16yr old daughter moved out...

Kimberly - posted on 07/09/2017 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm a mom of four daughters ranging in age from 25-12. Recently we found out that my 16yr old daughter has been in a relationship with a almost 19tr old guy. This guy threatened to kill my husband, harm me and take my 12yr old daughter where I would never find her. He was charged and convicted and placed on a one year of conditions. No contact with any of us for one year. No drugs or alcohol and an 11pm curfew. He sought out my daughter one week after his conditions were lifted and they started secretly dating. When we going out of course we were naturally hurt and scared. Not only for us but her as well. We took her car from her and changed the wifi password as she doesn't have a cell phone. We told her there would be guildelines to follow surrounding seeing him which she accepted for a few days anyway. She also agreed to seeing a youth counselor. She's had one session and things went realitively well. Four days later this guy showed up where both my daughter and I work and she said she was leaving with him. He was high on pot. I told her now was not the time and she had a heated arguenebt with me and then left with him. I called the RCMPthey basically told me they're patrol for him when they come to town. Our nearest station is 20 mins away. She's a great student involved in sports. Has a great relationship with myself our youngest daughter and my husband. She does have self esteem issues. She is sexually active wevjust made arrangements a few weeks ago for her to on an IUD however the appointment to have it placed isn't for a couple more weeks. I'm hurt my heart is crushed. My husband has been packing up her room, i feel like I've completely lost her. I don't know where to go from here.

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Emily - posted on 07/13/2017

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My heart goes out for you, but I do feel the guidelines you set were not the best. I think the first thing you need to do is try and mend you relationship with her daughter but let her make her own choices

Hope - posted on 07/13/2017

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Why haven't you issued an Amber Alert?! They have those in Canada too. She is a minor that has knowingly had sexual contact with an adult. I know if this happened in the US, the Amber Alert would have this guy found QUICKLY and he would be locked up for a long time. Do it so you can get your daughter back. Once she's safe, I recommend family counselling,

Irene - posted on 07/11/2017

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As a mom of two my heart goes out to you. I don't know if you set the best guidelines for her to follow, but at this point it doesn't matter. Blaming yourself or others is of no value.You must be concerned for her safety right now and do what you can to get her back.

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2017

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Because of the previous threats you may be able to take a restraining order out on him.
You can call her in as a missing person as well.

You also said you found out about this relationship recently but it was over a year ago that he had threatened you. I agree with Ev, I don't think we have the whole story here.

Ev - posted on 07/09/2017

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{{Hi, I'm a mom of four daughters ranging in age from 25-12. Recently we found out that my 16yr old daughter has been in a relationship with a almost 19tr old guy. This guy threatened to kill my husband, harm me and take my 12yr old daughter where I would never find her. He was charged and convicted and placed on a one year of conditions. No contact with any of us for one year. No drugs or alcohol and an 11pm curfew.}}
-----It is not as recent as you said. He saw her over a year ago and made the threats and so forth.
{{ He sought out my daughter one week after his conditions were lifted and they started secretly dating. When we going out of course we were naturally hurt and scared. Not only for us but her as well. We took her car from her and changed the wifi password as she doesn't have a cell phone. We told her there would be guildelines to follow surrounding seeing him which she accepted for a few days anyway. She also agreed to seeing a youth counselor. She's had one session and things went realitively well.}}
-----You are the parent and responsible for her until she is of age. She should not have been allowed to see him at all after you found out. Who is to say he won't try the same stuff he did before and maybe harm her instead? You can stop him from seeing her. IF they are having sex, you may be able to file charges for statutory rape because she is a minor and he is over 18. Apparently she only did the agreements to appease you.
{{Four days later this guy showed up where both my daughter and I work and she said she was leaving with him. He was high on pot. I told her now was not the time and she had a heated arguenebt with me and then left with him. I called the RCMPthey basically told me they're patrol for him when they come to town.}}
-----Call her in as a runaway.
{{ Our nearest station is 20 mins away. She's a great student involved in sports. Has a great relationship with myself our youngest daughter and my husband. She does have self esteem issues. She is sexually active wevjust made arrangements a few weeks ago for her to on an IUD however the appointment to have it placed isn't for a couple more weeks. I'm hurt my heart is crushed. My husband has been packing up her room, i feel like I've completely lost her. I don't know where to go from here.}}
-----There has to be something more going on here than you are saying. But apparently, what you did to enforce rules was not enough for her. You need to take other action. You can bar him from seeing her. Use the law for that.

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