Are ALL teenage girls lazy??

Amy - posted on 12/17/2008 ( 88 moms have responded )

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Just wanting some discussion around teenage girls, helping out around the house.. and if EVERYONE struggles the way we do at our house!



We have a 14 yr old and a 17 yr old. Neither of them seem to think it's "fair" for them to have to help out around the house... DO ALL teenage girls have such feelings of "entitlement" without appreciating anything??

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Lawanda - posted on 01/07/2009

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Quoting Rita:

I've watched this post pretty regularly. I responded it to myself 5 days ago. And as I read each person's story about their child(ren) it makes me "Double-Think " a lot of my own decisions, not only as a person, but mostly as a Mother. I don't know about all of you, but when I was growing up....If my mother or father asked me to do something, "I did it!" Not only because I was asked, but because I "RESPECTED" them as authority figures in my life. I was TAUGHT from a very small age that you "RESPECT" your elders, you do what you're told, when you're told to do it! You are appreciative of what you have, And the LAST THING I would have Ever thought about doing is telling one of my parents, "NO!" or using an excuse like, "I don't wanna do it now, I'll get it later, Wait a minute, Ugh! I'm tired, etc." or just blatantly disrespect their authority." And as much as it hurts, I think we as parents...Have to stop and take a look at "US"...and see where WE went wrong...and start changing things there!
Yes, like all the rest of you..."Yes, I have trouble getting my teenage daughter to do chores around the house." But...WHY? Because I have RAISED her to know that if she doesn't do what I ask her to do, I'll go behind her and do it myself, because it's much easier to do it myself, than to fight about it! Hmmm! ever been there? (or at least that's what WE have taught them!)
We (a lot of us, not all...) have become a generation of wanting to be our children's BEST FRIENDS...and not their PARENTS! Many of us come from broken marriages and our parenting has become a competition with the Ex. We fear our children will "love" the Ex more, if we aren't the Cooler Parent. Let's be honest ladies...I know if we're really honest with ourselves....We'll begin to realize that our Lazy Children really aren't lazy...They're Spoiled!!! And who spoiled them? Who allowed them to BECOME lazy?
Like the old saying goes: The Truth Hurts!
Well, I'm beginning to think that we don't have lazy children so much as WE as adults have become lazy in our parenting skills. Just a thought! *wink* And this is MY OPINION!!!! I'm sure there are a LOT of you who won't agree with me, and I understand we ALL have our own opinions...
But I just know when I was growing up...Parents were Authority Figures in the home...and I think we're losing that role in our home (in our schools, in our communities, basically in our Nation!) today! And "I" am one of those who is admitting to this!!! I'm been single 21 out of the 28 yrs. since I've left my parents home, and Yes, I am guilty of having more of a Friend Relationship with my 15 yr. old daughter than I've had a parental relationship with her. And ladies, I fear we're doing a great injustice to our children...Children NEED discipline, they NEED direction in their lives...and if WE don't start enforcing it, Where is this next generation going to be? And WHO is really going to be at fault for it?
I mean seriously..."Children will get away with what WE as parents Allow them to get away with!"
Would YOU have thought twice about disrespecting your parents? And if you did, were there consequences to be paid?
We as Adults have GIVEN our children a sense of "Entitlement"...they have been spoiled from day #1 and now as TEENS they expect it!!!
I hope I didn't ruffle too many feathers...but this is just MY thoughts!!!
Have a wonderful day and best of luck to you all!!! I know I'm going to need it! *wink*


 

[deleted account]

