attitudes

Destiney - posted on 05/31/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

2

0

0

my daughter will be 13 next week and I have notice that she has started to get quite the attitude about everything, and it seems like everything I ask of her is a problem....How do I nip this in the butt, or is this what I am to expect for the next few years???

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Elizabeth - posted on 06/02/2012

178

8

0

I would be prepared to except it. But in no means let her think it is ok. Don't put up with it. If you stay consistant with it and she'll get the idea. She's just trying to test her knew boundaries. She will be 18 in 5 years. In those 5 years she will find what kind of woman she will be.

Sherri - posted on 06/01/2012

9,593

15

387

Welcome to the age of having a teenager. Trust me you haven't seen anything yet it only gets better.

Martha - posted on 06/01/2012

8

6

0

Well, I think all teens go through puberty differently. I have 3 teens, my youngest is my 15 year old daughter, puberty started for her at 10 and by 13 she was quite the handful. It was non-stop arguing and grounding and attitude all around. I finally realized that the more upset I got the more stressed I felt and was only hurting myself. I decided to pick my battles with her, Emilee was getting good grades, not getting into to much trouble at school (occasional minor issues). I figured, if she was doing ok in school, maintaining friendships and not showing any signs of depression, alcohol or drug use or anything serious I would let her have her attitude and simply treat each situation accordingly. If she mouthed off I eould give her warnings, 3 strikes your out. For instance, if she gave attitude or showed signs of disrespectful behavior at dinner byt the third time she was sent away from the dinner table. Everytime she did this she lost something, whether is was the computer, video games, playing outside, using the phone, whatever was important to her she would lose. It was hard not to yell and over react at first, but the more calm and rational I stayed, the easier it got for me. Whether she listened or cared, I always explained that I am not required to give you computers, or games or any material things and that those had to be earned by way of good behavior.

Many times this is just a phase of puberty, hormones are raging and all teens react differently. Some are more emotional than others. But in todays teen circle, we have to be careful of many other serious dangers, from promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, bullying and signs of psychological disorders such as depression.

Just monitor her behavior, her grades, relationships with friends and if all seems normal and healthy, but she's just giving you more attitude than usual, then it's most likely the hormones and will pass in a few years.

But any serious signs of disrespect or if she continues the bad attitude even after she's warned then you should consider punishment, you take away the things she values most for a reasonable amount of time.

Good Luck,
Martha

Jen - posted on 06/01/2012

139

9

16

That's pretty hard and it depends on the child, but trust and believe it won't get better. My oldest and I have had to have some nose-to-nose conversations (almost 16) through gritted teeth. My youngest (almost 15) and I have taken a nice long drive to see where her threats of running away would take her (past the homeless shelter and along the "prostitute row"). My God-daughter (14) and her mother have had some pretty interesting conversations as well, that included the cops being called to talk some sense into my GD when she balled up her fists at her mother.

My suggestion is to keep your cool as much as possible. If she is being blatantly disrespectful, call her on it. If you are a fan of corporal punishment, tag her. If not, take away priveldges. I have found though that if you talk quietly they will shut up because they have to be quiet to hear you speak. One thing that I like to do is grab my keys and go for a drive, all things electronic with me. I don't put up with nonsense from grown ups, and I'm sure not going to put up with it from a child, by the time I get home, I've calmed down and they've realized they aren't getting their way.

Marlene - posted on 06/01/2012

4

0

1

Hi there I do belive it's a stage that we have to mange & keep track of, as hard as it may be.Keeping the lines of communications open is a tuff one. Meal times are always a good opportunity, even if they grunt all the way through you know you have left the emotional door open for them to join you at any given time. How we mange our frustration will be an example of how they can mange theirs.You will get your daughter back just give her time.... it really is a difficult stage.Hang on in there & remember you can always come back here to let off steam.XX

Kristi - posted on 06/01/2012

1,355

3

78

My daughter will soon be 13 as well. She is also becoming "annoyed" by me a little bit. So far, it's mostly been about things she thinks I should know that she knows already and that this conversation is a waste of her time. Mostly about the big picture stuff, teen pregnancy, just say no, etc. if I bring up or even roll it into something already being discussed she rolls her eyes and will say something along the line of, "God, Mom! (sigh!) I'm not stupid! Do you think I want to end up like my older sisters?!" (from bio dad & his first wife) But overall, that's about it...so far. She has always been a big help and we are pretty close partly because it's just her & I & we've been to hell & back together. I hope we can maintain that during the teen years.



Anyhow, when she does disrespect me I call her on it, right away, no matter where we are. I firmly and in no uncertain terms, tell her that I am her mother and she will not talk to me that way. If it continues, I start taking away privileges. Once when we were grocery shopping, she got lippy with me at the check out & thought she was cool & would impress the teenage checker & bagger by "dissin" her mom. So after I told her once to mind her manners and she didn't stop, I just started picking up the "extra" items she picked out. When she saw my hands were full she asked what I was doing. I told her I'm not doing anything but you are going to put back all of your snacks and goodies because I do not reward disrespectful behavior. Her face turned so RED! But, she hasn't sassed me in public since. But at home I pick my battles. Is it that big of a deal that she groans about doing the dishes? For me, it can depend on my mood. If I just spent the day doing things to please her & her friends & I ask for help with the dishes & get attitude then yes, it is a big deal because that tells me she's ungrateful and that hurts my feelings. At which point I express my feelings in a calm, respectful manner and again if she doesn't lose the 'tude next weekend no friend over. But if it's a school night & she's had a long day, then no, I don't care if she moans about it so long as they get done. I just tell her I know it sucks but it won't take long and then you're free for the night or I felt the same way today when I was cleaning the toilet.



As I said, so far not bad and I know that's a blessing. If she maintains half of her current points of view, I'll be supremely happy. So I wish you the very best and I will look forward to seeing updates on here. I know I'll be back for advice!

Kristin - posted on 05/31/2012

621

0

174

This is just the beginning of what to expect in the next few years. This is the age where kids start to gain a sense of who they are and want independence away from their parents., Be firm, be open, and have good communication. Good luck!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms