Jealous of Women with "Normal" Births

Alexis - posted on 08/14/2009 ( 71 moms have responded )

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I had my baby about five months ago, two and a half months early. She spent two months in the NICU, and it was a very bumpy ride. My sister-in-law just had a baby at a healthy thirty-nine weeks. I had a very hard time with it. I will probably never be able to have a normal pregnancy, and I was incredibly jealous and just had a hard time with it. When I talked to my sisters about it, they said to count myself lucky that I never went through the pain of childbirth, but I can't agree. Anyone else know how I feel?

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Casey - posted on 02/23/2014

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I def. know how you feel. I had my son at 24 weeks. With this being my first child I hated that I didn't get the full experience of being pregnant.

CherylB - posted on 06/22/2012

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I had two of my sisters give birth too healthy babies within days of each other. While I am sure that they were overjoyed, they "voiced" repeatedly about the ending of their pregnancies. My only thoughts after having several preemies was if my body was able to do what your is I would accept that blessing for what it is. I would cherish every moment. I have come to realize that my blessing was in a different form I was just to afraid to accept it. I was blessed with the ability to even give life. Be it premature or overdue and for the experience at all I will be thankful.

Jen - posted on 06/03/2012

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My kids are now almost 16 & almost 15. When they were born they were 15 and 13 weeks early. I have since had a hysterectomy because I didn't want to put myself nor another baby through that again. It was only in the last few years that I've been able to go to the maternity ward at a hospital without an anxiety attack.

I thank my lucky stars that my babies are now healthy and happy teenagers that unless I told you you wouldn't know were so tiny. But it took a lot of years to get there.

Be blessed.

Sarah - posted on 07/07/2011

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my son was born at 38.5 weeks via c section and spent damn near a week in the nicu and had to have surgery. I had complete placenta previa since 19 weeks pregnant so that was a bummer but I did have a regular normal birth with my daughter on Jan. 2008. I wish things would have went as smooth with my son but Im just glad he is doing so well now that he is 4 months old..

Carrie - posted on 07/06/2011

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I feel ya on this. My son was born at 28 weeks due to problems with me of high blood pressure and my kidneys shutting down, we spent three months in the hospital and it was very hard and bumpy. During this time several of my friends had babies before and after Dravens birth and I tell them your lucky you had a full term birth and got to experence all the wonders of giving birth to a child. They tell me I am crazy that they would never wish child birth on anyone. I envy the ones that got to experence all experince of feeling the baby move and kick, where I bearly got that.. It really saddens me because I may never be able to have a healthy normal pregency.

Teresa - posted on 07/05/2011

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Stacy Arwine, thank you so much for that Erma Bombeck write up. It brought tears.

Teresa - posted on 07/05/2011

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As most parents of preemie babies, we KNOW our children are God's miracles. My sister-in-law, who had gotten pregnant a few months before me jokingly accused my of "stealing her thunder" and it was kinda true in that so much energy and love was put forth for my son, who was born a few weeks BEFORE her baby. The wonderful nurses and dr's we met got us through some pretty hard times, and I feel like I got an up close and personal Mommy 101 because things that alot of new mothers fret and worry about I just say, Look at his color, how is he breathing? if he's pink and not having breathing issues, wait until morning and take him to the dr. I did lose a pregnancy (9 weeks) Christmas 2009 and THAT was what got to me. I wasn't upset but I do get a little envious when I see families with more than one child, but I just thank God for what I have and know that I am blessed.

Jess - posted on 06/30/2011

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Everyone has their own battles to deal with: someone once told me we're never delt anything we can't handle- That's a positive way of looking at it, you must be a much stronger woman

Bianca - posted on 06/29/2011

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As you can see you are not alone with this situation. To be honest I thought I was the only one that felt this way. I had my twins at just 26 weeks one stayed 3 1/2 months the other 6 months and later died. My kids father sister was pregnate the same time excatly had her baby full term 5 days after I did. I cried and Cried and still do cry when I see girls with their big ol belly's and complain about it. I wish I could carry a baby full term. thanks for posting this because I thought I was just MEAN(LOL)

Stacy - posted on 06/26/2011

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How Preemie Moms Are Chosen
(Adapted from Erma Bombeck)


Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger. "Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Marjorie Forrest, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity." Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see – ignorance, cruelty, prejudice – and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles.

