College called and said son is in the hosptial after he attempted suicide...

Kirra - posted on 02/05/2012

Yeah been helping them both out cooking meals and everything just hope it keeps up i mean his happyness.

Teresa - posted on 02/05/2012

Kirra, I'm so glad things have not gone badly this weekend. Here's to healing! One step at a time....

Kirra - posted on 02/05/2012

I guess its a guy thing cause he couldn't be happier watching the superbowl lol.

Tah - posted on 02/04/2012

well i'm glad, i didn't have time to read every post so i missed that.



http://www.circleofmoms.com/just-debates...

Kirra - posted on 02/04/2012

No no history and a few posts ago i explained the help he is going to be getting.

Tah - posted on 02/04/2012

does he have a history of depression?. This is an age when things start to rear their ugly heads. I am so sorry. I pray you guys are looking into him getting some help on a regular basis. The hospital dealt with his physical health but he definitely needs to deal with his mental and emotional health.

Kirra - posted on 02/04/2012

Well he fell asleep around 9pm and i just woke up and he is still out like a light.

Kirra - posted on 02/03/2012

Thanks just really hoping this keeps up just all really happy to have him home.

Karla - posted on 02/03/2012

Still sending you prayers and positive thoughts!

Kirra - posted on 02/03/2012

Well were all home he has been alright so far took him to his favorite burger place and he gorged himself. He has been curled up with his girlfriend i am gonna make dinner here shortly.

Sara - posted on 02/03/2012

It's good if they can keep him a while, Kirra. Really, the longer he's in right now the better. Hospitals will put people out as fast as they can due to insurance requirements, and there's a tendency on the part of families to want to just "get them up and walking around" and back to normal life asap, hoping that will help. But the problems are more serious than that.



What kind of care are the doctors arranging for after he gets out? Will he be part of an outpatient program? If they haven't mentioned that, please ask about it. Therapy visits a couple times a week are really not enough for someone who's been making serious attempts.

Kirra - posted on 02/02/2012

Thanks its alright think it as what we ate cause i took him with me to see his brother after school and had something to eat at the hospital.

Teresa - posted on 02/02/2012

Oh no! So sorry to hear that.

Kirra - posted on 02/02/2012

Thanks and no i can't sleep really sick and so is my youngest.

Teresa - posted on 02/02/2012

Sorry to hear that his progress has slowed, but rather he regress in the hospital than at home, I guess. One step at a time. Hope you can get some sleep tonight.

Kirra - posted on 02/02/2012

Not sure if he is gonna get released tomorrow or not after all. He wouldn't eat today so they had to put him back onto an IV.

Sara - posted on 02/02/2012

Kirra, have you got a therapist of your own helping you deal with this? They can be really good at offering perspective on other people's depression. I'd look for someone who has not only treated suicidal patients but has been unlucky enough to have patients who succeeded in their attempts. It can spur a lot of learning and evaluation of the usual recommendations.



It's often frustrating when people are very depressed and don't seem to recognize that people really do love them and are trying their hearts out for them. They can't feel it. It's nothing to do with how hard you're trying, and they can't reason their way into feeling it. So rather than knock yourself out trying to demonstrate love, or reasoning with him to show him how loved he is, just being there is probably the wisest thing to do.



What does his psychologist say?

Teresa - posted on 02/02/2012

I think that's great. The more love the better. Let us know how it goes!

Kirra - posted on 02/02/2012

Can't believe he is coming home tomorrow his girlfriend asked me to stay with them a couple of days when he first got out and i said alright. I hope he doesn't think i am being too overbearing or watchful on him.

Kirra - posted on 02/01/2012

Yeah i did and yeah things improved after i posted home now and his girlfriend was there when i left.

Teresa - posted on 02/01/2012

Another bad episode today, I'm so sorry. I hope it improved after you posted. Even when you know he's still going to be up and down, it's awfully difficult emotionally to handle it. Did you get any good advice about talking to your other boys about the situation?

Kirra - posted on 02/01/2012

Today was kind of bad he kept talking about suicide and how no one loves him....

Kirra - posted on 02/01/2012

She understands that and she isn't going to watch him like a hawk as you put it but she is going to keep a closer eye on him then before.

Sara - posted on 02/01/2012

Kirra, it's really important that she understands a few things:



One, she's not responsible for keeping him alive. Only he can do that.



Two, she already did the almost-impossible by finding him in the middle of an attempt and getting him to the hospital. Most people don't get that chance. Even when we know people are suicidal, we can't watch them all the time, and getting the timing right in calling for help -- it's a crapshoot. She's a hero, not a failure.



Three, there was no reason at all why she should've interpreted "quiet and withdrawn" as "about to attempt suicide". If she started calling 911 every time she saw someone pull back a little, people would think she was crazy.



