College called and said son is in the hosptial after he attempted suicide...

Kirra - posted on 01/21/2012 ( 302 moms have responded )

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My son is in college and he is the oldest one out of my three boys well he goes to the University of Florida and he is an extremely bright kid and I love him dearly. Well we got a call today first from the school that our son was in the ICU after attempting suicide and then after i hung up with them the hospital called to basically say the same thing well my husband and I are going to head up there here shortly we talked to his girlfriend who actually found him and she is so distraught I don’t know what to do no one saw it coming he is one of the most happiest kids you will ever meet!!! I don’t know what to feel or anything I am not sure how to tell his little brothers!

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Jane - posted on 01/30/2012

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The first thing that needs to be done is get the young man into a facility where they can keep him safe and evaluate him. Part of keeping him safe will indeed involve drugs to alleviate his symptoms enough that he can begin to talk about what is going on. Part of it may even involve physical restraints. That is what is being done by the hospital he is in now and will be done by the hospital he is being transferred to.



For those who are opposed to drugs, obviously you have never had to cope with serious mental illness either in yourself or in someone close to you. Mental illness is REAL, and drugs are often the only way to keep someone alive long enough to help them. Not everyone who uses psychiatric drugs will need to stay on them forever. Not everyone will have the severe side effects. Not everyone has permanent chemical imbalances that are causing their thinking to go awry. But I guarantee you that someone who needs the drugs will not survive without them.



As to the girlfriend and the baby, right now what has to happen is for everyone who cares about this young man to pull together and form a team to help him. Since he is happy about the baby, discussing abortion is certainly not going to help him. By moving to a school close to home family members can help the couple out if they find being married students with a child to be over-whelming. Family members can also serve as a sounding board in case the young man or his girlfriend need to discuss important decisions with someone who cares about their well being.



In any case, what the OP (ie. Kirra) needs right now is to be reassured that she is doing the best she can to help her son and the girl he loves deal with a very difficult situation. She needs to be encouraged to form a team with the girl and her family because the two families may be united by marriage and a shared grandchild soon.



Even if the marriage does not happen or the child is not born or is placed for adoption, it will take everyone who loves this young man working together to help him. It will be a long and rocky road. I certainly hope he is one who simply broke under too much stress and not someone showing the first signs of schizophrenia or another life-long disorder. In any case, Kirra is doing the best she can, her son is in good and qualified medical hands, and only time will tell how this will play out.



Be positive, folks, not judgmental!

Kirra - posted on 03/18/2012

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Sorry haven't been updating this been so insanely busy and dealing with so much he is doing really well everything but one thing.

Denise - posted on 03/10/2012

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I think that you are doing everything that you can possibly do for your son, his fiancee, and their unborn baby. If he can use skype, maybe he can see her while he is in the treatment center once a week and you and her can send him pics of the ultrasound and sonograms so that he knows what is happening with his kid. For all the negative people out there, if you have not personally dealt with a member of your family that is/was seriously mentally ill, then you will never understand what she is going through. There are all types of mental illnesses out there, depression is just the most common one. I speak from personal experience when I say that depression takes time, a wonderful support system, and a great medical team to deal with. I was diagnosed with depression at 22, PTSD, multiple personality disorder when I was 8. My husband is a paranoid-schezophrenic.

Jane - posted on 02/23/2012

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Why would she think it won't help him? In my experience residential treatment does a world of good, but the good only sticks around if the family supports what the patent learned in treatment. She needs to get with the program so she can help him stay stable.

Jane - posted on 02/19/2012

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If he isn't eating the way a normal college-aged young man eats, then you have cause for concern. If a man his age cries about it, then you have reason for concern. He actually does understand deep down why you admitted him, but until he can bring it out in the open and accept it and then do something about it, you have cause for concern. Not eating is a symptom of depression, and depression is one of his big problems. Not eating shows that his depression is not yet under control.



As you have already discovered, you cannot watch him 24 hours a day. Since he needs such watching, the hospital is the place he needs to be.



As to how long someone is in residential treatment, it will vary, depending on how well the person does. Our insurance company okayed six months but my son was released after five because he had made all the progress they felt he was going to make. He backslid a little after coming home but he has never been that bad again.

