College called and said son is in the hosptial after he attempted suicide...

Jane - posted on 01/30/2012

Karla B.,



I have a son with mental illness. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. :-)

Karla - posted on 01/30/2012

Jane,

Marking your post helpful, nice and encouraging just isn't enough. I believe you have a great handle on the situation and the needs of those involved. I'm so glad for your comments as I was personally dumbfounded with some of the suggestions.



Kirra, you truly are doing what is best for your son, and I know the friendship you form with his girlfriend will help immensely.

Kirra - posted on 01/30/2012

Like i said sara that is your opinion i respect it but i don't agree with it like i said agree to disagree thanks.

Kirra - posted on 01/30/2012

Thank you Jane.

Jane - posted on 01/30/2012

The first thing that needs to be done is get the young man into a facility where they can keep him safe and evaluate him. Part of keeping him safe will indeed involve drugs to alleviate his symptoms enough that he can begin to talk about what is going on. Part of it may even involve physical restraints. That is what is being done by the hospital he is in now and will be done by the hospital he is being transferred to.



For those who are opposed to drugs, obviously you have never had to cope with serious mental illness either in yourself or in someone close to you. Mental illness is REAL, and drugs are often the only way to keep someone alive long enough to help them. Not everyone who uses psychiatric drugs will need to stay on them forever. Not everyone will have the severe side effects. Not everyone has permanent chemical imbalances that are causing their thinking to go awry. But I guarantee you that someone who needs the drugs will not survive without them.



As to the girlfriend and the baby, right now what has to happen is for everyone who cares about this young man to pull together and form a team to help him. Since he is happy about the baby, discussing abortion is certainly not going to help him. By moving to a school close to home family members can help the couple out if they find being married students with a child to be over-whelming. Family members can also serve as a sounding board in case the young man or his girlfriend need to discuss important decisions with someone who cares about their well being.



In any case, what the OP (ie. Kirra) needs right now is to be reassured that she is doing the best she can to help her son and the girl he loves deal with a very difficult situation. She needs to be encouraged to form a team with the girl and her family because the two families may be united by marriage and a shared grandchild soon.



Even if the marriage does not happen or the child is not born or is placed for adoption, it will take everyone who loves this young man working together to help him. It will be a long and rocky road. I certainly hope he is one who simply broke under too much stress and not someone showing the first signs of schizophrenia or another life-long disorder. In any case, Kirra is doing the best she can, her son is in good and qualified medical hands, and only time will tell how this will play out.



Be positive, folks, not judgmental!

Sara - posted on 01/30/2012

Single mothers do it every day...hon, I am a single mother. With child support, a home, property, and a master's degree. Let me tell you: Even with that kind of preparation and good health, being a single mom is HARD. There are good reasons why the children of single mothers are likely to live in poverty, be on public support, get into trouble, and so on. Good reasons too why these young women are more prone than anyone else to depression and despair. It's because there's just too much for the moms to do, especially when the children are very young.



I see young single moms struggling just to go to school and take care of their children -- forget working and taking care of men who are recovering from suicide attempts. Caring for an infant, a toddler, a preschooler -- that takes a lot of time, a lot of energy. These young women wear themselves out by the time the children are two. And if they don't have good support -- parents who help take care of the baby, help with errands, give them a chance to sleep and catch up on schoolwork -- they don't make it. They drop out and are stuck in a world of low-wage jobs, men whom they hope will help but usually just make more trouble, and social services. Their health suffers, too, because they don't get enough rest or exercise, and they can't afford good food. I think you are expecting much more than is reasonable from your son's girlfriend.



I would not advise this young lady to marry your son, simply for financial reasons. Stay with him, live with him if she wants (though given how fragile he is I wouldn't recommend that either, esp. with a baby), but don't marry. Once she marries him she becomes responsible for his medical debts. And even now, even with health insurance, hospitalizations can be extremely expensive. One of them at least should have a good credit record.



