College called and said son is in the hosptial after he attempted suicide...

Kirra - posted on 01/26/2012

He Freaked out today again but they didn't have to sedate him as his girlfriend was able to calm him down and everything.

Kirra - posted on 01/26/2012

I really am trying it just is bothering me so much i feel like i am losing my own kid.

Jane - posted on 01/26/2012

You aren't useless or unneeded. Both you and the girlfriend will be vital to his recovery. However, you have different jobs. He has been intimate with her emotionally so he needs her most immediately. Sons spend their teen years distancing themselves from their parents so what he needs from you is calm common sense, support, the ability to let him find his own way back, and trust in his abilities.



As I said before, form a team with his girlfriend. She has a terribly hard job, too, and she is also going to need support. She may ask for your advice so you need to be in a position to give it in a constructive way.

Kirra - posted on 01/26/2012

I know and i suppose its true just really feel useless and unneeded in helping my own son all of a sudden and it hurts.

Jane - posted on 01/25/2012

Because she is his girlfriend. You are his mom. It is part of growing up.

Kirra - posted on 01/25/2012

Why can his girlfriend calm him down. But not me?

Kirra - posted on 01/25/2012

I don't know why he freaked out or anything he just started crying and freaking out because he thought his girlfriend was gonna leave him and arg she was at work but if she would've been here i think she would of been able to calm him.

Jane - posted on 01/25/2012

I am sorry to hear that. It is a long, hard road, with a lot of deep valleys, but he is in a safe place right now.

Kirra - posted on 01/25/2012

Thanks today kind of went down hill he had to be sedated he was so upset and everything.

Shawnn - posted on 01/25/2012

Kirra,



Just saw this one, and you are all in my prayers.



Jane's got some great advice, just keep hanging in there.



About the soon to be DIL, I agree, she's your greatest asset with him right now, and you both need to be on the same page. Start getting to know her, and who she is. My MIL did with me, and we are so super close, I couldn't imagine any other way!



I'm glad your son is continuing to improve, and that things are moving forward!

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

Its alright and i know i just really don't wanna lose him and i know i am gonna just hate that he is growing up and everything! Arg hate it but i am going to try and not alienate her she is my closest ally basically. Just never thought my son would ever be capable of this.

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

Unfortunately, you are going to lose your baby boy. He is growing up. Do not alienate this girl. She is going to be your daughter-in-law and the mother of your first grandchild. Instead, form a team with her to keep him safe. The closer you and she are, the closer your son will stay to you.



And I don't know why I wrote FSU instead of USF. One of the cheers I remember from my time in Gainesville was "FSU! FSU! Where the women are women and the men are, too!"

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

Its to USF hon =) lol Sorry we hate FSU lol



And yeah true and they have been talking marriage for awhile and i know that's true some more she doesn't want to be a single mom. I have kept my feelings about this whole thing a secrete because i don't want to make an enemy out of her when there so close and everything. But at the same time i don't want to lose my baby boy! Husband had to take the boys back home Sunday night so its just been me and his girlfriend and Son woke up tonight and really wants to go home.

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

Bear in mind that she is young but she can learn. And now she knows what he is capable of doing, so now she will watch him like a hawk. I doubt that she wants to be a single mother and she apparently loves him and is pretty smart, since she initiated the transfer to FSU.



And remember, you didn't see it coming either, nor did his teachers or his friends or anybody else. In fact, if someone really wants to kill themselves, they won't show it to anyone. I lost three friends to suicide and was totally blind-sided each time. I even saw one of them the day before and I never noticed a thing. She seemed just as perky and bubbly as ever.



Instead of blaming the girlfriend, I think you need to enlist her as an ally. He obviously feels a need to be close to her. If the two should marry she will become his legal next of kin, and she needs to know how to keep him on a level keel. If he and she live together and she feels able to confide in you, then he will have the best of both worlds: someone who loves him to keep a close eye on him, and someone who loves him to give sage advice to her and support both of them.



