16 year old daughter says she is bisexual. Looking for advise!

[deleted account] ( 41 moms have responded )

My daughter just turned 16 this past Monday, but three weeks ago we found out she had a girlfriend. I am so confused by her behavior, not the fact she believes herself to be bisexual. She started being extremely disrespectful and nasty two months before we found out and now that we know not only is she still disrespectful and nasty, but she doesn't seem to understand the rules we would have had if she had a boy over still pertain when her girlfriend is over. We have taken her to counseling lately and she has been diagnosed with depression (it runs in the family). She and I used to talk about everything and since December, the only time she talks to me is when she is yelling at me or wants something. I just need help dealing with this whole attitude thing, and would be nice to know if she really is gay and just saying that she is bi because she thinks we would accept that better?

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Michele - posted on 10/11/2012

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I want to say to all the moms out there with this issue. You are not at fault when your daughter has these feelings. You are a good mom and you did not neglect her. My daughter confessed her struggle a couple of weeks ago, She has a crush on a bi-sexual friend and wants to date her. Truthfully my daughter has never liked or loved girl romantically until meeting this bi-sexual girl. In fact she had her first boyfriend last summer. A month ago, I remember my daughter telling me about this girl giving her attention through tickling and forcing her to tell her deepest pains in order to be true friends. I did not like the behavior of the girl and notice my daughter acted out of character around this girl. Our daughter knows our thought on bi-sexual and homosexual behavior. Before I had meet my husband he was Bi-sexual for three years and then felt it was wrong, stayed celibate until we dated and got married. Currently my husband and I have informed our daughter because of her bi-curious behavior the girl will be treated like a boyfriend. No sleep overs, hanging out for hours or talking/texting for hours. Our daughter does not understand why but respects our decision. The girl walks her to the car and my husband will give her the talk like he had with her ex-boyfriend. We care very much about our daughters purity and when she is a adult we will respect her choice but until then we are responsible for her life. I hope this helps the moms out there that are struggling. Believe me I told my daughter I loved her very much and she even tried to belittle my love because of her confusion. We let her know the boundaries set are for her safety and piece of mine. We took a lot of pressure off of her when we took cell phone privilege away. She seemed to rest more and hang out with us more . We will be giving her back the cell in three week but no more unlimited texting and phone calls. I have had lots of talks with her about boy and sex but never girls. I will have to do some research and have this conversation in do time. For those that are Christian and struggling because of what the Bible says, please remember our children belong to God and they will be responsible for their choices in the end. Our job is to speak truth, love, and step aside to let God direct them. We are not responsible for our children's choices. Don't carry that burden, it is not for you, it is from Jesus. :) Let go and rest!!!

Lisa - posted on 08/23/2012

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Our 16 year old daughter has been hanging around gay girls - and now thinks she is - has NO friends at school anymore - flunked a class last year - has changed so much - - these gay friends are NOT friends - they are messing with her head -1 month ago - she wanted to have sex with her boyfriend - and now she is a lesbian? I think NOT - we will not condone this in our house - she thinks she wants to move out -because it is not "fun" anymore - she causes so much drama and stress and doesn't even care - as long as she lives with us - she will NOT be with this gay person - she lies straight to our face now - which she never did until she started hanging out with these gay people - all of the gay girls - are from broken familes - non working families - and this just is breaking my heart - help - please............................

Nicole - posted on 08/29/2012

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Hi Debbie,

First I will tell you that her coming out to you is a HUGE thing. This means she is still talking to you! A lot of teens don't come out to their parents because a lot of parents don't react well, My son came out to us at 16 also. But the thing is we already knew he was gay. We had for a long time, and so had he, but he kept pretending because he was afraid people would stop loving him.

Another thing is please don't think she told you she is bi-sexual because she thought it would be easier to accept. The fact is that she will get harassed and tormented more for declaring her bi-sexuality than she would homosexuality. There are many people in both communities who don't believe in bi-sexuality and think that it is just someone looking for attention, or pretending so they can fit in.

