13yrs old ALWAY want to be over a friend.

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

After my daughter turned 12 she is constantly wanting to her friends. I let her go after school most days until around 5:30 and on the weekend she usually spends the night on Friday or Sat. and then does not want to come home the next day.



Our family is pretty close my husband (her dad) and I always try to be involved in what's going on at school and talk to her about her friends and what they are doing, but she still thinks we are boring and doesn't want to be home EVER!



She always promises me that "she will not go anywhere the next week if she gets to go over today." But the next weekend comes and here we go again!!!



Help I just about can't take anymore, are there any other moms who actually let their kids go, go ,go....well according to my daughter everyones parent let them do this. UGHHH "She is the only one that has to stay home on the weekends" GOD she is only 13!!!

Thanks all!!

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Angie - posted on 05/23/2010

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You say she promises that if she "will not go anywhere the next week if she gets to go over today" and then the weekend comes and "here we go again". Why is this an issue? Put your foot down and hold her to her promise! Tell her no! My children have never been allowed to go to their friend's houses during the school week. By the time they get home, do their homework, help with dinner and clean-up, it's time for bed. Sit down as a family and set some rules - then stick to them.

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Maria - posted on 06/05/2010

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wow, everyday and all weekend at a friends house?? no way. she needs to be reminded that you are the parent and she is the child and then you have to stick to it. giving in to her every week is only reinforcing her control on you. if she carries on or throws a tantrum too bad. let her invite friends over once a week during school to hang out at your house. give her one weekend day to spend at a friend's house but the other is to be spent with her family. don't back down and don't let her talk you into changing your mind. she will get mad but as long as she isn't being destructive the who cares. if she starts slamming her bedroom door in retaliation..take it off. my husband and i were very surprised by how effective taking the bedroom door off turned out to be. we only had to take them off 2 or 3 times, but guess what? no more door slamming. getting her to see things your way won't be easy but you have to be firm and you have to follow through on punishments when her behavior gets out of control.
good luck!

Angela - posted on 06/04/2010

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If you know the parents of the friend and communicate with them and there is nothing the the girls are doing to get into any trouble, I don't see a problem with kids hanging out with each other. As long as school work and chores are done first and there are reasonable curfew rules that are followed. Weekends should be for them to spend with their friends. Like I said..If you have an open communication with the other parents then becoming an "unwanted guest" shouldn't be a problem. Children do need limits always, but they should also be allowed to have some fun.

Holly - posted on 06/03/2010

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My 12 year old daughter is the same way. Her best friend and her always want to be together. My daughter babysits her little brother every day for me for 2 hours before I get home from work, so I usually do let her play after school until about 7:00 with the neighbor kids (I don't get home until 6). She is a good student and does her homework. It would be different if she was struggling in school or a hard to handle kid. As for the weekends, I let her stay the whole weekend sometimes with her best friend, but then we have her friend over here for a weekend also. I make sure to talk with her best friend's mom, so we are pretty much always on the same page when it comes to what the girls are doing. Of course, if I want a quiet weekend with my family, I will set down my foot and say 'sorry, no go!' She is upset but doesn't make me miserable for not getting her way. When I was a kid, on the weekends, I was home for food and sleep! My best friends and I were in and out of each other's houses even on Christmas Day! We were like family and my parents were welcoming and so were my friend's parents. I love that and I hope my daughter can have fond memories when she is an adult like I do

Wendy - posted on 06/03/2010

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omg My daughter is 14 and never goes over a friends house on weekdays and on weekends she never goes out, I am way to strict I guess, No sleepovers or anything. She has gone to the mall a few times but I go too and just meet up at a certain time. Her friends never want to hang out cause they know they are gonna be supervised. Most of her Jr high friends are now pregnant and up to no good. My daughter is really involved in school activities, sports ect. and afterschool I have her in dance so she is way too busy to be hanging out. You should get her involved you weekends would be spent at soccer fields or cheer competetions. If you guys are really close then do things together and keep your children with you. This is where you really need to be carefull because she will only want more freedom as she gets older and trust me kids these days want to do adult things any chance they get. My daughter will be 15 soon and she's in High School already she has been invited to parties and I've actually let her go and she chooses not to. She tells me of how her friends are always talking about how drunk they got and stuff. I am so lucky that so far she has made good choices but I think that we as parents really need to watch our kids under 17 they should be constantly supervised. Let them go to the movies and mall but make sure your there too or at least in the same building so they will know that they are being watched. Parties? sure but make sure you drop her off, pick her up and talk to the adult that will be there. Friends house on weekdays? no way. Weekends? sure from 12-4 only other people have lives and things to do on weekends.. don't let her control you, remember your the parent. Good Luck.
Wendy
Wendy

Sarah - posted on 05/31/2010

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I have a 15 yr old so that makes it all the more fun when she wants to go to the movies or out with her friends all the time on the weekends. We made a deal (her dad and I) with her, that she gets one day of the weekend to do something with her friends and the rest of the weekend she has to spend at home. She has to make plans with her friends ahead of time and not just spring it on us a day before it supposed to happen. There are times when we are doing things as a family and she understand that family comes first and friends second. For during the weeks when she is in school she does stay at a friends house but that is because my husband and I both work and we cant get off work in time. Before any playtime she has to get chores and homework done first.

Missy- my daughter has tried the "everyone's mom lets them do it too" I have made the same comment to that also, "I am not everyone's mom and you are my responsibility." She gets a little upset when I bring that up.

Missy - posted on 05/29/2010

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This is the age where friends and what peers think of them becomes extremely important to teens. It is all part of their growing up.

My 13-year-old isn't much different from what you describe and I've learned not to overreact to the drama. When my daughter tries to make those deals..."if you let me go this time, I promise not to ask again for a month"...I barely even acknowledge it. We both know that isn't going to happen, sometimes I even laugh out loud that she actually said something so silly!

My daughter knows (but tries constantly to forget) that she has certain specific things that have to be done before she is allowed to have free-time; she knows that her curfew is 6:00, unless she has received express permission, etc., etc. But it doesn't stop her from trying to push that envelope constantly...begging for things she knows aren't going to happen.

Broken record...consistency...no bargaining on certain things - those are the only things that have worked for my children.

Oh, and my daughter (and her older brother and younger sister) try the old "everyone's mom let's them...". To that I say, well, I'm not everyone's mom - my responsibility is you and I really don't have to be concerned about what those other moms do. And trust me...every opportunity I get to ask her friends in her presence..."so, I hear you don't really have a curfew or chores..." Only on a few occassions have I been disappointed with the answer! Try it!

Joy - posted on 05/23/2010

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Its not uncommon for her to be testing the waters so to speak she is discovering her independence but you have to remind her from time to time that she is still a child and your the parent and she needs to respect it if you say no if this continues the distance may just keep worse. P.S. Maybe there is a boy involved somewhere her friends older brother or someone who hang out there she may have a crush them just a possiblity to keep in mind and maybe discuss with her....Hope this is helpful

Telika - posted on 05/23/2010

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not every parent not me,if she's the only child she's probably bored,what i'll do is set up play dates she can go over to her friends house weekends only one weekend a month during school time and have her friend come one weekend a month during school,also the summer ahve them meet some where and the same rules apply about the sleepovers school time rules you don't want your daughter to be an unwanted guest and end up losing friendships bc of suffocation

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