I want to slap the next pregnant woman that says to me "Im so over it"

Brandy - posted on 06/15/2011

i dont recall anyone making comments about violent actions? and i understand that full term women get tired and fed up but when youve never had the chance to experience a full term pregnancy and then you have to watch your baby fight for its life its bittersweet. and you dont feel like you have a right to talk about how you feel much because if things turn out ok everyone tells you how lucky you are, which is true but at the same time you feel robbed. im aware that some people just arent educated on pre term babies etc but even though they might not always be aware of it its insensitive to complain to a mother who would have given anything to go through that discomfort compared to the trauma, and this is a place where we should be able to express our hurt and anger about these situations because most of us arent going to say anything to a pregnant lady who doesnt know what shes doing.

Tessa - posted on 06/15/2011

I dont understand the fuss. Until I had a 27 weeker I had no idea what it was all about and I probably would have made the same stupid remarks. Its because people have no idea what to say because they cant relate. Why would I get worked up about something so stupid. And EVERY single heavily pregnant woman in the whole world will moan about being fed up! That is normal! And when they say they wish they'd come now I think its more a matter of time must pass - not give me a preemie. Seriously - dont let it bother you!

Mazy - posted on 06/07/2011

A reality check...really? I think that's a bit harsh. It's not that pregnant women that go full term don't know how good they have it, they truly do, but they are also letting off steam (just like you are right now by writing this post about wanting to make a violent action toward a full term pregnant lady!) Pregnancy can be hard on the body, mind & spirit whether there are complications or it's a smooth sailing ride. I am deeply sorry for everything you've had to go through, but letting yourself get this upset over other woman isn't going to help you.

Amy - posted on 06/07/2011

I HEAR YOU! Some people just have no idea at all!! I had someone say to me "at least you were lucky that you had nurses to look after your baby for 10 weeks"!!! I was shocked - I replied, I would have done anything to have had my baby at home with me and I would never complain about being tired or being up in the night!"

Amber - posted on 06/04/2011

My son was born at 32 weeks. Though I was incredibly lucky and he was perfectly healthy and only had to spend 17 days in nicu instead of the 8 weeks they expected. But when I went into early labor, it was the scariest thing ever. I was so scared my baby wasnt going to be okay and wouldnt be healthy. And going home without him those nights was so hard.
I also dont understand why women are like that, why they say that. Having a baby early is not fun. They're supposed to stay in there for 40 weeks for a reason. I think these women who say this need to stop thinking about themselves and the fact its uncomfortable for them, and think about the child inside of them.

Hope - posted on 06/04/2011

I am so sorry that you went through all that pain of your pregnancies. I had severe preeclampsia and my son was forcept delivery at 37wks, but nicu dated him at 34 wks due to placental infarction and abruption. My son had to be resusitated before his first cry and then off to nursery and nicu. I have ladies tell me that they wish their baby would come early and I remind them not before 37wks, and pray for no complications. I guess the prego ladies need to read up on what to expect right after their baby is born: how they will get less sleep than they do now and that their bodies will still need some time before becoming as they were before pregnancy. I wish all obgyn places or lamaze classes would show some videos on the nicu life of preemies, even only a few wks before 40 and the typical issues preemies and their parents have to face from prematurity. Sadly anyone can get pregnant, but few ladies really become moms (maturity to where baby's health more important than mom's desires.)

13322 - posted on 05/28/2011

I am so sorry for your loss. Some people just don't understand how lucky they are to be blessed with the chance of having a baby full term. I had 2 out my 3 children premature and I feel very blessed that they are healthy but they did put us thur some scary times there. And when I hear women talk about how they want to induce the pregnancy early around almost a month that makes me ill. Some times I do speak up and tell my younger kids stories and show their pictures and explain about how they had to fight to get where they are now and all the doctors we had/ have in our lives because of them being born early . But no matter what it seems like you hear it all the time every where you go. ( the one good thing our family has going that seems to help at least for us is the march of dimes getting that info out educating the public and also this helps the ones who have preemies or lost a baby/child ) But I know everyone has their own way of handling things

Cat - posted on 11/09/2010

*hugs* I know exactly what you mean >_< When we went to get photos of DD when she was 6 months (3 adjusted), a very-pregnant woman who worked there was helping us and I said "Oh, you must be so uncomfortable!" - her COWORKER, whom I'd JUST TOLD my daughter was 3 months early says "Oh, haha, not like you had to deal with that!"
SO kind -_-
I said "Yeah. I took the 'easy way out' - 10 weeks in the NICU, heart surgery at 32 weeks gestational age, and coming home on oxygen. Gee, lucky me."
Idiots.