I know this is a lot to take in now. But it's important not to put your head in the sand. Your son has not been well for a long time, though he's been putting on a good show. He's not going to recover fast. You can expect the recovery to take a year or more. Some people come out of suicide attempts and do well; others don't. He will need to work intensively with his therapist for a while, and if he needs medication -- and he likely will -- it may take a while to find ones that really work well.



He will also not be able to devote much energy to his relationship with his fiance for a while, even though he may want to. His priority will have to be healing himself. This is, in a sense, unfair to her, but it is what it is. The danger in a relationship like this is that it turns into a nurse-patient one, and that's not a good basis for a marriage. I speak as the former wife of a mentally ill man and friend of many other spouse and former spouses of mentally ill partners. What I'm saying is that even if she didn't already have her hands full -- more than full -- she can't be responsible for his mental health, or for his staying alive.



The court example was meant to show you that even the law recognizes that parents who have recently tried to kill themselves are not well enough to be caring for babies and young children -- that it's too great a risk for the children. I am not talking about their divorce. I'm trying to show you that he's not ready to take care of a baby, and that it's not wise to hand him a baby anytime soon to care for.



I am sure you want desperately just to see him smiling and seeming like himself again, and are hoping it will all just settle down. But it's more serious than that. The old normal is gone. It will take quite a while before there's new stability. You can measure that in years, not weeks.

Kirra - posted on 01/30/2012

Sara i respect your opinion but i believe you are wrong. Single mothers do it every day why can't she? I believe we are going to have to agree to disagree no offense. If This girl can work three different jobs while going to UF Full time then i truly believe she can handle this. And to be quite blunt enough with the abortion suggestions and your court example is really a non-Issue considering there going to get married. Thank you for the Advice but i simply do not agree.

Kirra - posted on 01/30/2012

Thanks Karia i don't see any point in getting mad it won't solve any of my issues. But for an update we are back in our hometown he was transferred this morning and now this hospital is only about 15mins from home and 45mins to an hour away from the college there transferring too.

Sara - posted on 01/30/2012

There's a lot of chitchat about the drugs, mainly because we still know so little about them and how they work. They do have serious side effects, and there is major industry pressure to keep docs prescribing them. The usual analogy for keeping people on them is the "it's like diabetes" one, but that's a bad analogy because frankly we don't understand Type II well either, and it's clear that some people who need insulin etc. are able to go off it later.



That said, if they drugs help keep a suicidal person alive, then they're worth using for a time. However: Kirra, it's much too soon to know whether they're working. These drugs require a serum buildup that your son hasn't got yet. Please don't forget that he's very good at convincing people that everything's just dandy.



I'll encourage you again to get in touch with NAMI. Personally, I don't like how ruthless they are with family and caregivers -- they're really not concerned with how we're doing; they're all about the mentally ill. But they do have good information for people just learning about depression and suicidality, and Family to Family can be a good support and source of wisdom for family members.



I'll also reiterate: From what you're describing, and of course I don't know more than that, these young people are not prepared for parenthood -- not emotionally or financially.



Your future DIL cannot take classes part time, work at her parents' business, and care for a baby -- let alone do all that and look after the emotional health of your son. Once she lets go of school, which looks inevitable, she loses her financial aid. (Probably not a bad thing: I see way too many young moms who torpedo their chances at a good education by pretending to be students when they don't have the time or energy to commit to school; they rack up debt and wreck their transcripts.) Who will support her and the baby then? Her parents? And when will she be able to finish her education, so that she can get a job that pays more than $12/hr?



As for your son: I know you don't want to hear this, but it's not safe to leave a baby or child in the care of a man who's recently been suicidal. That's why courts will not award custody to parents who have recently tried to kill themselves. They're just too unstable, and apart from the possibility that they'll make another attempt with the child present, there's also the possibility that they'll try to take the child with them. I know, I know, you don't want to hear or believe it. But this is a reality.



