Coed sleepovers thoughts? Advice?

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2012

We have had many group sleep overs. I am pretty firm with the rules, about no purpling (girls are red and boys are blue and together they make purple). They may not sleep boy, girl. They usually sleep on one side and the others across from them. So they still can talk and such. If I have any problems I will call their parents and then they will be expected to explain to them what went on and most kids don't want to abuse this. I think this started when they were in 8th grade.

We have end of the year parties, New Years, Homecoming, Prom and camping weekends.

Supervision is a must and firm ground rules are the key to sucess with this.

Christi - posted on 01/16/2012

I'm glad to see i'm not the only parent that would allow a co-ed sleep over. I have 4 sons and at one time or another they have slept over at the gf's house or the gf at ours. As long as all the parents are aware of it and they aren't sneaking around to do it. I would have to be very naive to think that there aren't having sex, so just making sure they are safe about it is the main goal here!!! They have never been disrespectful in front of me.

Ruth - posted on 01/07/2012

Nothing much can happen when you have a bunch of teens all sleeping in the lounge- with parents to oversee them.

Angie - posted on 01/05/2012

I guess I'm old-fashioned or more like my dad than I thought..lol~ but I don't allow co-ed sleepovers and my son was 20 when he got his own apartment. He also had a curfew but was allowed to be out overnight Fri/Sat nights if he communicated that before 11pm. I also don't allow underage drinking either. Some parents I know have done both because they think their kids won't sneak around to do it...well, newsflash, most will. It would be naive of a parent to think they don't. I personally don't invite trouble and don't want to take upon any additional responsibility that I don't need to, but it never ceased to amaze me how many 15-16-17-18 yo parents allowed my son to spend the night with their daughter in her room. You say in your post that you are hesitant, so why put that stress on yourself? If your gut is telling you it is not a good idea, why are you considering it? Maybe those answers will help you with your decision :)

Denikka - posted on 01/05/2012

I would do it, personally. Obviously it depends on the kids, but I see nothing wrong with it, especially with separate rooms.
I was allowed to have co-ed sleepovers. Me and my female friends slept in my room and the guys slept in the living room. And I can honestly say, there was only EVER one instance of someone sneaking out and having sex, and that was with her boyfriend at the time (they were already VERY active) and there were many other extenuating circumstances involved in that.
100% of the sexual contact I even had when I was still living at home was during the daylight hours. It's much easier to sneak around during the day when parents have their guard down (or at least was in my case).

As long as all the parents are aware of the situation and are okay with it, and you trust your children, I see nothing wrong with it.

Shawnn - posted on 01/05/2012

My 17 year old went on a co-ed camp out last summer, and no worries at all!

Actually, all of the kids were very adult, and very well mannered. Separate tents were (of course) used, and they never tried to violate the gender line.

We even were contacted by the forest rangers and thanked for helping to raise some very responsible young people.

Make sure that ALL of the parents are aware, and on board, if you are willing to do this. Also, make sure that you're going to be there, or close, and that you "pop in" at random moments, so that they know they are under watch.

We didn't worry about that so much, but we did have adults in campsites nearby.

It seems like it's only in the US that we are a bit uptight about co-ed activities above the age of 17. My eldest was sponsoring a German student last summer, and he and the rest of the visiting students were really amazed that American teens aren't given as much freedom a lot of times. He explained to me that, yes there is teen pregnancy in Germany, but not a lot, and parents don't mind co-ed events. And, that those events are generally pretty low key.

He really made a good point, which was why the camp out went forward. And the trust was proved out.

However, if you ARE in the US, people are uptight about it, and it'll probably go over like a ton of lead bricks...As may this response...LOL

Brianna - posted on 01/05/2012

coed sleep over should never happen.. ive been with my hubby since i was 16.. i was very mature but being mature does mean ur not gonna have sex. honestly remember whatit was like for me when i was 16 i would never let me daughter have a coed sleep over lol

Janet - posted on 01/05/2012

I think at their age and the length of the relationship I would allow them as long as the girls parents knew about it and you are comfortable with it. I'd much rather my daughter and her bf be in a safe environment than making them sneak around and worrying about their safety. Good luck, Jan

Patricia - posted on 01/04/2012

I have an 18 yr old daughter and I just started letting her sleep over her boyfriends. I pretty much wanted her to wait until she was legally not a minor anymore - so 18 was the magic number for us (she's responsible and trustworthy and doesn't give me any real trouble so it seemed appropriate). I wouldn't have done a co-ed at 17 mainly because I have this notion of "18 is an adult" in my head. In general I don't think co-ed sleepovers are horrible ideas - if the kids can be trusted to be responsible and the parents are willing to supervise closely so there isn't any drugs, alcohol, or sexual activity going on - but I personally wouldn't want that responsibility.
If you're hesitent - Maybe instead of a sleepover you could let them "party" until midnight or 1am? Of course - you might have to drive several of them home if your town has a curfew...