16y old taking photos of her tits and said why is it so wrong if you got them then show them of

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Renee - posted on 08/13/2010

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I know this topic is somewhat older, but I had to share.

I have 4 kids and 3 of them are teenage daughters. 16, 15 and 14. About 6 months ago one of my daughter's best friend's called sobbing so hard she was difficult to understand. She's a good kid, but she has made some really dumb decision's. This being one of them. She had sent a topless pic of herself to a boy that she really thought she liked. She included her face as well. We went to her house and picked her up because she needed a friend and her parents were at work. Here comes the fun part...The boy and most of his friends had created an email account on rocket mail where they sent all the pics of every girl they had nude pics of. They all had the password and gave it out to other boys. Basically, they were running a free child pornography website. I was absolutely horrified. I had one of the girls get a boy on the phone that was a friend to the "creator" of this little gem. My language wasn't very nice. I wasn't very nice. I told him they had 2 hours to delete the entire account or I was going straight to the police and that if I ever caught wind of such garbage going on again, there would be no warning just a phone call to the authorities. It was a tough lesson for everyone.

According to my girls, there is tremendous pressure from the boys to share nude photos. In the same breath, my oldest says that it is the biggest turn off when someone they think likes them asks them for a "naughty pic". The boys are asking and yes, the girls are offering. It really breaks my heart.

I have a saying that I tell my kids all the time-I love you enough to say no. I explain to them that it's easier to say yes and not care what they do, instead of taking the time to argue with them and explain why you can't do this or that. Love them enough to tell them no and draw boundaries for them.

Angela - posted on 08/08/2010

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I think that if the child doesn't have any self respect then she won't understand being treated with love andcompassion. Sometimes the best love and compassion we can show our children is by being tough on them. I don't like to be that way, but my newly 16 year old daughter would NEVER take a picture of herself nude. She has plenty to show off, ask anyone who's chosen her to model swimsuits for them. She, however, has decided that just because she has it doesn't mean she has to bare it!!!!!!! On two different occasions I've SEEN her reject a swimsuit because it showed too much skin. Gentle love and compassion are, in my opnion, the first line of parenting, but sometimes in order to protect our children and retain our self respect as parents we have to be tough on our kids in order to prevent them from making a choice that will have NO positive consequences at any point in the future. With any luck this poor girl and her mother will learn from this situation what NOT to do and how to respect themselves.

Gina - posted on 07/26/2010

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First step, take the damn phone away!!!!! Secondly, where is she learning such a behavior? At home? From TV? Let her loose that priveledge too? Last, call your local police department and have them lay down the law about child pornography and its consequences.

Angela - posted on 08/09/2010

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Jana, I'm so glad you posted. I firmly believe that love, acceptance and compassion are the first line of parenting, but as you said there just comes a time in a child's life when you have to "jerk an knot in their tails". As a caring parent that's a necessity. And they appreciate it (granted not til after they quit being mad) more than they realize until they have kids of their own. I don't know of ANY parent who hasn't made "BIG" mistakes. Part of being a parent is making a mistake. But a GOOD parent learns from their mistake the first time she makes it. Yes it hurts to be tough on a kid. But that's part of protecting him/her. I love the way you handled your 13 year old son's pushing of his limits. I think you did ABSOLUTELY the right thing. I told my 16 year old daughter just a couple of days ago that I was looking forward to being her friend if she reached adulthood but right now I'm her mom first! I also told her that as her mom I have final say on EVERYTHING in her life right now. I show her the respect of listening to her, but my decision is the final because I have her best interests at heart. The only perfect parent, I believe, is our Father, God. So no stress, you're not expected to be perfect, nor are you expected to not make mistakes. Just try to enjoy the ride.

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Angela...yes of course EVERYONE needs to be treated with respect. If children are shown respect and love and have it modeled for them at home, they should have some internal alarm that goes off when they know they have crossed that line. Yes, teenagers brains haven't developed completely, hence the risky behavior they often exhibit. However...this is an issue of self respect and decency, which this young girl clearly lacks. And when confronted by her parents, shows no remorse or embarrassment for her actions. I agree with you 100%, children need to be given love and acceptance. But we are not their friends! We are the people responsible for developing young people that know the difference between right and wrong. I have raised my two boys on my own for the last 8 years and l have made big mistakes too! Right now my 13 year old seems to be trying out every 4 letter word he's heard lately on a TV show "Tosh". I watched it with him and was completely blown away by the vulgarity of the material. So, what did I do...block the channel and him from the computer every day that he lets one fly. Is he raging around the house, not speaking to me, muttering under his breath, telling me I'm unfair; YES! He's a kid...do I show him compassion...NO! I just hold up my hand and say "Not open for discussion. You're the child and I'm the parent. You can raise your children your way, but you're my son and I'm the boss!" He gets tired of hearing the broken record and ends up sulking in his room. No one has said that Tammy shouldn't be loving and compassionate to her daughter. I for one am just sick and tired of seeing today's young people acting as if they have absolutely no class or sense of decency. And I grew up in the 60's!!! I'm also angered by the lack of parenting skills so many couples seem to have. And please don't think I haven't made my own BIG mistakes or that I think my children are perfect. I know they're not! But I do know how to take the bull by the horn and jerk a knot in their tails when I have to! And do they walk away mad, does it hurt inside when they look at me like I'm the hated enemy, YES! But they always cool off and come back, hug me and apologize for being so disrespectful. THEY KNOW I set limits because I have shown compassion, love and understanding UNTIL I have to pull out the iron fist. Being a parent isn't for sissies!

