13 year old wants to use swear words

Laura - posted on 11/10/2010 ( 43 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old daughter came to me yesterday and asked if she could swear in front of me? Everything but the F word. I told her no that it was out of respect that you dont swear in front of your parents. She told me that all her friends swear in front of their parents. What do you all think?

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A28YearOldMom - posted on 01/30/2013

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Oh come on, everyone swears! she is a teenager she doesn't want to be the odd one out! be a fun mom, dont be stiff be cool go with the flow don't let her go to far though. Just let her joke around she obviously swears infront of her friends.. It's your destitution anyway.

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2013

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I give my kids a swear word free pass very now and again and very randomly.... We will be in the truck or at home and ill just say ok you can each say 1 swear word whichever one you want. It can't be directed at anyone and you can only say it once... they shout it out and giggle Nd then they're done. They are also allowed to use it if its in a song on the radio as long as its not the f word and the song is actually.playing on the radio at the time. We usually listen to country and some hip hop so its not often.

Letitia - posted on 11/14/2010

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In our house, the credo we try to live by is that swearing makes you sound unintelligent. If you're smart, you can come up with something better to say than %$#@. Doesn't always work though. But that's our idea anyhow.

[deleted account]

Well, my husband says that children at age 13 should be able to use moderate swearings, but nothing directed to someone in an offensive manor.

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Camina Amalia Perez - posted on 07/21/2014

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Oh c'mon! She's a teen ager! I think she has a right to say whatever she wants!

Wait. I'll explain.

What I do with my dd, 15, is to let her say these words because she does it anyway. And she is a true teen ager in that 'if there's a DON'T, I DO!' So I don't say DON'T. It doesn't work.

Teen ager hood is all about gaining independance from your parents, family, morals...and to not allow this to happen will make them further likely to rebel. You don't want to encourage that, do you?

I also like that she asked you first. I think you should reward her for that by letting her do it. In fact you may be surprised at how little it actually happens!

And if you don't like it, say DON'T in the way you say it to an adult. Many teen agers hate to think that they are treated different from adults. This would also make her want to rebel more.

I think your dd is a very special person, as she asked for your permission before swearing in front of you.

I personally don't think it's nice to swear AT someone, but WITH someone is a whole different can of worms.

Be a cool parent, and she will respect you. Sounds like she already does...!

Camina Perez Estrada.

Justin - posted on 02/03/2014

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If you make the choice to swear the. Your like school in July, no class! As hard as it is for teenagers to refrain from using foul language, all swearing does is give you a lower self confidence and lead you into terrible habits that are extremely difficult to stop. Do not ever let your children or teens use foul language! The Bible says that words that are filthy can spread like fire and are as clean as dead birds. Do not take swearing lightly it is not cool! No one great ever got anywhere by talking like a trucker!

Shannon - posted on 01/15/2014

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I openly let my kids (daughters, ages 12 and 9) swear as much as they like at home as long as they don't use racist terms or use them against family members in a hurtful way. They can use them in a conversational manner as much as they like. They have been taught, however, not to use them in certain situations where someone may object to them.
I think kids should be allowed to use such words--they are just words, and it's time we take away the taboo.

Ghdcfkxcfc - posted on 11/16/2013

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I HAAAATE the "N" and "R" words. what i dont understand is how people APROVE of these words but go insane to "fuck", "shit", and "cunt". Tell her nothing discriminate or racist.

Dee - posted on 08/24/2013

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I'm impressed that she came to you for permission. I hope you acknowledged that to her. Did she think it was odd or offensive that her friends were swearing in front of their parents? I don't find it appropriate but if she lets a swear word slip than so be it. I simply tell my daughter that she should practice at home what she presents outside. Keep it clean around adults would be a good direction.

