17 yo daughter is hanging out with a boy who is mentally unstable

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

my daughter started dating a boy when he left for college and didnt tell me for 6 weeks. he had a mental breakdown at school and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. two weeks later he broke up with her telling her she made him unhappy. when she asked to talk about it, he told her she was looking for a reason to be hysterical and was incredibly mean. a week later he came back and wanted to date. i told her that in the best interest of his health, they shouldnt date. when she told him, he said he hated her, called me names and said that she was choosing sides. he sent me a text in the middle of the night saying how bad i was. I told him to stay away from my family. now they are talking again, (just as he leaving for college) and my daughter cant understand that he will never be better and how disrespectful he is to her and me. when they talk, he makes outrageous comments about me. she told him that when she moves out they can continue. i am really concerned about her and her evident lack of self respect. how do i get her out of this?

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Shawnn - posted on 09/17/2013

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Like I said, help her look into the condition. Perhaps, when she realizes it is a lifelong management proposition, she'll back off on her own. Or not...She's 17, and on the verge of being an adult herself. Once she hits that 18 year mark, she could very well tell you to take a flying leap, if you don't handle this correctly.

Don't make her think you're against this guy, just show her what her life could be like (in a non condescending manner). Been there, done that, and know what works well.

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[deleted account]

He said he would trick everyone into thinking he was better and take off and they could all go f&^% themselves. Yes i happen to know it is treatable, but obviously that is not his plan. I said in my description i am concerned about her lack of self respect,not that i told her that. thank you for your support Shawnn

Shawnn - posted on 09/17/2013

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21

1999

Ana, how do you know that he will "never be better"??? Do you know what his treatment recommendations are? Have you witnessed him refusing treatment? If not, you don't know whether his condition is manageable or not, and it's rather assuming of you to think that you do.

FYI, borderline personality disorder is treatable, and manageable. Perhaps look into helping her look into ways to manage the disorder would be the key here. If you truly don't like the kid, fine, but the only way to get her to give him up is for HER to make the decision. And you telling her that she evidently lacks self respect isn't the way to go about it.

Nico - posted on 09/16/2013

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talk and telling her your worried about her getting hurt and that you have a
problem with her adetuide

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