Cathy - posted on 08/12/2009 ( 38 moms have responded )
Recently found out my 15 yo has been seeing a 19 yo guy, for 4 1/2 mos now!! We met him months back under the presumption they were just friends. Thought he was a bit shy and immature for his age. Works p/t in a deli at a grocery store in town and attends community college. APPEARS to be respectful of her and she says he treats her nicely. He is of Muslim faith, we are Catholic but do not attend church much. Months ago she ran up our cell phone bill (family plan that we all share the minutes) talking with him. My husband called him to say that she would not be calling him anymore using her cell phone. Boyfriend went out an bought my daughter a pre-paid cell phone to use to call him and vice versa anytime they wish to talk. It was secretive b/c we weren't aware of it. Just discovered that as well within the last week or so. I tried to get his mother's phone number to speak w/her but he refused to give it. SO I wrote a letter to his mother and mailed it restricted delivery, just to notify her that her 19 yo son is seeing my 15 yo daughter who does NOT have permission to date anyone, far less someone that much older. Also told her about the pre-paid cell phone and asked if she knew about it. I mentioned that our daughter is not allowed to drive w/anyone under the age of 23 due to lack of driving experience. In addition, I encouraged her to speak w/her son about the consequences of dating someone under the age of 18, and said should something happen that should not legal repercussions would be implemented. She received the letter and apparently spoke w/her son and when my daughter called him that night unaware of the letter, he essentially broke up w/her on the phone. She was devastated and yelled at me and said she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again. Later in the evening after my husband/her father spoke w/her, she apologized. She seemed a bit closer with us as we tried to be comforting to her. I had told her she could see him HERE under our terms and they could talk on the home phone. I confiscated the pre-paid cell phone. She agreed w/our terms FOR A DAY, but after he "broke-up" with her she/they then decided to continue sneaking around......calling eachother and finding times to get together, NOT on our terms! They too are "in love" I might add. OH and the following day HE CALLED ME to apologize for disrespecting me/us. I told him that I thought for the most part he was a respectable person BUT I reiterated that my daughter is just way too young to be dating, and dating someone that much older. I said MAYBE you could remain friends, but also said I wasn't sure how that would work out. I also told him that I sent a letter to his parents so that we could ALL be on the same page! He repeated me and agreed we should all be on the same page! YET he is sneaking to chat w/her on AIM, telling her to call him whenever she is able, AND hooking up w/her outside of our home! I'm thinking our next step is to visit his parents for a sit down talk. Any suggestions??
And if all of that wasn't bad enough, she is sneaking out of the house after midnight; and even doing so when she sleeps over at friends houses (the friend accompanies her). Plus, she is smoking pot on top of everything. Has no interests in finding activities to do to keep herself busy, the only thing she likes to do is take walks in our neighborhood, which essentially leads to hanging out w/the wrong bunch.
Her room is a MESS. Told her today to tidy it up before she went out (to visit her cousin for the day, a good enviroment for her to be in).
Anyhow.....regarding sleeping over at her friend's house and sneaking out......am debatting on whether I should notify the parents?? They snuck out and were walking around the girl's neighborhood until 5AM!!!
What to do about the 19 yo boyfriend??
AND of course the pot smoking!