15 yr old daughter and drugs

Beth - posted on 11/03/2009 ( 30 moms have responded )

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I just found out tonight that my 15 yr old has been smoking pot on a reg basis for the last 2 months. She acted like it was no big deal, "its only pot". Also she has been doing it before school, at school, driving home from school. I'm at a complete loss on how to deal with this other than banishing her to her room til she graduates college. Any idea of what to do now?

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JAMIE - posted on 08/09/2012

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I suspected my daughter of being on something last night. She had been at her friend's house for a week. She was VERY chatty, not even listening to any of the other conversations that were happening around her. It was like NOTHING I had EVER seen. She said she had 2 32oz moutain dew/rooster booster combo and 1 burrito all day. My gut said since she only weighs 105lbs, it was probably an overload of caffeine and NOT drugs, but my parental instinct kicked in and I had to be sure. I made her take a drug test this morning...and it was negative. She and I have had a rocky relationship over the years, going back and forth between her dad and I(divorced 14 years) and he has no issues with painting an ugly picture of me when it suits him...so I was not looking forward to the results either way. I feel absolutely terrible for not trusting myself, or her. She has been living with me for 7 months and we have been in therapy together about twice a month ever since....I am filled with sadness at the fact that she may never let me in again. I know as a parent, I made the right call...but man does this suck. Anyone have any words of wisdom because I am at a total loss for words. BTW, she is 15.

Amanda - posted on 12/04/2009

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Man From haveing my own drug addiction and the reactions I got and didn't get made it worst because drugs can be looked at in so many ways to different people and there addictive behavior if not to drug but to food, wieght ETC, it's all about personal control and recionizeing and admitting to your self frist that your not okay and things need to change and if theres kids involed the addict needs to overlook all the time and hurt the addict cause but the addict has blinder on and dont want to see what they have created because of selfishness and the addict needs to self medicate thinking that the worries and pain and just for the moment of not wanting to face the facts that your... excuse me but F***ed-up and it's time to change,but there's nothing left the addict has lost it all, money, Job with x amount of years vested, family, Trust, and the biggest thing... your self and the label the addict is printed with and feelings of hopeless, loseing their since of self and not really coming out from drugs all your self again. I remeber when I was forced to go to Drug treatment and if I didn't I was going to have a felony on my record, but I was given a chance because I wasn't that person and I worked hard all my life and held a marriage for 12 years and had everything going for my self but why did I think I needed more...? I'm an Aries and love to wear the pant and my husband let me and never complained about nothing everything was great until the family got larger and my work hours also got to be longer and so to sum it up my plate was full and felt that I wasn't being appreciated and I guess thanked or even told that i was a good mom or wife I never recived those kinds of compliments and for that is what led me to deeper water.during my whole addition and recovery My family kicked me to the curb and only acted negitive towards me and called me thing I did want to hear or except and it wasn;t said very nicely either. they treated me like I was Aids and if the touched me or what ever that if would spread and to this day we have never quite been right but I didn't let that stop me and prevent my recovery and I have been clean since 2006 I was in my phase for a very short time but it sure didn't help and so just be there and support the need for emotional and encourage and dont feed the users drug need because that just like digging them a grave please reailez that drug addiction is painful and the addict has to know also that there will be bountrys and if the user is not complying to your help and support then you must let them trip on there own toes with no regarts on your part but at least you tryed but never give up on a addict meaning they dont have to live with you in order to feel loved but when it rides on the border and the addict is trying to break you then it's not worth it to try under the same roof and it will be rocky and the user will say things just to break your sprit or wallet so be wise and stand strong on two feet. god bless thoes that still stutggle with recovery,don't give up it a slow process and take it day by day ,month, by, month. peace