Chet - posted on 08/23/2013

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It's not okay to throw foul language around at our house no matter who you are. I think the odd curse word can be let go if something really awful happened and a strong word slips out... but I would not give my child permission to use crass language freely. What you do in the company of your friends is one thing, but you should be able to "keep it clean" when in the company of people who expect that. People judge you by the language you use and when our kids get to be teens I will expect them to stay practised in the area of civilized, respectful speech. Even if that isn't how they speak with their friends they shouldn't expect to speak that way to everyone.

Kellie - posted on 02/02/2013

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Let her sware what's so bad about sware words anyway there jut words!and people r allways saying "slicks and stones my brake my bones but words they cannot hert me„ so what's the problem it's not getting anyone her and I'm shure she already swares at school

Bethany A - posted on 12/03/2012

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I think that 13 WOULD be a good age, actually. My 10 year old daughter asked me if she could swear. I said only the "c" word, "s" word, and the "a" word. Nothing else and that she may not use them frequently. I also told her she can only say cr*p in front of me. But I am not trying to get in the way of your parenting. She has to obey her parents, so it is your choice.

S. - posted on 11/14/2012

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Impressive use of the English language kaitlyn Lol.

I am a grown up, I do swear and i don't find word offensive and I can swear if I want with out my mothers permission but I choose not to because its just not right and I don't expect my kids to swear around me either. I don't care what my daughters friends do I'm her mother and I expect her to fallow my rules.

Tracy - posted on 11/14/2012

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Ask her how she feels when her friends swear in front of their parents. Maybe she will answer that it makes her a little uncomfortable? You could use that to speak about respect and what's appropriate. My rule in my house is not until you are 18. Now, with that being said, I also have not reprimanded my kids if a situation kind of calls for it or if it's an honest emotional response (slamming your finger and yelling something you didn't intend to or being caught off guard by something and an honest response escapes your lips - like, "what the hell?" for a small example). My 3 year old is in the process of learning not to use these words but I don't make a huge issue of it (she would LOVE that I did, then she would have a new game). However, my 15 year old son went through a time around 12 or so that he wanted to swear. I never made a big issue at that age either, but made it clear that it can make people view him certain ways he might not want. Now, at 15, he barely says gosh darn it. He has CHOSEN not to use them.



I also watch what I say but won't hesitate to use a foul word once in a while.

Derp - posted on 09/17/2012

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I say you should let your kid(s) swear.



Why?:



Yes, it may be disrespectful but it is their life.

Teresa - posted on 12/27/2010

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My son tried that one time before. He said that all his friends swear. I don't want to judge, but it makes me wonder what are the parents teaching their children. I will not allow swearing or some words that sound like swears for my children. It has to be some type of respect. I do not swear in front of my elders and i am almost 30 years old.

S Detray - posted on 12/03/2010

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No swearing? I would say Congrats that she asked. I believe no foul language should ever be used especially when angry. Children often use it at school to feel grown up, this is not acceptable behaviour in my classroom either, I firmly believe that cussing if an expression of anger is useless in resolving the conflict or issue, it only intensifies the frustration/anger of those involved. Cussing just to swear.. discover the thesaurus! Amazing!

Maxine - posted on 12/03/2010

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I agree Jennifer, just because their friends are allow at home dont mean its ok in my house. Its not relavent as to wheiter I use bad works or not .When she moves out and has to be accountable for her own life then she will be acountable for her mouth.But she will always have to watch her mouth in front of me or family members, she owes me that much respect.I have told my daughter who is 15 I will not tolerate hearing it all all, she had better watch her mouth when im around and you never know where i will show up.If she lets something slip I will correct her and tell her to watch her mouth and so far this is working for me.I have listened to her friends and when thery are in my presence I ask them to watch their mouth and they respect me and will not use bad language in front of me.I THINK IT IS DISCUSTING TO LISTED TO A YOUNG LADY WITH A POTTY MOUTH

Jennifer - posted on 12/02/2010

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I think swearing to begin with is very disrespectful.Specially in front of your parents. Everybody raises their kids differently if her friends are allowed to swear in front of their parents well that tells me their is no respect and guidance, and good role modeling in the house hold. When my daughter says "Well my friends parents let them y cant I" I always tell her im not their parent im yours and every parent is different.

