13 year old throwing tantrums like a 2 y/o, Please help.

Dawn - posted on 11/07/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 13 y/o will get so upset over anything. Last night, her friends weren't home when she tried calling them. She comes to me crying about it. She was upset and then started taking it out on her siblings. Demanding they do this or that for her. If she doesn't get her way she will try to hug on the dog or cat or the littlest child in the house. I'm at my wits end. She believes everything should be fair or her way. She even called me a Bi#$% last night. I'm the step-mom, but I don't want to send her away. I try to be as equal in things with all my kids, but when she pops off, it makes it hard. I wanted to see a movie today, but now I have to find someone to watch her so the rest of us can go. This isn't the first time. We have had blow outs on a frequent bases. I tried being calm, but my stress lvls can only handle so much. I tried explaining to her things, but once she s past a point there is no talking or explaining to this child. What am I doing wrong?

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Diana - posted on 09/20/2014

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I disagree. If the person is the caregiver then she should discuss with the father what the discipline should be and the caregiver should be able to institute the discipline or the child does not respect the caregiver. I am not talking about spanking but not letting the child go anywhere or taking her prize possessions away like her cell phone.

Diana - posted on 09/20/2014

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I have a 12 year old step daughter who throws tantrums as well. She gets very upset and cries and screams at the top of her lungs. I don't stand down and I don't give in to her wants. She lives with us one week and with Mom the next week. Her behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful. She can be a sweetheart but then the fits. I set very strict limits about her behavior. I don't let her go anywhere because of her behavior. It is hard on these kids having to be moved every week and different rules and different households. But behavior issues will not be tolerated. I am primary caregiver and I won't be disrespected or abused mentally or physically. I did inform the father and we had a family meeting and I we both let her know in no uncertain terms was the behavior acceptable. She will try me again and again I will be firm and consistent. I just can't tolerate that behavior and kids will try you to see what they can get by with. Be consistent and she will eventually learn the behavior is not acceptable. If you let them continue then they have won and they don't learn and teaching them new coping skills is so important. She screams over me asking her to comb her hair. I don't think so

Dawn - posted on 11/09/2009

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Quoting Joanne:

where is Dad, he should be the one disciplining her when she acts up and then she can learn to come to you and just talk. Sending her away is never an option because she then knows that no one cares. we don't get to send the others away so that shouldn't even be a thought. The dad needs to tell her to respect you and not call names. maybe suggest a family game if she has no friends available. or just a card game between you two.



Dad is Deployed and she would never act like this when he was around.

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i think kids ack the way we let them. even with being a step parent u r a parent u take care of her. yes i feel the dad should step in to and say u will not ack like that. but u also will half to let her know its not happening. if she wants to throw herself around, them u put some fire in her ass and give her a reason to throw her self around people can only treat u the way that u let them. show her that u r the parent and she will treat u like one. dont ever give up on her because even if u dont think she does she needs u in her life. the word no needs to be used stroungly.

Janelle - posted on 11/07/2009

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Maybe thinking about having special father/daughter time as a reward for good behavior might work. Father must be supportive of this tho and you see on behavior shows that the most change comes from involving them in community programmes. (Doing for others)



Personally, I don't think it is a matter of Step-daughter or not, but having time with dad may also help. I believe she is a typical teen and may need a way of expressing herself that does not involve taking it out on others.



I had to teach my son to "Write it down" if he was angry, put it in his draw and bring it out 24hrs later. If it still mattered, then act on it. Because he would punch the wall all the way to his bedroom when he was younger. Never did he damage it but it was his way of letting it out.

Kristel - posted on 11/07/2009

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I feel your pain! I have 4 kids myself.2 of which are teenagers! My 14 year old has tantrums as well! Also, like a two-year old! Part of that you can contribute to hormones/adolescence! But, the extremes she is going to is unexceptable! You arent doing anything wrong! I think that's great that you're persistant, if she's acting up, then the movies is a privilege she shouldn't be allowed to participate in! If there are other children involved, let her know that "bullying", tormenting, etc..., is completely UNEXCEPTABLE! You said that you're the step-mom. What were the consequences when she called you a B;;;;;?I hope your husband/her father is supportive. The discipline has to be mutual & consistant or she wont take you seriously! Good Luck & I hope you have a support system or someone to talk to! :)

Toshualla - posted on 11/07/2009

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this is a respect issue.cursing ur parent is the last straw.u have to respect me or you have to leave.

Toshualla - posted on 11/07/2009

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Quoting Dawn:

13 year old throwing tantrums like a 2 y/o, Please help.

My 13 y/o will get so upset over anything. Last night, her friends weren't home when she tried calling them. She comes to me crying about it. She was upset and then started taking it out on her siblings. Demanding they do this or that for her. If she doesn't get her way she will try to hug on the dog or cat or the littlest child in the house. I'm at my wits end. She believes everything should be fair or her way. She even called me a Bi#$% last night. I'm the step-mom, but I don't want to send her away. I try to be as equal in things with all my kids, but when she pops off, it makes it hard. I wanted to see a movie today, but now I have to find someone to watch her so the rest of us can go. This isn't the first time. We have had blow outs on a frequent bases. I tried being calm, but my stress lvls can only handle so much. I tried explaining to her things, but once she s past a point there is no talking or explaining to this child. What am I doing wrong?


 

Michelle - posted on 11/07/2009

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Blended families can be so hard. She may be trying to get you to back off and her biological parent to step up. I have read in many blended family books that the primary source of discipline and redirection is usually most productive when it comes through the biological parent. It is hard to step back and go take the time to go through the bioparent, however this is a recommended approach. You might check out www.focusonthefamily.org "blended families". These have been a huge help to me.

Sharon - posted on 11/07/2009

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my daughter is now 15 but my problems with her began when she was 12.she would start off on one of her tantrums over something so trivial but would esculate 2 a really bad level.i like u was at my wits end and had tried everything.i ended up taking her 2 the doctor and we found out that she had a hormone imbalance.she was prescribed medication and now is a totally different girl.i hope this may help u because i know how bad it can get.if u want 2 chat about it just leave a message xx

Joanne - posted on 11/07/2009

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where is Dad, he should be the one disciplining her when she acts up and then she can learn to come to you and just talk. Sending her away is never an option because she then knows that no one cares. we don't get to send the others away so that shouldn't even be a thought. The dad needs to tell her to respect you and not call names. maybe suggest a family game if she has no friends available. or just a card game between you two.

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