13 year old Boys and their Issues...Help!

Eileen - posted on 03/02/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old brought home his worst report card yet, He has been moody and distant this year. I know it just might be the age. He has told me flat out that he dislikes me, his dad ,his sisters, his brother and both his stepparents. He doesn't care about school and there is nothing I can do about it. Other than doing his homework myself I think he may be right about that. I communicate with his teachers and his newly assigned social worker at school. He is making me mental! I can't make him give a s@3* about ANYTHING! Punishment has no effect. I can't live his life for him and it makes me suffer to see him so apathetic.

Our Doctor suggested going to a Neuropsychologist for tests...has anyone else done this? I made the appointment but was then told they do not accept insurance. When I asked how much it would cost me out of pocket I was told $150. for the initial fact gathering (just the parents) and between 2k-3k for the tests. This sounds high to me, but am willing to pauper myself if it will bring back the sweet kid I used to have.

I'd love some advice from anyone who's been down this road.

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Leslie - posted on 03/04/2010

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I have to agree with the advise that's been shared with you. My youngest son (of 3) is 14 now, a freshman & totally full of himself. Through middle school, he straight up didn't care because he said "middle school was a waste & didn't matter". Grounding, taking privileges away didn't help. I WILL tell you though that most of his acting out was because he got further and further behind in school.... it greatly affected his moods by acting tough and crappy rather than simply asking for help (go figure). So after many meetings with the school teachers, principal and counselors, we tested in for ADHD and found that meds did indeed help him. We worked on a schedule to work with the teachers before or after school to catch up on missing assignments (before and after school worked better so it didn't interfere with social status/embarrassment among his peers) and then kept privileges on a short leash. It's helped, but at the end of the day... he is still a teenager!!! Stay strong and keep your chin up... Children become horrible so that it's easier to let them go when they move out of our home, but never out of our hearts...

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Jennifer - posted on 05/14/2012

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HELLO I AM A MOTHER OF A 13 AND 14 YR OLD BOYS.AND MY 13 YR OLD HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE.I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART,BUT MY YOUNGEST HAS ADHD,BIPOLAR,PDSD,I MEAN HE HAS BEEN IN 5 MENTAL HOSPITALS AND 1 HOSPITAL FOR YOUNG BOYS OUT OF STATE AND IT WAS GOING GREAT TILL HE WAS RELEASED. hE STAYED THEIR FOR 1 YRS AND MAD ALL A'S AND B'S AND NOW HES OUT AND BULLING GIRLS IN SCHOOL,OTHER BOYS AND CUSSING AND FIGHTING TEACHERS.tHEN COME HOME AND YELLS AT ME AND DOES NOT LISTEN TO ME PICK FIGHTS WITH HIS BROTHER,BECAUSE,HE GETS INTROUBLE AT SCHOOL AND ITS MY FAULT. TODAY A GIRL PUNCHED HIM 2 TIMES IN THE FACE CAUSE HE IS BULLING HER WHAT DO I DO

Cassandra - posted on 03/05/2010

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Been there, done that. It is a wonderful thing to have done, can answer alot of questions, HOWEVER, there are mutliple neuropyschs out there. Look around and try to find one that accepts your insurance. 2-3 thousand is a common price, they are specialized in a broad field so it tends to cost more. I wish you the best, good luck. :)



Neuropysch testing isn't medical, they don't do all kinds of crazy things to your child and they can give some fantastic recommendations. They can spot something that is out of the ordinary, or they can tell you that you have a normal moody teenager and point you in the right direction.



I look at it like erring on the side of caution but I have had other dr's and specialists recommend the testing first and we've tried many other things. Also the appt was looking for brain trauma side effects too.

Angelica - posted on 03/04/2010

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My 13-year old son has had some troubling issues within the past couple of years which we've "remedied" cyclically via homeschooling, counseling, and lots and lots of talking. We're not out of the proverbial woods yet, but we've made so much progress, and I sympathize with your situation and know how helpless it can make you feel.

First, I recommend sitting down with your son and leveling with him - person to person. Let him know you're on the same team, so to speak, and your goal is to keep him happy and healthy. Obviously, teenagers will and do sometimes literally hate their families, but overall, it is not generally healthy to withdraw from your family. Whether he likes it or not, you're all he's got. Make references to homeless kids - take him out to shelters and let him see what it looks like to actually distance yourself emotionally and physically from those who would otherwise help you.