Sam - posted on 12/02/2010

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With all due respect, I think this kinda funny. I don't necessarily like my girls swearing but it slips out every now and then. As long as is doesn't become an addiction and every second word coming out of her mouth is a swear word, don't waste too much energy enforcing something so tedious. Pick you battles. If you and your husband don't swear, then really, this is a phase she will go through. I am not saying to give her outright permission to start swearing, but, if, on the occassion a bad word slips out, ignore it or just give her the LOOK. She will get the picture.

[deleted account]

I agree - out of respect you don't swear in the house. I know my kids can have a "potty mouth" at school around their friends but I don't want to hear it around me or in the home. If a swear word slips out I won't flip out as long as it's not consistent.

Shannon - posted on 12/01/2010

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I let my 2 daughters (ages 11 and 13) swear freely at home. We don't really limit any words except racial words and words of anger. As long as the girls just use the so-called "swear words" in a conversational way, it's ok. To us, they are just words. BUT... our girls are also taught that there are times when they can't use them, like in front of teachers, at friends' houses where the parents don't allow it, in front of older family members who might object, and a very few other situations. Other than that we pretty much allow all words at home. The girls have learned perfectly well what the parameters are. And the vast majority of their friends also swear freely. I just simply don't see what the big deal is. We don't consider it disrespectful at home in any way. We swear in front of them and they swear in front of us freely and openly without any problems.

Responses are welcome.

Jane - posted on 11/23/2010

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Is swearing going to hurt her? I let my kids swear in the house and as long as they don't aim it at me or their dad then it's ok. When I don't want to hear the swearing I simply say no more swears today and they are good with that. Don't sweat the small stuff has helped me thru the things I can let slide.

Nickie - posted on 11/22/2010

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First of all, I think it is awesome that your daughter would come to you and ask your permission. That tells me that you are definitely teaching her to show respect. In my house, that "all the other kids are doing it" excuse doesn't fly. We do not use foul language in our house, period. Not myself, not my husband. And I don't allow anyone to come into my house and use it either. I've set those boundaries for myself, my children, and my home. And the kids do take notice... when my daughter goes to visit with her dad, she always says something to him when he curses. She has corrected him so much that he has started watching what he says around her! (Plus I told him it was disrespectful of him to talk like that around his daughter and to imagine what he'd do if it were a little boy talking to her that way! Talk about a wake up call!)

Stick to your guns... your daughter will appreciate it when she is older!

[deleted account]

No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes kids say that all their friends do just to make you think she is the only one who isn't doing that. My niece just told me she tried that with her mom. Swearing is not allowed no matter what. Once you let her she won't give you any respect.

Trisha - posted on 11/19/2010

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What an unbelievable blessing it is that your daughter comes to you to ask! You must have a great relationship. We don't allow swear words in our house at all. When my daughter asked if she could just use a few words that didn't seem like they were "that bad", I asked her how she felt when she used those words. Thankfully she felt bad. I agree with earlier posts - cussing is for those who can't think of a better word. Good luck!

Cinthia - posted on 11/18/2010

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I actually allow my 14 yr old daughter to swear. Before I allowed it, I would hear her saying it in her room very frequently. Now that it is allowed, she has cut back so much. So it was a case of reverse psychology that won the battle in my home.

I also have a husband that uses the "F" word like it is part of a normal conversation. It went as far as having a person of a neighboring camp come over and ask him and his 20 yr old daughter to please keep it down. So then they started saying "F Bomb" in place of it. I didn't think it was funny, and neither did my daughter.

So sometimes allowing things, actually works in your favor. I wasn't allowed until I was 18 yrs old, and as soon as I turned 18, I was cussing like a sailor. But now I have learned not to cuss that much. I want my daughter to learn at an earlier age.

