Advice for 18 year old dating a 16 year old??

Gina - posted on 12/08/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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My son is 18 and a senior in high school he is in a relationship with a 16 year old. He has lied about her age until yesterday and I am worried about the consequences of a sexual relationship. Any suggestions would be helpful. I just don't know where to go from here

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Desiree - posted on 01/03/2012

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im 15 n i dated a 17 year old whos now 18 at first my parents werent ok with it n just to b sure my momed called the police station they said as long as we dont sleep together its legal. and we only saw eachother at church. my parents let him come over and hang with the fam to get to know him . my parents trusted both of us and knew that neathier of us were going to sleep together. so i guess it just depends on the kids. if that helped any lol :)

Bev - posted on 12/20/2011

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They are both teen agers... What is the problem? 18 year old boys and yes, they are still boys, are barely mature enough at 18 for a 16 year old girl, so I think they will be just fine.

Gina - posted on 12/12/2011

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Thank you for all the comments, we have a friend that is a police officer that I am going to have come to the house to talk to him about he severitty of the situation. We live in Wisconsin so the age of consent is 18. Even if she gives her consent, she is only 16 and that consent cannot be taken into account. If the break up is bad, he could go to jail if they have sex and be labled a sex offender. When people hear a sex offender is in the neighborhood, nobody cares how they became one, just want to stay away from...

Momof4 - posted on 01/05/2012

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I would check your local laws here 16 is legal age of consent for this very reason.

Janet - posted on 01/05/2012

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I think each state might be different but here it is not illegal for an 18 yr old and 16 yr old. Check your state laws but I don't think I'd be overly concerned. Good luck, Jan

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Funch357 - posted on 05/12/2012

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Wisconsin is esp. bad this way: Age of consent is 18 AND there is NO special law that cuts young people some slack if there's just a couple years' age difference. I don't like it that an 18-yr-old can get nailed as a sex offender for having consensual relations with a 16-yr-old & then have a permanent record. I'd like the law to get changed so at least there's a lighter penalty when there's just a few years' age difference. But I don't dare go out there & fight for this lest I get labeled as something myself. Does anyone know of any movement afoot in Wisconsin to at least minimize the penalty when the age difference is just a few yrs?



What's esp ironic is that Wisconsin has some of the most lax drunken driving laws in the nation. Even after multiple offenses, many drunken drivers serve no jail time. But boy we're really good at labelling people "sex offenders" and are awash with them because of the high age of consent & no law that cuts young people some slack if the age difference is just a few years.



Go figure!

Jen - posted on 01/03/2012

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A lot of good responses. :) Hope things work out well for all of you!

I agree; definitly look into the laws regarding minors and adults dating.

If I was in this situation; I think I'd tell my son that I am not against the 2 year age difference. (My parents are 11 year's apart.)...but I am worried about the legal stuff.

Luckily you do have that friend, police office, that can talk to him. That will be a great help!

I think it would be harder for the parents of the girl; then it would be on me and my husband. If it was my son; I think I'd offer support, or to meet her parents and talk to them first. I don't know if I'd send my son in by himself to confront the parents and tell them his age. ha.

If they already know, and don't have a problem with it, great!

Bev - posted on 12/20/2011

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Agreed, Anna. But my point is, they are both just high school kids. One would hope they have been parented and taught about the dangers of a physical/sexual relationship, but I remember boys that age when I was 16 as being my contemporaries and peers. Right?? High school kids, regardless of the magic number "18".

Anna - posted on 12/20/2011

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While I wholly agree with Bev in principle just make sure he's aware of the possibilities of someone making accusations about anything he does inappropriate in public. That was my point.

Anna - posted on 12/17/2011

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I think you've heard it all from the replies here - he is in dangerous territory and being labeled a sexual predator does not come with "end-of-sentence" as many crimes do - if he is prosecuted in any way he will not be able to work in many areas he might like to just because of their location to where minors have access.

