14 year old Boy

Kirsten - posted on 04/05/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I have three children two are out of high school and one is a freshman. The third quarter just ended and my 14 year old failed 4 classes. He has never been a straight a student, but he has always passed all his classes. I have grounded him, no cell phone, no computer, not tv in his room, had him empty his room, but it doesn't matter what i take from him, he just keeps failing classes. At mid-term he was only failing 2 classes but when the end came he was failing 4 classes.
He is a smart kids he can do the work he is just lazy, he is a big kids so he is always trying to make people laugh at him.
Does anyone have any suggestions that might be helpful? My next thought is that I am going to get up and go to school with him everyday in my fuzzy slippers, and nighty and bath robe. So, Any suggestions that are not that will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for listening.
Kirsten

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Shelly - posted on 04/06/2010

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Kristen,

I don't know what it is about most boys at the age of 14...it's like they take thier brains out and lays them on thier pillow and then gets shoved aside for a yr or so and then one day they will clean thier room and find it and pick things up like they us to be...My only advice is don't give up stay on him b/c if you take the wait & see attitude you send the message of yoou don't care any way so they don't have to do betterf...Basicly just keep playing the part of mom and it will fall back into place....Trust me I have raised 3 boys I stayed on my oldest laid off my middle one and found out that he figured I didn't care and he quit trying so hang in there mom it will work out in the end!!!

Shirley - posted on 04/07/2010

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my son was untill lately under the influence of a girl in his year. he is now 15. while he was under her spell things went really really bad for him and us, nothing we did or said was right and his grades went through the floor. we took him to a councillor (at the school) as a family to talk over anything that was on our minds, this really helped as we had said before going to the councillor that what ever was said in that room he could not be punished for. Our son had a big falling out with this girl and after he sulked, stomped around and was plainly a big pain in the butt for a couple of weeks, his grades have all been improving and his attitude is getting better. Sometimes we just have to do what we can by taking away their fav things and also waiting it out, It is the hardest thing to do when you see your child going down hill but too much interference can also be a bad thing too. All the best to you.

Gai - posted on 04/06/2010

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what is causing him to behave that way. when my son was that age, he started skipping school. When I found out, instead of get angry over him "wagging", i asked him what was causing him to behave that way. When he realized he was safe to open up, it came out, he was being bullied at school, by a bunch of girls.

Angela - posted on 04/06/2010

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When you say big kid, do you mean very tall or over weight? Has he made any new friends since mid-term? Has his attitude changed at home as well? Sounds like something is going on at school. If he's trying to draw attention away there is most likely something he doesn't want you to see or know. I find that threatening to go to the school works for younger kids but my teenagers it just makes matters worse. Good luck

Samantha - posted on 04/06/2010

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I went through the same thing with my son. After making him attend summer school and cutting off his vacation, he decided that passing was a lot better than ruining your summer vacation. I keep saying if they could make school like a video game all the kids would be passing.

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Tracy - posted on 10/17/2012

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I am so glad I Googled what to do! I want to thank Kristen, and everyone who had replied to her. I truly thought I was the only one with this type of kid. I'll keep reading.

Holly - posted on 09/17/2012

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Hi All! I know Kristen started this post, but I thought it might be helpful to parents in similar situations for all of us to update on our sons. Mine is now 17 and a senior. He goes to school online part-time and at the local high school part time. He will get to graduate with his friends, and is excited about the future. I have learned a great deal about patience and acceptance with him. Now don't get me wrong, he is still lazy, but at least he has grown up some and realizes he can't do nothing for the rest of his life. For him, school was extremely boring, and while online was a little better, still not great. If I had to do it over, I would have home schooled him and let him get his GED and start college early. I truly wish you all the best with your sons if you are in a similar situation. It is very trying to say the least. How have the rest of you fared?

Nykia - posted on 09/16/2012

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I think that, yu should let him enrich on his own....... Kids learn from all their mistakes so....... If yu tryed everything yu can do to keep his grades up....Than forget about it! It`s his job to learn, it`s his choice if he wants to or not.....If he doesn`t wanna pass that`s him. (Hope this is helpful) Thx have a nice day.............

Gwyn - posted on 07/01/2011

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I know this is an old post, but just wanted to say that it has helped me to see that I am not alone. My 14 yr old step son failed grade 9 this year. He is a very smart young man, was a strait A student up until grade 8. He is beyond lazy, half the time he just does not go to school..... and there is no way to control it unless my husband or I quit our jobs and baby him through high school. Hopefully his year at the alternative education program will teach him some responsibility.... My husband and I told him that he took his summer during the school year, so summer vacation was being spent doing extra chores, and helping with his younger siblings. *sigh*

Angie - posted on 04/11/2010

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Have you tried going to school with him, going and setting in every class, setting with him at lunch....be by his side all day...all week... all semester if need be. I bet after the first day he'll want to do better. Who wants their mom following them around in front of their friends.

