If you had a high risk pregnancy...

Amalie - posted on 03/07/2010

I didn't worry about the comparing but what really gets me upset is when girls would say "oh I wish my baby was that small" or"I wish mine would come early" I feel like grabbing them & saying would you like to wake up everyday wondering if this is the day you have to be strong & say good bye..I was lucky but many babies in my nicu were not so lucky.. They need to have a tour & wake up to themselves...

Laura - posted on 02/28/2010

Jamie, you poor thing! Well done for everything you did, so glad that you now have a son and completely agree with your post. I managed to get to 32 weeks and yes it was a pain being kicked all the time but your absoloutely correct in that you know that the baby you are carrying is well and active! All the best to your family xxx

Jamie - posted on 02/27/2010

Ohhh........yes. I really do try to be a very laid back person, and its not so much that it angers me when people do this......but there is part of me that wants to smack them. I don't but in my head I think;



Yes, I've heard that being full term pregnant is hard, your feet swell, you have a hard time sleeping somewhat, your back hurts. You also get an amazing amount of positive attention, because you have that big belly. You can still feel your baby move, and kick, and not only feel it, but can see it, and your husband can see and feel it. For the most part you have the reassurance that your baby is still growing well, thriving, and should be born without any complications if he were born right now.



Myself, I was diagnosed with a cervical cancer recurrance while I was pregnant, was told BY my my oncologist to terminate the pregancy and start chemo (after paying $15,000 for IVF) was told I'd have an incompetent cervix, but told they wouldn't do the cerclage needed to help prevent early delivery because of the cancer, so I was sent home on bedrest to see if I could make if far enough along for my son to survive. My entire pregnancy was full of worry. I had weekly doctors appointments and I delivered at 23 weeks, convinced my son would die, my every minute consumed with worry. I never really got to see my sons movement in my tummy, and my husband never got to feel him move. I never even grew a round preggy belly.I was very lucky, and my son did survive, but we had almost 6 months of constant worry. At 28, I have now had a hysterectomy, and will never know what it will be like to carry a full term pregnancy, and "get to complain" about it. All that sounds more bitter than I mean it to, I just explain it this way to get the point across. Full term mommies; be grateful for those aching backs and feet, because they are a good thing, and you are very fortunate to have them. Not all of us get to experience the ideal pregnancy.

Laura - posted on 02/26/2010

I know exactly waht you mean, I am also type 1 diabetic and have a 8 month old baby boy and I was in and out of hospital on a fortnightly basis, a friend of mine was 8 weeks behind me in her pregnancy which compaired to mine was very easy, she didn't have to go to the doctors every two weeks and be permanantly monitored! My baby was delivered by EmCsection 8 weeks early and she told me how lucky I was that I didn't have to suffer the last few weeks of pregnancy as they are the worst! Was not impressed! It is a shame as you need your friends to be supportive at times like this! I am glad all of your babies are doing well!

Katie - posted on 02/25/2010

Oh Tania...I feel your pain!!! There is nothing more annoying than when people compare their full-term pregnancies to a high-risk pregnancy. It seriously makes me crazy. I had my twins at 30 weeks, I was high-risk because a few years ago I had gone into labor at 5 1/2 months, which resulted in a miscarriage. And this time I was pregnant with twins. I wasn't allowed to walk anywhere, lift anything, or really do much of anything except sit and read and be pregnant. (You have my TOTAL sympathies for being in the hospital for the last month of your pregnancy!!!)

My twins are now almost 21 months old, and I still hear comments like, "you're lucky you had them when you did because it gets worse as you get farther along", "atleast they were small so it didn't hurt very much when you had them", and my all time favorite, "atleast you got to have them before summer REALLY got hot!". All I can do is shake my head.

I hear those types of comments and I want to scream at them, "are you an idiot?! My babies were in the hospital for over two months!!! My son almost died!!! I would have WELCOMED being pregnant in the hot weather if it meant that I could have taken my babies home from the hospital with me!!!"