If this girl is going to keep the baby, she needs to get realistic about it fast. A suicide attempt is not something that happens and then you're done with it shortly after. It's indicative of very serious problems. Regardless of how your son progresses, the burden of the baby's care, and of supporting the baby, will fall mostly on her. He will just not be well enough to take on that burden: his main job now is recovering and then trying to get back on the school train. The girl may love your son to pieces, but the odds are that unless he makes a miraculous recovery, they will not stay together. So she needs to think now about the prospect of being a single mom.



I am sorry if all this sounds harsh; I know this is a horrible time for you. But what your son is going through is not unique. These stories play out all the time, and I am trying to give you a heads-up about how they usually go.

Karla - posted on 01/30/2012

I just heard this report on NPR and I think it explains some of the things we've been talking about.



http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/01/...

Lynne - posted on 01/30/2012

In response to the comment about people harming themselves after starting meds....one of the reasons this happens is that when someone is seriously depressed, they can lack the energy to even attempt suicide. As the medication starts to take effect and have a positive impact, they feel better, but are still depressed and can act on their suicidal impulses. This isn't necessarily a reason NOT to try medication, but it is a reason to have great help, and to watch carefully as treatment begins. One of my friends slept on her suicidal son's floor every night after he started his medication. It has been two years, but he is now doing well.

Karla - posted on 01/30/2012

Kirra,



I have to commend you because if I were in your shoes and reading some of these posts I would be angry, and you seem to be handling them very well.



Even though Leslie may have some legitimate concerns about psychiatric medications, etc. I believe it’s important to keep in mind that in many cases the patient was already suicidal, so it’s particularly hard to measure whether further depression is caused by medication, or if medications simply don’t always work.



As for Terri Lynn’s comments; OMG are you serious? No, just no.



I’m sure that eventually Kirra’s son will be able to face his responsibilities, but for now he absolutely must take care of his own psyche. That is the only way that he can be a good husband and father in the future.



I know the primary job of caregivers and family is to make sure the patient is on the road to recovery. Kirra, stay strong, I know it’s not easy. Stay calm and know that between you and his girlfriend, and his doctors/caregivers you can all help give him a fighting chance. Hang in there.

Leslie - posted on 01/30/2012

Re: "May i ask why you are so against meds."



Hi Kirra, I know that you have spent quite a bit of time reading through these posts. So, to answer your question will mean just a little more of your time in really getting the truth.



I know too many stories of people who were misled about the dangers of psychiatric drugs. The news is filled with horrible violent stories that all have this at the root of the problem. Unfortunately because so much money is involved there are conflicts of interest in making this information known.



"According to psychiatrists, any part of life can be labeled a mental illness." Here is the video which explains this - the explanation comes from psychiatry.



http://www.cchr.org/videos.html



Watch the video called: "Making a killing" Yes, it's about an hour long.

Valerie - posted on 01/30/2012

whatever you do be honest with your boys, depending on the age just say hes not well hes had an accident..lying to protect one will only damage t he others..when youve spoken to him them release more details to the other...people think oh its the quiet ones to watch not always the happiest bubbliest one can be in the worst pain going,,dont worry about how you feel that will all come in time..just say i love you im here for you & when youre ready to talk im ready to listen without judging you..nothing you can will shock me or make my feelings for you change...IF you are religious...dont bring god into it because it can be that very thing oh ive sinned gone oer the line the bible says etc... good luck i really hope this was a cry for help more than anything else...keep safe

Nicole - posted on 01/29/2012

I feel for you. I can only empathizes but still... I too have a child in college and can't begin to know how I'd feel with such news. 1.) get your son professional help. For whatever reason he did not feel comfortable before the event talking to family or friends, he will likely feel more uncomfortable now;

2.) don't ask him to explain himself; he may be very bright and have all your love, but that doesn't mean he's able to articulate what he is/was feeling; 3,) Don't tell the younger siblings anything. If you must just tell them your older son is sick and in the hospital. Respect your son's privacy and autonomy by recognizing that if he wants anyone else to know, he'll tell them. It's not actually your place to disclose such personal information.