Kimberly - posted on 11/13/2009

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Sorry to hear you are going thru this. First, let me tell you pot is a gateway drug. Meaning it starts there & then leads to other drugs. get a counselor who specilizes in drug & Alcohol counseling. teens are very resourceful & rebellious. No matter what you do, she will find a way. My daaughter has a severe dru & alcohol problem. In March she came w/in 2 hours of death rom a drug overdose. I put her in rehab. Then she went to another facility. Right now she is in rehab again for relapsing. It has been hell. Every time I find a source, there's alwas 3 more behind them. We even attend NA meetings. I hope you caan grasp the problem before it worsens. Also, as I have learned thru all this, teens are even getting high on over the counter cold medicines. Ask her if she knows about "skittles" or "triple C" it will give you an idea of how much she knows about drugs. Skittles is when the kids take a bunch of different cold pills, usually just thrown into a bowl at a pary or such. Triple c is Coricidan Couch & Cold HB. They take about 8 pills & get very high. When they take about 16, it's like tripping on acid. Ask her also if she knows what a "pharm party" is. This is where the kids throw a bunch of presciption pills into a bowl and just pop stuff w/out really knowing what they're taking. teens are in a very dangerous world right now. You wouldn't believe the things they are doing to get high. Some kids look at pot as it's ok because it's natural; a plant from the earth. Find out why she like smoking pot & what it does for her. When going thru this just try to be calm when talking to her or she'll rebel even more & clam up. Start w/ counseling tho and do some research about teens & drugs these days. Good luck!

Kristie - posted on 11/11/2009

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Good luck with banishing her to her room.That would mean home schooling.But seriously I have a 17 year old who has said that to me it's only pot its natural.She started at 14 and went to rehab at 15 for alcohol.It is true that pot does lead to other things.Just found out she is experimenting with pills and trying to figure out if rehab is the next move.So if nothing else have her read this and let her know its not worth it,it doesn't lead any where good.Good Luck

Margo - posted on 11/09/2009

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WOW!! I know what your going through... I've been going through the same thing with my 14 year old son.. Well.. The way I've been dealing with this is almost like a corrections officer.. no joke.. At this point there is cause for concern and this is not to handled lightly... Look I'm no saint but at their age if something drastic isn't done it may lead to heavier drugs as well as alcohol and worse... I think you shouldn't let her see you sweat... take a zero tolerance approach to this NOW... Lay down the law.. because if she is to get caught smoking it at your house your running the risk of having her removed from the home, legal problems, and worse case scenario you get locked up too. I monitor who my son hangs out with, I buy home drug test from CVS or Walgreens, even Wal-mart carries them. Stay on it don't give up.. Threaten her with rehab, ground her, do what ever it takes.... This can only get worse if you don't use that IRON FIST.. Lay down the law... This needs to be done smart because you don't want to run her out the door but you can't ... you can't brush this under the rug in fear of what she will do.. let her know that if she had to deal with the law it would be much worse.. Try to find drug awareness classes.. No joke try the Dr. Phill web site her has some great information and tips for parents of teenagers.... Good Luck!!

Dianne - posted on 11/08/2009

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Good for you! But keep the consistency. Today turned out great; every day won't. Some drugs don't show up in tests unless it's right after taken...meth is one, so even a drug test from a therapist won't show everything. A drug assessment is a great way to start; follow up w/ some therapy for her, please. Even if you are getting along w/ her now, therapists can help a person identify & understand the underlying issues that made the drugs attractive in the first place.



For those who suggested you get informed yourself, I agree. Go to reliable web sources & find out what you can about the drugs that she may be using or approached to use. Look at the indicators that show when a person is high w/ that drug, how it affects the system, how long it lasts in the system...anything to help you identify a problem if it occurs. And also look at some info on brain development & how drugs impact the brain b/c they do...even alcohol, tobacco & marijuana, contrary to what many parents think. Mixing alcohol & marijuana is even worse, of course, & both can be addictive. She may say she's not hooked on anything, but it would be smarter to take in the opinion of the therapist who does the assessment. Generally speaking, it takes any person involved in drugs a LONG time to realize they have a problem, & certainly kids are no different! They are even more vulnerable. p.s. Any drug will weaken or completely negate the positive affects of any prescription med she might be on.



Good luck, stay strong. If you aren't now, she may not stay away from the drugs...if she was using more than once/day, this isn't just experimentation, so it will take awhile to shake the urges.