Marcy - posted on 04/11/2010

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Kristen does your son go to a big school? I have a 14 year old daughter that has ADHD and she was in a large school and after we moved she went in to a smaller school. Her grades have changed for the better and I also have my Fience to help keep her up to date with homework. We look at her grades online and she does too. It helps to keep active on what homework they have to do. Sometimes a kid needs more one on one learning with teachers. I hope he gets better in school. Keep me posted ok.

Candy - posted on 04/10/2010

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Have you talked to him? whats up with him, why is he all of a sudden failing? You said he hasnt failed befor and he is smart, so what is going on. Classes to hard or someone at school he would rather not deal with maybe! I have 8 children and 5 are in their teens, and i went through this as well. One boy had someone meesin with him, one had other friends trying to stir him in bad direction, one had a teacher that was a jerk. Something is there, if he doesnt tell you maybe there is someone in his life that he will tell...

Michelle - posted on 04/10/2010

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summer school, talking with his teachers and getting weekly reports. talking to his councilor could help too.

Lisa - posted on 04/10/2010

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I have a 15 year old son like that. I realised that academic studies dont suit every child. My son is great at building things so now he does high school part time (just english and maths) an dteh school system here in Australia also allows him to train to be a builder with his builder training counting towards his high school certificate. I dont know if there is anything where you are like that but for my son it has turned out to be best decision for his future that we as his parents made. By the way I have 5 kids plus my sons 16 year old friend all living at home.

Lisa

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2010

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Good luck Steffanie. Mine just turned 15. He is still not doing well when it comes to school work, we have had the talk about his future and how important it is to get good grades. We have taken privlidges away. Still nothing. I don't even hardly see him anymore except at dinner time, or when he wants a ride to his girlfriends or walmart to buy a memory card or school supplies. The good news is, he does shower every day lol but he grew out ot that stage a couple of years ago. Now I'm going through it with my nine year old instead. I think boys just go through this. I'm sure by next year he will improve. Right now in my son's case he is putting other things before school which is not good, but I'm positive things will turn around when he decides he wants to graduate.

Tawnee - posted on 04/09/2010

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actualy going to school with your fuzzy slippers and sit by him in every class is your best bet if he isnt reacting to what you have done as in punishment goes. i went through that.and the going to school with him worked,, we also grounded him for a while,, did what you did, took every thing away from him. we took his summer away, he didnt go anywhere,, did nothing untill he raised his grades. Good luck,,

Debbie - posted on 04/09/2010

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Your son just transitioned to high school this year. The beginning isn't too hard, mostly a repeat of the last years materials. As the school year goes on the work gets harder. They may have lost him somewhere and now it's too hard for him to catch up. I know you said your son is intelligent and i'm not doubting that but, you may want to talk to him about his classwork. Maybe he honestly doesn't understand it. He may need to be tested for an individualized education plan. All children don't learn the same. If you have him tested they can decide his style of learning and devise a plan suited for him that will help him succeed in his schoolwork.Who knows maybe he is just lazy but, it's better to be safe than sorry. You may be mistaking a need for educational help as laziness. Think about it. If you didn't understand something and you were forced to continue trying and still couldn't get it eventually you too would start goofing off and trying to find ways to amuse yourself and amuse others.
Don't base this child's learning abilities on the abilities of your other two children. We're all different. He may just need extra help. Explore all options. If he needs help get him help, if you find out he's just being lazy maybe failing the school year and seeing all his friends move on will wake him up and make him try harder next year. He won't be laughing then.

Lisa - posted on 04/08/2010

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Holly, Kristen, you guys seem to be explaining my son! Except for the weight he is the exact same age and way. I thought I was alone!

Kellean - posted on 04/08/2010

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Being a teen is tough. It is even tougher on them if there is a lot of pressure at home.They get enough of that at school from peers and teachers. The best way to help your child is to talk to them. Just talk. Don't put added pressure on him. Don't keep asking him why he does this or that. They don't always have the answers. Don't criticize your teen he gets enough of that at school. Get him involved in guitar lessons or fencing or karate. Find an area where he can excel and feel good about himself away from school. Take him to the batting cages or goofy golfing. Get involved with his friends and encourage them to hang out. Do more activities as a family. Have dinner together as a family at the table. You can talk about the day without any kind of pressure. Just open conversation. Don't put pressure on him to get good grades. Encourage him yes, but don't punish or get angry if he doesn't do as well as you expect him to. Most of all be there for him during this tough time. School gets harder every year not just the classes but fitting in. I don't believe in grounding or labeling a child lazy because he doesn't do what you want him to do. That isn't right. We should NEVER criticize our children. Through encouragement, lots of patience and love he will get through this. I have three children a daughter who is 21 and married. Two boys one is 18 and a Senior and a 15 year old freshman. I gave them lots of space, love and encouragement. If you want your child to respect you, you in turn need to respect him. Don't ever label your teen or call him lazy etc. Don't humiliate your teen. Do you want him to hate you? You need to be on his side. He is having a tough time fitting in. Help him!

