15 yo daughter out of control

Anna - posted on 11/16/2012

my advice would be to tell your underage daughter that her behavior is unexceptionable and under no circumstance is she allowed to see this boy. if she sneaks out find her butt and whip it. your the parent not her and tell the boys parents they don't need to see each other. Stand up before she is pregnant and is raising his child while he is behind bars for having sex with a minor.

Kristi - posted on 10/31/2011

She is rebelling. The more you tighten the reigns, the more she is going to sneak around. You need to accept some of it but have loose rules. I went thru that with my parents, I am 48 yo now with teenagers and know that the more you push the more they try you. I ran away at 14 because my parents would not let me go anywhere at all. I lived away from home for 1 1/2 years with my parents permission then. They realized they had to give a little. I am not saying what she is doing is right, but I have been there as a child and a parent.

Cheryl - posted on 10/28/2009

we are currently seeing a counselor...and too no avail at this point. even the therapist has seen that she is logically using the trust and therapy to her advantage...

we are as of today taking away the phone, computer, going and visitors priviliges for 7 days and see if it effects her thought process any...hopefully it will be a start to understanding between us and the house rules



like michelle, our other option, if this does not suffice, is to offer her to go somewhere else...boarding school or other type of institution that will work with her and the problems at hand...trying to get her to understand her education is the most important thing right now is all but moot...she could care less...



fingers crossed and prayers said, I really hope this works for us...i think i will also get the book. the therapist had a book she wanted me to read but did not have it at the time of the visit...

Tammy - posted on 10/28/2009

That is a good book! My son's counselor helped me realize that my son's bad choices and harsh things that he would say and do; had nothing to do with me! They can't see past the end of their own nose. Once I realized it really had nothing to do with me, parenting him became easier. You can't effectively parent with emotions! If he does something wrong; he is punished; if it would be anything illegal; I would turn him in, and he knows that! It is one of the most difficult things to do as a mother; but I have no intentions of sending a criminal out into our society. He has changed alot; thank God! Thank God, for hair coloring products also! lol...My prayers and thoughts are with you. Tam

Michelle - posted on 10/28/2009

Cathy,

My 17 year old daughter is giving us grey hair too...

but our daughter's older boyfriend is a high school drop out who was recently arrested on 70 counts of theft.

She is so caught up in "love" with this jerk that she let him store stollen goods at our house.



My daughter has gone threw 3 councelors, and I dont think it has helped. The thing that helped the most was a book titled,"Parenting with Love and Logic for Teens".

It changed the way I parent her.

So, when I caught her skipping school, I called the principal and requested a harsh punishment from the school. (at lunch detention and no homecoming dance)

And when we found the tvs and equipment in her room, we called the police.

And let her pay the consenquences.

My daughter choose to do those things, now she can pay the consenquences.



The book has taken all the emotion out of parenting. I no longer get upset and parent out of that emotion. It is all fact based. (as in life) If you break the rules, there are consenquences. BUT you have to remember that it is your house, and your rules.

This last round of lying, cheating, stealling, sneeking out...ect... with my daughter pushed us to the "are you going to live by our rules or would you like to go into foster care?" it killed me to have to come to that but I think it worked.

It has been a week and she seems to have turned things around.

Tammy - posted on 10/28/2009

Wow, this sounds so familiar....went through this with my now 20yr old. You need to get her into counseling. She won't like it and will fight you on it at first. But eventually she will open up and it will help. The place I took my daughter worked with her 1 on 1, as well as with our family. I had to take her cellphone, literally unplug the home phone and take it to bed with me. As for the computer, it was set up in my bedroom so I knew who, when and why anyone was on it. Man, those were hard times and I never stopped worriying. When a girl thinks she is inlove not much they won't do to see the person they think they are in love with. She should not be allowed to go anywhere unless you talk to the parents and are assured they will be there to supervise the kid's activities. Please believe me that if she thinks she is inlove you are not dealing with the daughter you have raised to date! She will tell you anything she thinks you want to hear just to get you off her back. Be prepared, she will probably tell you many times she hates you. She doesn't; you are just doing your job. If you are afraid of her sneaking out at night...nail her window shut and start sleeping on the couch with one eye open. Also, don't think that she isn't having sex, if she is seeing someone that much older then her what do you think he wants....sex! She isn't a bad girl; just very confused and mixed up with the wrong crowd! This is a very hard situation and I feel deeply for you. You will know you are doing everything right when she screams at you and says she hates you! This is when my hair started to turn gray. Keeping you in my thoughst and prayers. Tammy P.S. Start drug testing her at home; that way you will know for sure if she has stopped smoking pot!