Ammie - posted on 11/08/2010

I couldn't agree more. Some people have no idea how good they have it. I wish I could have went 40 weeks and not laid awake at night wondering of my daughter was still gonna be there in the NICU when I went back the next day! Some people need to get alife!!

Kimi - posted on 11/07/2010

When I was in the NICU the hospital I stayed at let me stay over night in her room I stayed There 24/7 only to eat, shower, or tAke a walk after two weeks ethe nurses were like "go home, go home" u need rest it'll be harder when you go home. I was like no at least when I'm at home I'll be able to pick her up when she cries instead of waiting for someone to take her out or I'll be able to feed her when she hungry not letting her starve like they were doing or listen to her cry when she got her IV put in everyday and holding her hooked up to monitors. No the hospital is so much harder then at home I'm dealing with all this and at the same time we had DHS in our business cuz I was 15 and her dad 19 (couldn't arrest him) and nurse lying on both of us sayn we weren't taking care of her and banning her dad from the hospital for no good reason

Kimi - posted on 11/07/2010

So sorry I'm praying for you and remeber there are people thinking of you

Kimi - posted on 11/07/2010

I know I had my baby at 34 weeks and that was to early for me it was totally unexpected and the weeks in the hospital were horrible we've vowed to do everything to carry our next babies to term. It makes me so mad when a woman says they want to have their baby early so they won't have to deal with a hard labor or a big baby. I wish I could have experienced my last month they don't know how lucky they really are. If is was you I would have told her off.

Schmoopy - posted on 11/07/2010

Amalie, so sorry for your loss.



I hate it when pregnant women say that, too. In response, I've always said (with a smile), "I know it's uncomfortable, but you're lucky you've gotten this far. Having a preemie is a lot worse!"

Beverly - posted on 11/06/2010

Honestly I moaned and groaned a little and would ask am i there yet every once in a while when I was pregnant but when my doctor told me we had to deliver and i was approaching 34 I cried my eyes out begging for more time. After I had my baby girl I felt unbelievable amounts of guilt and felt as if it was my fault that I couldn't carry her full term. I kept thinking I shouldn't have complained so much and harked. And even now when i hear people say stuff like that I still feel a little guilty.

Jodie - posted on 11/05/2010

hi Amalie i am hearing you i have a 7 year old born 3.5 weeks early due to high blood presure and my twin girls were 9 weeks early one whom didnt survive i had a c section and i was in the same boat being in recovery not knowing if my surviving baby was going to make it some people dont understand waht we have been through until you actually do have and early baby its very hard and terrifying maybe our angels are up in heaven playing games together and i hope they are watching down on us all

Laura - posted on 11/03/2010

I AGREE! i had my daughter at 26 weeks gestation and hearing women talk about tired of being pregnant is such bullshi* they need to be thankful there still pregnant and having no problems!

Rachel - posted on 10/26/2010

after reading what so many of you have gone through it is heart breaking. I personally had my son at 35 weeks after my water broke at 34, he did surprisingly well, he was in the special care for 7 days before they let him go home although in reality he could have gone home 2 or 3 days earlier. I knwo I was extreemely lucky. they stuck him in an incubator because he was blowing bubbles, then he ended up getting some jaundice... the kind that lasts for upwards of a month, not the most serious kind. he was breastfeeding just fine and I am sure that he would have done even better eating and gaining weight at first if I had been able to demand feed as opposed to the nurses calling me every 3 hours... having to wake up my sleeping son who wasnt' yet hungry... make him eat as much as I could then leave him.
I know that I was lucky that at 35 weeks they induced me and I managed to do it with no drugs and no c-section, but I would have loved to get as big as a house and gone through all the symptoms of pregnancy to not have those 7 days of hell that I went through... I know that I can't imagine what many of you ladies have gone through having preemies that are sick and all that you have had to go through, my heart and prayers go out for you.

