17 year old daughter being charged with assault.....?

Melody - posted on 02/04/2012 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old daughter is being charged with assault after she basically lost control and hauled off and kicked her boyfriend as hard as she could in the balls after an argument. Well it basically made him keel over and puke over himself and turns out his parents took him to the ER and turns out there was some damage to one of them still haven’t heard how bad. My oldest daughter was with them and she said he hadn’t done anything to deserve what happened! Well she has been acting like she hasn’t done anything wrong and I don’t know what to do with her I tried sitting her down and talking with her but she kept trying to say she was the victim. I am honestly a little upset with his parents as well for not at least coming to talk with me at first or at least giving us the medical bills as we would and will gladly reimburse them instead of just going to the police! Not really sure what to do!

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Shawnn - posted on 02/13/2012

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Melody, my son wasn't injured in that way, but let me give you the story from the male side:



First, it's not just his testicles she injured, its his entire urinary and reproductive tract.



If your daughter, in her thoughtless actions, has caused damage, this young man can be in for anything from reduced urine flow, possibly causing a back up to his kidneys and eventual renal failure, to sterilization, and the possible need for reconstructive surgery to his urethra, to correct the damage that your daughter, in her thoughtless temper tantrum caused.



She has SERIOUSLY injured another person, and you can't understand why the parents went to the cops? Well, they probably didn't, the hospital probably DID.



She has determined that she knows "best". Well, "best" in this situation is for her to be charged with assault, and have to pay all of the medical bills (which will be, in my experience, over $20K)



My son has experienced this same injury. He's scheduled for reconstructive surgery as I type. Your daughter needs some serious wake up call. She just purposely injured this young man for no good reason, his life WILL BE changed forever because of her actions. Because of this, he will need to have annual checks on kidney function, and urine flow, and possibly others. I certainly hope that she's proud of herself.



I am sorry that I'm going off in this fashion, but your daughter needs to face reality. And the "best" way to do that would be to go down and admit that she grieviously assaulted this young man, that she was NOT provoked, and that she did it in a fit of spite. The judge might go easy on her, but do you seriously want her to think she can get away with seriously injuring someone, and putting their family through that pain?



and, just because he's not sterile doesn't mean that he now will not have a life time of recurring issues because of her poorly contained temper.

Shawnn - posted on 10/19/2012

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Chris, I agree with your response, with one qualifier.



None of the respondents to the post advocated this immature person's behaviour. None of us said that the OP was in the right for wanting the whole thing to remain hush hush.



So why do you post in a manner that seems to say that ALL of us have taken this person's side, when most of us not only have NOT sided with the OP, but some of us have even called her out on her wishes to keep things under wraps, and recommended that her daughter be fully prosecuted?



Just wondering. Please don't bunch everyone into one group when you're saying "the respondents". Because that just showed me that you really didn't read the other responses, you just posted your opinion and assumed that the rest of us had sided with the OP.

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Chris - posted on 10/18/2012

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The hypocrisy in our society is absolutely stunning at times.



Your daughter intentionally attacked the genitals of another person. That's sexual assault, dear lady. Make no mistake about it, she's displayed the same mindset as a rapist.



Feminists have been telling us all for decades that "It's never ok to hit." Well, it appears that the caveat to this, according to many women, is that it's never ok for a male to hit a female, but acceptable for a female to hit a male, even over something as trivial as an argument. Given the original poster's attempt to minimize the seriousness of this sexual assault, it appears she subscribes to that theory.



To see the blatant hypocrisy, turn the situation around. If the male in this scenario had attacked the female's genitals, instead of the female attacking the male, people here would be up in arms, and demanding trial as an adult, and a lengthy prison sentence.



Seriously, Melody, if the male had sexually assaulted your daughter, would you have hesitated to go to the police? Do you think it would have been right for his parents to attempt to keep it "hush hush", by offering to pay medical bills and deal with such an assault without involving the authorities? I feel safe in assuming that your self-righteous indignation about such an assault would have prompted you to seek justice, to remove such a vile predator from the streets, and other women here would have been applauding your actions.



