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Is this typical 4 year old behavior?

Caedmom - posted on 10/28/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

My son constantly argues with me. Not the type of typical arguing when he doesn't like being told "no." He argues with me about general knowledge. We will have a conversation and no matter what it's about, he always contradicts me. For example, he'll ask me, "when can I drive?", I'll answer, "when you turn 16" then the argument begins, "no, I can drive now..." and so on. I'll go back and forth calmly, "well, the rules are that you can drive when you turn 16 and we need to follow the rules." But at some point I get incredibly frustrated! He always has to be right and if I try to correct him, it turns into a never-ending argument and only stops when I blow up at him. I'm a single parent and I feel that part of my job is to educate him and guide him towards appropriate behavior and general understanding of things. But it's as if I have zero credibility. It's exhausting me. I don't enjoy interacting with him when it always turns into an argument. Often I don't see it coming because it's so absurd. He just needs to be contrary. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this a typical stage? Any strategies on how to shift this dynamic?

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Sarah - posted on 03/27/2013

130

I tell my daughter (almost 4)... If you already new the answer, then why did you ask? haha If they are going to pretend to be grown ups then I am going to respond how I would with any other grown up. She usually thinks about it and then moves on.

Sometimes I start acting like that back to her. If she starts asking my 20 quetions, I will ask her 20 questions where she then proceeds to tell me I'm being annoying... and I remind her thats what she does to me! Or if he starts telling you are wrong and comes up with wrong answer for everything... give it back to him. Find a subject he is knowledable about and tell him the wrong answer and argue back a little.

But you are not alone. My daughter is smart for her age and feels everything you say is up for a discussion/negotiation... and she is usually right. Its exhausting!

I'm a sinlge mom too and I want my daughter to have manners and social etiquette. That is HUGE in my house but I think sometimes they don't understand how they come across and showing them is the best medicine!

Rachael - posted on 01/11/2013

my son does this sometimes with the names of things. he will ask me or my husband the name of something and then when we tell him he will insist we are wrong and that there is another name. we used to laugh about it but now it's annoying. for me, I usually just tell him that's what it's called and end the conversation. my husband will usually tell him that he's the father and he has more experience and so he knows what it's called.

Sarah - posted on 11/18/2012

161

OMG! i'm so glad mine isnt the only one!

Amanda - posted on 05/05/2012

4 year olds want the power... that is for sure. My 4 year old daughter wants to argue about EVERYTHING. A lot of times, I get the point where I tell her... "well this is the way it is... but it is interesting that you think it is that way. Let me know when you get to do that... " etc. So about driving... I would say.... "Well sweety, you have to be 16 to drive. It is silly for a 4 year old to drive... You can drive your power wheel though." If she would continue to argue, I would say "well that is interesting sweety, you let me know when you drive next." Usually it ends it.

Teresa - posted on 12/15/2011

10,689

My 3 year 8 month old son thinks he can lift our house and no one can tell him different...

Seriously, it's normal. They have a picture in their head of the way things should be (or are) and no one can tell them differently and... other than stating it once... it's pointless to try.

I agree w/ Jenn about backing out of the power struggle. If he needs to be 'right' in what he says... let him. It won't change the facts (like he really CAN'T drive at 4) and he will mature into knowing the realities of life soon enough.

Yes, teaching your son how to behave appropriately IS your job (mine too... as another single mom), but if the conversation is causing you to 'blow up'.... that's not how you want HIM to behave, so you can't react that way.

Trust me... I can relate. Last night my son talked for an HOUR AND A HALF before he finally shut up and went to sleep. You WILL both make it through this stage.

Gena - posted on 11/29/2011

103

My son argues like that too...maybe not quite as much:), but enough to drive me crazy! When he starts that, I just simply tell him the answer and tell him that I am not going to discuss it with him anymore...conversation OVER!

Jenn - posted on 11/09/2011

213

I read this somewhere and it's always been the truth. "Power struggles are how children push the envelope so they can learn boundaries in different situations." The best thing you can do when your son begins to argue with you is to stop the back and fourth all together. You can back out of a power struggle and stop a total tantrum by simply going silent for 10 to 60 seconds. When they see you're not reacting to their behavior, it completely captures their attention and silence is much stronger than arguing. If my son tries to argue with me, I simply tell him, "Mommy isn't talking to you right now." and then I'm silent no matter how much he tries to get me to talk. Once he's done, I explain that Mommy isn't interested in arguing with him and I'm not going to. Works wonders!!