Connection with your Preemie(s)

Hope - posted on 10/15/2011

My son was forcept delivery because I had severe preeclampsia and placental infarction (iugr) and partial placental abruption. After the drs resusitated him before his first breath and got him all ready for me to hold, I could only hold him for 10minutes. They put a heating pack into his receiving blankets to help keep him warm. He weighed 3 lbs 14 oz gestation at 37wks, but because of iugr/placental infarction, nicu dated him at 34wks. Off to nursery and very soon after to nicu. I had some hemorraging at his delivery and dealing with severe preeclampsia made it so I couldn't see him again until afternoon the next day. Bonding with him took some time. While he was in nicu, I was in the hospital and breast-pumping for me was almost impossible. The drs gave me his 1st receiving blanket and a photograph of him to help me start pumping milk, which was difficult without some bonding. While I was healing I could hold my son for only an hour a day- he still had weight to gain and his temperature to regulate as well as inability to suck. I touched him whenever I could and sang songs and read books to him in nicu. Its hard but you get through it. You have to use what opportunities you have available to be there for your baby- soon the bonding grows. March of Dimes has a website specifically for nicu parents- called "Share Your Story". It might help.

Candace - posted on 10/07/2011

I was actually the last person to see my little one. He was born 7 weeks early and I was very sick even after he was delivered and didn't actually make it to the NICU to see him until he was four days old. By this time my family and a few friends had already saw him. My mom had actually got to hold him I didn't get that chance for about another week. I felt like we wouldn't be able to connect but once I held him I knew right then we would be extremely close and that we are. So close that he rarely says "da da" which makes my hubby said and he shouts "mama" even when he's sleeping

Brandi - posted on 10/03/2011

My son was 12 weeks early, and was rushed straight to the NICU without me even seeing his face. I then spiked a temp and was not allowed in the NICU until fever free. It was just over 24 hours before I could be with him, and then could only touch his hand because of all of the wires. I felt such a lack of connection because of it all. Then at two weeks post delivery, I finally got the chance to change a diaper and hold him. He will be two next month and, even with the extremely limited bonding time, is such a mommy's boy. I love the feeling when he crawls in my lap and gives me kisses and says "lub you"! Just remember, in time you will have plenty of time to love and bond with your little ones. If you can, take your younger child out for some one on one time with you. Hope all goes well with you and your little ones, and that you get some more time.

Pip - posted on 10/03/2011

I think I can understand what you mean. My first 4 babies were born at term and I was able to bond straight away, but with my twins who were born 10 weeks early it was very different. I was in the ICU myself after their birth and was finally wheeled into the NICU in my bed when they were 2 days old. I couldn't focus because of all the drugs I was on so I couldn't make out their faces, I wasn't allowed to touch them as they were to sick and I was pretty sick myself. After 3 days in ICU and then another 3 in High Dependency I finally went down to Maternity and that's when it really hit (being taken off the big drugs probably made me more aware). All the new Mums with their babies was too much for me. I felt very disconnected from my twins, it was like everything that was going on wasn't really happening to me but it was like a sad story I was reading in a magazine. I just wanted to go home. When I did get to leave I was devistated, leaving the twins at the hospital was awful, I really felt like they weren't mine or something silly like that. I lived 2 hrs drive from the hospital they were in and I couldn't drive for 2 mths because of the surgery I'd had to have. So I had to rely on others to get me there and I had 4 kids at home who hadn't seen much of me for a few mths, as I was hospitalised for a time before I had the twins... After battling feeling not connected to them I decided to treat it like they were still inside a womb and when they got to come home with me that would be when we could bond. I looked forward to that day for the 3 mths they spent in hospital. To me it was like their first day when I finally got them home, we cuddled them and cuddled them and smelt them and fed them and relished in the fact they were finally home. We didn't really bond with them till they were home but now they are 3 and we are so bonded. There is no difference with the love I have for them or their brothers and sister. I don't know how old your baby is or if your baby is even home yet but I hope this makes you feel less alone. Take care of you and your boys

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