Cecy - posted on 10/27/2009

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru, but don't give up on her...believe it or not she needs you more than she knows. If you can get her out of the city at least for a while. Make her see that there is so much out there that is good and is waiting for her; help her find herself, help her find something that she really, really loves and support it (dancing, music, art, sports, church) if you cannot get her out of the city stick to her like gum (she'll hate it!!! but at least she will be safe) look for different activities;youth groups, volunteer work, anything that has nothing to do with her friends and boyfriend...be there, love her and above all be her mother (she has plenty of friends) and pray, pray, pray,
Hope this helps

Cheryl - posted on 10/27/2009

i am definitely going through the same thing with my 15yr old daughter...she started to rebel about 1 year ago and progressively gets worse with each day...she has recently started high school and has all new friends, which she feels i do not need to meet...i do not like this...i have met some and do not like the way they are...chances given and she has had sex with her ex boyfriend, snuck out and stayed out until all hours of the morning - walking around in today's world like nothing will happen - wrong, defiantly abusing the rules set, the phone is totally out of control...etc

we have recently started counseling and she treats it as some joke and plays the therapist...oh poor me, i don't get to do anything, i have no life...therapist says work with her, gain trust...and she screws us over again...as i speak she has again lied about where, who and what she is doing...

my last option is take everything away - no distractions

or boarding school - all girls - somewhere away from here...

Cecy - posted on 08/20/2009

Please, please do whatever you can to keep him away from her NOW!!! he appears to be a control freak and on his way to manipulate and maybe abuse her in athe future. Don't walk run to the book store and buy "But I love him" this help a lot when we went thru a similar situation. Also, don't stop telling her that you lover her and don't let ou on the checking up on her...at this point is not just a matter of trust but of safety as well. Keep the faith and you and your husband hold on tight to each other...this too shall pass.

Renee - posted on 08/19/2009

I went threw a similar situation with my daughter she was 14 and the guy was 19, I tried talking to the boys parents which got me nowhere . I talked to my daughter and at first i told her she could see him only if it was supervised which created more problems. So i myself had a talk with him and they continued to see each other she started skipping school and drinking and parting she also ran way i ended up getting the police involved because thing was really getting out of control she ended up on probation. And i threaten to send her to bootcamp if she did't get her act together. mt advice to you is strick supervision, with the help with the courts i got her back on track, also i played tough love and that helped more than anything, If they dont want to do what u say stop washing ther clothes limited the thing you do for them and don't give in, with my daughter she wanted to act grown so i cut her off. The only thing i did for her was put a roof over her head and food nothing fancy when she relized she didn't like that she got her act togther what i relizied that YOU are the adult and you have the last say wether they like it or not. Just keep your head up and dont give in.

Duchess - posted on 08/19/2009

Cathy,

I have two young neices, which I help my brother-in-law raise, my sister is deceased. At the time of my sisters passing, the oldest daughter was in a group home because she started to try to get out of control. Now the second daughter is starting, she's taking off for days at a time, drinking, getting pot & cigarettes, going out with boys, being mouthy, disrespectful and not wanting to help. I recently brought her home and had a long talk with her, expressed our love and concern for her. I also told her we would not let this behavior continue, she had a choice to make better choices for herself or as her parent/guardian we would make those choices for her. At this time we are going to collaborating with the courts and get her put on probation, if she doesn't straighten up we will put her in a group home. Its a tough decision but we'd rather have her some place safe where she can gets counseling and learn some things that she could carry into a positive for decision making rather than getting raped or pregnant, which she is not ready for. I have worked in a group home before and I dont see them as a place for "bad" kids, they just need positive guidance and constant support to help them stay positive. I believe all kids are able to change, they just need a chance and not to be given up on. I wish you the best of luck with your daughter.