Ask him what he wants out of his life...be it isolation, freedom, etc. Let him know that as a good parent, you cannot allow him to isolate himself, nor give him the freedom you both may need, without trust. If he wants something, he should know it is simply within his power, alone, to produce it. It's not always easy, but compromise is a significant step you both can take to map out a plan in order to create desired results.

Discuss what is reasonable, and what isn't. If he were your roommate, co-worker, or friend, would you allow this behavior? Help him to acknowledge appropriate alternatives for dealing with frustrations with you and your family members. I am obviously a firm believer in communication. If you lay it all down, and be honest while trying to remain understanding of his feelings and thoughts, you can only work from that. Otherwise, there's only speculation on both your parts.

I also suggest talking with his school administrators regarding a system that he can use to ensure his participation. Is there a reward system you can integrate from home? Can his teachers be asked to sign a checklist each day for each class, based on classwork, behavior, etc? Perhaps his lack of motivation can be explained by him? If you don't find the root of the problem, how can you properly address it?

In the meantime, I recommend allowing zero privileges until he gets his act together, academically. Right now, his "only job" is to do well in school. The alternative is failing, which means his peers pass him up, he can't get a good job, etc. If an employee fails to do their job effectively, they will be fired. In this line of thinking, it is imperative that he maintain it, and succeed, at the very least so that he may get and keep a decent job in the future.

As cheesy as it may sound, find his "heart's desire", and work from there. Everyone has something, no matter how ridiculous or unobtainable. Find a way to work with him, and always remind him of your love and support. You both have the same goal, and can work better, together.

As for counseling, which I also highly recommend, try to get Medicaid. If you already have insurance, seek therapists on your insurance locator website, or give them a call to find out what options they provide. Neuropsychology is not particularly necessary, in my opinion, when the kid(s) acts like a typical, tortured, terrible teenager!

Hang in there, mama. I hope my humble opinions have helped!

April - posted on 03/03/2010

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im going through the same things with my son. he is 13 we have been to doctors at least 6 times in a month. the dr. had put him on paxil for depression and omg its like im raising a devil.he is failing in school, he hates everybody.especially his dad for leaving him. we have done test,bloodwork and meds. and now that im watching him more and talking to him more he is opening up an is getting better that what he was. before u put him through so many test sit and talk with him,cry with him.get the point out that u are there for him no matter what, and if he doesnt want to talk to you maybe suggest he talk to someone he doesnt know that way he know that they cant judge him and think bad of him. he may think that if he talks to you he my disappoint you in some way. i know you want your child back, i do to. its hard on them one day they are a child and the next they are growing up. i hope things work out for you and him. im here if you just need to talk.

Patricia - posted on 03/03/2010

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Before you try the test, try sitting down and having a real heart to heart with your son...it sound like at one time or another, this now rebellious child was sweet...something has happened to make him feel and act the way he is...yes, most of the time it is the age..but sometimes But unless we the parents take time to at least TRY to get to the core of things, children will just continue down their own path..By allowing your child to express his feelings, then you can ask what he thinks is the best way to resolve things..if these things are acceptable to you, than try it..if it fails, and he is still acting out, than you can turn things around on him by saying that it was "HIS" idea...not yours. Kids will test their parents every chance they get...it's when we the parents give up or give in that we lose...there is hope! Hang in there and as hard as it may be....continue to love him.

Jessica - posted on 03/03/2010

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I went through something similiar with my now 14yr old son. Last year was miserable for both of us. I think some of it is just hormonal. Be patient, things have smoothed out a little now for us, and maybe will soon for you too. Try to remember that he is experiencing a lot of change in his body and mind. It can be very scary and confusing, but what teen would admit to that? When my son started having trouble at school, we grounded him from just about everything. He knew the only was to get his privileges back was to pull his grades up. Discipline problems resulted in additional chores. Keep telling your child how much you love him even when you want to shake him, it will get better.

Reb - posted on 03/02/2010

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Well wait a sec. I know it varies from state to state but your sons school must have some sort of special education program in place? Most schools aren't going to tell you this, but has the school evaluated him for ADHD or a learning disablity? If not, it's time for you to ask for one. Once you get the results, you disagree with the schools findings and ask for further investigatgion into your sons needs. This way, you object to the schools tests and they will have to pay for a Neuropsych evaluation. Have you received any paper work from the school regarding your rights? I believe it is federal law that you must be presented with this info. Even if he has had tests in the past from the school, request a team meeting and reject their findings. Also, have you met the with pychologist? This is a team effort, insist, insist, insist. Find your state Bereau of Special Education and definitely go from there. Please let us know what happens. Been there.

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