14 yr old son called me a f***in bitch, help

June - posted on 10/04/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Son been hanging out with new kid. He mentioned new kid in a drug education type class. My son has history and has also been in this class a few months back. New kid is driving and has been giving my son rides. My husband and I were talking not knowing son is listening in. We said son no longer allowed to hang out with new kid. My son listening in said mom, F you, you are a fn bitch. So I then shut phone down without anger (I have learned something from you all). We had long talk, actually me talking and him listening. I told him he crossed line with saying F word. He is very hurt and was tearing up about being cut off from this kid. I said I understand and that I also would not want other parents to not let their kid hang out with my son because of what he did in past and doing a drug education class. I said in fact I am proud that my son and this new kid making effort to complete class. My son's class was pretty intensive like the TV show Scared Straight. H e said he was sorry and that he has been doing good with grades and doing things right. At this point I'm just happy it's not escalating to complete yelling like in the old days. He probably just wants his phone back. I said I'd like to get to know the new kid better and to bring him around the house. Any advice out there? Being called names is clearly wrong, but perhaps we shouldn't so quickly judge other kids without meeting them. Please help.

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June - posted on 05/23/2013

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Yes, I AM making progress. When I got the recent reply I reread this and it took a minute for me to realize I wrote this! My kid has come a long way. He has not cursed or done anything bad since this post! Yippee. He has had a fit of anger and I have even been able to talk him through it and not react myself to make it worse. Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Cross fingers that it continues. Without the drugs he has become the funny, pleasant kid he used to be. BTW the problem of hanging out with the kid is solved. The other mom actually banned her kid from my son! I am glad because two kids with a past drug problem are NOT good companions.

Arwen - posted on 05/23/2013

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My son just called me a bitch last night (he was trying to bully his 6 year old brother to get off the computer they have to share and I told him he had to wait 20 minutes). This is the first time this has happened. He's 16. He keeps saying he can't wait to move out, but I don't think he's thought through what the next two years are going to be like with me if he's being verbally abusive toward me. He's definitely testing the limits. I'm going to talk with him about it today when he gets home from school. I didn't want to talk about it in anger.

Your situation sounds like it has been difficult, but you are making progress. You have to set limits, but you don't want him to feel like he gets nothing for his hard work. Maybe you should meet this other kid and his parents, it might reassure you. I would be concerned about him getting rides from another kid, so many of them are horrible drivers, so your concern is reasonable.

S. - posted on 10/05/2012

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I'm not sure what you need help with? From what i'v read you did good and your communicating with him which is the main thing, your son seems to have his head screwed on now and sounds like he's trying to stay on the right track and yes the bad language isn't called for but you talked it out. I think getting to know the kid is a great idea, not all "bad" kids are bad when you get to know him and just explain to your son your worries tell him he cant make decisions for other ppl but he can choose to step back from trouble and do the right thing no matter what his friends might be doing.

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