The best thing you can do for your daughter is try to be there. Be loving and supportive and remember that there is a lot of hate in this world. Make sure it doesnt start at home. Ask her about her relationship. Try to get to know her significant other, of either gender, and make sure that person feels comfortable around you. You never know how their family might be reacting to things, and maybe she is expecting you to react the same way.

I would also look into a counsellor that has experience dealing with the LGBT community and who are supportive of them, because as you can see, even here there is a mild debate.

It would help for you, and your husband to go to a counsellor too that has experience with this, as this is a lot for you to process and it would be better for you to have a grasp and understanding on the changes you can expect in your family.

Above all else she is still your daughter. Love her and respect her no matter who she loves. Being gay is not a choice. It is not, as some people think, something we decide to be, or do. While it may be a different lifestyle, it is not a lifestyle CHOICE. Some people may believe that it is, but if you ask your daughter, and really listen to her, she will tell you how she feels. You may find in a few years that she will realize that she is either gay, or straight, but she may not. And really, as long as she loves someone, and they love her, and she is happy, isnt that really the most important thing? No matter what religion you are, God should be about love and acceptance. And in all forms of Christianity, it is never our place to judge, Only His.

Rebekah - posted on 03/09/2011

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First and foremost remember she is a teenage girl with hormones galore, emotions about everything, tons of peer pressure combined with the fear that she will disappoint you. It's great that she trusted you and told you what's on her mind about her love life...she could've hidden and dealt with your reaction down the road. This says a lot about you as a parent; good job. Make sure you don't judge her and don't only see her for this one thing in her life. It may seem like a huge thing right now, because it's out of your comfort zone, but it's only one little aspect and most likely a phase. 16 year olds search for something they can control when their world is spiraling. Also, as girls, they are going to be dramatic and test your boundaries. Listen and ask lots of questions. Find out why she wanted you to know, what she values/trusts more in girls vs boys, etc. You will probably find out that she was hurt by a boy and decided to just "give up" on them. She may see it as easier to wipe the slate clean and start fresh with girls rather than rack your brain about what one boy did to hurt her. That's just my guess.

Like everyone said, love her no matter what. That's all you can do and that's what she needs most. Be a sounding board, without judgement, every time she is ready to talk. Her life is going to change so much between now and when she's an adult.

Annette - posted on 03/06/2011

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Hi Debbie,

You must stand your ground on your "house rules". Of course the rules are the same for her having a boyfriend or girlfriend over, especially now that you know there is a sexual nature to those relationships.

You need to give her credit for telling you of her sexual preference; please appreciate that by doing this, she was communicating with you at a very intimate level. Think how hard that must have been for her, not of the content of the message.

A lot of her attitude is simply the age & stage she is going through, but you must insist on her showing respect for you as her parent & for your rules as the rules of the home she lives in. Like all of us, you will have to remind her constantly that you provide everything for her & that it would be nice if she actually showed some appreciation for that fact.

Julie, I know you are trying to be helpful, but here are a couple of things you need to know: Being bi or gay is not a "lifestyle" choice. Gay & Bi people actually ARE born that way, just like straight people are born that way. I should know; I am bi & always have been. I have many gay & bi friends & have discussed this with them all. Every one of them agrees. I'm sorry, but as you don't believe in being gay or bi, you are hardly in a position to comment. We all respect your right to raise your kids any way you feel is correct; please have the same respect for others.

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Lynn - posted on 09/15/2013

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Around 13years old my daughter came to me with the same issue. We have raised her in a faith-based home, attending church almost every Sunday. I was saddened when she told me, but I was not angry. I told her that I will always love her and be here for her. These days kids are so confused with who they are and there are so many options that they try to choose every one. I continue to pray that my daughter will learn herself and make wise decisions.
Possibly the young person has convinced your daughter that it is a heterosexual relationship. It would be great if you could reach out to the school counselor to see what options you have for getting your daughter better informed about sexuality and the different avenues out there. With prayer and time I think things will be okay

Anonymous - posted on 09/13/2013

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My daughter has been a dating a girl that thinks she is a boy. My daughter is convinced that since this person thinks she is a boy that she is so therefore she is not bi sexual. I am confused, sad and angry. I believe this is wrong for her but I don't want to alienate her and push her away. I don't know what to do. My husband doesn't either. This is very hard. It is harder to accept when it is your own daughter.