Kimberly - posted on 04/08/2010

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I had a similar issue at one time and my solution was to interact every day with my child and weekly with the teachers. Every night we went over homework (or if there was none - talk about the day) Then check the grades every Friday - either with a computer access or in writing or email with the teachers directly. If the student participates in this schedule and makes every effort - they get the weekend - if not - grounded. It also kept us more informed.

AnneLouise - posted on 04/08/2010

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Tutoring?
Doctor for checkup?
Eval for learning issues?
Sometimes it is different from laziness.

Kellean - posted on 04/07/2010

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I have a 15 year old son. They all go through a period where they are trying to figure out where they fit in. It is hard. First off I would find out who his friends are and have them over to your home for games and pizza. If he has good friends to hang out with he will want to succeed. Don't take everything away from him. He is already having a tough time trying to figure out who he is punishing him will only make it worse. Most importantly you need to talk to him, find more about him. Get to know your son! Talking to him will tell him you care and he will come to you when he needs you.
Most of all give him lots of hugs and tell him often you love him. He is looking to be accepted, that is why he is always trying to make people laugh at him. Just help him by listening and having friends over.

Kirsten - posted on 04/07/2010

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Well the latest in update in my ongoing saga with my son. I was running errands today when I got a call from my sons school. He had been in a bitching match with another kid during class and when the class ended and they went in to the hall they started shoving each other...so now he is SUSPENDED for 5 days. So now he is home for 5 days, I just don't get it, he is really trying to kill I am sure of it....

Jodie - posted on 04/07/2010

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wow i thought I had the only lazy son out there. everyone is describing my oldest. He use to be a straight A student but 7th grade he is no doing so good, along with the mood swings, smelly room, etc.... I have actually tried over and over to get him to raise his grades. Now I told him if he has summer school he will pay for it himself - if that means for the next three birthdays and christmas I get his $$ to pay it back, so be it. I am still on him about his grades, but I think (I hope) if he has to take summer school and has to pay me back for it, He will learn. I have even asked help from the teachers, but they wont. which sucks.

Andrea - posted on 04/07/2010

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well do what you said go up there everyday in your house shoes and night clothe and your hair all over you head and walk him to class... well talk to the principle first to make sure it is ok... that is what i will do.. and even give a kiss him in front of the class.

Holly - posted on 04/07/2010

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I too have a 6'3 315 pound 14 year old who is failing school. He was straight As until 7th grade and it has gotten worse every year since then. He is very smart, but no common sense. He frustrates me to no end. I just keep on top of him about his grades and homework and hope his brain will kick in again soon. The counselor at school said this is very common and that he had plenty of company in ninth grade. A friend told me he would out grow this by 11th grade. Eleventh grade? I'll be looney by then. Glad to hear I'm not alone on this. Of course he also smells, is lazy, etc. Worse part is that I also have a 13 year old son, so I get to go through this again. Woohoo! I agree about school not being stimulating enough though. These kids have had computers, videos, and games since they were little and it is how they learn. They don't want to hear blah, blah, blah for 8 hours. Schools definitely need to join the 21st century.

Steffanie - posted on 04/06/2010

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I totally relate! My 14 boy is lazy too... I despise thirteen and fourteen year old boys.. Lazy, moody, disrespectful, and they smell. If I can get my 14 year old to do his homework, do his chorses, shower and brush his teeth... Than this is an accomplishment! He also isn't doing well.. So, he can walk to summer school, and walk home... If that is what he wants to do for his summer... Than that is fine. I figure he will see failing his classes aren't as cool as he thought. In his defense, he is sick a lot... I am hoping that this quarter will be better than last. I am looking forward to his 15 birthday, hopefully he will be a little less annoying.

Angela - posted on 04/06/2010

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Well possibly one or all of these girls are in his classes that he's having trouble in lately. If he's spending all his energy on trying to fit in, defending himself and questioning everything he's doing then there's not much time left for concentration on his school work.

Kirsten - posted on 04/06/2010

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Anthony is 6'4", and 345lbs. He hasn't made any new friends he just is taking things the ones ha has now are telling him. He is a a clique with some girls and those girls seem to have control over him at school. Today one of them told him that her dad had called and talked to me about him staying after school an I said it was fine. All of it was a lie and I am very proud that he knew better than that he came home and didn't stay at the school... So it really could be the girls...

[deleted account]

I completely agree w/ the other 2 replies. I, too, have a somewhat lazy 14yo boy. Not quite failing but a few D's. I stressed to him how important high school is and that there is no more room to goof around. I got him talking about what his teachers are like, college he wants to go to and career choices which let him know I really care. Also, my son seems to be motivated by money lately so I've decided to reward him w/ cash if he puts in the effort and raise his grades by the last report card. I would discourage you from humiliating him any further by showing up at class since it sounds like your son has developed some low self-esteem from his weight issue & low grades. It's definitely a tough situation which might require some proper counseling. Good luck!

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