I hope this is helpful.

Nicole, Esq.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

He didn't do this for me to come and bail him out. Not when he attempted it in the hospital as well.

Terri Lynn - posted on 01/29/2012

I know it is tough Kirra and my heart goes out to you. You need to sit down with both him and his girlfriend and have a talk. He has to understand that he is a man now and that by choosing to impregnate his girlfriend, he now has a man's responsibilities. It could well be that he did this to get your attention and to get you to come, feel sorry for him, and get him out of it as if he were a little boy.



It might be that he will need to get a job to support his child and that the child's mom will too. They can go to school on a part time basis or else use a program like www.excelsior.edu which is a fully accredited program started by the state of New York to help students everywhere with getting their degrees. They can transfer whatever credits they have earned in, take tests like CLEP, DSST, EXCELSIOR tests, and other tests to earn credit very cheaply, take online courses, and even take some courses locally while working. This college is accredited by the same accrediting agency that accredits the public schools and the private and public universities so the degree is an excellent one.



You love your son and that is obvious and very beautiful but now is the time for him to grow up and be a man and the "child" here is the one in his girlfriend's uterus. He will need love and support and so will his girlfriend but the person who needs to be considered the most is the child they have made. Your son has to understand that running away or doing what he did to get mommy and daddy to take care of his troubles is not acceptable. It seems tough but unless you want him to be a permanent child and dump all of his problems in your lap, now is the time to help him understand this. I wish your entire family the very best at this difficult time.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

May i ask why you are so against meds.

Leslie - posted on 01/29/2012

Ok, clearly you are a very caring mother, and want the best for your son. So, I have a quick video for you to take a look at. It's a music video by an artist by the name of Chill E.B. His message is: "Define Better"

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

Its not really my choice or decision anymore he is an adult. I mean i don't know i mean the meds seriously appear to be helping.

Leslie - posted on 01/29/2012

Hi Kirra, (regarding your post 2 hours ago) I understand that you are looking out for your son. Sometimes we can be misled into thinking that we are doing the right thing, because we see what we think is a glimmer of hope. You say that he "appears better" because of the meds. But you might say the same thing if he had a glass of wine, or some cocaine! What makes the meds different? Is it because they were prescribed by someone?



I just posted these thoughts on another question:



"Unfortunately, meds have terrible side effects.

I have seen too many stories about people harming themselves or harming others BECAUSE of meds. I don't think I've read one story about someone threatening, or considering suicide for example that wasn't on meds when they thought about it! It's pretty scary stuff. What about your son?



I would suggest seeing a nutrionalist FIRST before making such a big decision. Sometimes a simple deficiency in a plain old ordinary vitamin like vitamin B or C, can cause us to feel down and out. But the psychiatrist would never check for that. In fact - there's actually no physical test to substantiate the theory that these things are caused by a "chemical deficiency". Don't trust me on this. Ask anyone: What test is there to verify such an idea?



You might not like the answer.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

Thanks guys just really nervues tonight there transferring him tomorrow morning and i really hope it will make him happy and and everything. Can't really sleep but i need too as i gotta drive about two+ hours to the hospital close to home. He has been really happy tonight and seems genuinely happy and excited about going home.