There is no set road map back from severe depression, but the more people who can help, the better.

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

Yeah he is over 18 but he was going to sign some realse so his counselor can keep me up to date. I want him to stay with me but he wants to stay with his girlfriend and i suppose that is ok but at the same time i am worried about a repeat of this. And i am really hopeful she keeps a better eye on him then she did i know i am sounding like i am blaming her but i can't help not to.

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

You are not annoying me at all. I have been in your shoes in a way, although my son first tried to kill himself at age 7.



Part of the reason why they want to hang on to your son for a bit is to make sure these are the right meds for him. There were times they put my son on new meds because the old ones weren't doing enough, and the new meds turned out to be terrible. In that case they switched him off those and tried something else, until they found something that worked the way he needed it to.



Something else they, and then later on his counselor, will do is teach him how to better monitor his emotions an feelings. That way he can himself tell the docs that he is getting better or worse. This will also help avoid the problem.



In addition, since he will now be closer to you so you will see him more often, his girlfriend is aware of his tendency towards depression, and presumably he will be in talk therapy, changes will be more noticeable. Thus any problems should be caught before they become severe.



I suggest that you all start journaling his moods and accomplishments as a way to keep track of any trends that are developing. He needs to do it to help himself to self-monitor, as well as to help his counselor see the changes. His girlfriend needs to do it also because she is the closest person to him now, You might also do it for your own peace of mind and to give you ammunition with which to reassure him he is doing well, or warn him that he may be slipping back into depression.



Assuming he is over 18, legally the counselor can't give you information, but you can share information with the counselor.

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

I do have a Question did you ever take a turn for the worst while on the meds? Because i have heard of things like that happening especially in makes at his age on antidepressants and that really worries me.

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

Yeah he fell asleep around 5pm hope i am not annoying you all with updates and everything.

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

Right now he may need to sleep, so let him.

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

I hope so Jane all he has wanted to do is sleep and he has snapped a few times.

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

Xanax and Clonidine both can make you sleepy. However, it will get better as he adjusts to them. They may even reduce his dose later on.

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

He has seemed calmer on the xanax but he has also been really sleepy

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

Xanax is for anxiety and Zoloft increases the amount of serotonin in the brain. Clonidine reduces the amount of norepinephrine and epinephrine in the body, and treats anxiety, stress and insomnia by getting rid of the "fight or flight" feeling you get when under stress. It is also used to treat high blood pressure since your heart rate (and blood pressure) go up when you have .



Xanax works right away, but Zoloft takes several weeks for the effects to show. Both Zoloft and Clonidine need to be reduced gradually if someone decides to stop taking them so he/she won't get rebound effects. Xanax can be habit-forming, but many of its effects can be induced through forms of meditation so it can often be phased out.



As I said before, I used to take Xanax and still take Zoloft. My husband took Clonidine for blood pressure both as a pill and as a patch.

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

They started him on Xanax zoloft and Clondine.

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

Some anti-depressants take up to six weeks to reach their full effect, so they will want to see results before he can go. Some anti-depressants work better for some people, and some work better for others so they need to know that what they are giving him will work well for him.



Make sure he takes his meds (or get his girlfriend to make sure). A lot of people are ashamed that they are "not strong enough" to conquer their demons, so they won't take the meds. However, as I said earlier, it often has more to do with brain chemistry than force of will so there is nothing to be ashamed of.



In addition, some of them can have bad effects if you stop them suddenly, and sometimes the depression will sneak back in slowly enough that he may not realize how bad he is feeling.

Kirra - posted on 01/24/2012

Thanks Doctors here wanna get him started on antidepressants before they send him home

Christina - posted on 01/24/2012

Kirra, I just read your recent story, how scary that must be. I think Jane had some wonderful advice and support for you. Stay strong, your family is in my prayers.

Kirra - posted on 01/23/2012

His girlfriend asked him about the baby and he said he is happy and excited about becoming a father so its not that.