Akilah - posted on 12/16/2011

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I don't know if this is a big age difference, your bound to bump heads anyway when your in high school.

Theresa - posted on 12/12/2011

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I'm so glad your thinking about this! Remember, as good as the relationship is now, if they break up and its bad, she could lie and say they did have sexual relations. This did happen to my daughters friend here in Michigan. My purpose is not to scare or alarm you but just to make sure you two are informed. Personaly, I don't think a 2 year difference is a big deal but others might, including her parents. Kids will push whatever limits you put on them. My daughter was a freshman at 14 and our deal was no seniors and only going out with groups until she was 16. Well, she started "going with" a Junior and we thought "Ok, he's not a senior, and he's a nice church going, young man, and we know his parents"... WRONG!!! lol ... He still tried to take liberties with her!!! Lucky for us some of her older friends found out and had a "discussion" with him. They him that she was like a little sister to them so if you mess with her your messing with our "sister" He got the message loud and clear!!

Melissa - posted on 12/12/2011

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Keep him educated and prepared! If they want to see each other they will regardless of what anyone else says, parents or police. They age difference would not be a factor if she were of legal age, that being said, knowledge is power and birth control is priceless. Mat seem harsh but so will the reality of teenage parenthood , so better to be prepared if there is any chance they are already sexually active. Good luck to all of you!

Mia - posted on 12/11/2011

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He needs to be reminded of the severe consequences and potential threat to his freedom and his future. Her parents could have him charged considering he is an adult, having a relationship with a minor. If convicted of any charges, he will be considered a sex offender for Life. Take him down to the police station and let them explain to him.

T - posted on 12/10/2011

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I agree its not a big deal at 18 & 16...unfortunately the technicality of the law (depending on the types of individuals we are talking about!) could play a part in the event of a bad break up/pregnancy, etc. BUT I dont think there is anything wrong them dating! I think most would agree. I would educate him ( on the law & safe sex if they are sexually active) and move on... :) They will be fine! Dont worry yourself over what has not happened...Best of Luck!!

Kimberly - posted on 12/10/2011

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Look, I really wouldn't worry much about it....Now if she was like 11 or lower you would really would have some issues to work out with him. Therapy! Now I just don't think there's a cause for concern. God Bless.

T - posted on 12/10/2011

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Maybe take him to talk to a police officer in your community to reiterate the law, and consequences. If you live in a close knit community you could probably have one come to the house to talk :)

[deleted account]

Maybe talk with him and her and explain the consequences and as others said look into the laws before discussing it. Maybe even talk with the girl's parents just to make sure they know and you all are on the same page, after speaking with your son and his girlfriend of course. This is more for your son's sake than hers. He may be upset with you but, better to do this than have him go to jail and live with it for the rest of his life just for dating someone two years younger than himself. What will be scary though is if it is against the law and the parents are ok with them dating and then they have a bad break up and the parents get nasty. :( I am so not looking forward to the dating scene with my kids. I hope it all works out for everyone! Good luck.

Theresa - posted on 12/08/2011

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Please talk to him but try to do it without judgement. Tell him the facts only and tell him you want him to make educated decisions. Find out the laws of your state. In some states a sexual relationship with a 18 year old and a 16 year old is concidered an adult and a child. This could cause consequences for the rest of his life! You do not want him on a sexual preditors list!! I'm wondering, if he kept her age from you, has SHE kept HIS age from her parents? You may want to have a chat with BOTH of these young people or involve a conselor.

[deleted account]

I don't know if there is anything you could do except talk to him. If you forbid your son from seeing her then he's just going to want her more and might see her behind your back. I would talk to him about the importance of protection and of respecting the girls wishes if she's not ready for a sexual relationship. You could also look into the laws in your state with respect to the age of consent and talk to your son about possible consequences of his actions.

Jane - posted on 12/08/2011

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Remind him of the consequences of having sex with someone under age and tell him if you really love someone you can and will wait until she is old enough. He may not listen but he has been warned.

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