"A mirror will suffice."

(This always brightens my day when I get down and think about everything we've gone through with my son)

Jenna - posted on 06/26/2011

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Yes. I understand what you mean. I had to have an emergency c-section, nearly died, bowel shut down, lots of other problems, my milk didn't come in, my bub was sent home after a week ( i was stuck there for 3 weeks, and apparently if you can't care for your baby by yourself, then the bub has to leave). Still traumatised. People keep saying "Oh well, at least you're fine now". I'm NOT fine. I still have bowel issues, and I'm suffering from PTSD, seeing a psychologist, and have major memory problems.
Your sisters saying that you're lucky means they just dont' udnerstand. Which is not a bad thing for them - it means they didn't have to deal wtih what you did. But it's bad for you because you feel isolated. You are DEFINITELY allowed to feel jealous. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

Jenna - posted on 06/26/2011

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Yes. I understand what you mean. I had to have an emergency c-section, nearly died, bowel shut down, lots of other problems, my milk didn't come in, my bub was sent home after a week ( i was stuck there for 3 weeks, and apparently if you can't care for your baby by yourself, then the bub has to leave). Still traumatised. People keep saying "Oh well, at least you're fine now". I'm NOT fine. I still have bowel issues, and I'm suffering from PTSD, seeing a psychologist, and have major memory problems.
Your sisters saying that you're lucky means they just dont' udnerstand. Which is not a bad thing for them - it means they didn't have to deal wtih what you did. But it's bad for you because you feel isolated. You are DEFINITELY allowed to feel jealous. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

Kate - posted on 04/18/2011

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i know exactly how you feel, my daughter was born 4 weeks 1 day early, which was rather amazing as my waters broke at 29 weeks. I was on bed rest from then on and had other complications between then and birth. apart from one other everyone i know have had full term healthy babies, and i admit i am jealous of them as they got to experience things that i didnt and due to complications, will probably never experience

Brooke - posted on 04/16/2011

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Yes understand completely. Baby was born at 35 weeks, and spent over a week in the NICU as well as major complications that i didnt even see him be born and he was taken away immediately. didnt get to see him for a week.. I get extremely jealous

Pamela - posted on 04/13/2011

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I think knowing all the pain you went thru, you should be happy for your SIL. I would never wish a premie on anyone.

Cheryl - posted on 04/12/2011

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I know how you feel. People who have not had a preemie do not understand how difficult it is and how hard it is not to bring your child home. My daughter is 16 months old and was born at 29 weeks. Everytime I heard about someone having a baby and bringing them home I wanted to cry. Even seeing pictures now on how much further ahead they are then my daughter makes me really jealous that everything is so much harder for her. When I tried telling people how hard it was and how guilty I felt they told me that I was just being stupid

Sherry - posted on 04/11/2011

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I can so relate to this both my babies were 7 weeks premie my son was at a health weight but still had to be in the nicu for 4 weeks and my daughter came out 3lbs stayed 4 weeks also!! I get so jealous of the women that get to have a full term baby because you don't get to hold them right when they come out or be able to breastfeeding right away.. I totally understand why you are jealous my sister just recently had her 2nd baby a girl
she was full term and seeing how it was made me kind of upset because I never got that

