors, all strangers to me, take my place as the mother. My child was very sick with all kinds of "mysterious" conditions, on a vent his whole life except for a few seconds when I was allowed to hold him (only twice during his 10 weeks of living), had several surgeries and lots of experimental procedures in the effort to save his life. --- For you moms just starting your grieving journey, please consider my words: There is nothing you could have done differently to save your child, either before or after delivery and during their short lifetime. Whatever faith you might have, it's good to see it as "God's Will." As one of the moms here said, God called your child back. If they suffered during their short life as a preemy, their suffering is over now, and that you should be glad of. But could you have stopped that suffering? No. Believe me, no. -- I lived with guilt and remorse for six long years until I unexpectantly met two women who had had the same pregancy condition I had (polyhydraminos) and yet they lived and so did their babies. (I had been told by a doctor that my baby and/or myself would die and that was that). At first, I was upset, "it's not fair!" but then I realized that my child had sacrificed his life so that future babies could live. He had been born at a university medical teaching hospital. All of his surgeries and the majority of the procedures that I allowed (and even those that the doctors did without my consent) were experimental. I was always told that the surgery or "procedure would give the baby a 50/50 chance and if it doesn't work, then might help other babies in the future." And it turned out to be true! No, my baby didn't make it, but other babies did (and still do). It took my son, and other babies who were experimented on, to die to prove that those procedures didn't work and that something different had to be tried. Enough "somethings" occured so that finally, babies and moms could be saved who had polyhydraminos. -- That really lifted the guilt off of me. But then why do I still cry? Because I fail to give myself credit for living through that short, but intense time of our lives. It's like having PTSD. Actually, it is PTSD and needs to be treated as such, which I have begun to do now. And also, to recognize that the loss of a child, of any age, for any reason, is painful and leaves a mark on our lives forever, and that's normal and it's not a bad thing. -- So moms, and dads, yes, go to the support groups, go to grief counseling, go on this long journey. You don't have to let go of your child, but you do need to move on, eventually. -- Take care and know how blessed you are for having had the chance to bring into this world a special person and to give them back to God.

Danielle - posted on 11/29/2012

I had twins at 24 weeks gestation this past April. My son Jacob past away the next day in my arms but our Jonathan stayed in the NICU for 4 months and is now 7 months old and home with me. I am so thankful for him- he is my world but I can't stop thinking of Jacob. I still cry almost everyday. I've been looking for someone who has been through this. I saw you went to a group. How did you find one? I felt weird about going because my other son lived and we had such struggles with him not knowing if he would make it that now I didn't know if it was too late to join a group like that.

Emilia - posted on 11/21/2012

I went into preterm labour on Nov. 11, 2012 and at 12:49pm I delivered my beautiful boy Maxim Michael Fantauzzi. He was born at 25 weeks, 3 days. We heard him cry and it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. 2 days later, on Nov 13th, we had to let him go. He was bleeding on the left side of his brain and could not be saved. I got to hold him twice, once when he was about 2 hours old and then again when he was dying. Our baby boy died in our arms and Iam truly broken. I spend my days looking at pictures of him and going through my pregnancy in my head. Was it my fibroids that caused this? What about the tooth ache I had at the end of September? Did I ignore warning signs like when my lower stomach felt heavy that 1 day but I thought it was just regular pregnancy pains? My head is spinning and my heart is broken. All I ever wanted was to be able to hold my boy, love him and raise him. I have forever been changed by my little boy Max. He has my heart forever.

NIna Nerissa - posted on 11/15/2012

my baby live for 2 days..it has been 2 months from now

Kristin - posted on 11/14/2012

I have had three babies. My oldest is 15 yrs old. He was born 4 weeks early and did not have to stay in NICU. My second is almost 3 and she was born 6 weeks early. She spent a week in special care (not the NICU). Both of them are healthy thriving kids. My youngest was born and died on March 21, 2012. He weighed 11 oz and 9.5 inches long. He had classic potters syndrome (bilateral renal agenesis). He was born at 21 weeks. It's a shame that with all the medical technology that they can't find "cures". It is still very hard to deal with.

Tiera - posted on 10/09/2012

He died April 22nd 2012. I went into premature labor at 22 weeks.

Lynette - posted on 10/04/2012

I just lost my daughter on 8.31.12. Her heart stopped just 2 hours before my sceduled csection.