Lynne - posted on 01/29/2012

I have heard so many stories similar to yours, with varying degrees of severity. My son didn't attempt suicide, but his anxiety got so bad he was unable to sleep at night and was failing all his classes. The unfortunate thing was that when he tried to get an appointment to see someone on campus, there was a two month wait. In talking with his doctor at home, I was told that he was treating several college students over the phone for anxiety, depression, etc. There just aren't enough health care professionals on campus in that area, and many kids don't recognize that they need help. We ended up withdrawing my son, and starting him back the next year living with a family instead of on campus. Find a great doctor (my son now skypes with his psychiatrist at home once a week), and let him or her guide you as to how to handle this with his brothers. Get good help, love him, and be patient. It takes a lot of time. Good luck.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

Thaks Amber =)

Amber - posted on 01/29/2012

You're doing a great job Kirra! Keep it up and don't YOU be afraid to ask for help when you need it. :)

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

Thanks Cindi and i understand that i just love both of them and neither one of em deserve this and i want the best for them both. Just protective of them both.

Denise - posted on 01/29/2012

My prayers go out to you and your family. My son is away at college and seems depressed and I worry. Now that you have shared your story, I will make sure to communicate with him more often. I agree with most of the posts and that is to have him come home where he has a good support network.

Kristy - posted on 01/29/2012

Hi Kirra,

Im so sorry you are going through this! As a teen thi is something I wanted to do also, all around me thought i was happy but I was dying on the inside. Now at 35yrs old I am a youth worker for kids in care and I know all to well how many teens attempt this or actually succeed! Most of the time its just due to feeling the constant need to perform and get good grades, good job and so on. The pressure to succeed in this day and age is huge and can just get to much! Talk to your son, ask him whats going on for him, tey and get him involved in maybe a group of teens that have attempted suicide. Im not sure what facilities you have over there but here in Australia we have a fair few outreach groups that deal with this. I send you and angel and hope he finds his way soon.

Cindi - posted on 01/29/2012

Wow!!! I just finished reading through the conversations being written since your dreaded phone call!! I am very happy to see there has been a positive turn around. Most of the ladies have had some really good advise and I understand the defensive stance you have taken toward others. What I would like to add is hearing some of these things is horribly painful, I understand, all I ask is that you take a step back and try to re read these statements from an outsiders point of view. We are on the outside and we do not know you, your son, or his girlfriend, (SOME OF US NEED TO REALIZE THAT). all we can do is be here to SUPPORT you and pray for your family! Keep your head up and never believe for one minute that your son does not need his mother, he does!!!

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

I am For meds if it will help him Leslie and since tonight he is happy and laughing i think they are helping.

Leslie - posted on 01/29/2012

I encourage anyone considering medication to really read the information available about the side effects:



http://www.cchrint.org/psychdrugdangers/



This is information provided by the FDA, and posted on the above website as a public service. Hope this is helpful.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

They both work and she is gonna start running her parents business and managing them while going to USF part time and cut back on her class load.

Sara - posted on 01/29/2012

Kirra, sometimes young men get to be insecure, that's all. They're afraid that if they don't make big promises to a girl, that she'll go off and leave. Sometimes it's reasonable, sometimes it's just their own insecurity talking. If he's Deaf and depressed, who knows, maybe he was fearing that she'd decide someone else was better, and leave him. It's a very common story, and no offense is intended.



His dream may be to attend UF, but that's not supporting a child and new mother. That takes money. Had they discussed where it would come from?



Also, I didn't say I think she should leave him. I said that caring for someone who is seriously depressed and suicidal is a very serious burden, and that it's more than most people can do longterm. Even most strong people. To put that burden on a young pregnant girl who's in college...it's not realistic to expect her to be able to handle it. She can't be the one to look after your boy, is what I'm saying.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

Keep his girlfriend? What are you trying to come off with that like? I mean what do you mean? I know you think she should abort said baby and leave him but like i said i am doubtful she is going to do that. The inlaws are extremely supportive they were long time and close friends before they ever started dating. My Son is Deaf so he has to fight and work for everything so i am not sure where this is coming from as this is his dream and always was his dream to attend UF.

Sara - posted on 01/29/2012

Kirra, "in love with" and "able to support" are two different things.