Angela - posted on 10/22/2010

I am so sorry to hear about your loses. Life is so unfair.

Angela - posted on 10/22/2010

So true. Ive had 2 preemies and now Im pregnant again and Im scared s**tless that it will be preterm again. What I wouldnt give to go not only full term but I wouldnt mind going 2 weeks after my due date! All the pregnant women who hate it have no idea how lucky they really are. Its sad how much people take this kind of stuff for granted.

Mia - posted on 10/22/2010

People just don't know unless they've been there! My no.1 was 37weeks but no. 2 came at 34 1/2 weeks so I've been in the "i'm over it" position before but having had a premmie with chronic lung disease coz he came too early for any intervention i'll never think that way. But hey, had i not have gone through it i'd never know! Yep pisses me off too but they don't know any different and I'm sure if they ever are in a similar position i'm sure they'd change their mind also. Just like people who fall pregnant without really trying, took us over 5 years and a fortune in fertility treatments before our little miracles came along.

Melissa - posted on 10/19/2010

Oh Amalie, I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how heartbroken you are.

Amalie - posted on 10/19/2010

Hi everyone so glad Im not alone on this...only 24hrs ago I lost another baby 21w5days gestation we named her clair jesselin... really struggling with this don't understand why god gives me there's little angels only to take them back in such cruel ways this now make angel baby num 5 im empty broken an angry

Melissa - posted on 10/19/2010

I had a friend tell me i was lucky to "be able to go home and get rest at night while nurses took care of" my baby for me while she was in the NICU. WHAT?!?! No, I'm not lucky to have someone to take care of her while I go home and "get rest"...there is no rest, I leave the NICU at midnight, go back to the Ronald McDonald House to try to grab a bite to eat, pump, call the NICU to check on my baby, try to get a couple of hours of sleep, pump, try to get a couple more hours of sleep, shower, pump, and head back into the NICU to be with my baby for the next 16 hrs. How much rest do you think I'm getting???? People say idiotic things!

Skye - posted on 06/22/2010

I can totally relate. My bub was born at 27 weeks and she was still in the NICU and very ill and my husband and i had to go to a family function. someone commented that we were lucky that we didnt have her keeping us up all night and that we could rest. i said to her that i would give anything to have my baby at home keeping me up 24 hours a day insteas of having to drive over an hour to see her in hospital and leaving her there every day and parents of full term bubs dont know how lucky they are that they have their bubs. that shut her up!!! made me feel better ad sometime you do need to stand up and say something, i think you have every right. you know what it might make that parent think about how lucky they have and make them appreciate their child and their life a little bit more.

Joanette - posted on 06/14/2010

I am proud of you!!!!!! You are a very strong woman!

Amalie - posted on 06/14/2010

HI Monicquea Chance Your story brought tears to my eyes.. if someone ever said to me I had the easy way out that would be my braking point.. thank you



Monicquea Chance

Samantha - posted on 06/13/2010

i also agree i think you should have said it, people these days just dont know what its like to lose sumn so special, my sister lost 2 children within 3 months apart,I dont think she is able to have children and people rub it in her face everyday that she lost her 2 children and i hate that, I have to keep reminding people day after day that it could happen to them to and thats sumn that hurts day after day!

M - posted on 06/13/2010

I agree! I had two preemies. I had preeclampsia with my first baby and I was in the hospital for 5 1/2 weeks and on bed rest and in and out of the hospital a week before that. My daughter was in the NICU. My first baby was born early too and we don't know why. My water just broke. He almost had to go to the NICU a few times, but fortunately didn't. He did have to be in the enclosed warming case on days 4 and 5 of his life for jaundice though. I hate it when women complain and want their babies to come early. I've told some of them that I know that they don't and they don't want their children in the NICU. Some told me that that wouldn't happen to their child. How do they know? I hope not, but you can't assume that!