Sadie - posted on 06/14/2013

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Debbie, I am soooo glad that you posted that!!! My daughter just turned 15, and for a few months before she has been nasty to me, no respect and just mean and rude. I have told her that if she has a girlfriend over the rules are the same for boy, door stays open, and I go up and check in on them. She thinks Im being invasive. I took her to the doctor and he is setting up an appointment for her to see someone that she might be able to speak to, because she certainly doesn't talk to me about things!! I really don't know what to do.

Christina Lee - posted on 10/17/2012

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Well debbie i dont exactly kno about the gay lifestyle but your daughter should not have sex until she is married and actually ready to have sex. She shouldnt yell at u at all. She could go to jail for it and stay their forever. Posted by:Christina Lee Larkins

Olivia - posted on 08/28/2012

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i think that us as parents need to bring correction and bring balance to our kids we need to show them that that is wrong and tell them in a ferm voice that they cant talk to us likke that dont yell at them they just get more attitude use a firm voice they need correction and balance

Jade - posted on 08/28/2012

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I have been around a lot of teens and was a teen at one point if you push her and tell her no, she will only do it more, just like drugs, when you try to stay open minded about it, maybe she will see this is not for me... NOT saying to let her have sex and do drugs( or that she is doing drugs, just giving an example) But for teens now a days things are hard, they are faced with sex and drugs and a whole lot of stuff that when I was a teen it was starting to coming out, but when my mom and dad it wasn't like it is now a days. Not saying to allow her to be this way, but maybe try to be on her level, but yet still be her mom, most teens are looking for a friend in there parents now a day, they don't want to be judged for what they think. Maybe look in to a buddy program/teen mentor.. I hope it all works out

Tysie - posted on 08/25/2012

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Well sweetheart, I can understand your situation somewhat because I am a bisexual young woman and I was bisexual as of the age of 9 years old I just never said anything until I was 30 years of age and I still have yet to come out to my parents and knowing me I more than likely never will. All you can do is love her and always be there for her and when she comes to you with an attitude asking or yelling at your for whatever reason "IGNORE" her don't respond pretend as though she is not asking or talking to you and when she finally decides to stop calmly say to her "Unless you can talk to me normally (as an adult) we have nothing to say to each other." and walk away.. You have to show her that YOU are the mother and SHE is the child. I personally don't think that her bisexuality or gayness for that matter (if she is gay) has anything to do with her anger and then again I could be wrong and if this is the case "Ask Her" I mean what harm could it do, after all you are her mother and if she can't talk to you about her issues she can't talk to anyone out of anyone in the world our children should be able to come and talk to us as their parents. My son is now 17 years of age and every girl he talks to as "friends" or he's "dating" I know of them, talk to them, and have accepted some of them on my facebook page and friends and if he stops talking to them I keep their friendship. I don't intervene in their relationship unless he comes and asks me a question with the girl on the phone, Now he is at the age where 19 year old girls want to talk to him and mind you again he is just 17 years of age but ANYTHING that goes on in his life he comes to who...ME his mother, his father (me), his best friend...and that is the way it should be....eventually if you continue to be there and show her love she will come around...

Much prayers to you and your daughter hope all has and will continue to work out for you..



Side Note: Look into the company that she is keeping and choosing to hang around with. That could be a cause of her lashing out for no reason and giving you so much attitude...Sit down with her and actually talk to her and make her understand that her lifestyle doesn't bother you (only if it doesn't) and her being bisexual or gay (if that's the case) doesn't change how you feel towards her...