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31 Comments

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Tammy - posted on 02/11/2014

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hi everyone thanks for replying well she is 21 this year and has a daughter of her own and love's the fact I told her how to respected herself we are best friends now

Leslie - posted on 08/19/2010

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Wow. Sad state of affairs. What with all the sexual suggestion from TV radio music movies it is hard to impart to daughters that they are the Divine Feminine and as such should present themselves as much. When my daughter (and son) were as young as six I began schooling them in whys and what nots of male/female relationships. I have had very down and dirty talks with my daughter about teenage boys, men, sex, etc. I have also both my kids know that they are divine and worthy of all of the good things and people in life. Maybe your daughter is craving love and attention. Does she have enough? Look behind the attitude and see what is really going on. Best of luck.

Ramona - posted on 08/19/2010

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This is a crime, sending underage images is a serious crime. But, that aside, I would be hauling her little hiney to a pastor and a counselor to see why she has such low self esteem. I am with the others as well, she would have no life, no phone, computers, no going out, etc....

Tah - posted on 08/19/2010

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my 13 year old niece has DD's and if she ever....WOOOSAH.....ok...after you take her phone, camera, computer privileges, clothes,(buy her baggy sweats) and everything else...you talk to her and let her know the importance of respecting herself...and if she doesn't then who will...the reputatuin that this will lend her..then you let her know that it against the law...and take her to internet and show her what is happening to girls who do this type of things..keep the lines of communication open..find out what she is looking for that makes her want to do this...and pray about it and for her...

Sonali - posted on 08/18/2010

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my daughter is almost 15, but with a very mature figure. so, I remind her always,to respect and protect herself as a precious jewel. we share all books, talk about romance & our aspirations about life, & what we expect from men. I think bonding as a woman helps her have a high self esteem. so, she understands when I ask her never to expose her body..

Angela - posted on 08/09/2010

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Alycia, I am not sorry. Are you a child therapist? Do you know the child in question? I agree that everyone needs to be treated with love, acceptance and compassion. I too feel sorry for any child whose parent believes otherwise. I also feel sorry for any child whose parent cannot model common decency, self respect, or self control. I firmly believe that any child whose therapist knows them better than the parent needs a new family. I don't know the family in question, however I've SEEN what love and acceptance WITHOUT a parental backbone can create. A 13 year old sleeping with an 18 year old and I don't mean innocently. Or a 13 year old who got pregnant before her first period. Part of love and compassion and acceptance is accepting that a child has no mental limits and needs a RESPONSIBLE adult to establish some. Yes a child will fight the limits, but even a child therapist will tell you that a child actually WANTS limits in spite of the protests. Part of love is being tough when the child needs it. Part of compassion is holding them when they cry because you have to be tough. So I would suggest that you choose to judge the situation presented for our help, not the people trying to help. Judging the people is God's job. Perhaps you didn't read that part of the Bible. I'm not perfect, don't claim to be. I don't know everything, don't claim to. However, MY comments were based on my personal experiences and observations.

Alycia - posted on 08/09/2010

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I am sorry but EVERYONE deserves to be treated with love and compassion. I feel bad for any child who has a parent who thinks otherwise.

IF the child HAS low self esteem she REALLY needs to be treated with love and compassion.

I take it you are a child therapist and know better than one?

A

Alycia - posted on 08/07/2010

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Maybe you should ignore all the other advice and treat this issue with concern, love and compassion.

Treat your teens with resepect and remember you were there once too ... doing stupid things ... our stupid things were different ... but stupid all the same.

Let's teach our children about love and respect for thier bodies. My sons GF (he is 14) sent him some very graphic pictures and I found out in coversation that she had been molested at a young age. So this would explain the thought process for her. "If I want him to love me I need to be sexual with him."

I didn't "FREAK" out on him but talked to him about respect, why that was innapropriate and what kind of boyfriend he wanted to be and what kind of girlfriend he wanted to have. I am glad she lives far away I do have to say.