Tina - posted on 08/09/2010

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I think its very hard not to be jealous... allthough I am on the other side of the coin now... My first was a month early.. thankfully very little complications.. my second was 3 months early, the hardest part was definitely leaving the hospital without him.. and now here I am 10 years later and 39 weeks pregnant (after having a miscarriage).. we tried for 8 years to get pregnant and never thought it'd happen.. we'd pretty much given up when I found out I was pregnant. With this one, the hardest thing has been being insanely scared of complications.. And since its the middle of August I have so many people saying oh I bet you wish you could just go and be done.. and I tell them I'll take being uncomfortable over having a preemie any day :) I don't worry much about being rude about it. I can say that having a preemie has made me appreciate so much more.. I don't take any of it for granted. Every week has been a celebration in my house... I have to say I think I am lucky because I know how much I should appreciate and not take for granted even the parts that suck... And yeah I've had people assume that since my son was early that my labor couldn't have possibly been so bad.. I get to tell them well, since I was in labor a total of 4 days..and by the time I delivered my contractions were so week that I had to have a nurse push on my stomach and tell me when to push, and my 2 1/2 pound baby hurt twice as bad as his brother who was twice his size..I really don't consider it an "easy labor"... they usually shut up.

Nola - posted on 08/07/2010

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I have been there. No one understand except other preemie moms. We missed out on the joy of bring a happy healthy bouncing baby home from the hospital with us. No one other then moms of sick babies will understand how you feel and unfortunatly many women will say comments like the one you stated and they don't understand why it is so upsetting to us. I think it is normal to have the jealousy issue with other women. I did, both my girlfriend and my sister had fullterm deliveries and brought their babies home. While I wouldn't wish the NICU on my worst enemy I wish people would think before they speak about how much easier this and that was for us. All can really say is that it will get easier and that pain and disapointment will fade in time. ;;;hugs;;;

Serena - posted on 08/05/2010

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I had two natural childbirths with my first two boys and let me tell you, you're not missing anything. You know how they say take your bottom lip and pull it over your head...yeah pretty accurate lol. My daughter was born through emergency c-section and stayed 5 weeks in the NICU.
I never saw myself as jealous of "normal" births but counting my blessings. What I found myself getting jealous and even a little bitter about was babies that came in after my daughter and leaving before her. I found myself secretly angering when I would come in and only be able to sit at her incubator and hold her head through the arm holes while other women came in and held their babies, breastfed...It just felt unfair.
But I remind myself with the help of this group that God picked us all for a special task, He just doesn't hand this one out like candy. He knew we could handle the hurdles ahead...

Misty - posted on 07/31/2010

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my daughter was born at 24 weeks, I had just started wearing maternity clothes and had gained about 10 pounds. I was so relieved that to read your post that I'm not the only one that feels this way! It is definately hard, especially when pregnant people are complaining about how fat and miserable they are! I didn't get to experience any of that, you wouldn't even have known I was pregnant when I delivered. After having a micro preemie, I truly believe that some people take the gift of a full term baby for granted sometimes. I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything, she's the most precious miracle that I witness everyday, she'll be 2 in October. What is also hard for me is that I missed out on the first 4 1/2 months of the "normal" routine with a newborn, when she came home she was already lifting her head and squirming around. We missed out on a lot, but thank God everyday for the miracle that she is! Thanks for posting this!

Destinee - posted on 07/30/2010

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Alexis-I am discovering how you feel. My son was born five and a half weeks early on Monday and is still in the hospital. He is doing well and thriving but I can't take him home yet. I have watched the ten other women who gave birth the same day I did take their newborns home and I find myself resenting them because their children are at home with them and my son and I are still here (I had an emergency c-section-my son's placenta was rupturing-so they have kept me here, so I am fortunate that I am able to stay with him). I have also been told I will probably never have a normal pregnancy and know the let down of that statement. I don't think there's anything unusual about how we feel, but I do agree that we missed out on something that may have been a big help to our entrance into motherhood.

Ashley - posted on 07/28/2010

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i only have aproblem with it when they take it for grante like when i had my daughter at 24 wks, a mth later i went to my sis softball game and this lady had her child in the wet grass and it was only 50 degress the baby was only in a warmize

[deleted account]

That "count yourself lucky that you didn't have to go through the pain of childbirth" comment makes me CRAZY!!! I can't believe that it doesn't occur to people that physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional crisis you live with while your baby is suffering through the NICU experience, not to mention the post-traumatic stress you live with forever after.