Elba - posted on 08/19/2009

Dear Cathy,

I know that you feel as though you are at your witts end, but be strong and never let your daughter know that you are losing control. In my honest opinon you need to have a serious heart to heart with your daughter, show her the consequences of having sex, for example: go onto the internet and show her pics of STD's...Let her know that if he really cared for her and loved her that he would wait until she is of age. If that doesn't work, then you have to take drastic measures. Become her warden, letting her still see him under your conditions is not working. Freedom and privacy are a privilege. She is NOT entitled to any of it. Put a restraining order on the boyfriend, let your daughter know that you are through playing games. Give her rules that if broken come huge consequences.

Tina - posted on 08/19/2009

If her behavior is so out of control why do you let her visit friends...Seems to me that if she is blantantly defiying your rules she should have stiff consequences enforced and not just threatened. I worked in the juvenile justice department for 10 yrs and learned very quickly that most negative teenage behavior develops from the lack of consistency in enforcing consequences given by parents. Your mantra as a parent should be "Say what you mean and mean what you say!" Good parenting requires more than just lip service - more often than not actions need to be taken. We all know that just because you told us not to isn't going to keep us from negativity. Being the mother of a teenage son, I've realized ACTIONS speak louder than words and my son is all to aware that when I say I'll do something - I"LL DO IT!

Paula - posted on 08/18/2009

I had a 15 yo daughter that di close to the same thing. If there is any chance that she might be having sex with him there is a law, hee in this state, that says the paents are in the wrong for not reporting a statutory rape. My 15 yo daughter would sneak a 25 yo man in her bedroom window early in the mornings after her father left for work, knowing I was on Anti-convulsants, due to a brain injury I suffered and was knocked out from them she would sneak into my room and take my cell phone off the charger to go call him, at about 5am, to tell him that her father was gone. A week after the first time they did she told, out of fear of a possible pregnancy.

Leah - posted on 08/18/2009

Hi Cathy,

I am having similar issues with my own 14 year old daughter. Some differences though, her bf is only 15 and there is no pot (that I know of). I agree with Margaret about getting your daughter on birth control. That is what I am doing as well or attempting to do. It is always better to be proactive instead of having to deal with something retroactively. I wouldn't want my 14 or even 15 year old daughter coming home pregnant! Education, I think is the best practice and also open communication (which that seems like you are attempting to be doing). I am experiencing that the further I push them apart the more they try to get together, almost as a defiant issue rather than them being "in love" and truly wanting to be a couple. I have let my daughter know how her actions are disappointing to say the least and extremely hurtful. That I have tried to raise her to be a good person and to make the right choices. In this situation, she has not and it has completely lost all trust that I have had in her. SHE will have to earn that back. If anything, I've decided to manage the situation rather than fight it. By the way, the bf's parents are just very angry and blame everything on me and my daughter so there is no support really from them. I hope this helps and I wish you the very best!!

Kelli - posted on 08/18/2009

let him know who's in control take hinges off the door nail window shut no respect for you ,no privacy for him monitor every movement possible get parents phone numbers from kid who they claim to b wit they want to make your life hell you can do it back wit love hard love call to make sure the is right life is to short for kids to try an regulate unless ur to weak to put ur foot down yes they will tell you they hate so what don't give in ur the boss

Kelli - posted on 08/18/2009

nail the window shut take the hinges off da door she has no respect for ur rules she gets no privacy. take her computer if you have to show her u r in control and she's still the child. i have two rebellious teenagers and i put my foot down where they can hear it i am momm and you have to go by my rules when you can pay ur own way and ur an adult then you can decide until then its my way like or face the consequences.also i would contact the police to find out how i could go bout keeping him away from her .the next step take her to get a drug test,pregnancy test wat ever u feel that is needed such as pap to c if he passed anything to her.if you have to go where she goes so b it she will hate you for the moment but thank you in the long run. gud luck

Stephenie - posted on 08/18/2009

I must agree that our kids are giving us back what we did to our parents. I am very lucky in that my 13 yr old daughter does not give my ex-husband or myself much trouble. She did get caught sneaking out, and that was when she lost the door to her bedroom. Tough love is just that "tough", the hardest thing I have ever had to hear is that my daughter hates me, but after a few hours of pouting she seems to come to the realization that her life will be much easier if she just follows the rules. Unlike a lot of you, I am in the process of putting my daughter on birth control, not because it gives her permission, but because it will keep her protected. I know in my heart that the talk my daughter and I had recently worked, she is not ready for sex, she does not want to take that step. Maybe I have it all wrong, but I believe in my daughter, she is honest with me and follows the rules. I feel very fortunate to have such a great relationship with her, on the same hand she is very well aware of the consequences of her actions. Her dad and I have told her since she was a little girl that for every action there is a re-action. She knows to not push the limits and would rather follow the rules than break them.
For those of you that are struggling you are in my prayers, I was a nightmare at 13 and put my parents through hell, all I can say is that it does get better!