We do go to family counseling since I went through a divorce a while back. I think all families should have counseling. His counselor said I handed the situation wonderfully. Ahh! Really? And I didn't freak out or strip him of his dignity. FEAR will not work in the long run people. Communication will.

As a side note ... my son can and will tell me just about anything.

[deleted account]

AND THAT IS ANOTHER THING I NOTICED IN SOME ONE ELSES REPLY IT IS A CRIME FOR HER TO TAKE NUDE PHOTOS OF HERSELF SHE IS SENDING AND PRODUCING WHAT MOST STATES WOULD CALL CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. YOU MIGHT CHECK INTO THE LAWS IN YOUR STATE.SO SHE DOESN'T GET INTO TROUBLE UN KNOWINGLY.GOOD LUCK

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I WOULD REMIND HER THAT ONE DAY SHE WILL BE MARRIED WITH CHILDREN OF HER OWN AND ONE DAY HER KIDS COULD SEE THE PHOTOS OF HER AND COULD BE HUMILIATED FROM THEIR MOMS STUPIDITY.NOT TO MENTION WHAT KINDS OF BOYS DOES SHE WANT TO ATTRACT BECAUSE THE KINDS OF BOYS SHE WANTS WONT WANT A GIRL WHO HAS ALREADY SHOWED TO THE WORLD.MY SON IS A TEENAGER AND HAS SAID HE WOULD NEVER GIVE A GIRL WHO WANTS TO SHOW EVERYTHING OFF A SECOND GLANCE BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS WOULD ALWAYS BE ABLE TO SAY THEY HAVE SEEN HIS GIRL WITH OUT CLOTHES.AND AS MY TEENAGE SON SAID JUST REMIND HER THAT THOUSANDS OF CREEPS AND WEIRDOS ARE WATCHING HER PHOTOS AND PRINTING THEM ON THE INTERNET.I WOULD JUST REMIND HER SOME DAY SHE WILL REGRET THIS.

Karen M. - posted on 08/01/2010

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Yes, I agree (for the most part) with everyone here. Some people said it more tactfully than others, but the message is the same. And pay attention to Desiree's comment... it's true. What's important is how you handle it... will you fly off the handle and freak out or talk with her, and maybe the cops, or a counsellor, too? That part is totally up to you, Tammy. Keep God in your words, that will also help. Good luck.

Kathleen - posted on 08/01/2010

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First, breathe! Second, take away whatever she is using to take pictures! Third, explain to her the legal consequences of distributing nude photos of herself or anyone else who is a minor! Maybe even get a policeman or social worker to help with this. Fourth, don't give in to the everyone does it, society allows this, your too old to understand lines. You are the parent so be the parent! Fifth, do not give the equipment back until she fully understands and is remorseful. You and I lived perfectly well without all the electronic media we give to our children today. She can too if necessary. When she is an adult and can pay for the equipment herself she can choose how to use it. Until then, you are in charge.

Anne Marie - posted on 08/01/2010

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i feel for you Tammy. I have a 16 year old daughter who is as rebellious as they come. I don't think she has taken photos of herself but like Desire has said she may have with out my knowing it. Don't be too hard on yourself these kids get influence from everywhere, including friends and media. As far as they are concerned you know nothing, you are retro and have no idea of modern times. I know because that was my attitude when I was that age, most honest people would admit that. However I would definitely tell her of future consequences, people loose jobs and friends for what is on the intenet. I like the idea of the police getting involved. Some how this puts it in a world perspective, not your perspective for them. I know to get through to my daughter I use other people and other influences. I really feel for you right now and wish you the best of luck. Take hold and yes take some of the privilages away, phone, camera or what ever, once she has been spoken to by the police she may realize you mean business. It is your home and you will not allow any illegal activity to go on in your home or with your electronic equipment, she is a minor what is hers is yours. Good luck and I do feel for you.

Angie - posted on 07/31/2010

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i agree with gina on this i would take the phone away and then i would call the police and have them come and talk to her they can let her know just how serious this is!

Lisa - posted on 07/31/2010

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I honestly hope that she is not taught the terminology of "tits" as referencing her body or her breast.... because if she is that may be the start of the lack of respect she is exhibiting for her own body.... I don't care about future employers or husbands.... what has ever happened to young girls, Young women being taught to be young ladies.....and to respect their selves their bodies..... how about building self esteem to the point that she would want to flaunt her intelligence.... or her personality... or ever her morals... As parents are we teaching our daughter that the most cherished possession that they have is themselves, and no one would ever give that away carelessly or recklessly, that only the most special person be the one selected to know us in such a intimate way........ and then teaching our sons to respect women, girls, and to act in a respectful manor......
It seems that all of this is being lost and is very sad.... Walk into a Senior Center and watch the grace and dignity that is being lost by one of the most beautiful eras that will ever exist... speak to the ladies and gentlemen their and then lets figure out how to get the Grace back.....