I've watched this post pretty regularly. I responded it to myself 5 days ago. And as I read each person's story about their child(ren) it makes me "Double-Think " a lot of my own decisions, not only as a person, but mostly as a Mother. I don't know about all of you, but when I was growing up....If my mother or father asked me to do something, "I did it!" Not only because I was asked, but because I "RESPECTED" them as authority figures in my life. I was TAUGHT from a very small age that you "RESPECT" your elders, you do what you're told, when you're told to do it! You are appreciative of what you have, And the LAST THING I would have Ever thought about doing is telling one of my parents, "NO!" or using an excuse like, "I don't wanna do it now, I'll get it later, Wait a minute, Ugh! I'm tired, etc." or just blatantly disrespect their authority." And as much as it hurts, I think we as parents...Have to stop and take a look at "US"...and see where WE went wrong...and start changing things there!
Yes, like all the rest of you..."Yes, I have trouble getting my teenage daughter to do chores around the house." But...WHY? Because I have RAISED her to know that if she doesn't do what I ask her to do, I'll go behind her and do it myself, because it's much easier to do it myself, than to fight about it! Hmmm! ever been there? (or at least that's what WE have taught them!)
We (a lot of us, not all...) have become a generation of wanting to be our children's BEST FRIENDS...and not their PARENTS! Many of us come from broken marriages and our parenting has become a competition with the Ex. We fear our children will "love" the Ex more, if we aren't the Cooler Parent. Let's be honest ladies...I know if we're really honest with ourselves....We'll begin to realize that our Lazy Children really aren't lazy...They're Spoiled!!! And who spoiled them? Who allowed them to BECOME lazy?
Like the old saying goes: The Truth Hurts!
Well, I'm beginning to think that we don't have lazy children so much as WE as adults have become lazy in our parenting skills. Just a thought! *wink* And this is MY OPINION!!!! I'm sure there are a LOT of you who won't agree with me, and I understand we ALL have our own opinions...
But I just know when I was growing up...Parents were Authority Figures in the home...and I think we're losing that role in our home (in our schools, in our communities, basically in our Nation!) today! And "I" am one of those who is admitting to this!!! I'm been single 21 out of the 28 yrs. since I've left my parents home, and Yes, I am guilty of having more of a Friend Relationship with my 15 yr. old daughter than I've had a parental relationship with her. And ladies, I fear we're doing a great injustice to our children...Children NEED discipline, they NEED direction in their lives...and if WE don't start enforcing it, Where is this next generation going to be? And WHO is really going to be at fault for it?
I mean seriously..."Children will get away with what WE as parents Allow them to get away with!"
Would YOU have thought twice about disrespecting your parents? And if you did, were there consequences to be paid?
We as Adults have GIVEN our children a sense of "Entitlement"...they have been spoiled from day #1 and now as TEENS they expect it!!!
I hope I didn't ruffle too many feathers...but this is just MY thoughts!!!
Have a wonderful day and best of luck to you all!!! I know I'm going to need it! *wink*

Allison - posted on 07/10/2012

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I really think I should start a camp or something for teens similar to Outward Bound. These teens need to be in the woods for a while with no technology and really find themselves, learn to work hard, and clear their minds. I wonder if there are any programs out there for that. And not a program for troubled teen just teens that are like ours who are really good kids but they are just lazy and don't want to do anything.

Forest - posted on 07/29/2013

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I homeschool my 14 yr old. So I have 3 meals and all day snacking to deal with. I am 70, so just walk around mumbling sentences my own mother used to....."wait until you have kids, then you'll realize...." I do, mom, I sure do !

Celestinecv - posted on 05/31/2012

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Hi Kate I hope you get an opportunity to read my reply. I think it was pretty mature of you to even post on the site. Now that you have read all of our pain and sorrow over you little girls who use to be our sweet little babies help your mom out put just a little more effort into doing some of the things she require. I feel so sorry for my daughters because as sick as I am they are going to miss the chance to come to me and ask those things that only a mother would answer from the heart. We know you guys love us but show us by doing the little simple things around the house that make us less frustrated. Good Luck Sweetie and thanks for your honesty.

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Jessica - posted on 03/29/2014

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Ok i'm not a mother, i'm only 16. But I don't think it's fair for parents to complain that their children are lazy and irresponsible sometimes. When you say that you never 'disrespected' your parents, re-think that; because I'm pretty darn sure you had days where you didn't want to do what your parents wanted you to do. Everyone has bad days and you can't expect your children to do everything the second you say it. Also, you have to think about all the factors that contribute to your child having a bad attitude; school, friends, family problems? You don't actually know what they're going through, unless they tell you, and 80% of the time, they don't tell you.
Finally, you have to remember who raised this generation. I'm not saying all children are bad, but I'm also not saying all parents are good. Take a while to put yourself in your kid's situation. A little empathy now and then won't hurt.