Monicquea - posted on 06/12/2010

I am so glad to see this conversation. My daughter was born at 28 weeks and I never got to feel or experience the "normal" signs of being pregnant. I had preeclampsia and my placenta was not working properly so had my doctors not taken my daughter when they did she would likely not be here today. I haven't dealt too much with complaints from other pregnant women but I have often heard others comment that I had the easy way out by having a csection and wouldn't it be nice if all pregnancies were that short. The former statement aggravates me more than the latter. I don't like to be in pain but I still would have atleast liked to have had the choice. I missed out on some of the things that other women got to experience while being pregnant(pregnant belly, baby shower, labor, etc). Just try to remain strong, speak up and educate these other women on the real facts of life.

Amalie - posted on 06/11/2010

Hi everyone I guess I should of worded this a little better I was very hot headed at the time.. I totally understand that if you haven't lost a baby or had a premmi then you would never understand what its like... but what I should of she was I'm going to slap the next family member or friend that says I'm so over this pregnancy.. or oh I wish I had a premmi...they have seen what I went through and some of the remarks that come out of there mouths get my blood boiling...

Emily - posted on 06/10/2010

I totally get what you are saying! I had my daughter at 27 wks. It amazes me that people are jealous that I got to meet my baby early! I would have much rather had the swollen ankles! Others need to be thankful for having a regular pregnancy! Also, I am so sorry for your loss.

Ashley - posted on 06/10/2010

You should have told her what you were thinking. She was not considering your feelings when she said what she said.

Tara - posted on 06/10/2010

I too had pre-eclampsia, HELP and the start of multiple organ failure at 28 weeks. I think its easy for those who have not experienced prematurity or loss to be very ignorant and so absorbed in their own lives that they dont think of the possible hurt their words could be causing to others. i was that complaining pregnant woman before this happened to me. I didnt have a clue but now, consider me educated and compassionate!!!

Aimee - posted on 06/09/2010

I have often had similar thoughts when I hear comments made by people who don't begin to understand the life of a preemie or their parents. I have to stop and be thankful that not every child faces what our children faced when they were born. And I remind myself that I don't know what that person has dealt with in their life that has been difficult and challenging. Keep your chin up - you have had alot to overcome as a mom of three. Thankful you were blessed with your little girl. She will definitely keep you on your toes.

Tina - posted on 06/08/2010

I think being a the mom of a preemie makes this a really hard sitaution to deal with for sure. Every time I hear someone say something like that I tell them be careful what you wish for you just might get it. But I was also that girl, who said oh I wish I could fast forward.. blah blah blah (boy did I learn my lesson there)... now that I'm pregnant again,, I'm constantly going on each week that I'm another week further woo hoo.. its worth celebrating... I hit 30 weeks this week which is awesome because my son was born at 29 wks. but, even after all this... I still understand that pregnancy can be difficult too. I watched my friend go to term with twins and she was quite miserable towards the end. I will say she was always quite careful not to say that stuff around me tho, just because she knew what I had been through... but some people just don't think.

Randie - posted on 05/30/2010

My sister in law's the same way, she was 30-something weeks and was all 'I hope she comes early I'm tired of carying around all this extra weight." etc. I hear alot of women that complain and I had a daughter born at 29weeks, stayed 2months in the NICU, and I want to smack the dumb b*tch3s upside the head! I had pre-eclampsia and diabeties, and hypertoxicima, my blood pressure was sky-high and the blood was getting pushed out of the embilucal cord (sorry for the spelling) and I'd give anything to expericence the pain and discomfort that she's gone through (she has a 2yr old as well) I'm so sorry that you lost children, my s-i-l lost 2 before and I'd think that would make her more greatful & appreicative but doesn't seem to have. But, I'm proud that you held your tongue God know's its not easy..

Jennifer - posted on 05/29/2010

Don't apologize I agree people don't know what they have until they suffer a happening like we have. My baby was 10 weeks early because I too had Placenta Abrution and cervical cancer and I was hemoraging! it was so scary at only 18 years old I didnt know what to do! He made it and hearing people say things like that upsets me as well! I was so glad to carry my daughter full term and loved every week of her and my pregnancy!

