Trisha - posted on 05/10/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )
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So, I am recently divorced and just started dating. My 16 yo is so upset with me!
I tried to explain to her that I am not going anywhere, but moms need a little time out as well. I will have 1 date a week (same person). Is it wrong of my to tell her to suck it up, as long as I am still devoting so much of my time to her? I hate when she is so unhappy but I cannot put my life on hold
Please help!
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Toni - posted on 05/12/2011
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34
Well, I don't think you should put your life on hold by any means, however, you do say you are "recently" divorced. Depending on how recently, I am sure your daughter may be a little confused as to how you can start dating so quickly. Was this man you divorced her father, how long were you married? Your daughter is going through an adjustment period as I am sure you also are. But you are the grown up, the parent. Talk to your daughter, talk about her feelings, not your feelings. Trying to make her understand your point of view may be a waist of time as most teenagers think in the first person "I". So, talk to her, answer any questions she may have, however, remember your personal love life is YOUR business not hers. Too many times parents, especially divorced parents share too much about their love lives with their children, she is not a friend but your child who is obviously confused about the situation. Ask your daughter what she wants, what she expects from you. Explain to her that your personal love life is not up for discussion but your relationship with her is first and foremost. Good luck, been there hope all works out.
√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/10/2011
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Yeah, she's going to have to get used to it. Even if you weren't seeing 1 person a week, tell her you'd still need time out. She'll get over it as long as you aren't grossing her out or wearing the same type of clothing she is lol Does she date? Sometimes it can be upsetting and hard for young girls to feel competitive or even comparable to their mothers. My mom is very pretty, so when I was younger I had some of my guy friends say things like Your sister has HUGE boobs and I'd be grossed out because THATS my mom! Lol so there is alot she may be dealing with. Try to ask her exactly what about dating upsets her? Your wardrobe? The guy? Perhaps just the time frame? I think talking to her more about it may help her?
Pam - posted on 05/10/2011
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No you are not doing anything wrong. I went through the same thing and as time went on she got more used to the idea that her mom has a life outside of home. She may be feeling bad for her father, fearful of him being replaced. Talk to her about that and reassure her that no one will be replacing her father. Also maybe set up a date night with just you and her!! My daughter loves that and it makes her feel that she is the most important person in my life, not my dates. Hope this helps.
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