Lisa - posted on 08/23/2012

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Schools allow this - and even have a gay alliance set up for the kids - - - our daughter is not who she was a month ago -- it is sad - she had her license - and two weeks later - totalled her car - she is only 16 - can not drive - how does she think she knows she is gay - she pushed all her friends away - and now doing it to me and her father - I seriously can not handle this -

Annette - posted on 04/09/2011

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i would also let her know that adult relationships with a boy or a girl is not appropriate or allowed. if her being bi means she wants to crush on a girl and hang out... fine whtever.. but sex is not encourged or allowed. (that doesnt mean she is going to listen)that means you are stating absolute bounderies. and if she crosses them then there will be concenquences and punishment.

Annette - posted on 04/09/2011

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i would also let her know that adult relationships with a boy or a girl is not appropriate or allowed. if her being bi means she wants to crush on a girl and hang out... fine whtever.. but sex is not encourged or allowed. (that doesnt mean she is going to listen)that means you are stating absolute bounderies. and if she crosses them then there will be concenquences and punishment.

Annette - posted on 04/09/2011

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actually, i think most of the freshman/ sophmore girls now adays think they are bi, the tv and media has made is such a mainstream idea that if a girl thinks another girl is pretty it must mean she is bi. it sounds like she is acting out.. a lot of times when teens act out there is more going on then meets the eye... if you would like to know how i handled my daughter (she is almost 19) just email me binkxth@yahoo.com

Chyla - posted on 04/08/2011

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I also have a sixteen year old who is saying she is bisexual, i dont know what to think or how to deal with it. she has been falling behind in her school work and is getting ready to lose some priveladges at home for her grades and she is also a pathological liar. she has told me this one time before about 6months ago and has never said a word about it since, she even has dated some boys. now today that she knows she is going to be punished for not doing her school work and lying she saying shes bi again. i dont know what to think or believe

Chyla - posted on 04/08/2011

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I also have a sixteen year old who is saying she is bisexual, i dont know what to think or how to deal with it. she has been falling behind in her school work and is getting ready to lose some priveladges at home for her grades and she is also a pathological liar. she has told me this one time before about 6months ago and has never said a word about it since, she even has dated some boys. now today that she knows she is going to be punished for not doing her school work and lying she saying shes bi again. i dont know what to think or believe

Lorelei - posted on 03/16/2011

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fyi.... I was told when I came out to my best friend (gay man) that if most of your friends are gay/lesbian it is a pretty good indication:) as far as the gene I have six aunts and uncles two are bisexual possibly three. Each of them have one out gay child so I definately believe there is a genetic connection here. Heard once it was found in gay men but not in women??? not sure.

Lorelei - posted on 03/16/2011

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I am gay and to be quite honest if I had truly understood my feelings at 16 I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and confusion. Let your daughter express her feelings and from what I am seeing with girls bi is the new cool. It gives them time to truly understand who and what they are without conforming to one rigid set of expectations. Definately if her interest in this girl is physical then same rules should apply as you had for boys and would still apply to boys< she is saying she is bi not lesbian so she has to realize you as a parent hold the same expections for her. I can say from my earliest memories my affections were always toward women I did not know where to apply what I felt so I transferred my actions to men. It was a really horrible situation and took me 27 years to come to terms with what I was, from that point on life has been easy. Be strong and support your daughter although it sounds as if you are already doing that. If she comes to terms with her sexuality now she will be saved years of anguish and if she is bisexual it usually goes in fazes. The people I know that are bi tend to fall in love with the whole person and usually still have long term monogomous relationships with one or the other and do not limit themselves by the persons sex. Good luck and look into PFLAG for support and advice. :)

Patricia - posted on 03/11/2011

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I have a 15 yr old daughter.She just broke down and confessed she is Bi. Seems like most of her friends on FB are Bi or Gay.Its like everywhere. I am finding out that i don't really know my daughter. How can all these kids be Bi or Gay? My husband has an uncle a cousin and a nephew who are gay. I have come to the conclusion that they Are born that way.I am even wondering if there is such a thing as gay gene.No family can have that much of it in one family on one side. can they? I can't get past the religious thing though.Where it says "no man should lie with another" How do you get over feeling like your child just told you they were going to hell ? And your deep desire to change it?I guess I have been no help at all but your daughter could be struggling with the religious side of it all.