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Melissa - posted on 08/25/2012

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omg.. I am so sorry.. it appears you have gotten many responses and I haven't read any updates.. but my prayers are with your family

Karla - posted on 08/23/2012

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Kirra,

Hi, I was just thinking of you and your son and family. How is everything going?



My daughter is doing better, she's working now which always adds stability I think.



I hope your summer was a good one.

Jane - posted on 04/09/2012

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He is an adult and so can make that choice. All you can do is be ready to help when he asks, and watch for signs he is suicidal - if he is a risk to himself (or others) you can get him committed at least for a short while.

Kirra - posted on 04/09/2012

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He is back home but he doesn't feel like he needs any help and doesn't want to go back for treatment and wants to deal with it on his own.

Kirra - posted on 03/31/2012

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His friend is going to bring him back home he was in tears when i talked to him.

Cyndi - posted on 03/31/2012

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So happy you know where he is at. That must have been worse than torture. I hope he comes back home soon. If you need to talk or vent there are people here for you. Don't hesitate to post. Wishing you the best.

Karla - posted on 03/31/2012

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Okay, that's good that he's okay - I'm glad you have located him. I hope he still get's help though.



You must be feeling a mixture of relief and anger though - what a crazy roller-coaster this has been for your family.



Thanks for the update and best wishes for his well being.

Karla - posted on 03/31/2012

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Kirra, How's it going? I've been thinking of you and your family. I'm hoping for good news. :-)

Cyndi - posted on 03/28/2012

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Hi. It is no wonder you are freaking out. I would be too. I am so worried with you. I am praying for you. I wish there was something I could do for you. Are you putting up flyers, putting anything in newspaper or tv about looking for him? Maybe a Facebook page? You know best what you need. At his age, Facebook can be a good way to get his face in front of college kids who all have 500 friends each.

Karla - posted on 03/27/2012

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I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I know the times my daughter has had her problems I go through worst case scenario's in my head... I can be therapeutic, but scary as well. I think it must be a coping mechanism. I'm sure many thoughts are running through your head, and I hope for the best possible outcome for you and your family. I'll be thinking of you.

Karla - posted on 03/27/2012

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Oh my, I am so sorry to hear this. I am hoping he is okay; my thoughts are with you.

Karla - posted on 03/21/2012

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Hey Kirra,



I just wanted to check in a let you know I'm thinking of you and your family. I hope your son has contacted you by now and I'm really hoping all is well. {hugs}

Cyndi - posted on 03/21/2012

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Putting myself in his place, I can see taking a day to process by myself and not causing major panic to my family. (even though it does cause them panic.) I sure hope he calls you or gf soon. Life is such a journey, full of ups and downs for everyone. I know when I was his age and going through my worst down spiral, I really did not realize everyone goes through these things, no one lives this perfect straight line life of supposed perfect life with no problems. I just kept thinking i am such a failure. Why bother. It took me time to learn Some of us have a lack of a chemical in our brain that keeps us in this weird low spot, but it can be overcome with counseling and medicine sometimes makes huge difference. I hope he goes back to talk to people who understand what he is going through, I think that made such a difference for me. You are not crazy or alone. Lots of people have these issues. It does get better.

Kirra - posted on 03/20/2012

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2:30am and still nothing he isn't answering his cell none of his friends have any idea where he is at nothing.

Karla - posted on 03/20/2012

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Oh Kirra, I'm sorry. I hope you locate him soon and he re-enters the facility. I suppose she's young and doesn't know and probably wanted some support from him. It's a tough situation. I'll be thinking of you and wishing for the best.

Cyndi - posted on 03/20/2012

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Well that sucks. I am not super religious but I am praying for him to be calm and hopefully using any coping skills he has been learning in counseling so far. When you are at deepest depth depression it's so hard so see beyond the moment and not get caught in circular bad thoughts. I hope he has learned like i did you can stop that circle, give yourself a break. One day at a time. Hopefully he contacts one of you soon. You must be so worried. I pray strength for you, but I know you are strong already just from your posts. Stay positive.

Kirra - posted on 03/20/2012

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So apparently his fiancée in all of her wisdom decided to go and tell him and he took it extremely bad and checked himself out and now we can’t find him or anything FFS I wish she would listen to the doctors.