TERI - posted on 08/18/2009

I feel for you. I have a 18 year old who is dating a boy 16. He is very disrespectful to us . When I found out they had sex in my house I was furious. I forbid them to see each other and no visits unless parents are their. It is hard to control teenages these days. I can't stand her boyfriend and he' s my brothers bestfriend son. I tried my best to be friendly and give him another chance .It does take 2 to tango.But then on her graduation party he got in my face told me I need to leave her alone . When he did not know why she was being corrected on she wanted to spend her money on bullshit. And I told her no.She comlains she never has money to do things with her friends til this day he has not said Iam sorry for interfering.And all her mom did was tell him to stop interfering his father yelled told him to mind his own business.When I said something about he needs to apoligize for getting in my face. When we try to talk to her about him she crys . She invites him to partys at her friends but she never goes to his friends partys. We have tried to talk to her and she does not want to here it. So I told her I will no longer judge him but I will no longer be a part of trying to help them see each other.. What to do about a 19 year old tell him and his parents if he continues to disobey your wishes you will take legal actions against him.REMEMBER THAT OUR GENERATION WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THEN TODAYS. AND KIDS DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEM SELVES. Good Luck I know I need it myself...

Kelli - posted on 08/18/2009

Hun you have to let them make their own decisions give them space but not 2 much give an inch they take a mile but the most important thing is their decision making u want them to learn how to make their own rite or wrong. talking to them helps maybe u think they don't hear u but they do.Don't b to controling bcuz they will do it behind ur back.

Kelli - posted on 08/18/2009

Quoting Vickey:

In my house, there is no freedom without responsibility. In fact, there is no privacy without responsibility. My teenagers always knew that the first minute I felt they were into something I didn't approve of, they would get very busy doing things I do approve of...cleaning, weeding the yard, etc. If any child is disrespecting your rules, there needs to be immediate consequences that you enforce. I know it is VERY hard to keep your eye on them all the time. It is exhausting. However, if you tell them to do or not do something and you don't enforce it, all you are doing is telling them they really don't have to listen to you. I would not make this issue about the boyfriend. You have no control over him. Saying you don't like him will only make her like him more. I would make it about her choices. Since you chose to...then you cannot... You may not date anyone because your choice to...shows me you are not ready to safely make those decisions. I"m sorry you are angry with me and you hate me. I love you tho and I will continue to make the decisions I need to in order to keep you safe. Someday, when you are a little more mature, I think you will understand. Get yourself into counseling cause honey, you are gonna need the support! My terrible teenage daughter is now 28 and we are very close. She was doing many of the things you describe and it did pass but it was a long fight with a short stick.

Kelli - posted on 08/18/2009

My opinion is take things from him that matter most to him and if that don't work boot camp for troubled teens will. Have u tried counseling he may have need it to find out whats bothering him.I have two teenage girls and wow like night and day. Don't give up! That's wat momma did so maybe he may feel u will to.

Vickey - posted on 08/18/2009

In my house, there is no freedom without responsibility. In fact, there is no privacy without responsibility. My teenagers always knew that the first minute I felt they were into something I didn't approve of, they would get very busy doing things I do approve of...cleaning, weeding the yard, etc. If any child is disrespecting your rules, there needs to be immediate consequences that you enforce. I know it is VERY hard to keep your eye on them all the time. It is exhausting. However, if you tell them to do or not do something and you don't enforce it, all you are doing is telling them they really don't have to listen to you. I would not make this issue about the boyfriend. You have no control over him. Saying you don't like him will only make her like him more. I would make it about her choices. Since you chose to...then you cannot... You may not date anyone because your choice to...shows me you are not ready to safely make those decisions. I"m sorry you are angry with me and you hate me. I love you tho and I will continue to make the decisions I need to in order to keep you safe. Someday, when you are a little more mature, I think you will understand. Get yourself into counseling cause honey, you are gonna need the support! My terrible teenage daughter is now 28 and we are very close. She was doing many of the things you describe and it did pass but it was a long fight with a short stick.