Beth - posted on 11/08/2009

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UPDATE... she finally realized what I have said for years.. (even before there problems) you lay down with dogs, you come up with fleas. Well Wednesday after her drs appt, I walked her into school.We sat down with the principal to talk about the other school issues she was having (smoking cigs in the parking lot and bathrrom) Well some of her "friends" saw her in the office thinks now that she snitched on them about selling drugs on school grounds.... after a few minor threats to her face, to her phone and through the grapevine at school, she has realized that these people arent that nice and shes scared of them, she actually came to me and said I wish i have never met these people they are sooo paranoid. I just said yep thats what drugs willl do for you. She is scheduled for a drug accessment this tuesday. and today she went fishing with all of us and caught her first redfish ever. by the end of the day she was baiting her own hook and not complaining about everything. i was so proud of her.

Tammy Jo - posted on 11/08/2009

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She no longer does drugs got herself so messed up one day rebeling against me. Then I let her talk and it worked after all the fighting i finally sat and listened and didn't try to fix it. She knew longer had a challenge

Tammy Jo - posted on 11/08/2009

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My baby girl was in the same boat. The first thing I had to do was realize it wasn't me. I had no CONTROL over the choices she made. Woo all this is hard stuff. She was so mad at me at first. I did start out with the" What The Hell do you think your doing" She went to her room. I'd go into her room and if she wasn't yelling at me to get out I'd go in and sit. I've started out with just one simple word "So" and let her talk. Yes you are mom and not her freind but you must also realize that's her freinds listen and give advice but don't try to fix things or control and That is where they have the upper hand on you. If you let them. Her freinds don't keep harping. Every lil seed you can plant into that fast thinking brain of thier's is going to take root but if you spray it with a pressure washer.?????

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I would put her on total lock down and let her earn her priveledges back when you trust her. I would also take her to a therapist to get to the root of why she is doing drugs.

Tara - posted on 11/08/2009

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I went through the same thing with my 15 yr old son about 6 months ago. Things are getting better slowly but it takes time. Also depending on the state you live in (we live in cali) unless your child is in trouble with the law (mine wasn't) you cannot force them to go get a drug test at the doctor office. You sound like you are doing everything right, stay strong and remember the problem did not start overnight and will not end overnight. Keep up the good work and good luck.

Lori - posted on 11/08/2009

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I agree with most moms take away everything. tough love. get family therapy. NA for you! It scars deep no lie! but get all the support you can. I worry the most for these kids. why they want to hurt themselves or dull the pain they feel is a hard face slap. Found out later for one of my kids it was something I would have never expected..... mental illness.... good luck hugs to you.

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not sure what to tell u to do with that. for someone that does not smoke pot its hard to understand it. no doing drugs is not right and u should talk with her and find out her understanding and reasonings for the use. its not a peer thing i dont think. im a pot smoker and my oldest daughter somkes pot to. she did come to me at the age of17 and let me know she wanted to try it. pot is something u will like or wont. your daughter does

. i would talk to her and try to understand her. im not saying let her do it, just trying to say that we all r different people and see things different. pot is a drug and people will put thing in it to make it strounger she needs to b careful with that and who she is getting it from. but i feel the more of a big dill u make of it , it may push her into it more.. dont just b a parent b a friend to her to. you showing that u understand may back her up from it. no matter what u do to her if she wants to do it she will. u really need to sit down and talk to her and ltsten to what they say. it will work it self out. talk them about all drugs. pot wont really hurt them as long as thats all that they r doing. it dont sound good and i know that we wont r children not to do drugs but they could have gotten into something more harsh. at least they were smater then that.

