Almost 19 years old with no respect, high strung attitude and total hatred for the entire family. I tiptoe around her moods, which are constant, and we always end up in a screaming match. She just started working a part time job a week ago, but doesn't come home afterwards to do anything at home...no chores per say, but her room is a dump. She dropped out of college after one year and failing grades. Time for a sit down discussion, but know that it will start and end in confrontation. Any advice?

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Tired - posted on 06/22/2012

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Wow, thanks Kristen...sounds a lot like my daughter except for the pregnancy. I'm glad to know you got your life together. It is so very hard to think anyone else s or had gone thru this and it's even harder to stand my ground. Your comment has been very encouraging and I'm hoping one day we can actually get along.

Kristin - posted on 06/21/2012

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Teenage daughters are so not fun. Unfortunately, you had a bad therapist and if she doesnt want to listen to the therapist than they will be of no help. When I was 16 I was very angry with my mom all the time and I treated her like garbage as I wanted to do things on my own and have freedom. What I failed to realiize then is that I was actually only angry at my mom because I was unhappy with who I was. I had low self esteem and zero self worth, which I blamed on my mom. I convinced myself that she was the one who made my life miserable and that she never loved me and she only loved my brother. I ran away from home got arrested and back home. Then I got pregnant at 16 and when I was 8 months pregnant my mom couldnt take it anymore and she kicked me out. I had no money and I was still in high school, thank god the father of my child supported us. But i got what I wanted I was "free" unfortunately responsibility hit hard. My parents helped me by baysitting while I was in school or working but finacially we were on our own. Then when my son was 4 and I was 20 I left his abusive father and then I was really on my own. It toook courage, support, lots of tears, and struggle, but I managed to get a college degree and raise my son with no finacial help from my parents, As hard as it was for my mother to kick me out while I was pregnant, I am thankful she did. It made me grow up which is what i needed to do and zi eventually did tell her this. But my mom and I get along great now (16 years later lol) but no seriously, when my mom kicked me out we no longer fought and I stoppped blaming her for my own faults. I didnt seek counselling until I was 20 and divorced and thats when I really listened and learned to gain my self esteem, self confidence and self worth. So sometimes doing tough love is the best thing for everyone. No one needs to be bullied by anyone especially not your own children Keep strong and positive

Tired - posted on 06/20/2012

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Thanks ladies for the encouragement. We have seen a psychologist in the past because her pediatrician noticed the behavior she had towards me during the visit. However, the psychologist put the entire behavior issue in my lap, stating I got exactly what I had coming by not being firm and demanding from a young age. My daughter played him like a fiddle making everything so dramatic for herself. We just stopped going because she wouldn't accept anything he said once we would leave the office.
My husband is giving her the ultimatum of changing her attitude towards us immediately or asking her to leave. She has no where to go, no money, no clue. I'm terrified of what is happening. But I'm also very tired of being " bullied " by my own daughter...

Kristin - posted on 06/20/2012

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Take her to see a doctor for her mood swings and seriously consider asking her to move out on her own. She needs to be responsible and figure out her life and you can support her but do not let her run your house,

Courtney - posted on 06/20/2012

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She sounds depressed and angry. I think that a conversation about how she feels is a good idea. She probably feels like she's failed and taking it out on you, although you don't deserve it. It seems from her behavior, not cleaning her room, mood swings, and the constant arguments she is not happy at all and not living, just being. Good luck.

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