How to deal with 10 year old girls

Sabrina - posted on 04/19/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi,
I have a ten year old that is getting increasingly difficult to deal with. Everyone has been laughing for years about the teenage years but I am shocked to find what's happening at 10. She is certain that I know nothing, can do nothing right, and she cannot hang out with me. At the same time, her dad is the best thing since sliced bread and can do no wrong. Is this happening to anyone else? If so, how do you deal with it? What do you say to her? I am at the end of my tether.

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Tatinya - posted on 05/26/2009

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My daughter is 10 as well and just started her period last week!! I know nothing either. I am a single Mom and her dad goes weeks and months without calling her and she is fine with that. Her Dad can do no wrong!! I am a firm believer in consistancy. I dont change the rules. No matter how much she hates me that day, if the rules are not followed then consequences will follow. It is hard, but it is not my job to be her friend right now. I just tell her that I want her to grow up to be able to take care of herself and to be a moral person. I tell her, it is my job to teach her that. You may not like it now, but it sure will come in handy later!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/01/2009

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I know how you feel. I started doing "Date Night". Just me and my daughter. We go to her favorite restaurant and I let her get what ever she wants plus dessert. Then we went and walked around the mall and I let her go to Claire's to pick out something. She now keeps asking when will we have "Date Night" again.

Tami - posted on 04/20/2009

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Unfortunately, my 12 year old daughter is still like this. It changes from day to day to which who she likes more, her father or I. I just try to keep communication open and pick my battles. Keep loving them and hold on, I don't think this can last forever ~ at least I hope not!

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Barbara - posted on 12/21/2012

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The more she realizes this bothers you, annoys you and hurts your feelings, the more she'll do it. She is watching some of the other girls do this with friends at school, which is where they learn some of the anti-social behavior. Take comfort in the fact that her dad still has an upper hand with her and she won't want to do much to jeopardize that. Like all of childhood, this is a phase that she will get through if you don't over react Boundaries, limits, some level of loving understanding, picking battles carefully, dismissing the 'small stuff', listening to her when she does come to you. All of these things work well at times, and at other times don't work at all. When possible, let dad take the lead for a little while, back off, regroup and watch what happens. As she realizes that her behavior 1) has consequences, and 2) it doesn't seem to ruffle you as much as she THINKS it should, she'll ease off. When circumstances dictate, she HAS to 'hang out' with you when dad is at work or isn't available to her. She is pulling away a little, possibly pre-hormonal (yep, even at 10) differentiating herself from mom (hurts awfully for us moms) but still has the direction of a parent who loves her.
Just wait until the teen years when all of her friends know more than you, are 'cooler' than you and she wants to spend every waking moment texting, talking on the phone, hanging out with them and all we moms become is chauffeurs, food preparers and her personal ATM when she wants to do something. I have this experience too, my daughter is 15. Try not to take her behavior personally - back off from her and give her space and hopefully things will turn around.

Shawn - posted on 10/25/2012

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I am also having difficulties with my 10 year old daughter and I dont know what to do. I am at the end of my road but I am trying to stay on

Shana - posted on 05/07/2009

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I can feel for you. my daughter has been throwing attitude our way for awhile now. I always thought this wouldn't start until she was 13. I try and let her come to me when she wants to do something. I have discovered that if I don't force her, she actual wants to do things with me more often and is more of a joy to be around. I also try to do things I know she likes, then she wants to join me. That is usually when she opens up. Of course, in our house daddy is the one she bumps heads with the most. They are so a like. We try to make sure we are on the same page for punishments, that way there is no good cop, bad cop. hope that helps you and it will get better at some point. she might be in college, but it will get better:)

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