3 teens out of control, brothers Help

Angela - posted on 04/27/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have 3 boys 19,17,and 16. they have choose a life of crime and drugs. No matter what I try and say they dont listen, respect or care about it. I have tried everything including putting the oldest out. I have been a single mom my whole and had to work.. I feel like it is my fault

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Kim - posted on 05/03/2009

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It is not your fault!!! I have played the blame game before too but you just can't. My oldest who is 19 has gotten off on the wrong path more times than i can count and also led his brother 18 that way but luckily they quit hanging around the no good friends. You teach them the best you can and sometimes the rest is up to God! I can't imagine being a single parent through this all though bless your heart it must be really tuff! Yea what they are doing will catch up with them because in life we alway's have consequences for our actions. That's something they need to learn. Whatever trouble they get in do no help them i know it's hard but it's the only way they will learn just tell them they are the ones that chose this not you and you are not gonna help them! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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I agree with the tough love, ladies, but I think I would have to turn them in if I had knowledge or serioius suspicion of crimes. Let the police handle it and help them any way that you can. Only by facing reality and consequences can people change.

Jenny - posted on 04/30/2009

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I also have three teenage boys....These are the toughest times....My kids are 18,16 and 14....the two older boys have also been in trouble....they were caught smoking pot...the older one was caught underage drinking ( not driving thank goodness ) They are sweet loving kids...but getting them through these years is tough....If I can keep them out of jail...not impregnating anyone....and graduated....I will have done my job!! ..Good luck to you...There is no easy answer...

Karen - posted on 04/29/2009

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my heart goes out to you. you did what youcould do and things are the way they are now because your boys made choices of their own. i would not want to have to cross this road with my own kids but as long as you ENABLE them by NOT throwing them out when their behavior is not helpful and respectful only makes things worse. see a counselor or go to alanon for YOURSELF, not them. everyone in jail is someone's baby. my step brother had a mom who always said it wasn't his fault and he had to learn in jail to take responsibility for his actions. if this is the path your kids choose you are helping them by bringing about the consequences sooner than later.

Meg - posted on 04/29/2009

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I agree with the tough love approach. You've tried everything else. You need to let go of the guilt. It is not your fault. If you keep bailing them out, the downward spiral continues. Tell all 3 rehab and the straight and narrow or it's out out the door. This sets the values in YOUR house. This is the most heartwrenching thing a parent can do besides go thru a death of a child. By law all you're required to do is love feed and clothe and house them, make sure they go to school till the age of 18.many prayers- my heart goes out to you.

Tonya - posted on 04/28/2009

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I think that you need to let them find out things on there own...the two that are of legal age need to start helping pay for there needs and if they get in trouble with the law let them pay for they choices...I have seen alot of friends go through it and it is the ones that there parents let them learn from their own mistakes and pay the cost for their actions, but they were still there from them when they needed to be lifted up a little where the ones that ended up changing there life around and finally growing up!! I would also say for the 16 year old make him pay for everything that is not nessecary for life (i.e. money for activies, games, or other things that might have been expected for you to give to him) let him figure out all the things that you do for him and make him have to think about what you do for him and if he cant respect you and abide by your rules then he will need to start paying for all of his needs...and when he is old enough put him out too! for the ones that are into drugs if they arent in jail yet if you find it one them turn them in...then they can get help...or make them go to rehab!!

Shelly - posted on 04/27/2009

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Angela,
Ok time to give your self a break. We can teach our children right from wrong and instill morals into them and then what they do with it is on them not you...As far as the life THEY have choose you need to allow the chips to fall were they may DO NOT bail them out DO NOT work it out they need to pay for what they have choose in thier lives...Yes as a mom we just love to carry around that guilt I'm not sure why b/c it sang sure doesn't make us feel any better about our selves...If they get picked up well they would be sitting in jail until they could come up with thier own bail and they would be doing thier own time you are not the one that should have to pay for what they do. If you keep resquing them then they will never learn that if you do the crime you do the time and if that means that you need to turn them in b/c they have drugs in your house then so be it...Yes once again it will be one of the hardest things you need to do as a parent but it's better then them ending up dead on the street or over dosing in thier rooms. I hope that this helped just remember lay the guilt at thier feet and get it off of your back...I will keep your family in my prayers

Eileen - posted on 04/27/2009

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Sorry Angela my name is Eileen Davis, my nephews name is Charles and my son is
Christopher.. my e-mail is eldav5@aol.com

Eileen - posted on 04/27/2009

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Angela,how can you say this is your first,you are doing the job of 2 (mom & dad). Is the

dad any where near them you should be getting support from the DAD If the boys' want to choose this kind of life, oh well when they go to jail it is not a picnic see they might think they are cool and tough but in jail they are little boys' and the men and boys will be telling them what to do.I have a 13 almost 14 year old nephew that I am legal guardian since my younger sister died, well he is out of control and is making me ill from stress. I am going to go and try to get him Help something I thought I would never do but before things get worst I want to catch it now I live in Massachusetts there is a place called Long View Farms I have been asking people about it and a have been.getting 5*****'s and up. They work on academics and focus much ado about the behavioral problems It is sad but something must be done.I have a 21 year old son and never went through anything like this. Well I feel for you I have only the one you have 3. Have you sat down with them 1 on 1 giving them individual time which is kind of important to them. Really kids today have a mind of their own, and they know everything and we are just stupid. Please keep me up to date with your issue and I will do the same I just hope I can get some help soon all my best wishes for you and your 3 sons.

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