So, why the double standard? I'd ask the same of any of the respondents here.



It's amazing that you believe his parents owed you or your daughter some sort of courtesy prior to contacting the authorities. Would you have felt compelled to extend them such a courtesy had the attack been reversed?



Another item of note - it's amazing how the only concern for the male, and the main point of contention, in this situation is possible physical damage. Did the attack render him sterile or not? The overall sense here seems to be, if he's physically still a "fully functional male", then no harm, no foul. As if he were a possession, or a piece of livestock.



If the victim here was a female, the emotional damage is enough to make the sexual assault reprehensible (which it would be). But, if the victim is male, then only the physical damage is given consideration. Emotional or psychological damage is ignored, or at best, it is trivialized.



Your daughter attacked this young man's sex organs severely enough to send him to the hospital. Do you think he might not have also suffered emotional damage as a result of such an attack on his genitals?



To the OP: your 17-year-old daughter committed sexual assault. I would hope, in the name of equality, she would be charged as an adult in a criminal court. That's what the public would demand for a male, so it should go for a female.



It's not ok to hit. That's true whether the perpetrator is male or female.

Don - posted on 09/24/2012

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I think the daughter ought to be tried as an adult. Do the crime, do the time. She knew full well what she was doing and the consequences of her actions. I'm really tired of people skipping out on accountability regardless of age or gender. Our society is on the road to ruin for reasons just like this incident. How do you get humans to learn? Give them a suitable punishment. Jail time and restitution.

Danny - posted on 09/16/2012

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Why should the parents of that poor boy consider you or your abusive daughters feelings? Its their responsibility to protect and seek justice for their child. It would be an injustice and mentally damaging to the boy if his parents had or showed sympathy for the abuser of their child. She should be jailed for a considerable amount of time. If this had been a boy that damaged his girl friends reproductive ability through rape the polices involvement and juvenile or prison time for that matter would not be in question.

Donnna - posted on 08/12/2012

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personnally, I think c sood b charged, if c gets away with it, c will do it 2 some 1 else, cuz c knows that c can get away with it. c is old enuff 2 kno better 2 take the law into her own hand.s

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2012

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I agree that she should experience a consequence that gets her attention. I don't think you failed as a parent at all. We can only do the best we can and hope that our children make good choices. I think a 17 yr old young women should have enough respect for herself and others to keep her hands and Feet to herself. That's one of the first lessons we teach our kids when they are small. And if she chooses to do whatever she wants and the consequences you've tried to give her don't work, then you need to let her feel what life has to offer her for making bad choices. The serious thing here is that she could've permanently injured this young man and that doesn't seem to be a concern. A wake up call is needed here and maybe that will come in the form of juvenile hall, which is much better than state prison. Good luck...

Melody - posted on 02/05/2012

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I know and i understand i would be very hurt and probably cry if it was reversed. Just been praying and i hope he isn't he really is a great kid so when i first got informed of this situation it took me aback to why she would even do such a thing to him.

Jane - posted on 02/05/2012

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If ,as you say, she has done this before and no punishment you have tried has worked, then juvie is exactly what she deserves. At age 17 they can choose to try her as an adult in many states so thank her lucky stars she will be tried as a juvenile.



If she were younger then residential treatment might have been the answer, but she is no longer a child. She is now almost an adult and in one year will be completely out of your control. She herself or the state can force her to go for behavioral treatment then but after this year there will be nothing you can make her do.



Do you need her to kill someone before you get the point that at age 17 she is responsible for her actions? And that causing physical harm to another person is wrong? Stop feeling sorry for her and make her grow up.



You successfully raised at least one other child so you are not the failure here. But you WILL fail her if you let her keep on going as she has. She is a danger to other people as well as to herself.



If the boy does turn out to be sterile then she has stolen his children from him and their grandchildren from his parents. At the very least she has caused him incredible pain and his whole family anguish and worry. How would you feel if the reverse happened, if the abusive actions of a boyfriend caused one of your daughters great pain and the loss of the ability to have children?



