Appropriate Clothing for school

Sally - posted on 09/01/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My beautiful step-daughter is very shy and adorable, but her idea of cute clothing for school (she is in middle college, where she attends high school and college at the same time on a college campus) is very, very short shorts and a tank top with a cute sleeveless vest. I was mortified when she left yesterday for her first day, even after I told her that shorts that short were not appropriate for school.



When I picked her up at the end of the day, we had to go to several places on the college campus to pick up things...I could see the college guys checking her out. We had a talk on the way home about how wearing clothing like that attracked the wrong type of attention, and I told her how the guys were looking at her. We seemed to make some progress and we went shopping looking for more appropriate shorts. She is tiny and it is fall so we found nothing. At the end of the day, she asked if she could just wear those shorts to the high school and then wear jeans on college days...ugh! I told her the high school boys would look at her the same way! She just doesn't seem to get it! I have told her that I will not fight with her about her clothes, but if she chooses to dress that way then she must be responsible for it and be aware of her surroundings at all times. I told her that each morning she should ask herself what her outfit says about her. She and her cousins are all gymnists and work out wearing very little and I don't think she truely gets how visual men are. She is so shy she won't even talk to boys most of the time.



Her dad also isn't any help. He says he think she looks cute and why am I so stuck on this. All of his cousins growing up dressed that way and never got themselves in trouble.



Anyone else have this problem? How do you handle it?

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Sally - posted on 09/01/2009

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What is crazy is that I did check the dress code and it says that shorts and skirts can not show any undergarments..which hers don't. Most schools say shorts have to be fingertip length, which I think is perfect. I found an article last night on college fashion..what not to wear...and it said "don't go to class half naked" and it explained that the guys and even sadly the professors, would find that distracting. I circled that part and put a smiley face on it and left in her bathroom. She left in jeans today! :)

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Donna - posted on 09/06/2009

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Seems to me you are not getting any support from your husband, and the two of you need to work some things out as well. If you do not present a united front, she will continue to play you against each other and divide you. We have a few rules in our home - I have a well endowed 15 year old daughter. Bottoms must touch the tops and tops much touch the bottoms. No low cut shirts - thank goodness the style is layering thinner shirts over each other, so that if a shirt is low, a tank top can be worn UNDER the low one. No shirt straps that don't cover bra straps. As for shorts, no shorter than fingertips when hands are at her sides, and we prefer capris. We have explained her dress code to her using much the same logic you have, as well as a matter of self-respect, you can't make a first impression twice, etc. But the real key is talking together as a couple (my husband and myself), and providing a united front. It's hard because my husband and I were raised very differently, but it shows respect for each other when we can talk it out and eventually compromise. I go shopping with my daughter for clothes to make sure they are appropriate. And we do sometimes compromise as well. It's taken a few years, but by sticking to our guns, she now knows what we expect and the pattern's been set.

Shonna - posted on 09/03/2009

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Yes. I think uniforms are the way to go for everyone. Even my 15 year old daughter thinks so. Then kids dont have to worry about what to wear today cause everyone looks the same. No one can make fun of anyone or they are laughing at them selves. She also does not like how the big breasted girls have their boobs hanging out 24/7. This would all stop with uniforms.

Sally - posted on 09/01/2009

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I have to write again because I am so mad right now! She went to her dad crying tonight about the article I left her about dressing for college...she didn't have a problem this morning but now, even after two hours of explaining it to her she doesn't get it and wants to wear the shorts because its hot, and she is sooo hurt now. Of course her dad is furious with me for making her cry...totally manipulated. He says he saw other girls at her school with them on...oh yeah, that makes it right!!! I am fuming and trying to get past being angry with her for being so manipulative...its late and I am upset about getting chewed out for something I know I am right about...

Bess - posted on 09/01/2009

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Try PLATO'S CLOSET for end of season shorts, capris and jeans plus shirt combinations so she can wear a tank top but with another shirt as a jacket or over it. We have the best luck there. Even Lucky 7 Jeans for 2 dollars!

Lisa - posted on 09/01/2009

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My daughter has to wear a uniform in school. My older daughter and I talked to her during the summer about wearing short shorts or a top that showed to much. She was dressing like that around her brother and his friends. She is only 15 and didn't understand why she shouldn't dress that way. She didn't like hearing that guys get turned on but we explained it. She has been more careful. I had several girlfriends who was raped at her age.

Paula - posted on 09/01/2009

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i agree at the college level you would hope that your child has their own sense of style but i agrre with litting her know about all the negative attention that she will receive if the clothing is too short or too sexy she needs to know that first impressions go a long way so be proud of who your child is and hope that all you have instilled in her shows through !!! be proud of you children no matter what but keep them on the right track. nJust tell the truth about how you feel and hopefully she will respect that. :)

Sally - posted on 09/01/2009

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I so agree on the uniform issue, however, that is pretty hard to do at the college level.

Lisa - posted on 09/01/2009

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First I would wonder if the school has some kind of dress code. If not, you are her mother and you are concerned about the way people preceive your baby girl. I would explain your concerns and ask her to respect your decision. If she doesn't, you are not responsible for what happens. You have to disconnect your concerns with her choices, and be there for her when she needs you.

Paula - posted on 09/01/2009

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I'm glad my daughter of 15 has changed schools and now she wears a uniform .I think all schools should do the same with this dress code there's no discrimination everyone looks the same so no one know who has money and who is not so well off . please send me back a comment on what you think ok

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