Evelyn - posted on 07/31/2013

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My daughter is 23. She helped around the house and even babysat her brother in summer's while I worked. I even paid her for that. Otherwise, she was always glad to help around the house. And my teenage son is doing the same...helping around the house.

Forest - posted on 07/29/2013

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Yes ! My daughter's friends used to clean her room. Trash bags full would come out of there. Now, one must remove one's shoes to enter her home ! Har !! I picked my battles, as has been suggested here. I am glad I stayed kind and loving. Now, we are good friends and she is a good mom. Hard not to laugh when she gets onto her sons for not cleaning. I am 70 now, my older daughter 43. I adopted a daughter from Cambodia. She is 14 now, and going through it again. Gotta' just love those teens.

Forest - posted on 07/29/2013

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Keep repeating yourself. "Please remove your dishes from the table"
"The maid called; she can't come today. Or tomorrow."
"Please walk the dog"
"Please do not leave food in your room."
yata yata.
I do not speak of fairness; the teens are very self-involved. Clueless. "What do you mean I disrespected you? How did I disrespect you?" That was not snotty, she was really perplexed. Amazing, isn't it? I do praise her in front of others, as I have noticed many of us complain about our teens, when we used to brag about them.

Alyssa - posted on 07/27/2013

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Personally I'm a teen and u want to help but u can't do ever have days where u just don't want to do anything as ur fed up or too tired that's how u feel well how I feel

Lachamb - posted on 07/08/2013

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I recently went on a girls vacation for a week and left the kids with my boyfriend. Before I left I cleaned my house so all they had to do was keep up with it and do their chores. (on Mondays my daughter cleans their bathroom and my son cleans his guinea pig). Then at least once a week they are supposed to sweep and vaccum ususally on Wednesday. When I came home my house was TORE UP! Trash overflowing none of their chores done. I was irate. To top it off also while I was gone my dauighter let my son go swimming by himself!! Knowing this was wrong. They both got introuble for that one. Even better is that my sister had left her car there and my daughter (13) thought it would be cool to drive it around the block. We had a family powwow about it today her response when I asked what about your aunts car she just said I drove it. I asked her what would have happened if she had wrecked it? Her reposnse was she has $200 in her savings account and that she didn't wreck it cause she knows how to drive. Which she does not. When I told her she was gounded she rolled her eyes and said ok. I told her she is going to have to do more chores. She then proceeded to tell me she does everything around the house. Well if that was true why was my house trashed and no chores done? I realized today my children are SPOILED and I did it. I took away her phone, ipod, tv and grounded her. They are no longer allowed to be home alone. If she feels like she cleans up after everyone I am going to let her. She showed zero remorse for her actions and then proceeded to tell me she had rights.

Mahubala - posted on 05/16/2013

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why should all teenagers be put in the same catagories, it would not be fair of me to say that all adults are smart or stupid

Kayleigh - posted on 07/12/2012

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Ok I'm not a mom but I am going thru this weird and embarrassing thing to admit I am lazy I cant Say I'm not... But i wanted to lose wait so i want to stop eating Is this a good idea or am I doing the wrong thing I just want to lose my pudgy part of my stomach ....







Sincerely , Kayleigh







, Love to all {ps: be strong ! }

LaShawndra - posted on 07/11/2012

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Omg I was thinking my child was the only one that does that but Im trying to understand now

Allison - posted on 07/10/2012

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It is not only the girls but the boys too. They just don't want to do anything unless there is money involved. We agreed to pay them an allowance when they were younger but now that they have jobs, we feel they should just do chores because they live here for free! I have a 17, 19, and 21 year old! Of course, that is like pulling teeth now cuz we don't pay them anymore. It is very hard and we don't know where we went wrong as parents. My friends say the same thing. I think it is this generation that has gotten too much handed to them. They don't know how to work hard. So frustrated myself.