Jaime - posted on 11/07/2009

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Hi im a mum of a teenage daughter of 13 she has not so far tried drugs to my knowlege anyway? But i was a really bad teenager i tried all drugs and not scare you but it started out with pot !!! My mum screamed shouted and tried to ground me, that was the worst thing she could of done .I understand why she reacted like that but it put even more of a gap betwwen us .I think you should try to talk to her as much as poss also try to watch out for the company she keeps ,ie older guys thats what led to me trying more hard drugs .But be careful not to go mad at her as she will see that as a chance to push you away . I hope this helps a little ,if you need to talk again please get in touch ,even if u just need an ear !!! Take care ..... jaime pape xx im on facebook if helps x

Michele - posted on 11/06/2009

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As a sister of a recovering drug addict I can tellyou it won;t be easy. My brothers started with "just pot" also. He was 33 before he came to realize that this wasn't the life for him. The steps you are taking are good but unless she is willing to help herself, it will not work. Start finding local NA groups for her and get her a sponser. For you and the rest of the family, you need to find a local ALANON group. You will find people in the same sitatuion as you and will give the support that you need. I hope that everything goes right for you and your family but sometimes hitting rock bottom is what it takes. I know the struggle you have ahead of you and I will be praying for you and your family.

Wendy - posted on 11/06/2009

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My heart goes out to you Beth. I have a similar situation with my 15 yr old daughter. She totally went off the rails almost 2 years ago when her father passed away, although we had been seperated for 12 years. She ran away from home and went to live with her nanna for a while, she wasn't happy there and put herself into voluntary foster care. She hated all the rules and regulations there and came back to live with me. Since then, she often runs away when we have the slightest disagreement. I often think she causes the arguments just so that she has a "reason" to run away! When this happens she will stay at various friends or even sleep rough! While she is away from home my life is a total nightmare, I know that she is smoking cannabis and drinking alcohol, I have recently learned that she has also tried other drugs! My days are a living hell, but the nights that she is away are the worse, wondering where she is and what she is doing, is she safe and warm? There isn't much the police can do to help get her home because of her age. And unless the catch her under the influence of drugs or alcohol they can do nothing. The police have brought her home twice and her social worker has brought her home once, and my heart breaks when this happens as she looks so ill with the effects of the drugs and alcohol.
When she has been back at home for a few days and clean from it all, she is the loveliest person to have around, and knows how wrong it is to do these things. We are able to talk about most things and she admits to me what she is doing is wrong, but there is something inside her head that makes her push a self distruct button and she goes off. I find that it is much more helpul to us both for me not to loose my temper and talk about why she is doing what she is doing. I am constantly telling her that no matter what happens I love her and always will. She is almost an adult, and I try to talk to her as such, I try not to show her how shocked I am when she is telling me about what she gets up to while she is away, as I feel that she will stop talking to me openly.
She has admitted that she has a problem, and has accepted that she needs help. Her social worker has referred her to drug and alcohol councilling, which I pray will help. We have also been reffered for family councilling, which hopefully will help our relationship and make her come to terms with her fathers death.
I honestly dont think there are any hard and fast ways of solving your problem with your daughter, except trying to talk to her about what is the underlying problem, let her know that she can talk to you at anytime about anything, without the fear of you judging her or loosing your cool with her, try to talk to her as one adult to another and let her know that you will always love her and want to help her in any way you can.
Maybe, I'm doing things wrong, I dont know. But I am trying to deal with this in the only way I feel is right for us!
My heart goes out to you Beth, and I hope you get this problem sorted as soon as possible! Does anyone else have any ideas?

Jane - posted on 11/05/2009

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my kids aren't at the smokin pot age but given a choice between drinking and smokin pot I choose pot. well they could be since their at JR. High but neither of them choose to do either.

Jill - posted on 11/05/2009

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My daughter is 14 and she know's at all time's I have to know where she's at who she's with and what she's doing. I check her room when I feel like, go through her cell when I feel like it. That is my right as a parent and I have made her well aware of that. I also have her heavily involved with cheerleading, which she absolutely love's. She has been on the honor roll for year's. The more activities that a kid is involved in the less trouble they will get in. I would definitly put a stop to it now.