[deleted account]

Thanks, Rebekah!
I do have to say that I have been giving her space and she knows I do Love her and thats all we can do right now. Her attitude, although uncommonly quiet has been OK the last three or four days so that's a plus! Guess it's that dreaded age I so fear! I did have a brief conversation with her counselor today and she said My daughter has alot more issues going on in school than I know, but she wasn't supposed to tell me about them. Wondering if I should press the counselor for information or let the counselor figure it out with my daughter and stay out of it at this point..............

Annette - posted on 03/08/2011

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Good luck Debbie; you are on the right track. Love her to bits; you don't get any more kids & they don't get any more parents.

Sorry Karen, but your rant is totally unhelpful. You have no idea what you are talking about when you profess that gay or bi people choose to act that way..........what a load of horse shit! You are what you preach: Intolerant. No wonder your kids are acting like lunatics. Look a little closer to home, love.

[deleted account]

Thanks to all! This is just somewhat confusing at times because my daughter has always been a bit mouthy but never disrespectful or defiant for that matter and I believe it will be a difficult process setting rules where I have never had to set before.......

Ann - posted on 03/07/2011

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Hello my daughter is 15 and has alot of friends who are 16, she is straight but most of her friends are either gay or bi, they all go to the club at school for bi, gay and staight alliance to suport each other. I know at this age the kids are very confused as to what to like and not like. With all the hormones going through their bodies and choices they are starting to have to make yes some lash out cause they don't know how to respond or ask about alot of things with out feeling embareassed. My daughter thought she might me gay but when I asked her do you really want to see another girl naked and do thing with her and kiss her? she thought about it for a moment and said not really. Than when one of her friends that is a girl kissed her a while back she really didn't like it. I have found with this group of kids these days they have so much preassure and role models like Adam Lambert and such they don't know how to act. Hope she figures it out and knows you will love her no matter what she desides to do but she does need to respect you and your rules.

Louveda - posted on 03/07/2011

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I disagree that being bi or gay isn't born within. As a straight person there was never a time that I thought "gee, do I want to fall in love with men, women or both?" so why would someone who does love the opposite or both genders be any different. Her acting out probably has absolutely nothing to do with her sexuality. She is rebelling against your rules because that's what 16 yr olds do. It's part of their development to rebel & test their bounderies. You are doing the right thing by standing firm with your rules & enforcing consequences for inappropriate behavior. Just don't let her distract you by trying to make this a sexuality issue rather than what it is. I'm not sure how I would react because the rules for a bi-sexual child require being different than it would for a straight child.

Karen - posted on 03/07/2011

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I don't know anything about the bi thing, but my daughter is 17 and was acting out by drinking and taking drugs and smoking. THis is what we did. We told her that she will have no life, no phone, no computer or facebook, no car etc...It's hard and no fun to have to go to war with your daughter. Let me tell you it was the best thing we ever did!! She now is fine and free and clean all but trying to quit smoking but she smokes a few a week is all. We are a good christian family and everything. You and your husband if you are married can not argue in front of her and DO NOT let her go to either one to get sides. You monitor her phone and go on her facebook and take it. IF she doesn't give the password thne take her computer and she can't go anywhere. The gay thing or bi as we know is not born within it is something that she is just doing. Take control of this before it gets away from you and let her know who is boss, do not freak out and yell, because that kind of stuff does not help. She needs to know she is dealing with someone that is not crazy. Not to say you are, but just stay level headed.NEVER put her down. Just say it is not and will not be tolerated. My daughter says well I will move out! Tell her go ahead but her life of what she enjoys now, will no longer be. Cut her phone off and by a GPS tracker device if you need but take back your daughter!!!