Venise - posted on 07/04/2012

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I have a 18 year old step daughter who thinks the world revolves around her,
she is dirty,lazy and disrespectfull,to her dad,to me,
she has a lovely room,her own bathroom and toilet that she never ever cleans.
she has discusting personal hygiene.
she has a well paying job,and was told this week that she would have to pay $50 a week board,
well shes just told me shes not paying a cent,why should she this is her dads house.
so ive just kicked her and her lazy a......e out of the house,go find somewhere else trash for a lousy $50. a week.

Michelle - posted on 06/05/2012

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not sure but I I know boys are. My 17 and 14 year old are lazy. They do not do chores, my 17 year old sleeps until 1 and my 14 will work but spends the money the minute he gets it. He wont do his chores, hang his clothes up or clean his room.

Celestinecv - posted on 05/31/2012

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I sat here for the last 20 minutes reading post from moms and teens. It was frustrating me to hear how many parents are in the same situation as I am. I have a 19 year old and 14 year old and both are good girls but LAZY and it drives me CRAZY. Recently I became very ill and had to take some time off from work so this allowed me the time in the house to my children for who they really are. If I met these girls on the street I would love them to death so sweet and smart. Instead, I get the crappy them. The oldest girl do just surface cleaning no matter how many times I say its not right she the next time it gets worst. The youngest girl does very little and at her own pace. Well I sat back for 2 weeks watching, waiting, listening, and did nothing..I spent most of that time on the computer in my bedroom and taking my medication as prescribed. The oldest girl walked around went to school and work as she normally did came in when she wanted to and took full advantage of the situation. While the youngest girl entered my room, huffing and puffing about nothing to eat nothing to wear just complaining. I totally ignored her. Finally, I could not take it and started cleaning my kitchen myself but I refuse to let them enter. I am the parent and the adult but I CANT TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS FROM THEM I CANT STAND TO LOOK AT MY DAUGHTERS AND I TAUGHT THEM BETTER THEN THIS.

[deleted account]

Yes pretty much im 13 n i try to help sone times but mist of the time id rather b on my phone but i always help my mum when shes ill so yeh we r very lazy most of the time xxxx

Laura - posted on 02/10/2012

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I had hoped it was a phase, my 23 yo step daughter is still at home and she is still a slob I mean S L O B !!!!! She shares a room with my teenager daugher, somedays the smell of their dirty clothes, socks, etc is enough to choke me.. I have learned to close their door, but make them clean up once in a while. I swear they think they have to do nothing, well the teen doesnt get to go anywhere on the weekend , the older one is on her way OUT!! Thank God... Good luck everyone.. just stick to your guns and learn to shut the door.

Jen - posted on 02/10/2012

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My sixteen year old daught will help around the house but if I verbally ask her its eye rolls and big sighs. So now I write a list and an expeded deadline. If she does sigh or complain I don't hear it. It seems to be working out fine.

Renee - posted on 02/02/2012

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To the Mom with the college age kid not helping who does not respond to privilages being taken away, I say, KICK THEM OUT AND CHANGE THE LOCKS! If they try to enter on their own, then call the police. Not easy to do, but that is called tough love and if they are going to be that rebellious, then out they go. As adults, they can figure it out on their own. Your kid is using your good nature, so they need to be thrown in the middle of the lake and learn to swim on their own in my opinion.

Renee - posted on 02/02/2012

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Well, I have 2 teens, our daughter (16) is actually a cleaning fanatic and does many household things on her own without reminders. She even cleans up her boyfriend's bedroom!



Now, our 13 year old son is happy living in a pile of clothing, he often sleeps on the floor, and he has to be reminded every day to do his chores.



We have enforced chores on our kids since they were little, and I believe in my heart that the attitudes of some kids comes from not starting them out doing chores from a very young age. Heck, our (now deceased) child, Gwen, had Cerebral Palsy and I made it her job to hold the socks when she was about 9 months old while I folded laundry!



