Best friends parents seem to have something against my daughter

Kelly - posted on 11/10/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My daughter is very sad that her best friend since pre-school, (they are now 13) is not allowed to spend as much time with her at our house, their house or doing outside activities. The families have been close but things shifted and there is no real explanation. The friends Mom has become more protective in general and seems somewhat suspicious. These are really good girls who are very responsible, nice and they are not troubled teens they do want independence and go to a very small school so I support within reason their need to be allowed to go out and do things on their own. My daughter's friend Mom thinks my daughter will leave her friend behind if a certain boy shows up but that really is not the case- my daughter knows that friends come first and to look out for each other. How do we get beyond this? My daughter is afraid that her friends Mom is trying to put an end to their friendship and she is heartbroken.

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Louise - posted on 11/23/2010

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I think the other mum finds your daughter a fret because she is growing up and independant. It sounds to me that she wants to keep her daughter a child a little longer. This will in time back fire horribly on that mum and have an effect on the relationship between the two girls. If this is upsetting your daughter then maybe a chat over a coffee is what is required here to smooth things over.

Nickie - posted on 11/22/2010

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I would have a heart to heart with her (the Mom) since you said your families were close at one point. There may be some issue within their family that you're unaware of.

Heather - posted on 11/18/2010

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I agree with other contributors that it is best to let young people resolve their own problems. As a mom of a sixteen and a half year old girl, I have witnessed that she and her girlfriends began having more transient friendships starting in middle school. Some friends are friends no longer or remain friends but lose their best friend status. This is a natural part of finding out who they are but can be a painful experience for the rejected child. Be there for your daughter and encourage her to make new friends. If you value the relationship with the mom you may want to find out what has gone wrong if this is someone you wish to be friends with even if the kids have moved on.

Janice - posted on 11/17/2010

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My daughter and I found ourselves in a similar situation a couple of years ago. We had close family friends, when suddenly for not reason (that we know of) - the mom no longer was my friend - actually one of the reasons was that she went off on a completely different religious path. While she was still testing the waters with this, her daughter, who was my daughter's best friend, clearly could see where things were headed (or maybe her mom said something to her - who knows) and instead of being able to continue to be my daughter's friend, very viciously and suddenly ended the friendship with her. Whereas, losing a friend as an adult is painful enough, for a teenager, it is just heartbreaking, especially when there is no explanation for it. The friend then tried to speak to me about it one day and as much as I tried to be kind and salvage things, my daughter was just too hurt by then to want to make the effort (and I must admit I didn't blame her) - the friend then turned around and didn't want to bother anyway! Sometimes things just evolve to another level and we have to move on.

Angie - posted on 11/16/2010

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As soon as parents get this involved in their children's relationships things go south fast (I'm talking about the other mother, not you). Your daughter and her friend need to have a heart to heart and find out what is going on. Children grow and change and their friends do too. It's possible that it's just time for them to move on and find new friends. This is really something that your daughter needs to try to resolve. I know it must be heartbreaking for you to watch but it's a skill we all have to learn. Good luck!

Joy - posted on 11/16/2010

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Hi, every thing the other post say is true comunication is the key but if that fails all you can do is give space , we all raise children diffrent and the other mum just might be holding on a little tighter.If their friendship is a good one they will ride out this time if not it's on of thouse things.My older girls have been through it and all situations turn out diffrent and all you can do other than talk is be a strong person for your daughter to lean on.

Victoria - posted on 11/12/2010

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If you truely wants to get to the bottom of the issues. you and the other mother needs to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about the girls. Maybe have the girls sitdown with yall to get a better understanding about the issue. Maybe there is some concerns about something she thinks your daughter is doing and it needs to be cleaned up if there is a misunderstanding. Try to get her to understand that your daughter is a good child just as hers is. Maybe she needs to understand that your daughter is a good child.

Karen - posted on 11/12/2010

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Have you tried talking to the other mom? And talk to her, not at her. Maybe something happened with her daughter that you or your daughter know nothing about. Try talking to her and if she still wants her space, give it to her. Your daughters can still be friends. Just watch boundries for a while. The other mom my come around.

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