17 yo daughter doing drugs, lying, skipping school

Jennifer - posted on 10/01/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Please, I need advise. My 17yo daughter has been skipping school and smoking meth. I just found out this morning and also that she has been sneeking friends into her room at night and useing drugs while Im asleep. She will be 18 in 4 months and I dont know what to do...I thought about kicking her out but dont want to push her into more drugs and irresponsibility. I want to put her in treatment but dont know if she will go along with it. Of course she doesnt think she has a problem. I am lost and feel like a failure as a parent and I am so scared for her. I know how quickly this can destroy people as I have many old friends as examples. I point that out to her but she doesnt seem to hear me. I need help!

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Kelleigh - posted on 10/08/2010

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Oh, one more thing... You are not at fault, you did not fail your daughter! On the day my daughter graduated from her 90 day treatment, she had to tell her story to everyone and the one thing she said to me was that it was never me, it was her choice to use. She did say though that it was my love and belief in her that kept her alive and helped her heal, once she decided that she wanted more from life. Its all about choices.

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Zena - posted on 10/22/2010

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Help your daughter!!!...My daughter...who is now 16..has been in trouble with the law...gangs...you name it since she was assaulted sexually at 12...this was in a nice, clean, relatively small town. If you dont get her help she may not make it. My daughter is now in a juvenile prison due to continual probation violations...felonies...herion addiction...leading to prostitution and now herpes for life...be there for her no matter how hard she fights you...my neighbor recently lost her 26 yr old son and thats not something I think I could live with...get her help or just be there for her but dont let her walk on you...she will mature but its something she has to want to do...hope I could help...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/21/2010

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If she's doing meth, and you can catch her at it, don't hesitate to turn her in! This is a drug that absolutely DESTROYS you, and even though she will be flat out pissed off that you "ratted her out", in the long run, when she's clean & sober and healthy, she will realize you love her and want the best for her. If she's already at the point where she is not listening, then you need to do this. Tough love it may be, but at least your daughter won't be killing herself over modified drain cleaner.

Adrienne - posted on 10/20/2010

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ya my son is lying to me and his dad/mom. and he is stealing from both of us too. but what can u do about it. i have done lots but i have to see if he keeps it up. so that he is or has he only has a bed in his room. i am that mad at him. but its also his dad too.

Kelleigh - posted on 10/20/2010

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I am not sure about other states, but in Washington State, you cannot force anyone into treatment unless its court ordered. When I had my daughter in treatment at the age of 17, she could have walked out at anytime and there would have been nothing I could have done except go to the courts to try to enforce treatment at that point and the length of time it would have taken, she would have been 18 and all of my parental rights were gone. Each state has different rules so its best to find out what your rights and your childs rights are based on your own state guidlines. It is also dictated by the age of the minor too.

Rosemary - posted on 10/20/2010

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Take her to a special drug program asap for counseling, and take charge while you still can. I disagree that she can't go to treatment until she knows she has a problem. They can help her see it. Get professional help either way!

Kelleigh - posted on 10/14/2010

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My prayers to you and your family! One thing that was available to me when my daughter was in treatment was seperate group sessions with other parents whose children were there and individual sessions too. If your daughter does get there, I would strongly suggest be a part of anything that will help you and your daughter and also help you understand addiction, it was the best thing I did for myself, being in a support group that really helps families, it helps you let go of owner your childs addiction, that is one of the hardest things that a parent struggles with, is that it really is nothing they did an a good councilor will help you through all of these feelings. Good luck with everything, I know and understand the road you are on, feel free to reach out to me at anytime.. God Bless!

Jennifer - posted on 10/13/2010

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I want to thank all of you for your advise. Yhings are so very hard and its good to feel like I'm not completely alone. My daughter did agree to go along witha treatment program, although I suspect only for her own reasons, not because she believes that she has a problem. But I am hoping that it will do her good anyway. I try to be supportive and caring but I have to confess, this is extremely difficult right now. I have a lot of resentment for all the lies, among other stuff, and its very hard to put that aside. I have been honest with her about my feelings and suggested we get counseling together. I make sure to tell her that I love her dearly and only want the best life for her no matter how much I feel hurt . Nothing can ever change how much I love her, but its hard to deal with those conflicting emotions. I still feel so lost and helpless, and I really wish she could see things from my perspective...but I guess thats a lot to ask right now. Anyway, thank you all again, and please pray for her...her name is Erin. Thank you

Kim - posted on 10/10/2010

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Jennifer, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but you should not blame yourself. When kids get a certain age, depending on their personality, I believe they have a mind of their own. They think they know everything and that they are already grown up. All we as mothers can do is constantly reassure them that we are always there for them and let them know what choices are right and consequences of certain actions. I think she definitely needs outside help to quit and lots of support. She may not see it now, but later in life she will thank you and respect you for caring. You are not a failure-we do our very best. And no matter how much you feel she ignores you, she really does hear your advice and guidance and if you stick with it and be consistent it will pay off. Good luck!! Kim

Kelleigh - posted on 10/08/2010

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Jennifer,
I have a 27 year old who, is a recovering Meth addict. I so understand your pain and fears. At 17 we tried the rehab path, she did a 35 day in-patient, most of the programs out there are co-ed and instead of focusing on the program all they did was focus on each other and worry about their looks, such is the life of a teenager who isn't on drugs. Needless to say, she relapsed within days after leaving, because I forced her to go not because she wanted help. She turned 18 6 weeks after relapsing, she got caught shortly after with stolen goods and when she called from the jail, I told she could come home only if she wanted to be clean. She didn't want to, so she went with her drug friends instead. It was hard to let her go but by the grace of god, she survived and at the age of 19 she finally asked for help and I found a wonderful program designed for just women. She spend 90 days in-patient, I was there every week in group with her and also took advantage of the counciling they had for families. The program was perfect for her and it was something she wanted not something I forced her into, life is still not always easy, she has had two relapses but has managed to get back on track. The biggest part for your daughter when she gets clean is helping her find ways to make friends that are clean too, I bought my daughter a gym membership and we do a lot of things as a family and I tell all the time how proud I am of her because she fights that demon every day and probably will her entire life.. I love my daughter and told her so even when she was at her darkest. You don't have to like the addict but love the child!

Kim - posted on 10/03/2010

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I'll pray for you so sorry I know you are devastated TREATMENT is my recommendation. She needs to get healthy that drug is the worst it"ll eat away at her inside and out and highly addictive thats why i say TREATMENT. Intervention if necessary.

Char - posted on 10/03/2010

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jennifer my heart goes out to you. My son is 15 and is skipping school, smoking pot and who knows what else, stealing and now has ran away. I wish you all the best. I know when and if he comes home it's to military school and drug rehab. Just don't give up. I fell the same way about myself. Lost and alone. i've done more praying this last year then i ever have in my life. Hang in there. This will make us stronger.

Angie - posted on 10/03/2010

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Putting her in treatment when she doesn't realize she has a problem will not do any good. She's complete the program and go back to what she was doing. I'm not sure what the answer is but my Goddaughter is doing the same thing but she is also living with her dealer. There are some boot camps that seem to work. There is one in our area that has done wonders for a lot of people and doesn't discriminate about religion or lack of religion. I've seen these children coming to church looking wiped out. They are working hard to detox then they continue to work and get therapy.

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