Cyndi - posted on 03/20/2012

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So sorry to hear that. As if you all did not have enough on your plates. If his girlfriend has some spiritual belief, I read a book that helped when the same thing happened to me it's called I'll hold you in heaven. (There is a similar book for loss of pet called I'll see you in heaven.). Anyway, it did help me. When I was reading it I didn't think I really needed to read it, I was being all logical at the time, at least it was early in pregnancy, it's not that big a deal' it happens to people all the time, blah, blah, but during and after reading it, I realized, it helped to read it.) thinking of you and hoping/praying for you all.

Kirra - posted on 03/19/2012

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We haven't told him about the baby because were afraid it will hurt his progress.

Karla - posted on 03/19/2012

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Oh Kirra, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope they are both coping alright, and you too.

Trish - posted on 03/19/2012

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OMG! So sorry to hear that. Make sure that both your son & his fiancee understand that the miscarriage is not either one of their fault. Encourage her to seek counselling because no matter how irrational, most women blame themselves for miscarriages no matter what the "medical" reason is. Don't be surprised if this causes a setback for your son too. It sounds like was quite excited about the baby & now that is gone. You should all mourn this baby together. Your family has suffered a loss. So often, miscarriages are still treated as a non-event & you're expected to just get over it. As someone who's been there, they need to acknowledge the loss of their child. Your son is in the best place possible to get through this. Hopefully this treatment center will recognize the uniqueness of this situation & allow his fiancee more time with your son so they can mourn & be counselled together. Good luck to you all.

Karla - posted on 03/18/2012

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M-kay, thanks for checking in; good to hear that he's doing really well. :-)

Jackie - posted on 03/18/2012

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You don't have to tell his brothers yet sort out what happen take it one day at a time.

Kirra - posted on 03/01/2012

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Sorry haven't been keeping in touch been so insanely busy and my sons birthday is tomorrow!

Karla - posted on 03/01/2012

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Kirra,

I've been thinking of you, just wanted to send out a "hey!" Hope all is well.

Kirra - posted on 02/23/2012

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I am gonna have her read what you said hun you put it wonderfully :). I think that's whats really bothering her is the fact he is going to miss most of the pregnancy!

Jane - posted on 02/23/2012

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She is not correct. Being around those people will help him see himself better and see what he does NOT want to do and be. He will be in an environment where everyone is striving to get better and so will be encouraged to do the same. The only stress will be not being at home but all other stressors will be put on hold until he can cope with them.



In addition, he will be around counselors every day, usually more than once a day. He will be doing insight-oriented counseling, group counseling, and generally sorting out what he is feeling, what may be making him feel that way, how he wants to feel, and how to get to that goal. He may be making lists of things to do each day and rebuilding his self-confidence.



He won't become a different person. He will simply work at being a better version of himself. His likes and dislikes will stay the same. The things that make him laugh will stay the same. His love for her will remain the same. The only thing that will change is that he will be more stable, more aware of what might endanger that stability, and able once again to enjoy life.



She needs to support his choice to go to treatment. That will make it go faster and better and get him back home sooner.

Kirra - posted on 02/23/2012

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Yeah it is his fiancee is worried though she isn't sure if this is going to help him or do more harm then good.

Veronica - posted on 02/22/2012

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I am praying for you, Kirra. Good will come of this. It will be tough, though, trying to get the kids to do what you believe is best for them. Their lives have taken an unplanned turn. I don't think you are overreacting about bringing him home. He needs support as he digests his new responsibilities. Your unconditional love will help him get on his feet again. He will!

Kirra - posted on 02/22/2012

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I know i hope he sticks with it as well and i hope it gets him healthy and happy!

Jane - posted on 02/22/2012

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I hope he stays and I hope it helps him as much as it helped my son. He has a lot of work to do to get stable but it will be worth it, so his child has a father.

Kirra - posted on 02/22/2012

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Yeah i hope so just hope he sticks to this decision and goes and gets the help he needs to get straightened out because honestly he has been crying all night again and i have been trying to calm him down but nothing works and his fiancee is at work for another half hour.

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