Cheryl - posted on 08/17/2009

Fantastic Diane, very smart women you are.

Cheryl - posted on 08/17/2009

Quoting Diane:

Well, well, well... these girls (have 2 myself - 15 & 18) are paying us back for all the horrible things we put our parents thru. You know the saying "paybacks are a $%#@! So what do we do about it? Well this is a nice outlet for sure, just to hear some other parents say they are fed up and don't know what to do. So thank you for all sharing, it makes me feel like I am not alone. I get really tired of parents that are afraid to punish their kids. What the heck? We were punished and we did not die! I call other parents before my kids spend the night just to check the story and it amazes me how you can learn what your kids are up to just by that one phone call. I recently discovered my 15 year old and her friend gone at 3am, so I called her cell phone and when she answered I told her that was the only thing she did right that night! So I picked them up, listened to their crap story and drove the other girl home immediately, told her to go wake up her mom cuz she was in trouble. I don't put up with it, when your busted, your in trouble. So no cell phone or computer for 7 days, that is a week in my house, none of this 5 day bologne. The other girls hardly had any punishment, UNBELIEVEABLE! Really, the only reason my daughter has a cell phone is so I can use it as a training tool. The lady at verizon wonders why I have a cell phone on my plan with such little usage...If she only knew, it is grounded, A LOT. So use what your kids love, take it away. I guarantee you they will live. The hard part is the aftermath, but I will live too. It hurts to be a parent, nobody told us the rules so hey you get to make up your own as you go. I also pray a lot and we are involved in church. Be strong all you parents. We are in this together.

Cheryl - posted on 08/17/2009

Love this. VERY well said. And I totally agree we are their parents, not their friends.
What teen wants a parent in their 40's...plus.

Cheryl - posted on 08/17/2009

For one the Muslim boyfriend will NOT marry a non-muslim, so what would happen if they went too far... you know what I mean and she is left holding the baby.
do not mean to appear rude. I would suggest you hold off on all privledges at home.
Tell her is she is so grown up to get a part-time job to support herself as you are no longer willing to do so. You will feed her and take care of her basic needs and that is all.
I am not meaning to sound self righteous as I have a 14 year old daughter and hope that she will be okay but if you find you cannot control the situation and I know you are trying to get a positive outcome just realise that you cannot do anything and she will have to learn from her own mistakes. This is called consequences parenting.
I suggest you read' The Princess Bitchface Syndrom' good book.
Don't blame yourself as I am sure you have done your best. There comes a time when one must step aside and let our kids go.
I know 15 is too young but she seems to be in love. I hope it runs its course soon. Good Luck.
Cheers Cheryl from Australia

Suzanne - posted on 08/16/2009

I think Carina Brooks-King has it exactly right, along with Heather Gibbs. They are telling you to pray and execute tough love. That is a great combination.

Toni - posted on 08/16/2009

Okay wait a minute, if your daughter is breaking rules and sneaking around why are you still allowing her sleep overs at friends houses and visiting with cousins/friends or going for walks? Why are you allowing her time on the internet and phone use? It is obvious she can not be trusted. It seems you are looking to the boyfriends parents and the friends parents to fight your battle. Yes, let the parents know what is happening, but you have to deal with your own child, and that may include tough love. Take away her privileges ALL OF THEM!!!! No going out of the house except to school, no phones, no computers, no nothing. Yes she may hate you, but oh well, you are the parent not her friend. She doesn't have to like you. Your job is to keep her safe and healthy, your not doing that. Explain to the 19 yr old that if he contacts your child you will turn him into the police..PERIOD. If he loves her so freaking much, he can wait 3 yrs until she is 18. It seems to me you may have been to soft on her, life is hard and she is heading down the wrong path, it is your job to direct her down the right path. Yes, therapy may be needed, but it sounds to me that a sound structured environment would be the first place to start. Good luck and god bless.