Four -- and this is really important -- she can't be on a hair-trigger with him, watching like a hawk for signs of suicide. It won't likely help him, and may well leave him feeling like a failure who has to be babied through life. She can be supportive, she can love him, but she's also a young pregnant woman in college, and it will help both of them if she can focus more on herself.



My boyfriend killed himself not long ago, leaving behind a little girl who's still suffering dreadfully. Over a dozen people were trying to help him -- family, ex-wife, friends, me -- he had a psychologist, he was on psych meds. I'm not trying to scare you here, just to let you know that there are real limits as to the control we have and the blame we can assign ourselves. The police were called to do a welfare check, but it was too late. The thing is, if anyone had called 24 hours earlier, nothing would've come of it then, either, because he would've said, "I'm fine, I have an appointment tomorrow." To get the timing right is an enormous challenge.



That's true even if you're living with a suicidal person, which I have done. It's an enormous strain, and even then, unless you're roped to the person 24/7 you really cannot control things.



Responsibility for his life isn't a burden she can take on. She needs to talk with a counselor about this. If she's busy at work and, God forbid, your son succeeds in another attempt, will she blame herself for working? (And then what happens to the business?) If she's at the OB, will she feel that in some way she chose between him and the baby, and that it's her fault she couldn't be in two places at once? I admire her courage, but really, slowing down and thinking these things through will help enormously in the long run.

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Night and so do i. I will do all i can well at least i will try to do whatever his girlfriend will allow me to do.

Teresa - posted on 01/31/2012

Be more than that, if you can - she/they may need some material help for a while like errands or laundry or some meals for the freezer! Good night. (I mean it this time, really.)

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Thanks hun and yeah i am gonna go to bed now. And yeah plus she is going to take over basically running her parents businesses she is going to be so stressed and i am gonna tell her i will be her sounding board!

Teresa - posted on 01/31/2012

Now that they are nearby just check in a WHOLE lot and be there to give her a break. Sounds like you are already giving her a place to talk it out, too. Super-frequent contact and let her know you are available 24/7 if she needs help. First pregnancy plus changing schools plus care of and some fear for her beloved - yikes - work with her parents to make sure there is a good support system for BOTH of them.



And it's 2:30am where you are, so go to bed and give sleep a shot. All those young people need you alert and as rested as possible. I'm going to do the same. Goodnight! {{hugs}} I'll check in tomorrow.

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Thanks hun just to be honest i love his girlfriend she is basically a daughter to me but at the same time i am worried about how she will do with him after this by herself but she is really strong and i know she loves him. Just worried.

Teresa - posted on 01/31/2012

I'll bet the therapist has some good suggestions about what and how much to tell the younger brothers, and having that behind you should help some. You've been worried about it since the beginning.



Of course you are nervous and apprehensive about him being out of the hospital - just take it a day at a time, arm yourself with emergency phone numbers (probably for your own peace of mind as much as for actual need), don't expect it to be all good but know it likely won't be all bad either. This new reality will be odd and maybe uncomfortable, particularly at first, but remember how lucky you are. He didn't succeed! You do have this second chance. And you have us, so keep posting as much as you need.

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Thanks i keep telling her its alright and that she shouldn't blame herself. She is just really taking this hard but she has been doing better she really is a strong girl. And yeah going to talk to his therapist tomorrow when i go and see him and talk to her about my younger boys. There releasing him to us come Friday and i am really nervous about it all.

Teresa - posted on 01/31/2012

Well think of that as GOOD news! He did exhibit warning signs. Of course she did not recognize them for what they were, and there's no reason why she should have. (Help her forgive herself!) Everyone has some variance in personality and rarely is it clinically important. But now, you both know it might be, for him, and can be alert.



You are still very concerned about your two younger sons. May I suggest you get some professional advice about how to discuss this with them, and what to say? You might talk to your older son's therapist, or the younger sons' school counselor, or your pastor. Certainly they don't need detailed images, but beyond that get some support on how and what you want and need them to know.



I'm a night owl but it's an hour later in Florida than it is here, I hope you find a place of peace for yourself soon, dear Kirra!

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Thanks haven't been able to sleep good since this happened because i have two younger boys and i haven't told them about there brother yet. His Girlfriend and i talked today and she told me now that she thinks about it she did see him withdraw away from her which is super duper Rare but she wrote it off as he is so swamped with classes but she says she really feels bad because when he started talking bad about himself and not wanting to socialize or talk to me she should've seen it.