Kathleen - posted on 11/04/2009

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This is a tough one. Teenagers are smoking pot. They are doing a lot more too. We can only find video's and information to show them so they can be aware of what they are doing. Preaching never works. Some kids don't go any further and some go on to do more drugs. Who can be sure which person's kid will do what. It is a tough time. I say set limits. Take away privileges that you can live with. Explain to her that smoking pot is illegal and she can go to jail if she is caught. She needs to know that you can't stop her from making bad choices, but you can take away privileges if she can't make good choices for herself. She already is showing you that she is addicted or addiction prone by having to smoke so many times a day. No allowance money if it's going to pot. Get an after school job if you are so grown up and buy pot with your own money. Work after school, and see if you want to spend all of your money on weed. She also has no business driving home from school without an adult in the car who would not allow her to smoke. If she is driving with friends, you are really giving her privilges at a young age. I have made all of these mistakes already and can tell you for sure.....giving in against your better judgement for peace at the moment.....IS NOT WORTH IT. THEY WANT MORE AND MORE. THEY ARE NOT SATISTIFIED. And when they get in trouble, you gotta deal with it because it is your child and if you can't stop them , how do you expect them to stop themselves. They are still kids trying to fit into an adult world. Instead of pushing your child away by sending her to her room, try when you calm down to speak to her like you would somebody else's child if they did not have a mother and needed UNDERSTANDING.Try not to judge or dictate. Don't worry about locking her down until college, worry about getting her to college.Once she's out of high school , she will be a little older and mature enough to make some better choices. They have to hit some bumps in the road along the way so they can learn. Good luch to you and keep being there for your daughter. You only have her for three more years and then she will be 18 and you have no say. So do your job now and you will see results, slowly but surely

Liz - posted on 11/04/2009

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First of all, sorry. I know that's hard. I had/have a similar problem with my son. I'm kind of torn about it. Of course, I wish he'd never gotten involved with pot, but it does seem pretty prevalent. The problem is that if they get caught at school with it, they can be suspended, and depending on how strict law enforcement is in your area, they can also be arrested for it as it is still illegal. I also think it does negatively impact a young person's motivation, which ends up shutting doors that are open to them. My husband and I have come to the following realization: we can't ground him forever, though we could implement a home-drug test & ground him if positive policy. What we've chosen to do instead is to talk to him about drugs like pot have negative impact, and how important it is for him to study and do well in school if he wants to go to college, and how pot can detour those plans. We also don't let him socialize during the school week, letting him take time to study & do what he needs to take care of. The weekends are for socializing & having friends, and yes, he may be smoking pot at those times, but we've reinforced that he cannot make such a habit of it that it interferes with the other things he needs to do in life. If we saw that happening we might go up a level to more severe grounding. My husband and I don't personally think that pot is as damaging as drinking, which my son does not do, so it's tricky. We are walking the fine line between not enabling him (not allowed to smoke in the house, for example), and not entirely forbidding him either. I think the best thing you can do is let them see what it can do to them so that they can feel in control of the choices they make and their consequences. Good luck!

Beth - posted on 11/04/2009

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We have an appt with our family doctor this morning. Doing a full panel drug test and also for stds. The at home test came back positive for pot. I am going to let her talk to the doctor (who shes known for 11 yrs), whatever she tells him will be confidential but he can point me in the right direction. Intervention tonight and thursday afternoon a friend of the family who she loves is going to sit down with her about his past drug issues and how he almost lost him career. I hear from so many people ' be her friend" I was her friend fun parent and this is where we are... now its time to be firm, stern and unyielding





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Joanne - posted on 11/03/2009

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Well banishing her to her room won't help the situation. What I would do is find out why she started in the first place, was it peer pressure or is it a way for her to escape something that is going on in her life. Also I would tell her that you are going to take her to the doctors to find out exactly what types of drugs she has taken. Usually when you tell them that you are going to get a doctor involved if they have taken any other types of drugs they will come clean with it. Also, you need to calm down a bit as well, being over emotional won't help the situation either. If you have an open relationship with your daughter sit down with her and give her the facts, if you don't know the facts about canabis then find it on the net or talk to a health professional. A lot of times with teenagers they start smoking pot as an escape from reality and the pressures that all teens face. I don't agree in getting the school or local authorities involved with something that is minor like this. A lot of times the blame is put on the parents, state agencies are called and investigations into the family unit are also initiated. Give her the facts and then advise her that you are there to help her kick the habit, as that is what it is. Explain to her that it is usually a gateway drug to other harder drugs and show her pics of what a crackhead, methhead and heroin addict looks like. This may just change her mind but you have to find out what the underlying problem is first and foremost. Hope this helps.