She is your daughter and you love her, but you are NOT doing her any favors to tolerate or excuse her violent actions. When my stepson headed in that direction in his early twenties, we told him we would not go bail but we would get him an attorney. When he found out we meant what we said and that county jail was no fun he straightened himself out and was able to become a licensed electrician.



When my son, who is mentally ill, was violent with us we sent him to residential treatment. When his own actions brought the authorities down on him we allowed him to have to face up to them himself. We always told him we loved him but we do tell him when we don't like his actions. He is not perfect but he has stopped using violence because it gets him nothing but trouble.



This could be the pivotal event that allows your daughter to straighten herself out. Don't blow it.

Melody - posted on 02/05/2012

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I know and i understand just really think juvi might be a little overkill talked to his parents and there waiting on some results to know rather he is styrial or not =/

Jane - posted on 02/05/2012

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If she is charged as a juvenile then her record will be sealed when she turns 18. However, since she hasn't learned to control herself by now, it may take having the threat of a permanent record to make her get her act together.



You cannot protect her from herself forever. She has been told the consequences of her actions. Now she needs to learn that what she has been told is true, that violent behavior is unacceptable not just at home but throughout society.



I have a son with similar problems. There is only so much you can do for them before you have to let them suffer the consequences of their actions.

Melody - posted on 02/05/2012

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I know i just don't want her to have a permenent record i mean i don't know what to do i feel like i failed with her.

Jane - posted on 02/05/2012

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So now let the justice system try. Sometimes it works better than anything a parent can do.

Melody - posted on 02/05/2012

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Not letting her get away with anything but any punishment we use on her doesn't work!

Jane - posted on 02/05/2012

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"But this isn't the first time this has happened! "



All the more reason to let her take her lumps now. In one year she will be a fully legal adult and she needs to understand before then that repeated violence = jail. Since nothing else has gotten through to her the justice system just might. My son was violent towards us until he was cited by Adult Protective Services for abusing his father, a disabled person. The police chose not to act on the citation but it is on his record. And he knows it.



And I repeat: hospitals are mandatory reporters if anyone under 18 comes in with an injury of abuse. If the parents didn't go to the police the hospital would have. And the fact that it was reported to the police means she has to own up to her actions whether she wants to or not. If the parents had come to you and you all had "worked out something" she would have gotten away with violence once again.



Even her own sister witnessed that her actions were unprovoked and NOT self-defense! How long are you going to let her get away with this terrible behavior?



The time to stop this is NOW. Don't cover things up for her ever again. She is responsible for her actions and if she chooses to break the law then she needs to be held liable.

Melody - posted on 02/05/2012

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I didn't say that they were wrong for anything or going to the ER I just wanted them to come to me before going to the police. We would’ve gladly worked out something and we would gladly pay the medical bills. And i agree she was out of line and i hope she does learn her lesson as me and her father can't seem to get through to her. But this isn't the first time this has happened!

Jane - posted on 02/04/2012

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Your daughter should have known better than to attack another person physically no matter what argument she was having with him. At this point all you can do is let her learn by experience. Get her a lawyer and let the chips fall where they may. Hope for probation, but let her pay the penalty for her actions.



Her boyfriend's parents were understandably concerned about their son's condition so of course they took him to emergency before consulting you. If your child was injured you would do the same. As a parent you must look to your own child's health first and foremost. In this case, there is a possibility, however slight, that their son's potential for fathering grandchildren may have been damaged. In addition, he was in pain.



Quite frankly the parents might not have gone to the police. The hospital might have called them. They have a duty to report criminal actions, and a deliberate kick that damages someone's genitalia is a criminal action. Bear in mind also that your other daughter said the attack was unprovoked so it wasn't even self-defense. It was assault, plain and simple.



And actually, the boyfriend's parents may have done you and her both a favor. She needs to learn for certain that no matter how victimized she feels, she cannot assault someone because of an argument. Although most abuse victims are children or women, there are cases where the victim is a male who was attacked by a woman. Perhaps facing criminal charges will open her eyes and prevent her from doing something like this again. At 17 she is old enough to understand that if you do the crime you serve the time.

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