Teresa - posted on 01/31/2012

I'm sure it's different with every person, Kirra, but in younger years I just had to watch his grades: AAAAAAFFF and bingo, he needed a meds upgrade. (Yes, naysayers, he really did, no we didn't medicate him so he could get good grades, let's argue this later off Kirra's forum.) Now it's harder. Mine gets quieter, more apathetic, it's harder to get him excited or motivated about things. He "hides out" and won't do things, he might cut classes and his talk gets very negative. But a different person might get more hyper and up but perhaps in a forced sort of way. I'm sure some people are skilled enough at interpersonal relations that they can keep it hidden better than others. Like I said earlier - it takes being watchful and alert, and it's much harder when they are not under your roof. {{hugs}} to you!

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Tresa How do you pick up on it what do you watch for?

Teresa - posted on 01/31/2012

Just found this discussion tonight. Oh Kirra, of course you are crying, it is so painful to see our grown babies in this kind of distress, especially something you can't see and understand like a virus or infection. And to hear them talking self-hatred or feelings of worthlessness is so hard when we so clearly see their strengths!



I too have a college son with depression, and this is what I want to share. Enjoy the periods of laughter and sunshine - but at this stage, don't build them into expectations of a continued improvement. He will be down again. Meds take time to help him stabilize, and they may not be the right meds, and if they are the right meds, they may not be the right meds in 18 months. I'm not trying to burden you, honestly. **Life can be great in the future!!** But we as mothers (or GF or wives) also need to be aware and watchful. When he is at home I can see my son start to slide, and catch it somewhat quickly. When he's at college, an entirely different set of detection skills are needed, and although he's a sophomore I'm just starting to learn them.



For now, take care of yourself, try to sleep and eat well and get some exercise and all those other things you know to do. Take your son's improvement with a smile but a grain of salt and try as best you can to stay off the roller coaster of his daily/hourly emotional changes. Expecting quick and permanent change will just take an toll on you and make you tireder, sadder, and less able to be the bulwark you want to be for him and his GF.



You and he have our empathy and our support and our prayers.

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Its ok just been up crying cause i really don't understand any of this.

Sandy - posted on 01/31/2012

I am so sorry! I will keep him in my prayers...I know the fear of suicide all too well, as I had a school friend take her life at the age of 15.

Please keep us posted.

Thinking of all of you and your family.

God Bless.

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

I am weary of them letting him go Friday to be honest.

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Thanks and yeah i know just hoping there aren't many of them.

Karla - posted on 01/31/2012

Sorry to hear this. I'm sure there will be ups and downs. Hang in there.

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

Today he seemed really down and he kept betting up on himself not physically but more so verbally

Kirra - posted on 01/31/2012

I also forgot to include in my update from earlier is that it is indeed a imbalance in his brain according to his doctors. Just thought i would share they also said it was because of stress and because he felt isolated at such a large school and didn't have a big enough support network i will continue to update thank you all for the support though!

Kristy - posted on 01/30/2012

Im so sorry that at this time when things are so hard that you are having to deal with this kind of judemental ramblings! Know that from all the way from Australia I am sending you and your family love and support. If he is talking and opening up then this is the beginning of healing and he will get through this, let him know I am so proud of him for opening up and sharing what is going on for him as that is the hardest part!!! Please if I can help in any way as I do deal with these issues on a daily basis please let me know. I work with teens that are in protective care and most of them self harm or try to suicide. Do not hesitate to contact me xx

Kirra - posted on 01/30/2012

Kristy i didn't take it personally and to be honest just started to ignore the posts there really not helpful. And extreamly judgmental

Kristy - posted on 01/30/2012

wow sara how can you say all of that when you dont even know these people and the depths of their situation! Clearly Kirra posting on here was a cry out for support and some kind words, and Im glad she didnt agree with your post!!

Jane - posted on 01/30/2012

A very useful book (there is also a video) is "Why Can't They just Stop?" http://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Cant-The...



Anyone with a relative or close friend who has an addiction of any sort would do well to read this book. It can even be helpful on the opposite side, where someone who needs to take meds or go to counseling won't.



It tells you realistically what you can and cannot do and how to take care of yourself so you stay healthy.

Kirra - posted on 01/30/2012

Another Update- There going to realse him come Friday but he has to meet with his psychiatrist once a month and meet with his counselor two times a week. He has been really happy and really open with everyone lately.

Karla - posted on 01/30/2012

Jane,



I don't like to post my own experiences, but we have an adult daughter with some problem with her psyche that are not diagnosed. She self medicates, and it's very difficult to know how to help her; once they are adults there is just so much we can do.



I do know what would drive her further to the edge though, so I proceed with caution.

Kirra - posted on 01/30/2012

I truly am surprised by the Judgmental posts. But i guess it comes with the internet but thanks to everyone else for your really helpful and encouraging posts.