I would trade labor any day to have saved my 29-weeker from suffering one day in that NICU!

Sorry for the rant. To answer your question, yes, it have trouble when I hear about healthy, easy pregnancies. It's so unfair that most women get to take for granted a worry-free experience. (I even feel outraged that many women "tempt fate" by doing things like having babies later in life. Why would they volunteer to increase the chances that they'll put themselves and their babies in harm's way???)

Sharla - posted on 07/25/2010

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My son was 6 months early and was in the NICU for 4 weeks. So I definitely get jealous like that too sometimes. One of my friends had her daughter a week later at full term and she's already laughing and smiling, but even though he is 2 months old he is still behind so I still haven't seen his "real" smile or laugh. It's hard to remember that he would only be 3 weeks old and he's not really 2 months.
On the other hand though, I do know it would have hurt a lot more if he had been bigger. I also got to go home and get his nursery ready and was completely healed before he even came home.
This is my first child though and I really hope I'll have a normal pregnancy next time, but my Doctor warned me that it may not be possible.

Kelly - posted on 07/25/2010

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Yes because I'm the only person I've ever met who didn't have a normal birth, basically. Though, my daughter turned out more adorable than most normal babies because she has a chromosome disorder that causes her to be tiny and have a high pitched cry. I feel left out sometimes but I know I should feel liberated to be blessed with such a life changing thing.

Lindsay - posted on 07/24/2010

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My daugther was born 6 weeks early after spending pratty much my whole pregnancy on bedrest, eating righgt, and doing everything by the book...my sister who is a moker and did everything wrong during her pregnancy except for drugs and alcohol had a perfectly healthy bbay who came home 3 days after being born due to c-section. Our baby girl spent 2 weeks in the NICU and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through...although I am a saved christian who believes that all thing happen for a reason and God has a plan, I have such a hard time understanding why people who do things wrong and could seem to careless when they are pregnant have perfectly healthy babies and people who do everything they can to have a healthy baby end up in th NICU. I asked my pastor's wife and she said that the lord gives the NICU babies to mommies he knows will be there for them and do everything in their power to make sure they make it home safe and sound...this may not be God's reasoning but it made me feel better and helped me get over the anger of not having a healthy baby even though I did everything right

Chanteal - posted on 07/24/2010

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If and when you get pregnant again, they have this awesome stuff they can prescribe to you called progesterone (probably spelled wrong) but it's something that naturally occurs in your body. It helps you go to full term. They prescribed it to me b/c my baby was born early, and they're afraid this one would be too (I guess it almost always happens if you have had at least one preemie). So far I'm doing very well and I haven't had any labor scares! But yes I get jealous too and it's not just jealousy I get embarassed of myself that I was the one that couldn't seem to keep him inside long enough to grow him to full term. But he is doing wonderfully and is hitting his milestones so I don't worry about it too much. Mostly I feel like people are judgeing me by it b/c I live in a small town and people talk and make stuff up so they probably guess that I smoked and drank b/c a few years ago I was the party girl. But I was very healthy didn't drink or smoke and I'm not this time around so I'm doing my part! :)

Ellen - posted on 07/24/2010

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You are not alone as you can tell, but I do feel the same way. I started having problems with my son at 22 weeks. He had just started kicking and moving when I flown to the hospital to be on bed best. I laid in the hospital bed from Columbus Day to Nov7th. I was given drugs to stop the contractions and looking back on it now I think it slowed his movement. I never really felt him while I was in the hospital. I got the labor, back labor infact, but I didn't get to take him home like "normal full term babies". He was in the hospital for 3 months when we finally got to take him home. He was born in Boston, great hospital, but I lived on Nantucket Island and had to go back to forth. I was in Boston every weekend and every Wednesday for three months...I bonded but not as much as others are able to.. There are so many things that you miss out while having your baby early and yes we are lucky that we have our babies with us today, but it is a different type of lucky . We aren't lucky that they were born early, we were robbed of everything that involves being pregnant, the waddle, the pain, the swelling, etc.. I wanted to waddle!!!! I wanted to feel my baby kick and punch me in the stomach. I want another baby so badly, and the doctors tell me it's possible to do, but until it happens I will remain curious as to how it feels to have a "normal" pregnancy if that is even possible.