Kids are spoiled for too long, IMO, which makes them feel you are picking on them when you ask them to help out around the house at a later age. After all, you did everything before they became older, so why should that change now?



It's not laziness as much as it is conditioning. Our poor children are being raised as we were, plus my husband is retired military, so we are tough. What we often hear is stuff like, "Suzi gets to stay out until midnight during the week and just hang with her friends in the city, why do I have a curfew and you are always up in my business about where I am?" Of course, I was in shock the first time I said, "Well, I'm not Suzi's mom, am I?" I actually channeled my own mother!

Laura - posted on 02/01/2012

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Tell him it is an expectation, not an option. Set limits and stick to them, until he shows he is acting more responsible, turn off the cell phone. I told my kids that I "dont" have to give them the extra little luxuries and that they would have to do chores and show responsibility in order to maintain keeping the internet, phone, etc.. of course, no chores, no money for anything.. Stick to your guns and eventually they see things your way.

Laura - posted on 02/01/2012

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OMG, yes, I believe it is the age. I always had my kids do some sort of chore since they were little, but once the teen years arrived, it was like pulling teeth. I do not give in to them, they either do their chore or don't go anywhere for the weekend. I have learned to close their bedroom door, it is a losing battle. Pigstye city in their room. I make them clean it a few times a month, but I have learned to pick my battles. Assigned household chores (excluding their rooms) are a must to be done. No chores, no activities, no allowance.

Dahni - posted on 01/26/2012

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And how do you handle the laziness, back talk etc. mine is in college. We pay for everything and she does nothing! If we stop paying she doesn't go to college and then we are really stuck with her. Any suggestions I am at wits end!

Sherry - posted on 12/27/2010

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I have 3 girls(19, 15, 13) and a son (8). My girls, seem to feel they do not have to do chores and feel it is UNFAIR. My 19 yr old will clean away from home.
However, my girls(13 & 15) have to wash & dry dishes. One takes the recycling to the road and the other take the trash to the road. My son, gathers the "small" trash and takes it out side. Each of the tke turns walking both dogs.
Its amazing how these teens feel they do not have to do anything, and that mom, who works 40+ hours, should do it all!

Mindy - posted on 12/27/2010

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yes its true! but it can be overcome. My girls ages 15, 13,and 11 could run the house hold if neccessary each on their own. When they could, i started them doing chores and i dont give allowance. I do buy them what they need and sometimes what they want. I expect them to do their chores daily and they will or no gaming systems no books no friends no nothing.

Sara - posted on 05/09/2010

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hahaha... well okay so I joined this site for a teenage pregnancy assignment.. but just reading these comments made me laugh. I'm a 17 yr old and now I realise how bad us teens really are and how common these strategies really are to make us get of our lazy bums and do stuff around the house. The amount of times my parents have told me to clean my room and whatnot gets so annoying lol. but I don't know if it's the same with everyone elses, but doing yr 12 put some stress on me to put school first. I always say i will do my room after but they never believe me. Someone mentioned putting stuff on the bed... thats true haha it does work, only because i am forced to move them when i want to go to sleep. My parents also tried the pocket money thing but they always give up after only giving one weeks worth because they claim we don't do enough. I'm not exactly sure how much all of you expect but my expectations are to clean my room every day, clean the kitchen everyday, and all that stuff like undoing the dishwasher, taking the garbage out, feeding pets and then once a week cleaning the pool, cleaning/mopping the bathroom, vacuuming upstairs because my sister (14yrs) has to do downstairs + more and thats just the usual. Mum said she would pay extra for gardening but i hate doing it lol. and mum always uses the phrase "do you think you are just entitled without doing any work"... i guess until now i didnt. this post was actually kinda helpful in seeing the frustration i must put my parents through on a daily basis.. but like on a universal note... how much do you actually expect of us? hoping to get some tips so hopefully my mother might see some change in me :)

Lynn - posted on 05/01/2010

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I have a 15 yr old daughter who does not one thing aroung the house. No dishes-( not even putting them in the sink) No laundry (not even after they are cleaned and folded she wont put them away) She will not even put clean sheets on her bed. Even after I wash them,fold, and set on her bed. She has a broken cell phone now and wants a better one. I told her she needs to earn the money for one by doing chores, babysitting ect/. Oh she turns down babysitting jobs too! I am seriously at my wits end. Whats up with this? My son on the other hand loves to help out around the house. help!