Did they have any actual plan for how they were going to support this child? If this was his idea -- why wasn't he waiting until he was out of school? Most young men who are together enough to be in college will wait until they're out and making money, and able to support a family.



Was he afraid -- reasonably or not -- that if he didn't get started on their having a family right now that she was going to leave him?



I know this is a really upsetting, frightening time. But I -- like many others here -- have been there, and it's really important to look at the situations realistically. Clearly, the things he's been saying about how great and wonderful everything is, that's a ruse. Things are not great and wonderful with him. His situation is a seriously difficult one, even without depression. And his girlfriend is really not placed right now to be a mainstay for him, whatever she may be saying.



I can't help wondering if he'd been fantasizing about starting a family as a way to escape present pressures and keep his girlfriend, and now that it's real, he's collapsed.

Lori - posted on 01/29/2012

I went there also and can tell you that it is extremely stressful to keep high grades and deal with all of the logistics of being just a number. I ended up transferring to a quality computer program at UCF,which is much smaller. It was so much better of a computer program,yet was so much less stressful due to smaller classes and more individual contact with the professor. At UF,would wait in line for hours to get classes each semester,hours to use the computers,etc....at UCF,I was shocked to find better computers easily accessible without waiting more than ten minutes,no limit on time to be able to use them,etc...It isn't just the material that is stressful,but all of the surrounding hurdles to jump at larger schools. I got a better education at UCF and easily got A's as it was an atmosphere that made it easy to concentrate only on the work.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

I Doubt he is worried about the baby..... It was his idea and he has already told us and his psychiatrist and therapist that he already is so inlove with the baby even though it isn't born yet.

Sara - posted on 01/29/2012

Hi, Kirra --



I was just rereading how your son said he felt scared and worthless, and thinking how very young he and his gf are. Still in college, don't have their degrees yet. He may have been ecstatic for his gf, not wanting to be a jerk, but despairing underneath, wondering how on earth he's supposed to support a baby. It could be he's always felt he has to keep the mood up, avoid bringing people down.



It's true that parenthood at college isolates you, makes getting through harder, and makes your fun time a whole lot less fun. College suddenly becomes a very serious job without much understanding from the world. If you haven't family nearby to help out with the baby, it's a recipe for a lot of fighting and unhappiness. And if there's not a pretty big helping hand with money, odds are that one of them will have to quit school for a while.



Graduating with a BA is also not what it was -- the market is flooded now with unemployed people with graduate degrees. So if he graduates and then can't find a good job, it's going to be very tough.



My guess is he doesn't see the baby news as all that wonderful, but is afraid to say so to anybody. He's just not ready to be a daddy yet, I think.



If she's set on keeping the baby, then maybe coming up with a workable plan as to how you and the prospective inlaws are going to help support these young people -- emotionally, financially, and with childcare -- so that they can continue with school without the whole business turning into misery and fighting and blame, that might help quite a bit. They really shouldn't be doing this on their own; they're just too young and don't have enough to work with.

Amber - posted on 01/29/2012

Just read through most of your replies. Oh gosh! The whole pregnancy thing adds a twist. But know this, your son seems to have a wonderful character and may be somewhat of a perfectionist and seeking approval. (preaching to the choir here) My son actually ASKED me to take him to the dr. to talk about antidepressants. I said absolutely!! I have had to take Zoloft since my ex left almost 3 yrs ago. Due to weight loss. The dr. put my son on it 2 weeks ago. Praying it will help him also. God gave us Drs to help us in ways we can't help ourselves. Stay close to your son and him switching schools sounds like a great plan. You are a wonderful mom it sounds like. :) BTW - I grew up in Clearwater! But Gainesville is a HUGE school! Might be good for him to start over small.

