15 year old daughter pregnant wants father of baby to move in.

Andreadee - posted on 03/08/2017 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 15 yrs old. Her boyfriend is 16. She is pregnant and is keeping the baby. We have been supportive of her decisions in regards to her pregnancy and her future ambitions. She has made many good choices since finding out she was pregnant. She came to us as soon as she found out. She made a plan with em to get medical care and how to handle school. I have supported every decision along the way, while giving advice to help her male her decisions. However her most recent choice is that she wants the father of the baby to move in with us. He is a good kid, but comes from a very unsupportive home. His mother has not had any interest it asking about the pregnancy or any thoughts about how things should be handled. He has not been living with her for sometime, crashing on friends couches instead. It bothers me that his mom does not care enough about him not coming home. I have stepped in and helped him with schooling because he was in danger of becoming a drop out. He is here all the time, when school is out or he is not at work, but I send him packing every night. It is unfortunate that when I send him away he isn't going to a loving supportive home. My husband is very adamant that he will not live with us, but I can also see my daughters point of view. She wants her baby to bond with the dad and she wants the dad to bear the burden of taking care of the baby as well. Does anyone have experience with this? How did you handle it? What would you have done differently?

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Michelle - posted on 03/11/2017

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I agree with Sarah.
If they want to live together then they can move out and support themselves. Since they are both minors though, you can stop your daughter from moving out. He isn't your responsibility and in reality, they won't stay together (well it will be very unlikely).
Sorry but they have made their choice and they now have to live with those choices.

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Sarah - posted on 03/15/2017

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"He is a good kid" - he knocked up a 15 year old girl! That is not a good kid. Ditto for your daughter.

Good on them for having the child. I do think adoption is the best option, open adoption, not a closed one.

You can help him find another place to stay, but it has to be another place - not your place. They have already been too close too young (hence she is pregnant.)
Certainly help him make his way in the world since his parents have abandoned him.
Question: has he been screwing your daughter in search of the support that is missing at home, or thrown out because he has been screwing your daughter? (Sorry if my choice of words upsets anyone.)

April - posted on 03/12/2017

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Hello. That is a tough call to make. I'm not sure that there is a good answer. I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you. *hugs*

Sarah - posted on 03/08/2017

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I disagree. First, if your spouse says no, then the answer is no. Second, he is a child, he should be living with is parents. You are not his guardian. You are still responsible to parent your own child. You may desire him to bear the burden of the baby, but that does not mean he will nor can you force him to step up. Sadly that is the case when irresponsible people choose to procreate. Someone else ends up picking up the slack (in this case it may be your daughter).

Ev - posted on 03/08/2017

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I think that you are doing the best that you can do. I do not think that he should be staying with your family though but should be able to be there as much as possible.

Nadine - posted on 03/08/2017

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I have not experienced this myself but had friends did this. The first thing I would ask, how old is he? Because that would have a huge bearing on my answer. Still a child, yeah, I wold probably say yes, separate bedrooms (and according to my house rules) because no, my child does not get to settle in with her boyfriend like a married couple under my roof. If he is an adult then no, it is time that he he acted like an adult (and if the laws apply I may or may not under the circumstances and the laws in the area have him charged with statutory rape).

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