Lisa - posted on 07/23/2010

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I hate when people say that, "count yourself lucky you didn't have to go through labour"
ya sure we didn't feel the pain, but we also didn't get to hold our babies right away. I would have rather gone through the pain and be able to hold Peyton the moment she came out then to have to wait a day to even see her.

They thought I had H1N1 (which I knew i didn't) after they had taken her out (c-section) they wrapped her up my husband was standing by her holding her hand (that killed me, I was beyond Jealous he got to touch her before i did) they wrapped her and brought her within sight to show me her for 3 seconds and then took her away. I didn't get to hold her until the next day..

Ashlee - posted on 07/23/2010

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I always feel the urge to cry when I hear that someone I know is pregnant and/or had a baby healthy and on time. I just look back and wish that I could have enjoyed my pregnancy and birth of my child. I know this probably sounds stupid, but I am glad to know that others feel the same as I do when it comes to this topic.

Donna - posted on 08/25/2009

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Yes yes and YES, my darling daughter was a 24 weeker and she came unexpectedly, we just made it in time as she came within 2 mins of arriving via ambulance, a normal vaginal birth, oh I had contractions, waters broke etc but the hospital palmed me off and said I was an over reacting first time mum and sent me home (ooo before my waters broke), my hubby had just left for a trek through the jungle in Papua New Guinea so I had to go through all that alone, he got home when she was 5 days old which is when I had my first very short cuddle........... yeah I do get envious when people have very pregnant bellies as I was soooo looking forward to that, I couldn't wait for my belly button to pop out but it never did :( my hubby never even got to experience kicks etc only on the scans but they weren't visible on my belly, I had some mums from our baby group saying about elective c-sections and I was sooo mad at them, they were saying about getting the babies out to suit them, don't these women understand the babies will come when they are ready........... on top of all the pain we were going through at the time there were a group of nurses, one was very pregnant who got her belly out near my daughters incubator to show the other nurses, I was very very upset which you can understand but tried not to show it but another nurse noticed how upset I was and told them all that it's not very considerate especially when some of the babies are extremely sick and may not make it (mine was one of them) but luckily our little darling was strong enough and she is now a happy 2 year old (20 months corrected age) but it still pains me to see pregnant bellies, we are trying for another baby now but it is hard as I've had a m/c already this year but we're persevering, roll on pregnant belly lol

Danyelle - posted on 08/25/2009

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I completely understand how you feel! I hated(as horrible as that is) watching other mothers take their babies home from the NICU. My daughter was born at 28 weeks, stayed 91 days. Mothers would complain that their children weren't doing something, or weren't out of an isolet yet. One mother of twins, they had been there 7 days I believe. I was on day 76. She was complaining about something, and I asked how long they had been there. She told me, and I said oh, I'm on day 76. She changed her tune after that. My daughter was the oldest baby in the NICU for about a week.



I hate that I missed out on almost half of my pregnancy. And I say half because the first few months I didn't even feel pregnant. I knew I was. But until I started to really feel her kick(around 20 weeks) everything seemed like it always did.



A friend of mine actually said that I should be glad shes in the hospital because I have a full time baby sitter. I couldn't believe she actually said that. Yea, but she got to hold her baby before her baby was a week old. She was the first to feed him, change him, hear him cry...all these other things I missed out on. :(



Anyway! I just talked a lot :) You're not alone, which I'm sure you already know! :)

