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Feeling closer to preemie child than full-term child

Sherrey - posted on 09/27/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

69

41

Is there anyone out there with a preemie and a full-term child that has felt this way? I feel really guilty. My youngest is about to turn one and I am just not as into it as I was with my first. My first born was a preemie due to IC. He spent 49 days in the NICU. As you all know it changed us forever. He is a healthy and happy 5 year old and you would never know he was a preemie. We decided to have another child so DS would have a sibling. One of my fears was that I would favor my oldest. I just feel closer to my 5 year old. Is it because he is older and can communicate, or is it this special preemie bond. I feel like a bad mom.

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Rebecca - posted on 09/27/2011

102

1

I kinda know how you feel. Marcus(my 1st) was a 33.6 week preemie. He spent 3 weeks in the NICU. His brother Ben was a 35.4 week preemie and spent a week in the NICU. I have felt like I didn't have as close a bond with Ben. Mostly because I didn't get to see him for 24 hours after he was born. It has taken a while for me to feel a closer bond with him. I feel like I was cheated out of that time with him.
On top of having 2 preemies and not getting to bond with one of them, my oldest has Autism. Ben tends to get the brunt of his brothers aggression and that makes me feel horrible. Ben doesn't understand why brother is being mean and Marcus can't tell us what he wants or why he's hitting.
We didn't even have a party for Ben's first birthday this year, which I still feel guilty for.
I'm hoping I can work on my bond with Ben though since his brother is in school now. Maybe once the 5 yo starts preschool or kindergarten you can devote sometime to working on strengthening your bond with the baby.

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