Desiree - posted on 07/29/2010

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i am 16, just to maybe put my thoughts out there for you, i would say most definetly to get a boys attention that they like or even just for attention from boys in general. i would bet that 7/10 teenage girls do take pictures of themselfs in underwear or just naked wether you catch them or not, and also to them its not a big deal i mean look at the influences we have today. music videos and photos of young girls shakin it in a thong and bra makes us think we need to show off what we got as well. confession - i caught my 12 year old cousin (female) looking at porn websites and chatting on a local chat site with men, pretending she was 18!

[deleted account]

The fact that you would use that language for everyone to read tells a lot. Where have you been all this girls life if she is talking that way to you? I agree with Gina and Karla. Become the parent! And everyone, feel free to write me back all the "How could you be so rude?" comments. I know it's not easy being a parent and I know I have made my fair share of mistakes but... Honestly, ever since I've been on MOM's Website I have read some unbelievable parenting issues. I joined this site to get and give support, and there are many mom's that I can relate and commiserate with, but honestly some of the women that post comments and questions should have their head examined!! It's no wonder so many kids these days have such serious issues! It should be mandatory for expectant parents to take child parenting classes! Take away her damn phone if she doesn't have any sense of self respect or decency!!! For God sake...wake up!!!

[deleted account]

The fact that you would use that language for everyone to read tells a lot. Where have you been all this girls life if she is talking that way to you? I agree with Gina and Karla. Become the parent! And everyone, feel free to write me back all the "How could you be so rude?" comments. I know it's not easy being a parent and I know I have made my fair share of mistakes but... Honestly, ever since I've been on MOM's Website I have read some unbelievable parenting issues. I joined this site to get and give support, and there are many mom's that I can relate and commiserate with, but honestly some of the women that post comments and questions should have their head examined!! It's no wonder so many kids these days have such serious issues! It should be mandatory for expectant parents to take child parenting classes! Take away her damn phone if she doesn't have any sense of self respect or decency!!! For God sake...wake up!!!

Ariesgirl - posted on 07/29/2010

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Just tell your 16 yr old, that your concern is where that picture will end up. If she sends it electronically to anyone, she can end up on a sex offender site for the rest of her life and that's no joke.

Karla - posted on 07/29/2010

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I am totally agree with Gina! My daughter would have NO LIFE! phone, camera, no friends hanging out with phones, cameras....
I have a teenage daughter and she had to learn the hard way, when her world got rocked by me. She had nothing in her room, except a pillow and blanket, no door, NOTHING. She learned I was not kidding. Good luck, and stand tough!

Tam - posted on 07/26/2010

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I am in agreeance with qll the other mums here. Society has a whole lot to answer for. Unfortunately its not only young women doing this, teenage boys are sometimes just as bad. I think being open & honest with your child will eventually help her to see how wrong it is. Sometimes as a parent it is hard to cut that apron string & at what age it should be done. Guidance is all we can hope to do. Good Luck with her Tammy :)

Lori - posted on 07/26/2010

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I agree with everyone else - and in addition would like to point out that what she is doing is ILLEGAL in a lot of states (18 where we are).

I get the whole 'if you've got it, flaunt it' mentality of some teens - well, women of any age, really!! But the bottom line is this: it takes someone with a LOT more class and self respect to NOT 'flaunt' herself that way. No offense meant to your daughter - just something for her to think about. How you portray and perceive YOURSELF is pretty closely linked to how you will be treated and perceived by others........

Aliska - posted on 07/26/2010

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Remind her that potential employers do internet searches on job applicants, does she really want them to see these photos? It can be very hard to talk to this age group if they don't want to listen but try to get her to see that these photos could be hanging around to haunt her for a long time. She may think it's cool now because she's full of teenage bravado but it may not be so cool when she's 30 and her boss/colleagues/husband finds the photos on the net.

Christie - posted on 07/26/2010

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Does this young lady realize that she can be arrested and potentially go to jail for "indescent exposure?"

Kim - posted on 07/25/2010

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My 14 year old did that not too long ago, and I took away her phone, Ipod and other privileges, until she realized that it was serious business and I wouldn't be allowing her to treat her body like that.

Angie - posted on 07/25/2010

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It's not shocking that children are doing this. Our society (and especially on tv and internet) are showing this daily. Explain to her that her body is a temple and she is expected to treat it that way. Remind her that one day she may want to get married and imagine what type of a man would be okay with a woman who is an exibitionist (sp).

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