Diane - posted on 08/15/2009

Well, well, well... these girls (have 2 myself - 15 & 18) are paying us back for all the horrible things we put our parents thru. You know the saying "paybacks are a $%#@! So what do we do about it? Well this is a nice outlet for sure, just to hear some other parents say they are fed up and don't know what to do. So thank you for all sharing, it makes me feel like I am not alone. I get really tired of parents that are afraid to punish their kids. What the heck? We were punished and we did not die! I call other parents before my kids spend the night just to check the story and it amazes me how you can learn what your kids are up to just by that one phone call. I recently discovered my 15 year old and her friend gone at 3am, so I called her cell phone and when she answered I told her that was the only thing she did right that night! So I picked them up, listened to their crap story and drove the other girl home immediately, told her to go wake up her mom cuz she was in trouble. I don't put up with it, when your busted, your in trouble. So no cell phone or computer for 7 days, that is a week in my house, none of this 5 day bologne. The other girls hardly had any punishment, UNBELIEVEABLE! Really, the only reason my daughter has a cell phone is so I can use it as a training tool. The lady at verizon wonders why I have a cell phone on my plan with such little usage...If she only knew, it is grounded, A LOT. So use what your kids love, take it away. I guarantee you they will live. The hard part is the aftermath, but I will live too. It hurts to be a parent, nobody told us the rules so hey you get to make up your own as you go. I also pray a lot and we are involved in church. Be strong all you parents. We are in this together.

Carina - posted on 08/15/2009

I WAS YOUR DAUGHTER YEARS AGO >>>>>NIP THIS IN THE BUD NOW!!!! YOU MUST NOW TAKE CONTROL AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT PLAYING WITH HER RESTRICT HER MOVEMENT MONITOR HER FRIENDS SHE WILL CALL YO NAMES AND TRY TO RUN OFF OR ACT BADLY BUT YOU ARE IN CHARGE TELL ON THOSE OTHER KIDS AND NOTIFY THEIR PARENTS BE MORE STRICT OR YOU WILL BE SORRY IN THE END YOU ARE HER MOTHER NOT HER FRIEND MY ADVICE IS TO STEP UP ON THE TOUGH LOVE AND SHOW HER YOU ARE BOSS !!!!

Heather - posted on 08/14/2009

Oh my....that is alot to take in. I can only imagine the stress and worry this has caused for you and your husband.

I would first suggest prayer. I have a 17 yr old daughter and I pray almost daily that God will convict her heart. As for the "boyfriend"...sounds like he is a smooth talker. I'm not familiar at all with the process, but is a restraining order possible? And the drugs...I would purchase a home drug kit at the pharmacy. Let her know that you have it and before she even takes the first test lay out what the consequences will be should she fail.

Kelly - posted on 08/14/2009

I have a 13 yr old step son that came to live with us in November b/c his mother couldn't handle him. We have tried EVERYTHING and nothing works. He sneaks out, smokes cigs, is addicted to porno, steals and on and on. We have no idea what to do. We have even tried talking to the courts for help but they won't do anything until he gets arrested. His mother has tried counciling and so did we, medication, grounding all the usuall stuff. He just doesn't care about what happens. I have told the other parents about their kids sneaking out with him and they don't really seem to be alarmed. If he was a girl I would definatly put him on birth control. I wish you luck.......

Margaret - posted on 08/13/2009

I feel the same way about the birth control. we are watching her 24/7, it is verry tireing for all of us but we are not going to let it get out of our hands, and if it continues (I'm hoping it is teenage rebelion and will fade as new people and intrests come through her life) We are taking hands on aproche and will talk to the fanily and warn/theaten them with the consequences of their actions leagle and otherwize.

Cathy - posted on 08/13/2009

Rebecca, thank you also for your suggestion. My daughter is in counseling 1x a wk but we may be increasing that as time goes on.

Cathy - posted on 08/13/2009

Margaret, thank you for your reply. People have told me to do that also, but that would be like saying it is OK and, truly it is not. I wish you all the best in handling your teenager's similar situation.

Rebecca - posted on 08/13/2009

Of course notify the parents of the other girl. Get some professional counseling to help with the other stuff.

Margaret - posted on 08/12/2009

Dear Cathy

Reading what you write sounds so familiar, We are going through a similar situation! and do not know how to handle it. I have asked around and the best info I recived is get her on birth control before he becomes a permanent part of your family and pray she gets tired of him. I feel feel the more we try to stop it the more they try to keep it going. I hope you can keep strong