Ariel - posted on 05/29/2010

I would of said it. I lost my daughter born @ 29 wks. When I saw her she looked so perfect and once she was sick I wanted 2 take all the pain from her. You dont know what you got until its gone. Some people are only worried about themselves, they never stop to think the baby is just as uncomfortable inside the hot tight womb

Mollie - posted on 05/27/2010

I'm so sorry for all you've been through.

A woman in my antenatal class made the comment that we were so privileged to be carrying our babies, and I remember feeling like, "Yeah, easy for her to say that, she hasn't been nauseous for 31 wks and doesn't have legs so swollen they feel like they're going to explode, or acid reflux that feels like her esophagus is being ripped out......", and then my baby was born unexpectedly at 32 wks, and I felt horrible for having thought all those things.

It IS a privilege to carry a baby, and I feel so fortunate that I was able to carry mine long enough for her to be born healthy, safe and happy. It is true that every woman's pregnancy is different... and also true that no woman will know what it's like to experience losing a child or having one too early, unless it happens to her. I think if I were in your situation and had to listen to a woman complaining about how much longer she had to go, I WOULD make the comment (as kindly as possible) about her being lucky to carry a healthy, live baby to term. Even if that person may never know what it is to lose a baby, it can't hurt for someone to make her think about all that can happen and about how precious (and precarious) a pregnancy is.

Daniela - posted on 05/26/2010

I understand why and how you can feel that way but some of us ( even those with preemies ) feel like that women. I know I was feeling like 'hurry up' at 12wks with my last one who was born at 33 wks. I dont know if either of us would be here today if I had made it any further. Every woman and her pregnancy is different.

Danielle - posted on 05/26/2010

I've had 4 miscarriages and I had my baby at 33 weeks and spent a month in the SCBU and while it was terrifying to have to leave my baby there, I too was a mother who said she was over it, but unless you have been in that situation how are you to know how bad it is? It is okay for you to feel upset about your loss, and if that woman knows about that then she was a bit insensitive to mention her discomfort in front of you (my sis in law used to do it too) but your loss does not give you the right to take your anger out on anyone else. It took everything I had to not get like this with my sis in law and I am now so thankful that I didn't, my bitterness would not have helped me. this lady you are talking about doesn't know what you went through, hasn't experienced the heartache and complete devastation that something like that brings she is just experiencing her pregnancy, and lets face it, when you are pregnant that is your first and foremost priority and thought (pregnant woman don't really think outside the square) so instead of being mad at her (wasted effort) try explaining to her that it upsets you when she says things like that. you will come away feeling better about yourself for not having lost your temper.

Annette - posted on 05/25/2010

I feel for u. I can remember seeing my baby lay in her incubator in the NIC U and being so afraid I would lose her before getting to know her....THAT experience has left me changed FOREVER. I could not imagine what pain you feel. Every single day my kids drive me nuts but I remember life could have taken me in a very different direction and I pull myself back. I don't know if you have ppl to talk to when you feel down but please feel free to message me and we can exchange info and you certainly have one now.

Lyneeda - posted on 05/24/2010

i'd say its nothin to get bent out of shape about the fact of the matter is that pregnancy is hard on a womans body so its al-natural to want to get it over with.i too had severe pre-clampsia an had to deliver my baby at 24wks an had a emergency c-section an upon awakin did'nt even kno i just had,had a baby my baby weighed less than a lb but i have not forgot the discomforts of being pregnant.but it is a blessing to be able to carry your child to term.i used to tell my man everynight i can't wait to have this baby i hated being pregnant cuz i had so many complications the pressure in my pelvic area began at 4 months an my doc kept telling me it was normal i knew it was'nt i have the most perfect little girl in the world from that painful short lived pregnancy!!!even preemies are a blessing. i send my condolesense for your losses.i hope you have found peace within yourself an purpose for your childrens souls whom are gods closest most precious angels!!

Karen - posted on 05/24/2010

I have to admit at 36 weeks I said I was ready to not be pregnant but that I wanted my daughter to stay in so that she would be healthy but she came early. I was so tired from chasing my 2 1/2 year old son. I felt so guilty once they told me that I had to deliver my baby girl early because even though I had said I was ready for her to be here I wanted her to stay in until she should have been born. Having to have her stay in the hospital when I went home was the hardest thing.