Amber - posted on 01/29/2012

Praying for your family!! Bless your heart. My son is a freshman this year in college. He was away at school for his first semester, made the Dean's list, but came home severely depressed. He is now living at home and going to finish his freshman year here locally. I am so worried about him still, as he spends most of his time in his room. It's not like him. Ever since our divorce, 2 years ago, he's a different person. Breaks my heart. But we have to pray for these boys!! They are boys trying to figure out life, sometimes without a father to guide them. Please stay in touch about your son. Lovies to you all. Amber.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

I have already sat down and had some talks with her and she is keeping herself very well taken care of. She also told me not to worry cause she isn't leaving just because things got hard and that she can handle this. And that she intends on marrying my son and that she loves him more then anything.

Sara - posted on 01/29/2012

Ok. Understand, though, that it isn't about "being the type to bail". Caring for a severely depressed and/or suicidal person more than is humanly possible for most people, particularly if they have others to care for as well. It's the source of many, many divorces, often after the spouse has devoted years to taking care of the other person.



I would recommend you get in touch with NAMI, the national assoc for the mentally ill. They run a program called Family to Family, which helps family members understand the illnesses and aid the ill person. Again, though, if the gf decides she can't, I hope you won't judge her harshly. It's a deep and significant burden, especially for someone who's young and pregnant.

Karla - posted on 01/29/2012

It sounds as though the girlfriend is very committed to your son and willing to weather this storm.



I think I would recommend she talk to a counselor or social worker. The idea that she should bail though; that's a bit of an over-reaction isn't it? IMO that's her decision; sometimes life is very difficult, I'm sure this young woman realizes that. She should take extra good care of herself; I'm sure it won't be easy for her, but not impossible either.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

Sarah she isn't going to abort the pregnancy.... Nor will i encourage her to do so. She also isn't the Type to bail.

Sara - posted on 01/29/2012

Kirra, one thing to remember now: his GF is pregnant, and she must really take care of herself. She and the baby have to be her first priority. Caring for someone who's seriously mentally ill is an immense strain, and after these days of emergency wear off, she may find that she hasn't the energy to take care of all three of them at once. Furthermore she isn't qualified to look after a suicidal young man. And she's in college, is she not?



Depending on how far along she is -- and this may sound very hard -- she may want to consider whether or not she wants to continue with the pregnancy. Being the wife of a suicidal man is a terribly, terribly hard thing. Were he to succeed, she would have no financial support. No life insurance, no social security. And yes, it would affect their child deeply. If you ask me, he is signaling as strongly as anyone can: He is not ready to become a father.



I must also tell you: If he really wants to kill himself, she cannot stop him. Neither can you. Not unless you're going to have people staring at him 24/7.



Suicide attempts don't come out of nowhere. He may not have been open with you; he may not even have been open with his GF. But this did not simply show up in his head yesterday.



I am so sorry. I hope that things improve. Please understand that neither you nor the girlfriend can control what he does.

Kirra - posted on 01/29/2012

I just noticed i made a typo While me and his girl went to dinner tonight he tried to hang himself with IV tubing i don't understand this he is getting worse! Was supposed to read like that and i said he and his girl oops my bad. And yeah he is getting transferred Monday And his girlfriend already had all of her stuff moved into her new apartment so she is gonna try and see if she can ride with him.

Karla - posted on 01/28/2012

I think I would have him transferred. Hopefully the GF can come along.

Kirra - posted on 01/28/2012

Thanks just thinking maybe i should have him transferred to a place closer to home.

Karla - posted on 01/27/2012

Jane has a lot of great first hand advice.



I just wanted to add that I've had some difficult times with my daughter as well. Hang in there, and be sure he sees a psychiatrist - though he probably has already. Like Jane said some of the medications take time to go into effect.



I'm guessing an imbalance is casing his depression and suicidal tenancies. I think it would be good for you to talk to a counselor or social worker about the things you can do to effectively support him.



Best wishes, and I hope you see improvement soon.

Kirra - posted on 01/27/2012

While me and his girl went to dinner tonight he tried to hang himself with IV tubing i don't understand this he is getting worse!