Michelle - posted on 01/16/2009

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Yes, I have a thirteen and you would think I was torturing her when I ask her to clean the bathroom that she makes a wreck of!

Shirley - posted on 01/16/2009

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I think so. Thats pretty much my 2 girls, which are 18 & 17. At one time they couldn't do enough. Now they cann't even but the own laundry in laundry room, which is awhole 6ft from their room.

Sherry - posted on 01/16/2009

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I am so glad I am not alone - this must be a universal thing! My children and 18 and 20. My 18 year old daughter leaves a "trail" wherever she goes - dirty dishes, clothes, kitchen mess, you name it....we know where she has been at all times. I have never been able to break her of the habits. My 20 year son is not as bad - but he huffs and groans if I "inconvenience" him to help out. ACK!!!! My husband have talked about nudging them out of the nest by the time they are 21 - then we won't have to deal with the mess any longer.

Christine - posted on 01/15/2009

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It 's so nice to know I'm not alone! My 12yo is horribly lazy. Everything asked of her is met with a dramatic sigh. I love her to pieces, but ugh!! And I have two more coming up right behind her. One day at a time!

Shirley - posted on 01/15/2009

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I think they are. I have a 18 & 17 yr old. And they both do nothing around house without a big fuss made about it. Their bedroom looks like a wind storm hit it. And the worst is they bring there friends over and go in their room and it doesn't bug them at all that you cann't even see the floor from clothes. I've seen some of the friends clean it for them. That doesn't bug them either....sit on their beds and watch. And if they do clean it, anything on the floor goes in laundry...clean or not. They both have p/t jobs....sometimes I wonder how they have kept them!

[deleted account]

I have had the same problem with my 16-1/2 yr. old daughter for several years now! She never helps out around the house unless I ask her to and then she only does that one thing and usually does a crummy job too! If my husband ( her step-father) asks her to do something then she throws a fit! She is constantly either sleeping or sitting on her butt all day and it really upsets me! I can't seem to get her to go out & get a job to pay for her own gas & car insurance either! I am starting to think it is a little ridiculous to be THAT lazy! I would also love to get some advice on this matter! Good luck! :)

Dorian - posted on 01/08/2009

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Hey Moms,



I have read all of your responses and I was fascinated by most.  I have been parenting for 35 years now and have picked up a few things  along the way.  The most important thing I've learned is that we are all a work in progress.  Moms and children.  We never become experts, we do the best we can each day and we learn to pick our battles.  I have 2 girls and 2 boys ages 22 to 30.  We experienced all the growing pains, terrible twos, obnoxious 10's, prissy 13's, slightly rebellious 15's, and the I'm 17 and need a car.  For every headache my children gave me, they gave me 10-20 reasons to be proud.  I learned to pick my battles. I reminded myself everyday that they are works in progress.  Th

[deleted account]

Thank God I am not alone in this world with this problem, 3 teenagers all lazy bums! It's so good to know you aren't the only one with lazy teenagers! I keep thinking of that line from Titanic..."It will all be over soon" LOL, gotta have a sense of humour, I'd cry if I didn't!

Linda - posted on 01/07/2009

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Apparently so!!!! My daughter is the laziest person alive...all she wants to do is sleep and eat, oh and watch tv...she's too tired to do anything. Imagine if i were too tired, she'd never eat, or have clean clothing and her room is a total mess. She only takes a shower because i have to remind her everyday...if not, she would go to sleep without taking a shower.........

Meg - posted on 01/07/2009

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I have a 16 year old... I have had fun reading these posts... although I am yet to read them all.... My daughter who like all teenagers seems to be lazy but I must admit she will finally do what I ask... A few things I do..



