Do you ever get angry at these people?

Iysha - posted on 10/11/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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My baby was a preemie because I had an aging placenta which is usually caused by smoking, drug use or being an older mother. I am 21 and have never done drugs or smoked. My 3 month old daughter, Kylie, had to stay in the NICU for 17 days. I could not imagine just doing whater I thought was ok even though someone who specializes in infants tells me it is not in my baby's best interest.

I get so angry at pregnant women who smoke, drink, or are doing drugs. Like real mad.I get frustrated with moms who just really don't care what is advised by doctors/pediatritions/experts about their baby or babies in general.



I just want to yell at these people...I don't...but I really want to. At some points, I cry out of frustration/sadness for these people and their children ...and I don't even know these people!



I feel like I did everything I could while I was pregnant to make sure my baby was healthy and safe when she was born and I had her before she was due. Why aren't all mothers doing the same when they know their actions are not good because of the toll it can take on their children? Even now that my baby has been born, I am still watching out for her and following her doctor's advice. Why do some people intentionally ignore expert advice?



Does anyone feel like that or am I just a wierdo?

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No-I feel that way, too. I quit smoking cold turkey when I got pregnant, and never had any alcohol. I exercise, ate better than I had for years, and completely turned things around so that I could give my son the best. I had (I say had, because I couldn't stand to be around her after that) a friend who drank during her pregnancy and carried a full term, completely healthy baby. Meanwhile, my placenta was low-lying at 20 weeks, and at 28 weeks my son was measuring small-at 32 weeks I developed severe PreE and had to deliver my 2 pound, 14 ounce son, who stayed in the NICU for 5 weeks. I'm driven bananas by people who intentionally do things that can/will harm their baby. It makes me angry at them, because I know what it's like to have to go through having a sick baby, and they just nonchalantly breeze through it like it's nothing, sometimes (as in the case of said former friend) having a healthy baby. It's unbearable.

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Karen - posted on 10/17/2009

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I feel exactly the same way. My daughter was born at 32 weeks, and I have just had a son who was born still at 32 weeks. I done everything that my Obstertrician and all the other Health care professionals advised me to do and I still had my daughter and son early. Women who abuse themselves and their unborn babies are selfish and do not know/understand how blessed they are to be carrying a baby! You are no weirdo, and its not just you there are lots of woman who feel exactly the same way, its just a shame that it is mainly women who have had a problem prgnancy or have losty a child

Iysha - posted on 10/15/2009

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Quoting marcella:

i very much feel the same i even get mad that ppl like me follow everything to the T and end up habing the baby early its like what went wrong? but then i see these ppl who should keep their legs closed...like when i watch muary?... those lil gurl need they azz beat... or ppl use abortions as a birth control...or u see on the news kids dying left and right.... its awful...for the longest time when my mama saw a pregnant lady that looked like she was past 7 months she would get mad... because i had my son at 34weeks but my water broke at 33weeks i explained to her why she shouldnt be mad but then my mom said thay those gurls take advantage of having a full term baby when her(my mama) baby(me) had her lil one two months early(my son alex)...i told her its okay



I like watching the Maury show. lol. But it's true, some of the girls on there have no business making babies. My mom had me premature and she neve felt the way I do. I told her it must be something about not bringing your baby home that makes me feel like this. I am glad to hear that I am not alone in this feeling.

Marcella - posted on 10/15/2009

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i very much feel the same i even get mad that ppl like me follow everything to the T and end up habing the baby early its like what went wrong? but then i see these ppl who should keep their legs closed...like when i watch muary?... those lil gurl need they azz beat... or ppl use abortions as a birth control...or u see on the news kids dying left and right.... its awful...for the longest time when my mama saw a pregnant lady that looked like she was past 7 months she would get mad... because i had my son at 34weeks but my water broke at 33weeks i explained to her why she shouldnt be mad but then my mom said thay those gurls take advantage of having a full term baby when her(my mama) baby(me) had her lil one two months early(my son alex)...i told her its okay

Kristina - posted on 10/15/2009

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I would have to agree, With my first son i had preeclampsia with him and had him at 38 wks. I then got pregnant with my second son and started to leak fluid and delivered him at 34wks and he was in the nicu for almost a month. It is upsetting to see women doing things they know is wrong and having these babies and there are women like me that would just love to be able to have a pregnacy without problems and be able to have kids. Women should thank there lucky stars to have normal pregnancy because there are women out there that risk there lives to bring the bundle of joys into the world.

