Advice From a 16 Year Old Female

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I'm not a mother, but I'm here for my sister.

I'm also a teenager, so I can help with teenager-related problems right here.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

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Tawni - posted on 08/26/2012

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Ah, sleeping in.

I’m actually a morning person, and no matter when I fall asleep, I automatically wake up around 7-8 in the morning. All my friends and my cousins sleep in ‘till 12.

I would actually be nervous about the ‘getting information’ part. I’ll assume you’re not actually doing that, so your daughter is getting false information somewhere. Either she herself is confused and thinks you betrayed her somehow, or her friend is saying something she shouldn’t be. I suggest you look into that.

See, we all know small children are naturally selfish. It’s about self-preservation. Babies get what they need by being selfish. As they get older, they start losing that quality and become more giving, some more than others. I’ve noticed the change between my classmates during that time. I couldn’t see the change in myself because I can’t see myself from the side, but all my friends became so mature between 8th and 11th grade.

My friend, he was probably the single most selfish person I even knew back then. He didn’t do anything for anyone unless it helped him in some way. I had problems that I never told him about because he wouldn’t care, or he would make things worse just to spite me. Only 4 years later, he’s the single person I could trust to have my back, and I’m proud of him.

I assume at this age, she’s the same as we were. Just now, she pays a little more attention to her own self, and when she get’s older, she’ll shed that quality.

Unfortunately, I think it’s up to her to be happy and productive. At one point, they reach an age where all you can go is love them and be there for them, to show your support. The parents have brought them up the best they can, now it’s up to the children to go the rest of the way. Of course, the parents still set the rules, but honestly, it’s up to the kids. You can set rules and regulations, but if they don’t follow them, there’s pretty much nothing you can do about it, unless they’re disobeying the federal law, of course.

Example? Let’s say you have a High School kid, Bob. Bob doesn’t do his homework and goes out instead. He’s almost failing. The teacher talks to the parents. The parents ground him, take away privileges like phone and computer. Then Bob can either listen and obey, or he starts sneaking out the house, continues to not do his homework, doesn’t listen, and you literally can’t do anything about it, except hope he'll be okay. Either way, it's up to him what will happen now.

Same concept, except not as dramatic as Bob.

So, I guess all you can do is bring her up the way you feel is the best, talk to her about what you think is best for her, and hope she makes good decisions.

Patricia - posted on 08/26/2012

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Hi Tawni

New question for you:

My daughter's best friend is also my friend, and my daughter is losing her mind because her best friend invited us to go to church with her every Sunday morning at 9:30, and my daughter wants to sleep in instead (I get it, she's tired and a teenager) but I told my daughter last night I decided I do want to join her friend and her grandparents at services, and I am going this morning. She blew a gasket and said "stay away from my best friend. You only like her to get information about me from her."

Whew; I said "wow, what are you talking about? We are going to church for goodness sake."

What is it about 13 year old girls that they are so respectful, clueless and just darn right not fun to be around unless they are doing exactly what they want to do, when they want to and with whom they want to. How do we parents get them to go to church with us, be respectful of us and themselves, and just be generally happier and more productive people?

Your advice is always so spot on:)

Tawni - posted on 08/25/2012

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Almost all of my friends are still virgins, including me, and refusing to have their first time until they're absolutely certain they want to lose it, but I know the girls that have had it usually regret it.

Almost all of them got hurt in the end, and it wasn't worth it. The ones who didn't get hurt either didn't care about giving up their bodies in such a way, or they got incredible lucky with a nice guy. (Which, at this age, is pretty rare.)

As for appropriate behavior, most people here view sex as very inappropriate and 'wrong.'

I go to a pretty diverse public school (About 5,000 students in the school from all different religions, cultures, etc.) where you'd find a future drug addict/criminal sitting next to the future president of the United States, who's sitting beside a future stripper, and with that diversity, most people are still virgins. The ones that aren't are, more often than not, viewed as... well, whores. Basically, here, sex is taboo.

I'm not sure if my school is an exception, but I figure it isn't and the majority of teenagers everywhere see it this way.

To sum it up, I think you shouldn't go for it until you're 100% sure, and since at this age, the "bonding hormone" is so especially strong, you really shouldn't even trust yourself. If you find yourself in a position where you have to choose with a guy, choose not to, and if he's even worth it, he'll stick around for the wait.

Patricia - posted on 08/25/2012

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Hi Tawni:

That's so nice of you to offer your advice.

I have a 13 year old daughter that is very sweet, kind and a good student, but she has been asking me about sex and what's the big deal about it, etc. She and I have talked about this subject since before she started her period so she knows all about STD's, condom use, birth control methods and also the emotional side of "bonding" through sex with another human being, and that most boys "don't bond at all" and will unknowingly really hurt your heart, head and ultimately soul.

What are your thoughts on young girls engaging in sex? Has it been a good experience for your friends, bad experience, what do girls in this day and age think is appropriate behavior?

I remember years ago when I was 13, 14 and 15 I was super curious, too. I just got "hooked" on one guy after we had sex, never looked at anybody else all through high school and I really misses out on so much. The "bonding hormone" is very powerful for all females, especially young ones. I have told her no dating until she is 16 but she has big questions and confusion now. Please advise.

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