Charge her $1 for everything of hers I have to pick up.. She has a part time job and so it really IS her money I am taking...



When I go to work I leave a CLEAR list of what must be done by the time I get home... If it isnt all done then I dont start to cook dinner till it is... and yes we often eat at 9.00 at night... but I can always hold out longer than she can so it always gets done...



If her room is not clean ( and I mean MUMMY clean) all week then she can not have friends over... This has always been a rule and yet still she will do a good clean Saturday morning and then ask if someone can come over in the afternoon... I just say sure.. NEXT Saturday if your room is still clean...



Some of my friends think I am hard on my daughter but as a working single parent I am too tired to do all I need to do and pick up after her as well...



Sometimes though I am my own worst enemy as I will relent on things... Something I am working on for 2009.....

Sacheen - posted on 01/06/2009

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I am starting to think teenage girls are lazy. I have a 14 year old girl and she doesn't want to do anything. Ask her to do teh trash she argues and the conveniently forgets to do it.Same thing with dishes, recycling,ect..... All she wants to do is talk on the phone and listen to her music. And forget cleaning the bedroom. If you wanna chat let me know...lol

Dawn - posted on 01/06/2009

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I have to agree with rita to an extent. I have 3 children ages 15, 11, and 6. And there isn't the option in our house not to be helpful. It's expected and they know that. I will admit from time to time we get the rolling of the eyes when chores are mentioned but for the most part our kids pull their weight around the house. Now as it was stated in an earlier post, it may not be done to your satisfaction but if an honest effort is made it should be good enough.

April - posted on 01/06/2009

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I have a 10, 15 and still a 20 year old living with us and none of them think they have to do anything around our house. It is like pulling teeth to get them to clean there own bathroom that only they use. I was hoping they would grow out of it but I guess when your 20 and still arguing about it maybe they don't until they move out.

Lori - posted on 01/06/2009

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Rita - kudos to you for taking alot of the responsibility, as the parent, for the outcome of the child you are raising! I 100% agree with you. I am fairly close to both my daughters as well, though FAR more their parent than their friend - they are capable of choosing those for themselves, and it's nice when they sometimes 'choose' me to be included in that group. But as you pointed out, that is not what they most NEED from me - and my success as a parent is NOT based on what THEY think of ME, but what the WORLD thinks of THEM - when they are grown and gone and living happy, independent, productive lives. Sometimes it's a tough road to get them there!!

Susan - posted on 01/05/2009

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yes i got a 14yr old and all she does is laze around if i ask her to do any thing you think ide asked her to clean all the house . she dosent appreciate any thing i do for her or buy her she just hormone city.

[deleted account]

Yes...that's what I'm talking about! We have Great Kids...they're NOT rebellious, they're not verbally disrespectful to us, or physically abusive in any way...they're just getting away with what we allow them to get away with.
My daughter and I get along great! I don't THINK she'd ever verbally disrespect me. We are Very Close...and I love her dearly. But my point is....she's spoiled and she knows it! LOL!
On her myspace, she has me as her #1 friend, I'm in her heroes section, she loves me dearly...and I thank God for our relationship! She's a wonderful child...but looking back...I do wish I would have emphasized more on the discipline of "Cleaning your room, helping with chores, being more Motivated to think of others needs before your own!" Just those kinds of things. It's difficult to say what you really mean in a few short paragraphs.

Barbara - posted on 01/05/2009

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I agree with you to an extent. My youngest daughter has never disrespected me nor has she ever been physically disciplined. The only problem I really have with her (and she is 17 by the way) is I have to ask her to do something. She just doesn't walk in a room and think, "Oh I should do these dishes". We are still working on that. But I do hear her tell her friends that she respects her mom and would never do whatever it is they are talking about.