Christen - posted on 02/19/2010

my firstborn little boy 27 weeks lived for ten hours weighed 1lb 9 oz

my other two 32 weeks and 31 weeks are thriving

Jesse - posted on 02/19/2010

I know both sides to thhis question very well and all i can say to you is sray strong may god bless you!! my first son was born at 28 weeks he passed away at 11 weeks due to sids. its still so hard and it still hurts he would be two now! i also have a baby boy now thar was born at 30 weeks and he is 4 months now and growing every day! again im so sorry and i will keep you and all the mothers dealing with a loss in my prayers!

Brandy - posted on 02/13/2010

reading ur stories jus made me cry.... my twin daughters were born at 24 weeks weighing 1lb 1oz and 15.5 oz they told me that they had less then a 25% chance of making it... they spent 110 days in the nicu and they came home on there due date each and everyday i thank god i have my girls and for everyone that lost im prayin for each and everyone of you

Alda - posted on 02/13/2010

All your stories have me in tears. My twins were born at 28 weeks. Alice did well right from the start apart from Stage 2 retinopathy and a huge umbilical hernia, but we went through hell with Laura. She had NEC when she was 3 weeks old and had to have an ileostomy with stoma. She also had to have a PDA ligation 3 weeks after that. She stopped breathing 15 times in one night. I was too scared to go and have lunch in case she wasn't alive when I got back to NICU. But they pulled through. Alice came home after 3 months and Laura after 4 months. They are now fit and healthy 17 month old toddlers and I thank God every day. I came so close to losing Laura and that's horrible enough - I can't even begin to imagine what you guys are going through. I will say a prayer for all of you.

Charmian - posted on 02/12/2010

Dear Amzi Mummy
I am so sorry for your loss, and know there's not much I can say to make you feel better, but your story has really touched my heart and I am thinking of you and your little angel, Connor with love

Heather - posted on 02/11/2010

I have had 2 premeeies. Connor was born at 29 weeks and was in hospital for 7 weeks. Hes a very strong and healthy boy. My daughter Piper was born at 31 weeks, my placenta ruptured. Piper had alot of problems which we had known about since I was 12 weeks along. I always had hope that she would fight it. Sadly my daughter passed away after 47 mins. I never got to hold her while she was alive. That breaks my heart. I did get to hold for 3 hrs after but its not the same. I love her so much and a day doesnt go by that I dont think about her and wish she was here. I know how u feel. I cant hardly stand to look at another baby yet. Or a pregnant woman. I just live each day as they come and hopehope one day it gets easier. She passed Nov.23 2009.

Nickie - posted on 02/06/2010

I am so sorry for your loss... my son was born at 34weeks he was 3lbs 9oz... he wasn't breathing on his own when he was born but by the next day he was. He was born with hypospadieus which is where the slit of his penis isn't at the top so he has to have surgery on that and his belly button only has two blood vessels when it should be three but other than that he is doing well and very blessed.

Victoria - posted on 02/06/2010

I'm so sorry for all your losses.He was born May 17, 2008 (he was 1 month early). I had my son at 35wks 4 days, he weighed 4 lbs 14ounces.My sister said if he was any smaller he would've gone into NICU, God was watching over him I thank God that he came home with us. He's now almost 2. I thank God we got him out when we did or we could've lost him or even (as I was told both of us). I'm praying for all of you guys!

Afton - posted on 02/05/2010

I lost my first preemie. He lived for just under an hour and then passed away in our arms. He was born at just 21w2d gestation.

My second preemie was born at 27w3d and she survived after 94 days in the NICU and lots of sickness since bringing her home, but she is such a blessing in our lives!

www.preemiebabies101.com

Hayley - posted on 02/05/2010

i am so sorry for your loss.

Mikalia - posted on 02/04/2010

I had my twin sons December 3,2009, a month early. their names are Landon and Mathew! Landon passed away January 23rd, almost two months old:( He had a heart condition that caused a hole in his right atrium, and he passed away at 6 pounds 7 onces, and was born at 2 pounds 4 ounces. Mathew! is my baby boy:) he is strong and healthy and is now 2 month old officially! He is a big boy weighing 11 pounds now and is very healthy!! God has blessed me with 3 children and has left me with two! I praise him everyday for the two he has allowed me to keep!

