Getting angry

Rebecca - posted on 03/06/2010

It gets better. I was really, REALLY angry for a long, long time after my daughter's birth. I still get mad at women who make a big deal out of things that have me rolling my eyes (like getting an episiotomy-really, THATS the big deal? You are healthy, your baby is healthy and that cut will not affect your future fertility or childbirth choices at ALL, but you are still talking about it like you were assaulted). But I've come to the place where I realize that people who go through what we go through HAVE to be grateful because otherwise we drown in how truly horrifying our experiences were. Other people don't have to be grateful, but then they choose to miss out on the miracle of what they have, so in the end, they are the ones suffering.

Jess - posted on 03/06/2010

It makes me soo angry. I saw a question asking for support from someone who had a bad birthing experience. It was geniuine. As someone who has been there and knows the feelings I offered my story and some kind words of support. Only to read women saying they had a "horror" experience for stupid stuff like... " we specifically requested a private room.... i was put in a shared room and made to wait hours to be moved" OMG I would have happily given you my private room just have my daughter with me !!! I would have loved to have been in a shared room, to hear babies crying just so it felt real to me, not like a cheap drive in motel, at least then they may have remembered I was a patient and remembered to move me to the birth suit and afterwards left me some food or even sent a nurse to check my stitches at least once ! So I was hungry, sore and completely alone (amoungst other things) ! Some people just need to have their head reads !

Liz - posted on 03/01/2010

It doesn't aggrivate me so much about hearing people complain about their births, what had aggrivated me the most was people complaining in the hospital. I had my twins at 33 weeks 6 days, and didn't get to see my children until the day after they were born, and wasn't able to hold them for three or four days. There were women sending away their babies to the nursery because they " didn't want to feed them". I would have given anything to feed my children, or even hold them, and here women are sending their child away.

Kierstin - posted on 02/28/2010

I couldn't bring myself to complain about anything with the birth of my daughter! We lost our son the year before when I was 30 wks. and I was just so worried I didn't care about a freakin' water birth or any of that. I just wanted to hear her cry. She was in NICU for two weeks which seemed like forever but I know there were mothers in there that had it alot worse so I counted my blessings. You have every right to be angry but in my opinion, we were chosen to carry this for those who could not.

Kathryn - posted on 02/28/2010

Thank you, all. I'm going to work on laughing it off ... gosh, that is going to be SO hard to do! (But I have done other hard things in life, so perhaps I will manage.) Virginia, I feel for you ... to be at 24 weeks is wonderful, but can they not get you to 26 weeks instead? I know, your health and that of your child are paramount, but 26 is such a better option than 24. You'll be in my prayers, girl ... and yes, let them poke. I was a bleeder with an abruption and went without underwear for 10 days, having all sorts of folks check the pad under me for bleeding, day and night. You soon lose all your modesty. I even had to use a bedside toilet (that did not flush) and sit there as they examined all my bodily functions, guesstimating the blood mass of the clots in the bowl that always seemed to come out as I was using the thing. Ugh. I can only imagine what you are going through too. Take care and DO WHATEVER THEY TELL YOU TO DO!

Virginia - posted on 02/28/2010

My aunt was extremely mad at me when I began to complain about being poked by doctors. At the time I didnt know how serious my condition was and still is. I am expecting my first, and just reached 24 weeks today. They predicit having to get her by c-section any day. My aunt finally explained to me that I need to be greatful they are willing to poke me to save my child. I DIDNT REALIZE HOW SELFISH I WAS BEING.

Andrea - posted on 02/28/2010

I'b be bitter after reading those women's stories too. One of my twins died 2 days after birth. I never got to see his eyes or hear him cry. Nothing compares to watching your baby die. I'd rather be dopey holding him or miss my waterbirth or wait to hold him (which I had to anyway) than never to see him again. Those women are lucky to still have their children in my mind. Did I mention I'm still bitter? LOL!

Niki - posted on 02/28/2010

Honestly, the way I look at it is sure, they're complaining about something relatively minor in my opinion, but for them it was traumatic. I believe you don't get more than you can handle and preemie moms are pretty tough cookies. We made it thru our experiences stronger and more determined than ever - and we'd never wish it upon anyone else.



When people complain I sort of laugh it off. It gives me one more reason to stare at my daughter and be thankful that we're both alive. Every woman's birthing story is unique and to each of us, was the biggest story of our lives. ;)

Jamie - posted on 02/27/2010

I am one of the ones that hade a plan for my birth experience, and it didn't involve having my son being born at 23 weeks and having to struggle for his life. But, I don't gripe about it, because my son and I both survived it, and it was apparently how the powers that be meant it to be. I do get irritated by the ones who do gripe about how thier experience wasn't what they had planned, but there's not much I can do about it, really. I didn't get to hold my son for a month, and then only once before we had to stop due to a uti that stressed his body out so much he couldn't handle contact. It was another 2 months before we got to hold him again.

I don't always agree with some of the medical interventions, because some are downright dangerous and unneeded, but some are livesaving, as it sounds in your case. If you need somewhere to post your story to get it off your chest, here would be a good place.