Lori - posted on 01/05/2009

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I have a 17 and 14 year old too - both daughters. Yes, they all have some sense of entitlement (in my opinion!) - but how they FEEL versus how they BEHAVE are considered two entirely different things. In my house, my girls are responsible for getting THEMSELVES up for school on time, making and cleaning up their own breakfast, making their beds and making sure their rooms are picked up (not fastidiously, but so that I can navigate the floor without peril of falling and killing myself!) before they leave for school, taking responsibility for all their schoolwork and homework - and yes, it better be done - and helping out with household chores, including nightly dishes, and other misc. chores when asked. Are they perfect? No. Am I? No. But are we a family, and are they MEMBERS of that group? YES. So they WILL contribute to the good and well-being of our family. Just because my name is 'Mom' does not also mean I have the word 'Slave' tattooed on my forehead! It is my priviledge and pleasure to 'do' for my children, and they know it - but it is also my RESPONSIBILITY to teach them to 'do' for themselves - so they CAN, when they are grown and gone. And I do this by REQUIRING it of them. I don't scream or yell - I just state my wishes firmly but respectfully, with consideration for THEIR issues/responsibilities/time constraints - just as I would want someone to ask of me.

Yes, I suffer some eye-rolling and complaining - but the world suffers no whiners, so if they cannot be reaosnable and respectful with their objections, I will not be reasonable or respectful of their complaints. It's a give and take - and it took a while to get here! But they are turning into WONDERFUL young women - and I make sure to let them know I think so!!

A good glass of chardonnay from time to time helps!! ;-) Good luck to you!

Rogene - posted on 01/05/2009

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Hi I have 4 girls ages 16,15, 12 and 18months. I have the same kind of problems with laziness and messiness. What we have done has helped. If they do not clean thier room they do not get thier clean laundry. They once were stealing each others underwear because they had nothing clean left. Once the room was cleaned to our standards they got all thier clean laundry back. If they leave something lay around we keep it and they have to buy it back from us. Usually costing .50 to a $5.00 depending on the item. If they do not take dishes to kitchen, put trash in trash can we throw it all on thier beds. They get grossed out by the mess on thier bed and they deal with it. Once we get on problem fixed with them another usually appears, so we are always looking for the "punishment" that fits the crime. Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 01/04/2009

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I know my 17 year old daughter is much like you describe and the other posts. I ask her if she thinks she's the princess because she doesn't do much of anything for herself and many times thinks of things as "entitlements" instead of priviledges. I keep wondering what I missed in teaching her and hope it's in there somewhere and will emerge one of these days. I guess it is a girl thing. I don't remember being that way as a teenager.

Cynthia - posted on 01/04/2009

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...good info... I'm glad I checked back, I'll have to try out the chore list idea.

I am reminded by something my Mother told me once... "The reason why our children become TEENAGERS, is so WE (as parents) have the ability to let them go when it's time for them to leave the nest." Nice one mom, I remember now.

Vickie - posted on 12/31/2008

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I too have the same issues. My 14yr old girl apparently "deserves" to be waited on and served and my 18yr old boy just "deserves" to be picked up after. Once I came to my wits end I had only 2 resources. 1st they were given the option of cleaning up their things within 2 days or I took a big green garbage bag in and did it myself. (I was merciless) 2nd I encouraged them to have their friends come over and because we live in the country, I suggested they stay overnight (not in the rec room but in their room). After a few embarrassing comments from their friends their stuff just lying around has not been an issue since. As for the rest of the house and chores etc, when it becomes so much of an issue, I just let them know I am on "strike" for 2days. No cooking, cleaning, no transporting etc for 2 full days. The law says I have to provide a roof over their head, food in their stomach and clothes on their back....no where does it say I have to fix it, cook it or clean it. As a reward for their "efforts" I will allow one weekend a month where no chores have to be done or like Christina Ostrander above, have them help me with "fun" stuff. I remember what it was like having no time to do anything I wanted on the weekend because I was too busy with "chores"

Christina - posted on 12/31/2008

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I have an 18 and 13 girl and a 12 year old boy and yes girls are lazzy. I learned that it needs to be give & take. You wantto go to the football game, I want dishes done. It goes both ways. I also learned to ask them to do things they like. I ask my 18 year old to find info I'm looking for online or download songs to my ipod.

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