almost 13 year old daughter

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

OK . WE SET A RULE AWHILE BACK FOR MY SOON TO BE 13 YEAR OLD THAT BOYFRIENDS R NOT ALLOWED TILL SHE IS 16 THEN TODAY WE FIND OUT SHE HAS ONE .....WE TOLD HER SHE BETTER END IT SHE CRIED FOR HOURS...WHAT DO I DO ???

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Peggyann - posted on 08/13/2012

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Okay, well, she probably does want to end it! You can't forse any teen to end their relationships! she felt that she was ready for the stress of a relationship and as much as you hate it, she is growing up, let her make her own mistakes, support her choice and if it ends badly in the future, don't gloat or anything, just tell her it's all going to be okay and hold her as she cries, it's the only thing you can do. My Mother never did anything like that when my first relationship ended badly with abuse, my brother held me as I cried and my best friend punched my ex in the face for me. I have a new guy now and it's much better and guess what, my mother doesn't suppost me but she's having to just suck it up and deal with it

Diane - posted on 03/07/2009

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You need to find out what she means by boyfriend. I have explained to my son(who feels he has to have a "girlfriend") he can have friends, just not girlfriends. I made the mistake and allowed this about a year ago. My son is 13, the girl in question was also 13. My son has gone through a really hard time because of this. She wanted more from the relationship than my son was emotionally and physically ready for.



So, I this point we told my son no more "girlfriends" until he is 16. But, he can have friends. Also, going nowhere alone, as a group is ok.

Marcy - posted on 03/07/2009

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Hold your ground.  Sit her down and explain why she has to wait.  Let her know she doesn't get her self esteem by partnering with a boyfriend.  At that age they think they have no value unless they have a boyfriend.  Get her involved with church youth grougps, or  sports or activites she can join as a group.  She won't be soo boy crazy if she doesn't have much time to fixate on the issue.  I will send prayers your way.  Good Luck!

Helene - posted on 03/07/2009

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Do you mean that she can't go out with anyone or that she cannot like anyone? My 15 year old has her first boyfriend but it is with the stipulation that she cannot single date until she is 16. He comes over to the house with my husband and I present. She has gone to his mom's with all his family present. He's been to church with her and to a school dance. They are not alone. We all agreed to these stipulations before they started. We've gotten to know him pretty well so that has been good.

Shelly - posted on 03/07/2009

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Gina,



  Ok not letting her date until she's 16 is great!   If that is the rules of your house and she has been aware of this rule before this then you need to stick to your guns.  But just remember that kids have a mind of thier own and at school they have thier own little world that half the time if it's not concerning thier school work or school rules your not going to hear about it...so don't be surprised if you find here in the next little while that she is still holding hands with this boy she calls her boyfriend.  You just need to make sure that she is very aware that you have certain rules and they are in place for a reason and I would sit down and explain why you feel the way you do...We have a thing we do in our house were we have made it safe for our kids to tell us what we are doing right as a parent and what they think needs to change and that gives us a chance as parents to evaluate what we are doing and a chance to tell our kids why we have some of the rules that we have...and then that way we don't get any of that well we didn't know or the you never said that...It really seems to help around our house and it would save you on alot of tears.  Just stick to your guns because then there is no confusion on what is acceptible and whats not stay consistant...your house your rules...Good luck 

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