She does know that to ever cuss in front of her grandmother will get her grounded immediately, as well as cussing anyone out. It is just using the words. It is hard to explain, but it seems to have worked.

Joy - posted on 11/17/2010

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OH NO!! I agree it is about respecting you elders,as it used to be called.My kids admit they do at school but the only word they get away with at home is damn.I even have issues with certain slang words like crap.

Rosie - posted on 11/17/2010

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I think your daughter is crazy! I say absolutely no to swear words in our house or around the family. I will say every once in a while a swear word will slip out of my mouth and I apologize to whoever hears me. I have three boys, 33, 19 & 15 and a husband.

Laura - posted on 11/16/2010

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Thank you for all your input..I am sticking to my rules! I agree with all of you that it is a matter of respect and thats that..I told her that there are nicer words say. She tried Fricken even and we told her not to even use that in a sentence when she is agry. Of course she does not understand because that is not a swear word but as we told her. It is not a nice word! 13 has got to be the hardest age for parents to get through..ha ha ha

Karyn - posted on 11/16/2010

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Absolutly not.. Its a respect thing!

My 13 year old has slipped a few times when she's been frustrated at her sisters but she knows how bad it sounds and how it makes me feel...We just do not allow it! And it doesnt matter what the other friends do...

Sabrina - posted on 11/16/2010

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I think one of the greatest things that I have is a support network of other moms with teenagers. Every kid says that ALL their friends get to do XYZ and we are the ONLY parents on the planet who don't allow them to do XYZ. Start asking around and you'll find that isn't true. Sure, there may be a few kids whose parents let them fly from the lips but stand your ground, Mom! She needs to know you mean it and that she has to show you respect! :) You're on the right track.

Letitia - posted on 11/16/2010

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What Maxine says is also true: families need to respect each other, even if they have different opinions about things (bad language, religion, etc).

Maxine - posted on 11/16/2010

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I agree with you, my daughter is 15 and I have told her since she was a little girl that I would not tolerate her using bad language in front of me.I can not control what comes out of her mouth when she is not around me but when she is around me or anyone that knows me she will watch what she says.So i must say she has stuck to the rules, I know she is using it when with her friends but not around me or my family.This is one of your tools to keep control so do not give in.

Shawn - posted on 11/14/2010

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I like what Letitia said, I wish it were that way in my house. My children are not allowed to curse, and I rarely use swear words. My husband on the other hand thinks every few words in a sentence should be a swear word. It's especially bad after he has hung around with a bunch of single guys (he is in the Military). I still teach my children to use their brains and not follow the crowd, and they respect that.

Joan - posted on 11/12/2010

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i would have said that i don't care what their parent's allow. this is our house and we do not swear out of respect for eachother.anything she wants to convey thru swears can be stated with other words as well. she just may have to engage her brain a little more.

Angie - posted on 11/11/2010

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My children have enough respect for me not to cuss around me; they don't let their friends do it either. My 17 year old's friends laugh if anything close to a cuss word comes out of his mouth; I guess he doesn't cuss much - LOL.

Sherri - posted on 11/11/2010

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NO NO NO it would be a cold day in you know what. My kids aren't even allowed to say stupid, idiot, jerk or shut up under my roof and they are 13, 12 & 4.

Ramona - posted on 11/10/2010

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Nope! My hubby is not allowed to swear in front of me either!! My kids? Not even if they are 102!!

Janice - posted on 11/10/2010

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You've already given her the answer: you told her that out of respect, you don't swear in front of your parents. If those are the rules that you have laid out for your home and you feel strongly about it, then stick to it. Maybe her friends swear in front of their parents, maybe they don't (if they do, it's probably in an extremely diluted, mild manner!) - rules are different in each home. Stick to your decision. Discuss different parenting styles in different homes and that what works in one home, doesn't necessarily work in another. Maybe she thinks it's cool to behave like this. At this age, this is probably the case. Explain that talking in this way doesn't earn you respect out in the big world, even though it may score you some points with your peers.

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