18 year old step-son and husband fights CONSTANTLY

Karen - posted on 01/03/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am dealing with the issue of trying to be a peacemaker in the family while my husband's family blames EVERYTHING on me. Every time my husband and my step-son argue, my mother-in-law and one of my brother-in-laws blame the incident on me, even though I was never around the incident. I know that, for them, they cannot seem to blame their own family for the ordeal, so they turn to the only person who is near the incident, but I am getting sick and tired of being both the heavy AND the peacemaker.

Currently, my step-son left our home after a particularly intense argument with his father immediately following Thanksgiving and hasn't spoke to one another since. The boy dropped out of school (which was done while living with my husband's family) and has since enrolled in a program to get his GED. How can I have these two meet in the middle while telling my meddling in-laws to butt out?

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Karen - posted on 01/03/2010

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Thanks for your input, it is an interesting way of looking at things. I've always thought my in-laws didn't like me because my husband didn't marry his son's mother. You're right, I need to take my step-son out of the equation, because this probably has more to do with my husband and I.

Heather - posted on 01/03/2010

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I can only say that in this instance you need to back off. Let the two "Adult" men figure out their own relationship. If they have to go through this because it is the way it is done in there family and your husband allows your in-laws that much say and power in your relationship, you may want to look at it in another way.

If they need someone to "Blame" for the step-son and father not getting along you have stepped into those shoes and seem to be resenting the way they fit.

This may have less to do with the step-son and more to do with you and your husband.

Let them take ALL the responsibility for their own relationship. Its not and never will be yours to own. But you and your husband have to be on the same page in how it is handled and how much power he continues to allow his family to have over his own relationships also.

Good luck. I hope I at least helped with another view.

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