But I don't. Because it's useless. The truth is that they are living a different reality than you are. If they had been there, if they had been through what myself, my husband, and our babies had been through, they would never say those things. I really don't think that those kinds of stupid comments are meant to be rude or inconsiterate. I think they are uneducated comments from uneducated people.

Good luck to you, I'm sure as time passes you'll learn to let their stupidity slide, like water off a duck's back. :)

Tania - posted on 02/25/2010

Thanks you ladies...sometimes you just need to hear that you aren't alone and that other people really do understand.

Emma - posted on 02/25/2010

My first pregnancy ended in a high risk situation as I was diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome, this pregnancy I am a type 2 diabetic because with my first I had GD which went untreated (only found out with this pregnancy.) I know exactly how you're feeling. Luckily my little girl (born at 35wks) wasn't in NICU but some people do tell me about their pregnancies and how advanced their kids are to my little girl. I try not to let it get to me even though it does as I'm proud of the stage where she is, she will be 2 in 5 weeks and every day I count my blessings as she could have died if my illness went misdiagnosed for any longer.

Marcy - posted on 02/25/2010

I have had two high risk pregnancies, and both times I had some compare their pregnancies to mine. And even one who said her's was much worse, though she was never put on bedrest, given the steriods, weekly injections and pills every 4 hours or told that her baby was going to be born at 27 weeks...
That was with my first and then with the second, she was also pregnant again and continued to say that she was having a difficult pregnancy "just like you". I think, as does my husband that it was for attention. Everything I had, she seemed to have and she kept saying how horrible everything was and she was going to have an early baby... she had to be induced and that was after telling her Dr for several weeks that she couldn't bare being pregnant for another week, so she was induced at 39 weeks. Ignore those that compare, they have no idea what you go through with a high risk pregnancy and having a preemie, unless they have been in that situation. No matter how miserable I was with my contractions, I never wanted my babies to be born any earlier than they were ready. Unfortunately they both were early and needed time in the hospital before they were able to come home with us. That "friend" left the hospital with both of her full term babies. She doesn't understand, just like so many others.

Lindsay - posted on 02/25/2010

I am dealing with a high-risk pregnancy right now. My daughter was born at 27 weeks, and since then I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix. I am 33 weeks today and this pregnancy I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, IC, have been to L&D twice already, had early pre-term labor, seen my OB every 2 weeks the entire pregnancy and have had several infections. I currently have 6 friends all of whom are having normal pregnancies (and 1 that is high-risk). Many of my friends try to tell me that things are just as hard in their pregnancies but I know it's not true. Today I finally had a friend send me a message that said she finally realizes how "Easy" her pregnancy is to mine...that acknowledgement really helped. I think you just have to try and stay positive and keep your eye on the goal...in another 2 weeks my cerclage will be removed and hopefully shortly after I will have a healthy baby boy! I just have 2 more weeks to go till he can be healthy...still a preemie, but nothing compared to my little 27 weeker!

Nina - posted on 02/25/2010

I completely understand!!! I went into labor at 23 weeks, delivered at 25 weeks, in the NICU for 5 months. And still people compared everything. Its not a competition on how long everything takes. Every person is different, every pregnancy is different, every baby is different. People dont take that into consideration. I am sorry that they make you feel this way, they did to me too. Just roll it off your shoulder.

Cindy - posted on 02/25/2010

I was pregnant with twins, so that's an automatic high risk pregnancy. However, mine wasn't as high risk as yours. My family treated me like I needed to stay sitting at all times. I was lucky enough to not have bed rest, however my girls were born at 30 weeks due to my water breaking. I don't understand comparing pregnancies at all. They are all different whether they are high risk or not. I have been struggling for the last 2 years to lose my weight from the pregnancy. I am getting sick of people saying, "oh, you look great for having twins". REALLY? I am 60 lbs overweight! Don't lie to me!



Anyway, it's going to take you a while, but you will eventually learn to just let it go. People don't mean to be insensitive. I have learned that most mom's like to tell their pregnancy stories. Just listen and let it go. I am sure the person who made the "overdue" comment was trying to help you find good in a scary situation. They probably didn't realize the scary reality of the risks with preemies.