[deleted account]

Annette, so glad for the information! I truely am lost in this. I do want everyone to know however that I have unconditionally supported my daughter through this whole experience. My husband and I have allowed this girl into our home and taken my daughter to hers. I do not feel comfortable denying her that just because it is a 'girl.' Am I condoning it no, but would never want to damage her emotionally as I believe Joy's brother may be doing. My daughter has never been rebellious or disrespectful as she has been lately, and throughout this entire conversation, I have come to realize that I am her parent not her friend, and I do have to put my foot down. It's gonna be tuff though as I have really never HAD to say no, she has never asked to do anything that I have felt was innappropriate or immoral as far as I was concerned. So setting up some house rules for her is going to be a challange.............
Joy, I was also brought up believing in the bible, however times do change and I would much rather have my daughter's love than resentment. I wish your brother and your family strength during this time. It has only been a month with my daughter, and it has gotten easier.

Joy - posted on 03/07/2011

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My niece who is 15 years old just told my brother and his wife a few weeks ago. They are very relgious and my niece has grown up in the church. They reacted really harsh towards her...even pulled her out of public school and now is homeschooling her. She is absolutely miserable. They want to "cure" her. I also believe that you are born gay and it is NOT a choice. Unconditional Love...accept her and love her no matter what her sexual preference is. Good luck...

Annette - posted on 03/06/2011

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I don't think there was ever a time when I "realised" I was attracted to both sexes; I just always was. Like any normal kid, I had friends of both genders growing up & when puberty hit & "those" feelings were awakened, I felt the same towards boys and girls. My mother was a conservative christian & my dad, although not so strict, was a good catholic, so there was never any mention of bi or gay in our house. I never told them, but talked to the counsellor at school & a lot of friends & their parents about how I felt. I don't recall anybody encouraging or condemning me for what I felt, but I assumed that was because I was always honest with them. I knew to respect my parents beliefs & the house rules, so I never tried to have boys or girls stay over in my room. I had my first sexual experience with a girl from school when we were on summer when we were both 14. I knew then it felt "right". I had no guilt or dirty feelings, just a warm glow of how wonderful it all felt. I felt much the same when I had my first experience with a boy about a year later. I have been happily bisexual ever since & unlike a number of people I have spoken to, have no preference between sexes: I enjoy men & women equally. Good luck Debbie. xx

[deleted account]

Annette, Thank you for that as well!! I have told her I support her and that I am OK with the bi thing and I believe she believes me. I do believe it is a little more difficult accepting you child telling you of their sexual orientation than having a gay or lesbian friend, of which I have both and have no issues with them. I was brought up christian and believed what it said in the bible for many years. However the past several years I have come to realize that I too, believe that sexual orientation is in the brain when a child is born. Annette, if you wouldn't mind a personal question? When did you realize your sexual orientation? I'm just curious what my daughter may be going through seeing as she doesn't seem to talk to me much lately.......

[deleted account]

Wow Gina thank you! Here is a little bigger picture, my daughter has always been in sports. She goes year round, soccer, basketball, softball during school and soccer and basketball all summer. It is definitely not that she is bored, thats for sure. She has always been a pretty good kid and have never really worried about her at all, except for the fact she really never has many people over, she likes to go to friends, not have them here (she hates our house, built in 1890, lots of 'character' she doesn't like) She and I, I thought, always had a good relationship we talked about almost every thing, including her first boyfriend and how 'far they went.' Since she started talking to this other girl, our conversations ceased. Unless of course she is yelling at me. She has told me that she will never lie to me, but for whatever reason in this situation, I'm not so sure I totally believe that. We actually or should say I actually talked to her today and told her that she wasn't always going to agree with my decisions or her father's in the next few years, but that it is our job to make rules to protect her and keep her safe. That we were her parents and not her friends and that she will probably hate us at some point, and that means we are doing our job to the best we know how to do! She seemed to accept that but didn't say to much, so time will tell. Thank you all so much for these words of encouragement, I feel so much better going to bed tonight than I did last night! XO