Cassana - posted on 08/24/2009

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Hi, My second son was born at 29 weeks (about the same as yours I think) and he spent 2 months in NICU too. The oe thing that really effected me was not seeing him in the delivery room and then not holding him untill he was 8 days old. The skin to contact that I missed was really hard and only being able to touch him was a struggle. I can sympathise with that, but also try and see a positive side... Just think that YOUR baby was strong enough to make it through all of that trauma and be a healthy baby at the end of it. so try not to be jealous but to be proud of your little one and the way you got through your experience. I'm expecting my 3rd and It's likely she'll be prem but my son is so strong ow that I don't think about all the hurt along the way I just try and stay positive and think how well my son has tured out. I don't have natural births as I don't dialate so I miss all the natural stuff so can understand it's hard to see other mothers have such a perfect birth etc. I hope this offers some sort of encouragement as I really am proud of my husband and myself for dealing with it like we did and you should feel that too. It's takes strong people to go through what we've all been through so be proud of what you've achieved and how strong your little one was to manage that hard journey!! I hope you're little girl is doing well now and continues to do so x

Andrea - posted on 08/23/2009

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I think that that is a normal reaction. My daughter is a 30 weeker weighing at 3lbs and 5 1/2 oz and spent 43 days in the NICU. One of the hardest time I had was we had to walk through the recovery where all the women there had their babies, the first few days I would cry just walking down the hallway thinking to myself "why couldn't I have that". As for the "lucky" you didn't have to go though labor, well I did (ugh without pain meds too), and to this day will tell off anyone who says that to me. I tell them "Okay I will give you that she was smaller than your baby, but you got to bring your child home, while mine was so small she couldn't even breath by herself. So I think you are the lucky one to never have to feel so helpless or not see your baby for 14 hours after she was born!!!"



My daughter is now 17 months, is caught up to her birth age. She is still on the tiny side, at only 19 lbs and it is a constent battle to help her to gain weight!!! I get all the time who she has to be 9 months maybe 10 months old. We are also trying for another right now, which adds some more stress onto me. I guess you mourn the lose of a normal (full term) pg and a normal start. I would love to have had my DD full term, but believe that I have a bond with her and her dad that I would not have gotten if she was full term. We still have are ups and downs with having a preemie and even get eye rolls like it was nothing!

Jennifer - posted on 08/23/2009

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I too know exactly how you feel. My daughter was a miracle in the first place. I was always told I was not going to be able to have children growing up because I have a chronic health problem. Finally with more information on my medical problems I was given the ok from my doctors that I could have children. I did every thing by the book I ate right, exercised according to my doctors standards every thing was great. Then at 30 weeks for no apparent reason I went into preterm labor. I was put on bed rest. Two weeks after I woke up to major back pain and my actual stomach was upset. I went through my normal daily routine and took a warm bath. After the bath the pains became sharp and quickly. Fearing some thing was wrong I had my husband drive to the hospital. It was the smartest thing we ever did. The hospital is a normal hour drive from our home. My husband in fear for my life and our daughters made it in 35 minutes. It was a good thing because I delivered my daughter in the hall way of the ER. She was breech and my husband was not with me due to he was trying to find parking for our vehicle. I didn't even know I was in labor. I was only at 32 weeks and 5 days. I didn't get to see her at all after she was delivered. The ER doctors took her away right after she was delivered and took her to the NICU. I barely even heard her cry. I had to have a D and C right after because her placenta split and I only delivered half of it. The first time I got to see her was over 8 hours after I delivered her. My husband was able to see her first and hold her first. For months after her birth her and I did not bond. I would spend hours in the NICU feeding her and changing her and doing all of those motherly things and all she would do was cry or become restless or upset. My husband would come to the NICU after work or home and take her into his arms and she would be automatically at peace and comfortable. As soon as she would come to me she would cry and be upset. This went on for months. Now our daughter is 16 months and knows who mommy is. She has days where she just wants my husband but now most days she is at my side. 5 months after my daughter was born my sister-in-law had her daughter. She went through a tough labor again for the second time. She curses at me that I had an easy labor and that if her labor was like mine she would have a dozen or so kids. I would give any thing to have a hard and long labor and the instant ability to see my daughter. Compared to the 10 months or so I endured not having the mother daughter bond I now have with my daughter. I and my family truly think that the reason that my husband and her had that kind of bond was because she got to see him first and she was held by him first. I only pray that my next one is a normal pregnancy so I can have the normal experience every mother boasts and talks about.