Melissa - posted on 10/15/2009

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I know that feeling. In all 3 of my pregnancies I developed severe preeclampsia. It was worse and progressed to HELLP syndrome in the last 2. As a result my son son was born at 26 weeks in 2006 and my daughter at 31 weeks in July 2009. During Eden's delivery I had my tubes tied because having another baby was out of the question. I have friends who would give anything to get pregnant, I don't have that problem. But I would give anything to have been able to stay pregnant.

Leeinda - posted on 10/14/2009

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Quoting Iysha:



Quoting Leeinda:

 And then was laughing at me cause I have been craving a margarita and I cant find anyone who can make them virgin around here.






That sucks...My boyfriend was a heavy drinker and he would sit in his lazy boy watching tv and downing a 32 pack. I hated it...I craved alcohol through  my whole pregnancy, and I am not even one to drink a whole lot (I have 3 beers and I'm done). I had a SIP of wine when we found out the sex of our baby...That's it. My boyfriend laughed at me, but he likes to joke and make fun of me all the time. He even bought me non-alcoholic beer. So I drank that but, not without asking my doctor first. lol. I told him that I wanted an Oatmeal Stout when I was done delivering our baby...I still haven't had it because the only place that sells it is 35 minutes away. Did you finally have your Margarita? =]





No I havnt got to have my margarita yet. We can't find any resturants around here that doesnt order them already made. ALthough our neighbor may make me one, he said he can do it. So next time I get a craving thats where I am going. :D



My hubby is no drinker so he just laughs at me.lol

Iysha - posted on 10/14/2009

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Quoting Leeinda:

 And then was laughing at me cause I have been craving a margarita and I cant find anyone who can make them virgin around here.



That sucks...My boyfriend was a heavy drinker and he would sit in his lazy boy watching tv and downing a 32 pack. I hated it...I craved alcohol through  my whole pregnancy, and I am not even one to drink a whole lot (I have 3 beers and I'm done). I had a SIP of wine when we found out the sex of our baby...That's it. My boyfriend laughed at me, but he likes to joke and make fun of me all the time. He even bought me non-alcoholic beer. So I drank that but, not without asking my doctor first. lol. I told him that I wanted an Oatmeal Stout when I was done delivering our baby...I still haven't had it because the only place that sells it is 35 minutes away. Did you finally have your Margarita? =]

Leeinda - posted on 10/14/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

My daughter was born at 29 and a half weeks. I did everything right ate right took my pills and everything.She was 2lbs 12ozs. I had too much amniotic fluid. My sister in-law smoked through her pregnancy and her daughter was born at term and weighed 4lbs 10 ozs and extremely healthy. I understand how you feel.


My daughter was born at 28 weeks and was also 2lbs 12oz. I never done anything wrong either. I took my vitamins and ate right. They said It was due to a placental abruption...

Leeinda - posted on 10/14/2009

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I agree with you. But I am not one to make people mad with the things I say, but just in the last week a girl I know was turned away from her OB because she failed a drug test. And I was sitting talking to another girl who is my younger sisters age who was drinking and her 8 months pregnant. And then was laughing at me cause I have been craving a margarita and I cant find anyone who can make them virgin around here. And proceeded to tell me a beer a day wouldnt hurt me. I am 6 months pregnant and most times walk out of the room if someone is smoking. I am amazed at how people push limits and expect that it will NOT happen to them. None of us is any better than the other, if it has happened to someone else it can happen to me too ya know?

Jennifer - posted on 10/13/2009

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My daughter was born at 29 and a half weeks. I did everything right ate right took my pills and everything.She was 2lbs 12ozs. I had too much amniotic fluid. My sister in-law smoked through her pregnancy and her daughter was born at term and weighed 4lbs 10 ozs and extremely healthy. I understand how you feel.

Kimberly - posted on 10/13/2009

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I get angry at people like that too! When I was pregnant I literally got sick from the smell of smoke! Now, when I go out for walks with my little girl in her stroller (former 32 weeker) I try my hardest to shield her from all those toxins. It is just plain rude! Can't they see that I have a baby? Didn't they pay attention in school? Didn't they see the posters everywhere of advertisements against smoking?

Christina - posted on 10/12/2009

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No, it aggrivates the crap out of me. My MIL smoked constantly around my son knowing it could harm him. She didn't see him much th first year because of t hat

Connie - posted on 10/12/2009

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No you are not a wierdo; I have had three preemies ... my first was born at 30 wks weighing 2lbs 12ozs, my second (who still has alot of medical issues) was born at 31 wks and weighed 3lbs 1oz and my daughter was born a day away from 28 wks weighing 2lbs 4ozs; she also had a collapsed lung and it collapsed again last winter 4 years old. I went through all those emotions, rage, a not understanding (I did everything I was told to do and I still couldn't protect them and keep them inside for 40wks ... so why would you even risk it?) I ended up having a uterus that is split by a membrane ... so the babies only had half the room to grow and they were all breech.