Tracy - posted on 02/04/2010

reading about your loss and others has me in tears. My heart goes out to you and total love to the little angels passed. Ive had 3 premmie babies. my first at 30 weeks 4lb 3oz, he's now 9 but has aspergers syndrome, my second was 2lb 3oz at 27 weeks she just tured 8 but has cerebral palsy..mild, my new bub 8 months old was born at 29 weeks weighing 3lb 6oz. It was all terribly frightening journey, massive amounts of time in hospital . I am grateful for the medical staff as my children are here to share their smiles. I will hold them extra close tonight and be grateful as a say a prayer for the little ones that didnt make it. Stay strong and know your babies have touched lives of people they havent met. xxx

Sheila - posted on 02/03/2010

I know your pain hun. I delivered triplets at 27 weeks (2 identical girls and a boy) on May 1, 2008. They weighed 1.7, 2.1 and 2.2. My son went into cardiac arrest on my birthday when he was 2 months old. We came within seconds of losing him that day but luckily all of the NICU nurses did what they had to do to bring him back. He now has problems which I feel was due to that incident. My one daughter is doing very well but sadly her identical twin died in the NICU on August 14, 2008. She lived for 3 1/2 months and never was able to get off of the ventilator. Only got to hold her once before she passed. Not one days goes by that I dont think of our Ava Hope.

Jaqlyn - posted on 02/01/2010

I;m so sorry of your loss. if you ever need anyone to talk to i am here. My name is jackie

Michelle - posted on 01/31/2010

Post a reply!i was in hospital fpr 5 weeks things were going well so the Drs let me home that night i was going in to labour , i had a boy the next morning i was 22 weeeks , 3 years later a had another boy i was 31 weeks now he is 8 years doing fine . i did have a kidney transplant a year before i had him

michelle

Kristina - posted on 01/30/2010

i am so sorry for your loss...i went into the hospital at 33 weeks and they told me if i didnt deliver my son that he would die...they wanted to let me sit till i was 37 weeks ...3 days after i was admitted into the hospital i went into labor at 34 weeks..i was in labor for 3 days after developin preclampsia and on the 3rd day they finally decided to do an emergency c-section...my son weighed 3 lbs 10 oz when he was born and was healthy as a horse he was in the NICU for 17 days...he is now 6 months old and is well over 15 lbs and developing right were he should be...i thank god everyday for my lil miracle...

Amzy - posted on 01/30/2010

thanks hunny

Amzy - posted on 01/30/2010

thanks everyone.

Shana - posted on 01/24/2010

I AM SO SORRY FOR UR LOSS

Bonnie - posted on 01/23/2010

I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you

Dianne - posted on 01/23/2010

I lost twins at 21weeks 4 days due to Hellp syndrome my daughter was 223 grams and my son was 199 grams they were born alive and they put up a good fight living for 3 and 4 hours. We had to terminate the pregnancy so I could survive.....not a day goes by that I dont think of them. I have gone on to have my daughter who was born at 33 weeks, weighing 4lb 2 oz and my son was born at 32 weeks weighing 5lbs. I did not get hellp syndrome again thank god.

Emilie - posted on 01/23/2010

I'm so sorry. I went in to labor at 22 weeks and was told that odds were I would deliver within 3 days, luckily we were able to slow things down. I spent a month in the hospital and I had my son at 26 weeks. He's doing great. I know exactly how blessed I am to have him with me - so many do not make it.

Bianca - posted on 01/22/2010

I had a set of twins boys on april 24th of last year. They were only 26 weeks and suffered from Twin to Twin Syndrome in the womb. Twin A Justin was only 1 pound 4 oz and had a lot of problems. In fact on April 3 i went to the doctor and they gave me 1 week for just to live in my womb. He stayed in the NICU for 6 months 2 days. He suffered from kidney problems and unfortunately heart failure. We loss Justin on October 26,2009. I will never forget that day nor him. But his little brother (Twin B) Jordan weighed 1 pound 7 oz and stayed in the hospital a little over 3 months but is doing really good. Hope you find peace and just keeping praying

Bonnie - posted on 01/10/2010

Sorry to hear of your loss. It definitely is not easy. We suffered a miscarriage to find out I was carrying twins 3 months later, I went into labor at 25 weeks, and my daughter died 9 hours later. My son survived, although we are blessed to have him it still hurts not having her here with us. I also had another loss a few months ago... I hope you find the peace you need. Good lUck

Keke - posted on 01/10/2010

I am sorry for your loss. My daughter was born at 24 weeks. Her birth weight was 1lb and 8oz. Today, she's 8 years old but I have not had any additional children because of what I went through with my first child bearing experience. I am just too afraid!

