can I realy ever get my teenage boys to listen ???
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Dawn - posted on 01/17/2010
I don't say in any negative tone at all to my almost adult son "been there done that". He actually appreciates the fact that I DO know and DO understand the feelings and life changes he has and is experiencing. I am always listening and even when I don't want to hear it I still am there. Growing up I could call my mom on any issue, she was always there to listen and give me positive advise, when all my dad wold do is put me down! I could not stand the way my dad treated us, even my friends were afraid of him. I didn't want that with my kids, and that is why every weekend we end up with 7 to 8 of our kids friends over here. I am blessed that all the friends feel comfortable to make themselves at home in our home.
Jude - posted on 01/03/2010
My grown children now tell me that any reference to "been there, done that" was an immediate offense to them. It is hard sometimes to realize that they are really only seeking one thing- validation. When you repeat back something to them that yuu think it the main FEELING, they click abit or not. "So you are feeling like your friend didn't respect you when you told her that?" "NO, MOM, she turned around and told Mandy..." "Oh, sounds like you felt like she betrayed you when she told Mandy..." "YEA, that was a crappy thing to do." "I would feel crappy too if I felt my friend betrayed me to her." VALIDATE THE FEELINGS- that's how they feel they are heard. Join us at the community- "We Survived Our Teens!" to engage with parents of teens now grown and get real advice from what we learned in the LONG run. Good luck! Jude
Jeaneth - posted on 12/30/2009
I have a 15 year old son and when he turned 14 last December it was like he was taken over by aliens on his birthday. I am still trying to understand him. His dad understands him better than me. I try to be the "listener" now as my son does tell me "you are not listening and that is why I dont talk to you" so I have been trying to just listen even when I dont like what I hear. I do have to remind him i am not his friend but his Mother. But I do have to say, he listens to his Dad a lot, so I have his dad talk to him more and I am the listener. I do hope it gets better. I have said to my son on certain issues ~~ "What would you do if you were me as a parent?" and he does think about that when I ask him. Things that make you go "hummm??".
Dawn - posted on 12/30/2009
I have a 17 year old son, 14 year old daughter, and a 12 year old son. One thing I do believe for myself is I always put myself in their shoes and remember how it was for me as a teen. My kids listen more to me than I ever did to my parents. Teens are so confused, and are sometimes so afraid of growing up. I think they are subconsciously preparing themselves for adulthood. They think we are so stupid. That's another thing I always say to them been there done that!
Jude - posted on 12/29/2009
Text them! It makes you get to the point and they read it. Every once in a while, text, "first one to call see me gets $20 bucks" That will make them read each text! Be sure you have house rules posted and be matter of fact tone of voice when you talk with them "I am sorry David that you made that choice and now you have to do without; I hope you make a better choice next time." Remember- who ever yells first, loses! Join us on "We Survived Our Teenagers" on communities and let us know how things are going. Jude
Vickie - posted on 12/28/2009
im mom of 3 teens one young adult and i have to say my 2 boys seem to listen less than my gurls do jus breathe alot because confrontation makes them tune out more n more its frustrating but make sure there are consequences for the way they behave in your home and towards you i have a no bs tolerance they respect or they can leave my home good luck
L - posted on 12/19/2009
No They will never listen ,they think their parents are stupid and don't know anything.Let them learn their own lessons dont bail them out of situations.Life is tough they might as well learn that .Be strict and make sure they follow the house rules,its your house. You cant control what they do outside your home when you are not around and at 18 he is old enough to go out and do his own thing but again if hes old enough to do his own thing and make his own decsions he is old enough to take the consequences.Ive got 3 boys 25 , 28 and 30 and a girl 21 .The only one that appreciates us is the 30 year old cause he has kids now and realizes how tough it is and how much you love them .Good luck !!!!
Sharon - posted on 12/19/2009
first do you talk at them or with them.. do you listen to them as well... do you ask them what they think.. at this age teenagers like to feel that you listen too even if you don't like what they say just to know that you heard them will help them be better at listening..let them talk and tell them you will listen and won't interrupt them if they will do the same.. bite your lip if you have to.. and pick your battles some things are so unimportance its ok to just let it go ..and remember an opinion is not a right or wrong its just an opinion ..you see it one way they see it another ..respect each other ..
Maria - posted on 12/18/2009
Sometimes, I wonder if my boys, almost 17 & 18, ever listen to everything I tell them because I get these body language from them that's sometimes they don't and that I'm basically talking to a wall...but then in the course of our conversations along the way, something lights up, and I realize, they ARE listening! You just have to learn to pick up the nuances in the process. It's like reading between the lines sometimes with the kids, don't ask me why. Lol... Don't worry, like Lynne says, it gets easier. I think it's just in the teenagers' nature to rebel or not make it easier on parents!
Holly - posted on 12/17/2009
My boys are 13 and 14, and they think they know everything! It's especially hard with my 13 year old because he is about 6 inches taller than me; but I do stay on top of them. I have found that if I sit down and talk with them instead of just yelling at them they are more receptive to what I have to say. Not sure if this will work for you, but good luck.
Lynne - posted on 12/17/2009
I have 3 teenagers, 2 girls and 1 boy. I think my son is alot harder to get to listen to me. Just stay consistent with your rules and boundaries, listen to them (although I hate it at the time sometimes he's right)and hang in there! It will get easier when they move out ... lol