Gina - posted on 03/06/2011

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16 is a very difficult age for a girl. She is not quite a woman yet experiencing changes in her body, mind and soul. If she is yelling at you it may be a way that she is trying to reach out to you but doesn't know how to begin. Next time she yells and wants something don't give into her. Don't yell back remain calm. Tell her when she decides to talk to you respectfully and without yelling that you will answer her. At 16 her friends are more important than you are and they maybe influencing her more than you know. Does she play any sports? Have any interests? Does she work? She needs something to occupy her time. Depression can be very scary. She may have experienced an encounter, such as another girl touching or kissing her and she feels she is bi.causing confusion and depression. There are many books out there that can help you cope. Always keep communication line open for her, but don't take the abuse of her tantrums and yelling. Maybe set aside a mother/daughter day. Go to lunch, go to the mall buy her a new outfit, something that will make her feel good about herself. This will give you an opportunity for talking. The thing I would concern me the most is that the other girls/boys in school aren't bullying her or calling her names. If your daughter is on the computer, hiding in her room, if she has a cell phone you need to look into what is going on. Check her history, read her text messages it may open your eyes to a whole new world. If she feels its an invasion of privacy she's wrong. You are the parent and need to be in control. Good luck.

Sharon - posted on 03/06/2011

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She's trying to figure out who she is, maybe some guy hurt her more and her comfort zone was to turn to a girl. It happens, but she might just be going through a phase and if not learn to accept it, and treat her no otherway but as if you felt her not to be Bi. Good Luck

Julie - posted on 03/06/2011

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Yes Jonette, that is what most christian churches teach bc that is what is in the Bible. And being that we are a Christian family, this is what we believe and teach our children as well. There is nothing wrong with teaching your children the message of the Bible if this is how you choose to raise your children. If you chose to NOT raise your children with the teachings of the Bible then of course, that is each families choice. And you have that right. And being gay IS a lifestyle. It is not something you are born knowing how to be or how to do. We are all products of our environment. And each of us will have different ways and ideas of how we choose to raise our children.

Jonette - posted on 03/06/2011

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If your child was raised in a church that taught her being gay was wrong, and she knows you believe that, can you imagine what she isgoing through.. Not only does she know you disapprove but she is fighting everything she was taught. The whole going to hell factor is a tough one. I am assuming this is a possiblitiy because about 90% of churches teach this..... So picture what is going on in her head.... no wonder she is angry.. She is also scared... she wants to be accepted for who she is and know that you accept her for that without judgement.. so no don't say even though you don't agree with the lifestlye...... that is like telling your overweight child that she has a pretty face..... tell her you love her no matter who she chooses to love but the rules are the rules.. and no bf/gf sleep overs. And mom make sure she knows what is bothering you is NOT her thinking she is bi/gay... it is her disrespectful behavior. Wishing you all the best!

Christina - posted on 03/06/2011

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I would sit down to her and talk to her like an adult. Explain to her that you might not agree with her sexual orientation, but you still love her and you will always love her. Explain that it isn't the "getting pregnant" fear that makes the rules where she can't be alone in a bedroom with a boy, but it is just a household rule that applies to anyone she is dating, including a girl.

Tami - posted on 03/05/2011

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Hi Debbie,

She just turned 16 and may not know her sexual orientation fully yet. If this is her 1st sexual encounter with a BF/GF then she may just be experimenting herself to find her true self. Either way, support her with her decisions. She needs to know you accept her either way. She may be getting sexual pressure from her new GF and not sure how to handle it. She needs to understand your friends in the room rules apply to either boys or girls, because of the sex situation. Sex is sex no matter what gender and isn't allowed in her room. Was she prescribed something for depression? Sometimes it take a bit for the meds to work. I have twin 18 year old girls and girls do go through mood swings more about that age. Just let her know you are there to listen to anything, anytime. It will get better. Good Luck!

[deleted account]

I am not really sure about the gay lifestyle, I have friends who are gay but I really don't think of them as 'gay' I think of them as a friend. However, to admit that my daughter is gay is a very hard pill to swallow.....

Julie - posted on 03/05/2011

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WOW, Debbie....that's alot to grasp. I also have a teenage daughter who will be 16 in Nov. and for my husband and I, we don't approve of the gay lifestyle. I have no clue how I would even be able to deal with this type of situation. We also don't believe in being "bi". If you're gay then you're gay so maybe she is just saying that to you thinking it cushions the real truth.

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