Maria - posted on 08/22/2009

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I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry to say, but your sisters are soooo wrong. You can only count yourself lucky if your child is doing wonderful. I felt and feel jipped out of the whole pregnancy experience, I loved being pregnant with my first. It's beautiful and amazing. I gave birth to my son at 23 wks. I can't really say that I'm jealous of women that go full term, because I did experience that...which is to say I know what I missed out on. It is a very painful experience to be told your having your baby early, then to leave your baby, and not to be able to hold your child. It is obviously a very strong subject for all who have gone through this. I would rather go through full term labor any day!

La Tasha - posted on 08/22/2009

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I feel tha same way. I had twins on July 4, 2009. One died. The other one is in NICU. They were bron 3 months early.

Karen - posted on 08/21/2009

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I just get jealous of woman having babies. I try so hard, and I get upset everytime I hear about someone else being pregnant. I am blessed to have a child, but would like to have another, and it has been a very hard road.....I have had several miscarraiges (sp), and when I had my daughter (who is 7 now) I had a very rocky pregnancy...lots of bleeding in the beginning...pre-eclampsia at the end..she was born 5 1/2 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs 8 oz....thank God she was oaky, and only had to stay 3 days more than I did, but that was a very difficult time for us, and we did get through it...now we have been trying for 7 years to have another baby, so she can have a sibling, but it just hasn't happened yet. So, I get very upset when I see other pregnant women or hear about someone in my life having a baby, especially when they are having them one after another......I haven't given up hope...but getting close!!

Joselyn - posted on 08/21/2009

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YES YES YES!!!!! I had a 24 weeker and every time I see a mom or hear of a mom who went full term with a healthy baby, I have a (more than slight) twinge of jealousy. We spent 4 and a half months in the NICU. Completely normal. I have a friend who delivered at 31 weeks and she feels the same way. It's just not fair sometimes is it?!



You just have to realize you have a great testimony that your baby survived and you are super lucky to have your little miracle. And don't consider yourself "lucky" by any means. No one who has to leave their baby in the hospital every day for 2 months is "lucky". Don't let anyone ever tell you how you should feel about that. It's much harder than most people could ever imagine.



Keep your chin up! I'm sure you are a GREAT mommy : )

Valerie - posted on 08/20/2009

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Five healthy wonderful years later, I still remember the pain of seeing pregnant women out in public and thinking about how I should still be pregnant. Instead, my son was in the NICU fighting to live. Then, three years ago we went through the same thing. I'm almost 33 weeks with number 3 now, and all I want is to take my baby home from the hospital the day I am discharged. You are not the only one who suffers jealousy. I tell my friends who are 38-41 weeks I pray I can be as uncomfortable as they are.

Amanda - posted on 08/20/2009

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i have the same feelings. at 12 weeks i was told i was pregnant with twins so almost from the word go i knew i would have to have a c section. in my mind being pregnant and having a baby means going through all the labour pains and all that goes with a natural delivery and i insisted to my ob that if at all possible i wanted to have my boys naturally. at almost 35 weeks we found out that twin b's umbilical cord had stopped working and had not grown at all in a week so my ob put me into hospital that day and i had my c section the next morning. i have an intense fear of needles so for me having an epidural was the worst thing i could think of. i did it. my boys were born at 35 weeks twin a was 5 pound 6 and twin b was 3 pound 7. the things that got to me the most were the fact that my family was allowed to see my boys before i was out of recovery so i didnt get to see the faces of my parents and extended family when they first saw my kids which was something that broke my heart. i desperatley wanted to see my mothers face when she saw them for the first time but i didnt get to. twin b was also in a humidicrib for 3 weeks and i was told that he was to be handled as little as possible and because they were tube fed for at least 2 weeks the only real contact i had with my boy was when i was changing his nappy or the rarety of a bath. i feel that i am more connected to twin a because i got to cuddle him more and i feel so guilty of that. i didnt get to breastfeed because i was severly depressed and my milk supply didnt come through enough for one let alone 2. sorry this is so long. i think it is a natural thing to feel the way we do. it is a mother to be/ mothers instinct to want to deliver the way we were meant to. we are lucky that our children are happy and healthy and despite the feelings of jealousy and sadness, just watching your children grow and develop makes it a little easier every day.

