17 year old talks about marriage to first girlfriend

Fleurde-Lee - posted on 06/08/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son informed me he wants to marry his first serious relationship girlfriend. He has two years left of high school, no job prospects, saying college is not for him, grades are C's. I've tried asking him why and how he plans to provide. I'm trying to keep our communication open. NO I do not want him marrying his girl. I married at 18 and two children and the age of 24 was divorced. I've tried to tell him to date more and wait until after college. He said he knows he will wait, but she is the one.

What can I do to keep the communication open and guide him towards college without saying I disapprove of the girlfriend's plan...she brought up marriage.

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3 Comments

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Cara - posted on 06/10/2010

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Definitely don't act disapproving of the girlfriend, as that will only unify them against you. I agree with the other moms, show him a budget, let him see how far the $$ goes. What children cost. Car repairs. Have him go to a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace workshop. If he loves her, then he should want to provide the woman he loves with the best life possible, right? If they are in love then, she isn't going anywhere else, right? True love has no time limit.
I like something my daughter said. If a guy loves me, then he isn't going anywhere till I'm ready, and if he does then, he didn't love me, right?

Louise - posted on 06/09/2010

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I have the same problem I have an 18 year old son who has been dating the same girl for two years. My son is off to uni but his girlfriend is going with him! I married also at 19 and have been one of the lucky ones as I have now been married for 20 years. He says he loves her and wants to be with her. I can only see problems ahead for him. As part of his uni degree he has to live in Switzerland for a year is she going with him then as well. It is difficult I know all I have done is point out the hurdles he will have to cross like the financial side of things and the fact that he will have to spend a lot of time studying and not playing happy families. I have nothing against this girl I just can't see things working for them and I don't want my sons degree to suffer because of the relationship. I have never dissed his girlfriend I am trying to be objective as I think that is all we can be at their age.

Angie - posted on 06/08/2010

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I think you're right not to show him your disapproval. Instead, you might sit down with them and write a realistic budget for your area that includes, rent, car and health insurance, utilities, food, clothing, car payment, and entertainment. Ask them if the jobs they have now will pay those bills. If they aren't working, require you son to get a job. He will quickly learn that an $8 and hour job and Mc Donald's will not pay the bills. Hopefully, they will learn that college or trade school are necessary to support a family. Make sure they both know that once they are married you cannot (even if you wanted to) keep him on your insurance. Good luck, this is a tough one!

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