15 year old daughter, just doesnt seem to care

Becky - posted on 01/29/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my 15 yr. old daughter just doesnt seem to care about anything these days. She has been grounded for almost a month now (for something i dont really wish to go into), we asked her to write us a letter, telling us how she is going to gain our trust back and why we should trust her. Well she has yet to do what we have asked of her but she does not seem to care that she cant do anything with her friends. I am getting concerned, i dont want to fold but what do we do? I also cant get her to care about her grades, turning in missing assignments etc. I dont think that drugs are an issue, i really dont see when she could be using. Any ideas???

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Tina - posted on 01/29/2009

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Teens always find a way around things. I would recommend www.turnaboutteens.org. My daughter is in this program. I would recommend this program to all teens regardless of the problem. If there is a drastic change in her behavior, then there is something seriously wrong. The fact that she doesn't care that she is grounded and has been for a month doesn't prove to be effective and she has found some other way around it. I would check out the website. It has helped me to be a better parent to and to hold my children accountable for their behavior and it has helped my daughter to learn more about her problems and how to deal with them.

Wendy - posted on 01/29/2009

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I'm sorry your going through this. I have a 15 and 14 year old daughters and know what your going through. I'm sure I'll get a ton of crap about this, but after two years of counseling not working, I went to a psychitrist. He started her on a low dose of Prozac. At her month check up he upped the dose but still very low. We have noticed a HUGE difference. I don't immediately go for meds whatsoever, but in this case I felt I had little choice. Her grades have gone up, she's nicer in general and even the other kids have noticed a big difference. She's still her, but just a nicer warmer her! I guess what I'm saying is she could be clinically depressed. Never hurts to check all options. Good luck!! :)

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Sarah - posted on 02/01/2009

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Open your eyes just a little more.  If you think there is something wrong then there is.  Have you thought about counseling?  It sounds like she needs someone to talk to desperately.  Let her know what she says to the counselor  is strictly between them.  Opening up is so hard at that age.  SHe has to know she trusts you or it will never get better between the two of you.



 

Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2009

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I was once her. There is a reason she is acting out. You need to pinpoint that and start from there.

There needs to be trust in any relationship or it simply doesn't work. Forget that she needs to earn your trust back, if she is not talking at all then She dosen't trust you with the information as to where this behavior is stemming.

Did you try communicating directly with her, Listening. Without judgement or any emotional facial expressions of disapproval? If that didn't work have you attempted aproaching her friends, her school or sports teams or school activitiy directors? Anything or anyone that could give you a clue as to what, where, or who triggered this SHUTDOWN in her.... in your home, school, her own life.

Ginger - posted on 01/31/2009

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I, too, have a daughter who doesn't seem to care. She still wants friends but school isn't a priority at all. Flunked PE first semester and 3 Ds. She won't talk to anyone - counselors, docs, pastors...



I am just praying and praising her for everything good. I think she is a bit depressed but at this point I wouldn't be able to get her to take a med every day.



It is very hard to watch someone you love so much be unmotivated and even disrespectful.

Dionne - posted on 01/31/2009

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Hello Becky, I don't have a daughter, but rather a teenage boy.  I was once that 15 year old teenager that didn't communicate with my parents because I believe they didn't understand.  My parents had a hard time trusting me due to me crossing the boundaries.



Your daughter may have chemical imbalanced that causes her to be content with punishment.  Depression is a hard thing to detect so I would get her to talk to an appropriate doctor.  I was able to get help from my doctor too. Knowing that her thoughts are negative is scarey in itself. Maybe the letter won't come anytime soon because what she really wants to say is more than what you're asking for.  Maybe talking through this with help from a doctor maybe more suitable. You want her to look to her parents more than just the punishers or negative people. Good luck just make sure she knows she is loved.

Zaundra - posted on 01/30/2009

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Can I give you a amen? You are not alone.  I thought I was the only one.  She does care.  I think it is the age.  We have even gone to family counciling.  My daughter was grounded for what seemed like all of 9th grade because of her grades.  She didn't turn in any homework either.  She wasn't doing drugs, she wasn't doing anything.  THat was the problem.   We are a Christian family and I have just continued to pray about it and pray for her and pray she makes it to adulthood.  That's all I can do.  I also learn to praise her for when she does well and nice things.  I think sometimes we tend to continue to look at the bad stuff because we are so used to it but give her something to shine in.  Even if it's putting her dishes in the sink.  Or picking her clothes off the floor.  Something.  THis too shall pass.

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