Carissa - posted on 08/19/2009

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Yes i know how you feel and i feel the same way.

my son was 2 months early and i had him by c-section. my aunt had her baby 6 weeks earlier than me. every one tells me im lucky also not to have the pain. but for some reason i really wish i would of been able to have my son the way it is supposed to be.

but then again, our chirldren are healthy and survived, and we should be greatful for that :)

Kirsty - posted on 08/19/2009

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I feel as u do because i have had a natural birth that i missed out on bonding with my baby,and even now i long to fall pregnant to prove i can carry another baby to full term and have a natural delivery but i dnt know there is justthat sense of loss when u have a c section ....

Erinne - posted on 08/19/2009

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Yes I do know how you feel. My first son was born full term with no complications, and now with my second child he was born at 32 wks with an emergency c-section, and is still in the NICU (going on 3 wks tomorrow). I know how it feels to have a "normal birth" from my first son, and I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I feel guilty and that I've failed him as a mother that I couldnt give birth to him myself. It's such a helpless feeling. A nurse I had worded it well. She said you "greive the loss of a regular birth." You dont get that precious moment when they place the baby on your chest and you can FEEL that their alright. Look into their eyes, hold them...have that instant love. It's all delayed with a c-section and it's very hard to deal with. I finally feel that bond with my son, and I felt guilty before it came. It's a very hard thing to deal with. And to top it off, being told after the way I was cut I can never have a regular birth again...its very discouraging to have another one. You're not alone, that's for sure!

Kirsty - posted on 08/19/2009

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i found it wasnt the birth that i felt i missed out home it was taking my baby home with me, and what was worse is a ward full of women with new born babies whilst mine is NICU . It was so hard watching them hug and hold their babies whilst i couldnt even see mine until she was 24 hrs old . I would never want to go through it again. On my 1st i had a natural birth at 40 weeks and then my 2nd went terribly wrong frm 25 weeks , luckily i got to 33 weeks and then had a c section, but now after a long hard journey my daughter is 7 months old and me and my partner are incredibly blessed. Children lifes most precious gifts .

Chrissy - posted on 08/19/2009

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I would definitely say I am envious of what I consider the "normal" birth experience. Be it C-section or vaginal delivery - it's the taking your baby home at the end of it. Sometimes I still want to cry because I didn't get that. I left without a baby. I know every experience is different, but I missed out on those first weeks having her home with me. It drives me crazy to hear women who are pregnant that just want it to be over, particularly when they aren't full term yet. I just want to yell at them "No, that's not what you want! You don't want to deliver today! You don't want your baby in the NICU without you. You don't want to have to worry day in and day out if they are going to survive." I want another child but am very afraid to go through that all over again. I just want to have my baby in the room with me, to introduce visitors to my baby, to be wheeled out with my baby in my arms.

Kristi - posted on 08/18/2009

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If I hear one more person say "at least you didn't have to go through childbirth", I think I will scream. I do understand where you are coming from. I don't think I feel "jealousy" as much as I feel "sad" for me ...

When people tell me that I was "lucky" not to have to go through the "pain" of childbirth, I REALLY want to say "you think I am lucky to have been dead on that table?, and had to be brought back" ... when that would be rude - and I wouldn't want to be rude ... I just wish people understood more. I know that people aren't mind readers, and I also know that people just want to say something nice - but sometimes it isn't NICE to hear what they have to say.

Sorry for the rant!

Beverly - posted on 08/18/2009

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my daughter was born 6 weeks ealy and had a six and half pound tumor on her butt. she stayed in the NICU 41 days but we were lucky she made it. the doctors didnt think she would. it was the biggest recorded of that kind. i love her and cant believe she is a year old on the 19th of august.

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