Alicia - posted on 01/10/2010

My son Cooper Zachery was born at 24 weeks. He lived for 2 months and 1 day. He passed away on August 11, 2008. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him.

Stephanie - posted on 01/10/2010

my first baby died my second lived

Jodie - posted on 01/10/2010

im so sorry to hear that amzy, i had all my 3 kyds early and they all survived which that i am lucky, my oldest beka was born at 36 weeks and was 4lb 1 she is now 12, my second was born at 26 weeks he was 1lb 1oz we got told that we would probably lose him but he proved them wrong he had his ups and downs lyk any baby born at his gestation he is now 3 years old and doing great and not got any problems luckly my neweest addition was 5 weeks early and was my heaviest at 4lb 7 n a half oz i had preaclampsia got told we were both lucky t be alive had i waited any longer we would ave died she is also doing great, if you wanna talk u know where i am k xxx

Kunti - posted on 01/10/2010

I had boy/girl twins born at 24 weeks. Our son died at 2 days old and our little girl lived and is about to turn 3 and is doing very well. Even though he was bigger, 2lb to her 1lb 14oz, they say boys have a harder time when born premature. We still haven't fully recovered from his death, don't think we ever will. My thoughts are with you.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/06/2010

I lost a set of twins at 20 weeks due to HELLP Syndrome then went on to have a 30 weeker who thank god, is very healthy! IT is hard and I feel for all of you.

Meghann - posted on 01/06/2010

I got chills reading your post...I gave birth to twin boys at 25 weeks 5 days on June 6, 2008. Hunter gave us quite the "roller coaster" but finally came home after 100 days in the NICU on September 15, 2008. His brother developed Necrotizing Entercolitis (NEC) at 5 weeks 5 days old and passed away that same day (July 18, 2008). I got chills because my son's name was Connor Allen. Since then, I delivered another baby, Logan Connor, 9 weeks premature. He came home after 28 days in the NICU. Both Hunter and Logan are doing well, and we will always have our angel Connor to watch over us :)

Darla - posted on 01/06/2010

reading all your guys stories makes me want to cry the thought of loosing my childi dont know what i would do i almost lost my baby girl she wasborn 3 weeks early and weigheed 5 pounds 6 ounces she was fine but when she was 3 months old she developed a urinary tract infection and made her really sick we then found out that she had a kidney reflex which would have killed her if we didnt get in sooner she hasent had a problemsince except she has a hard time gaining weight she eats but just dosennt gain anything you mothers are in my prayers be strong and never give up

Lisa - posted on 01/06/2010

In 1990 I gave birth to a little girl at 26 weeks. She weighed 1 lb. 3 ounces. She survived for 6 1/2 days. There was something wrong with her kidneys so she couldn't pee and the toxins built up in her body and poisoned her. She died on Aug 13th 1990. Love you Whitney Lynn. On April 11th 2006 I gave birth to a little girl at 33 weeks weighing 4 lbs. 3.8 ounces. She did great. She is a happy 3 year old with no health problems. My little miracle.Love you Arrianna Jean.

Maria - posted on 01/05/2010

i am so sorry for your loss you are in my prayers

Brittany - posted on 01/05/2010

i am soo sorry i went thur that bout 2 months ago i was 20 weeks & then i found out i was having a lil girl ad then 3 days later i went into premature labor & had a stillborn..she weight right at 12.9 oz she was very healthy...i am right there with you!!

Carie - posted on 01/04/2010

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a baby. My son was 29 3/4 weeks when he was born. He lived for 7 days when he got an infection in his central line (something I did not want but the social worker signed as soon as I was not avaliable). He got sick and 4 hours later he passes. That was 9 years ago. Their is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. Know that we are here for you. I don't know if you have any other children but it makes you hold the children in your life closer and changes your sole forever. I have another baby and she also came early. She was sicker and we were told that she only had a 10% chance of makeing it and she did. She is 21 months but I did have her 14 weeks early. There is a support group for infant loss. They are really supportive.

Amzy - posted on 01/04/2010

thank you x

Andrea - posted on 01/03/2010

I'm so sorry. I understand the loss of a newborn child. My twin boys were born at 30 weeks in April and one of them died at 2 days old. It will take a long time to begin healing and make sure you have good support. A bereavement group helped me a lot. Let me know if I can be of any help to you.