Misty - posted on 11/03/2009

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Beth, you need to stand firm and it is not going to be easy but this can only get much worse if you do not. she has to be held accountable for her actions and it is a whole lot better dealing with being grounded-car taken away,phone,computer!! than to have to go see her in jail or even worse than that finding out she was using and died because of it. right now she may say "its only pot" but it does and will move on from there i promise you that unless you stand firm. I have got drug test sitting in my closet and my kids know it. I will be praying for you guys and this intervention is the right thing to do and just know that you are not alone if you need to talk you have us moms that are going through or have delt with this very thing

Jenifer - posted on 11/03/2009

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Unless you want this to escalate (and start spending time in court!) stop this NOW. It is not "just pot" it is ILLEGAL. Take away anything she deems important. Do not back down. Give her a time-limit to be clean. Then DRUG TEST HER--there are 2 tests--one will trace ANY amount-this is the one you want. (if she knows she will be tested this gives her an "out" with her peers! I can't my mom is testing me!)Keep on her--let her know she has to earn your trust back. Let her know if you did not love her you would not be doing this. Do NOT share any of your "party stories"--that will be seen as permission! I have a 22 year old addict who only did well when WE had him and did this. He went to his moms--and well--he is a 22 year old addict. Breaks your heart. Good luck! Be strong!

Angie - posted on 11/03/2009

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GOOD JOB BETH!!! I can't imagine how difficult is for you to be making these steps but you are doing the right things. You will be in my prayers. Please let us know how the intervention goes.

Stacy - posted on 11/03/2009

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OMG, Beth this story sounds so familiar. My daughter Ashley has been smoking pot with friends and her BF. I am outraged to think that what they do has no affect on them. Well, sister I am here to tell you my daughters eyes were opened last Thursday. She cam home so high it was unbelievable, I was talking to her in our kitchen and she just passed out. I was angry and scared. I made her eat and shower and tried to talk to her again and she passed out again. I was so scared for my baby girl I just was in disbelief that I was watching may daughter literally destroy herself. Now I don't know that what I did was right but I went to the friends that she was at and informed her parents that if this happened again I would be bringing the police with me. Then I grounded her, she called it "Moms Rehab" whatever, I don't know if it really worked but she did at least had to take the time to reflect on what she was doing to herself and to me. And she came to me and told me what she felt she was doing was not her and she would try to change, but the thing is at this point what am I to believe.Hang in there and I am praying for you and your daughter..

Beth - posted on 11/03/2009

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The car has been taken from her, so has her cell phone. I'm back to taking her to school and dropping her off. Ive searched her car, room, pocketbook and bookbag. She confessed who she was buying from, my husband has those names and is turning them over to the local police. I gave her the exact amount of money she would need for lunch, possibly going up there and paying the school directly. Ive reached out to her old straight friends and am having an intervention tomorrow night. Please pray for us.

Angie - posted on 11/03/2009

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Let me understand, she is driving and smoking pot?? Try taking her car keys away from her until she has 2 consecutive clean drug tests. If she is not driving herself but getting a ride from a friend then you need to start driving her to school every day. As far as what she's doing at school, where is the supervision?????

Joy - posted on 11/03/2009

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I went through a similar thing with my eldest daughter last year, she was 16 1/2 at the time and it was one of the scariest things that I think I have gone through. I am lucky that all is well now but we went through hell. Looking back I think that the biggest mistake that I made was that I kept hounding her to tell me the truth about everything that she was taking and doing as she just rebelled more and more. I think that the best advice that I can give you is to go and have a talk to your local doctor and she what they can do to help you, I would go alone at first and then take your daughter with you. Ask if there are any local services that would be able to help you and your daughter out. They may also suggest talking to the school and maybe counselling.

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