I end up snapping at some mom in the NICU because the baby was born going through withdrawal ... I was so upset that my son was suffering from nothing that I did but just nature and this mom actually used drugs (and smoked) by choice causing her daughter to suffer alot and then act like she did nothing wrong that we were two mothers suffering the same because of "god figured we were strong enough to handle it" I lost it. I did get applause from other mothers and I think some nurses but it really is not in my character to cause I scene but there was no way I was going to be linked in any kind of group with such a inconsidered person.



So if you feel like a wierdo cheer up; I think I might have you beat (unless you have freaked on someones head since you wrote this post LOL)

Molly - posted on 10/12/2009

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and your not over-reacting, when a pregnant woman smokes the smoke she inhales goes straight into the baby's area, affecting the baby severly, and there are some anti-depressants that you can take while pregnant and the risks are extremly low, your health is important while you are pregnant thats why common sense is to cut out smoking and to look at other options, whatever doctor Tosh had above im appauled that they would tell her to keep smokeing for her own sanity...

Molly - posted on 10/12/2009

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i hate that too, its so hard for me not to say anything when i see a pregnant woman smoking or doing drugs or drinking i even say something when i see a mom or someone smoking next to their baby i just cant understand how they can put their own selfish selves b4 their own child...to me my opinion is that if they are doing drugs or smoking or drinking and the baby dies/miscarries or has disabilities because of it i would call them murderers and i think the justice system should get on that...i totally understand i had preeclampsea severly and had my son at 33wks. when i was pregnant i had 3 herrniated discs in my back and my vertebreas moved into my spinal cord, yes it was as painful as it sounds, but i took NOTHING for it while pregnant not even tylonol, when he was born my posture when i stood up was shaped like an L i still took nothing until i couldnt breastfeed anymore...so yeah i hate it when peole are like "but i need this"...ugg... whatever...no

Iysha - posted on 10/12/2009

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I have always been understanding of people and their choices and I don't understand why I am so emotional about it now.... I never was before. I think it is wierd. I really don't like it. I mean, I was unhappy about a little boy being adopted right after he was born because I couldn't believe someone wouldnt want their child...but there are so many reasons that mother would want her child to live with other parents...And he was being welcomed into a family...I just got super sad about it and cried. Maybe it is something I need to speek to a therapist about? It's like I know for a fact I am overreacting. It really isn't like me and has only happened since I had my baby.

Tash - posted on 10/11/2009

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I went through a lot with my pregnancy and continued to smoke through out the whole thing, as it was decided that the stress that would be placed on my self and therefore my baby would be too great of a risk compared to smoking cigarettes. I suffered severe depression through out my whole pregnancy and the risks associated with taking anti-depresants are to great. 85% chance of a deformity is just not worth it. I did what I did during the pregnancy to keep myself sain and alive, without me there would be no her. Yes smoking may have contributed to me having her earlier then she would have been, i was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and they thought it was a miracle that i even made it that far. I love my daughter and do the best that I can for her even if my choices are not always the right ones.

Dena - posted on 10/11/2009

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I definately agree.. My baby was born at 34 weeks and was in NICU for 6 weeks. I did everything i could during my pregnancy to make sure my baby was born as healthy as possible and i still had these massive complications at the end of.

I don't understand how or why these women put their babies at such risk - the only reasoning i can think of is the uneducated "it wont happen to me" mentallity. It makes me mad and sad. I know if i had smoked/etc and my baby was born sick i would never have been able to forgive myself.

Your not a weirdo.. we just have to accept that people are going to make their own choices be it good or bad for their own babies.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/11/2009

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i agree with u to a certain extent cause my daughter was born at 36 weeks and i to did everything to make sure i had a healthy pregnancy but because of health issues and stress i had alot of complications with my pregnancy i started going into labor when i was 5 months pregnant she was born with yellow jaundice within in the first week she dropped down to 4 lbs 12 oz she also has sever acid reflux but that is hereditary in my family both the yellow jaundice and the acid reflux my daughter just turned a year old september 29 i follow almost everything the doctors say but sometimes u have to make your own choice and use your own maternal instinct to make the best choice cause doctors are not always right and i am speaking from experience

Kirsty - posted on 10/11/2009

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I feel the same way , the doctors advice is there to help and keep the babies healthy yet people point blankly ignore it . my daughter was a preemie she is 8 and a half months old now and spent a month in the NICU and when i see pregnat women doing things they shouldnt i get frustrated. so no its not just you , your not a weirdo

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