Kristi - posted on 05/22/2010

I was just going to say what Jen said. People can only experience what THEY have experienced ... they can't understand what others have been through (even though they say they can understand).

I am sad to hear about all you have been through ...

Emily - posted on 05/03/2010

I had my son at 27 wks. march 18th with a sister who had her baby full term march 3rd. And my baby shower on april 10th. lets just say I didnt enjoy myself at my own shower because of my mother in law not understanding how i felt. I had to sit there acting all happy about all the 0-3 month clothes that are way to big. To this day I don't talk to her because she disrespected me and my husband with her comments. that I should be happy that he's here. I had a break down and ran out of the building and took a walk. my family (not my mother in law or any of my husbands family) came up to me talked me down. My sister then tells me I should be happy to have mine here because he should still be in my stomach. I looked at her with tears running down my face, and yelled at her. "No, my baby is not safe. He is still fighting for his life an hour and a half a way. You have your baby, he's healthy and happy. Mines got tubes connected everywhere and not able to be with his mom and dad." Everyone got the picture. My mom understood because I was a preemie myself. But my husbands mom is a complete and total self absorbed idiot. (let alone i had found out a friend of mine had a friend pass away. so it was not a good day)

People don't understand unless they've gone through it. Im not angry at my sister for not understanding, people just need to be put in place sometimes. As for my family and friends they know where I stand and that its not easy. Not even my own husband knew how bad it hurt.
We as preemie moms have a lot more patiance and it gets tested ALL the time. Just simple say that they are lucky and shouldnt be complaining. (I don't feel that I should be complaining either, my baby will be coming home in his carseat, other moms dont have that.) I get told about all these other babies having a lot more problems and I thank to myself, I am lucky. But I won't ever tell that babies mommy that I know how she feels, I dont. I know what I gone through and no one else does. So all we can do is talk to each other and feel compassion for the other one.

Crystal - posted on 04/13/2010

Wow, I had just had my son 7 weeks early & he's had some problems & is still in the NICU..I thought I had it pretty hard being that he's my first baby. But you've been threw alot.

Jenn - posted on 04/13/2010

I know the feeling. My water broke at my 6 month check up and my daughter was born 25 weeks early. I had wanted a baby book after she was born to record her progress but all the premade ones at baby stores were all the same with "mommy's 3rd trimester" and all the pregnancy stuff they have at the beginning that I couldn't fill out. I would get so mad that they focused so much on the pregnancy and not on the child.
Everyone expects a perfect pregnancy and when they complain about a little discomfort or "getting fat" it is nerve racking. Some people just need a reality to realize that positive pregnancy test does not mean 9 months and then guarantee perfect baby.

Tracy - posted on 04/12/2010

Agreed!!! I get upset when I hear pregnant women say things like that too. I haven't had the exact experience you have but I have recewntly lost 1 and my duaghter was born at 33 wks. I was just starting to show and be able to feel her move around and then bam it was over. Preeclampsia and HELLP suck!!! So glad to hear I am not the only one that feels this way. I am currently dealing with this type of person at work right now. Actually there are 2 people that I work with that are preggo. One actually is my friend and I am so excited for her but the other was not so sensitive when I lost my baby so I have a hard time eventalking to her at all. Can't stand to even look at her. She said I needed to "Get over it" That is one person I DO NOT want to hear about her pregnancy!

Thanks for your post! I don't feel so alone in my feelings now!

Brandy - posted on 04/12/2010

i am so glad i am not the only one who feels this way! i feel cheated everytime i see a pregnant woman let alone having to hear them talk about their pregnancy, and im sorry but i dont want to hear about any of it, even if they arent complaining i know that sounds childish but not only did i have to go through the same crap with help syndrome but now im told i cant have anymore, so the last thing i want to do is sit with some prego hearing about how she just cant get enough of corn nuts! and im tired of people saying things to me like oh you didnt give birth you had a c-section wtf!? its not like i just had something removed from my body, i had a baby!