Communities

moms of preschoolers

All Communities > moms of preschoolers > How to deal with impossible stubborness???

How to deal with impossible stubborness???

Rachel - posted on 12/17/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

2

0

My 3 yr old daughter, becomes another child once it is time to leave the house (and i start the getting shoes/jacket on process well before it is time to leave). I will tell her to put shoes on. she will refuse, until i am forcing them on her, and even then she just takes them off and throws them at me. same with the coat. it continues all the way to the very last second, and at some point i HAVE to go to get to my son's bus stop, or to work.

So far i have tried: making her walk barefoot to the bus stop (brought the shoes in hopes that she would cave in). Nope, she screamed the whole way, but walked to and from the bus stop, and still refused to put the shoes on. (our next place to go was daycare, so shoes are a Must.)

When she is standing there (or flailing on a neighbors lawn) having her fit, she will refuse to walk back home with me. I have left her and stood behind a car (so i could still see her) and she at no point stopped to come chase after me. She just stayed there. This happens at stores, too. Unfortunately I just don't have all day to wait for her to come to me, so i have to go get her, and then she runs! it is rediculous.

I have complimented the times she doesn't do this.
I have made immediate threats: if you don't come here now i will take away._____ toy. I have followed through, and it doesn't do any good.
I have tried sticker charts. (when in the tantrum mode she will scream she doesn't want the reward).

Any suggestions???

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

2 Comments

View replies by

Amanda - posted on 12/20/2011

1,661

13

I also have a very strong willed 3 yr old. I have found that giving him choices on how to behave or what to do helps sometimes. If he won't put shoes on I say "you have 2 choices, you can put your shoes on yourself like a big boy or mummy can do it"
If he won't walk with me or runs away he has 2 choices, walk with me or he gets strapped in the push chair.

Mariah - posted on 12/20/2011

55

4

Rachel, very simply she is trying to take control, to see what she can get away with and how she can treat you. She is trying to control every interaction and needs to be taught that she does not have the control, no matter how extreme her behavior is. She also needs one set of boundaries and techniques from you. If you try ten different tactics she sees that her behavior gets lots of interesting reactions and it makes her push more to figure out what the real boundaries are. I know timeouts can be controversial but I really like the time out process used on Suppernanny and have used it successfully. In situations where you must get her dressed and she refuses, keep doing what you said and take over, dress her, carry her to the bus stop if that is where you need to go. I would respond to direct behavior like hitting or throwing with time outs but ignore tantrums. If you ignore it she learns that it doesn't move you. Literally, you will not do anything for her until a tantrum has stopped. Children learn very quickly that public tantrums are very embarrassing and parents are usually much more quick to cave in some way just to stop the humiliation. If you have to run an errand and she decides to tantrum, don't let it stop you from completing the task! If you go somewhere fun together and she decides to tantrum, remove her. She will learn that a tantrum is a totally negative experience...nothing happens for her and all possible reward or reaction ceases. Of course praise is part of the flip side and maybe something more tangible than stickers might help? Maybe a favorite activity or a fun art project with mom as a reward for great behavior? Having her think of some helps make it exciting and motivating. Start small and with really clear explanations of the behavior you DO want. Keep recognizing times that she doesn't tantrum when she usually would and celebrate those times. Good luck!

Want to find out the opinions of this community?

Add Poll