15 year old son that won't talk to me!!!

Sheryl-Ann - posted on 02/12/2012

All of your responses have given me hope.

Thank you!

SAS

Leah - posted on 07/14/2011

thank you all for the above....my son is quite difficult to say the least, he's 15 years old talks to me like dirt, seems miserable all the time and generally just asks for money...when he's been disrespectful towards me i try to ground him but it always ends up in a slanging match, and i end up so upset or he does and cant see hes doing any wrong, so i usually end up letting him go out...vicious circle all the time...his dad and i have no communication and so often my son has that to deal with...i feel so bad and when i'm trying to sort him out i feel like im damaging him by telling him by telling him the facts about how a parent should be...i could quite easily sit back and let him do what he likes but thats the easy option...the attitude and just being a taker are what bothers me with him, the rest i can deal with.....so any other suggestions regarding this would be great!! and good luck everyone, being a parent is so hard!!

Sabra - posted on 02/20/2010

I have been through the same thing with my fifteen year old son. I simply decided that we were going to interact at least once a day. I either sit in his room and listen to him practice his guitar or take him to his favorite place to grab a burger or something HE likes to do.In the end, he really doesn't mind that I say Yeah, we are going to spend a little time together. Other than that, if he wants to hang out in his room, it's okay. As far as the grades; high school is a lot of pressure so just stay in touch with the school and your son about the best ways to help him but it sounds like you need to talk to a different counsellor or some higher up. Don't compete with the Dad as far as doing things also. You have your hands full. Maybe there is someone that could help you with your four year old and you could go do something with you oldest one on one. Just a thought. I don't know the full details on that. Good luck and hang in there. Being a single mom is hard but in the end it will all fall into place.

Lois - posted on 02/19/2010

As a child of divorced parents, I blamed my dad for the breakup. It was easier to blame someone for the way I was feeling than it was to deal with my feelings. it could be a phase that he will come to terms with on his own......

or................

my son at 16.....had many of the attitude problems you describe. I am still married to his father (28 freakin years). My son was experimenting with drugs. it was a hard time for all of us...but we got through as a family. My son is 26 now, married with 2 kids of his own.

or..............

my daughter, at 14, hated my guts. literally. it was a nightmare. as it turns out, she had a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE that was causing her behavior. she was on medication for almost 2 years. she is 23 today, married, owns 2 homes, husband in the navy, and has 1 child of her own. she calls me 52 times a day now....I talk to her more now, than I ever did when she lived at home.


my point here is......there a many many things that can cause this crap in a teenager (as I am sure you remember). And there is no one rule that will work for every kid. the bottom line is .....dont give up on your son. Keep trying.

You may need some support from friends or family....or forums like this. there is no right or wrong in this.....only what works for you. be creative...mix it up a bit. do you have hobbies or something you used to do together, but havent done n awhile?? invite him to a movie.....dinner...something just the two of you can share.

I am living proof it does get better. If someone told me six years ago, when my son was into drugs and my daughter off her rocker...that they would both be functional members of society with families of their own by 2010.......I would have laughed them off the planet. again....hang in there...keep looking for that connection....you will find it.

good luck.

Jane - posted on 02/19/2010

I have two kids...a 20 year old daughter and a 16 year old son. When my son was a freshman and 15, he was pretty much like that as well. I too have been divorced from his dad since he was around 3 years old. Here's my thoughts...you are his stability. He's OK NOT hanging out with you because he knows you're there for him. Don't push it. Make dinner time a time when you are together. Eat at a table, not in front of the TV. Do only this and nothing else. Talk about your day and eventually he'll talk about his. He does all sorts of things with his dad because he doesn't see him as much as he sees you. This happened with my son when he went to see his dad as well. I can tell you that this phase is short lived. Now that my son is a sophomore and 16, he wants to hang out with me (and my husband) all the time and it was all on him...we didn't push it.

With regards to the struggling in school, has he always had a hard time or is it only this year? Getting used to high school can be a struggle for some kids but they come around in 10th grade. Have you spoken to each of his teachers individually? I would suggest this and if you did already, do it again and ask them what you need to do to help bring his grades up and help him not struggle.

Hang in there...teenage boys are fun but confusing. It will get better!

Stacey - posted on 02/18/2010

hi Angie, I went through the same thing.My son at that age was mad at the world I couldnt figure it out I tried to talk to him he was just angry finally I took him to family counseling it did work he was mad at his dad we divorced when he was 8 it was a long journey most important you must listen to what he is trying to tell you that was my problem I needed to listen more now he is a senior and finally things are good be patient and supportive good luck

Jannette - posted on 02/18/2010

My 16 year old doesn't talk much it seems to be a part of being a teenage boy. All you can do is just let him know you are there and open to any conversation. If you keep offering he will one day take you up on it. Most boys around that age just grunt they don't talk, eventually they do grow out of it I am told by Mums of older boys. So I live in hope too. Good luck

Anne - posted on 02/17/2010

Has he always been this way? It is probably just that puberty has kicked in big style, and he is dealing with it his own way. My lads are always in their rooms, but the older they get the more they interact with you as an adult.

Most lads this age do not want to hang out with mum - however insist that mealtimes are family time - give him the space he needs, but tell him you always willin to listen. Good luck, I have 4 teenagers - all boys - this behaviour appears normal to me.