Jane - posted on 01/23/2012

I would expect so. They need to be sure he has fully recovered physically but also that he is stable mentally and is no longer a risk to himself. But then the real work will begin.

Kirra - posted on 01/23/2012

I hope so they wanna keep him for awhile.

Jane - posted on 01/23/2012

Sounds like a step in the right direction.

Kirra - posted on 01/23/2012

His Girlfriend convinced him to switch to USF and so there going to move as soon as he is well enough

Kirra - posted on 01/22/2012

Awwww thanks hun can't sleep lol

Jane - posted on 01/22/2012

You and he are in our prayers. Our church prayer group will be asking for blessings for all of you.

Kirra - posted on 01/22/2012

Oh Wow i am so sorry =(. And i know and i hope he will come back home and switch to USF but he is somewhat hardheaded but i honestly hope he will listen to me and his girlfriend. I also hope he will live at home but i doubt his girlfriend would go for that.

Jane - posted on 01/22/2012

It is often due to the balance of brain chemicals and has nothing to do with his abilities and talents. Talk therapy helps, but sometimes you need to resort to medications. I myself take Zoloft these days for depression.



I had some very rocky moments when I was in college but hid them from my parents because of my brother's problems. I had some treatment about that time with Xanax for anxiety but nothing more. Finally, some years later, I collapsed at work one day - I was working full-time and was temporarily a single mom of a 2 1/2 yo and a 6 month old because my husband was in the hospital (ended up being there for 12 weeks) and the doctors wouldn't give me a prognosis, nor would they look me in the eye.



My doctor put me on Zoloft and Xanax for depression and anxiety attacks. Eventually I phased out the Xanax as I learned to meditate, but the Zoloft has continued to be a life-saver. My three uncles, my husband, and my mom all died during the past 18 months and thanks to better living through chemistry I managed to survive it all.



Your son should be able to get through this but it will take work from everyone around him and especially he himself.

Kirra - posted on 01/22/2012

I hope so she is going to talk to him about it. I just don't know why he is so depressed like this it doesn't make since to me he has everything going for him.

Jane - posted on 01/22/2012

Sounds like the beginnings of a plan. Perhaps they could both switch to USF.

Kirra - posted on 01/22/2012

His Girlfriend offered to switch over to USF in Tampa which is only about 30mins from where we live which calmed him down instantly. I am so worried and just scared i have never seen my son like this!

Jane - posted on 01/22/2012

Could they both come home for a while?

Kirra - posted on 01/22/2012

Yes he was i brought up to him that i think he should come home for awhile but he almost freaked out and started having a panic attack. He doesn't wanna leave he wants to be by his Girlfriends side.

Jane - posted on 01/22/2012

He needs a stronger support network and some counseling to help him raise his self-esteem.



Was he worried about what you all would think about the coming baby?

Kirra - posted on 01/22/2012

Update- Talked to my son this afternoon he woke up and he told me he is just scared and feels worthless and like he has let everyone down and that he didn't feel like anyone cared about him.

Kirra - posted on 01/21/2012

I am going to go to bed here soon and yeah i am going to try i just know the girlfriend knows he was ecstatic when she told him. And She is just really scared because they were talking about marriage and everything else!

Jane - posted on 01/21/2012

I would say to get a good night's sleep, get your son healthy enough to get out of the hospital, and then sit down with him, the girlfriend, and a counselor and help him to figure out what went wrong and what he and the girlfriend want to do. Work very hard not to be judgmental or angry, but help him figure out what he wants to do about school, the girlfriend, the baby, and life in general.



Good luck!

Kirra - posted on 01/21/2012

Yeah his girlfriend is distraught and upset i just found out she is pregnant.

Jane - posted on 01/21/2012

Glad to hear it.

Kirra - posted on 01/21/2012

Update- Got here to gainsville and he is in stable condition so relieved.

Kirra - posted on 01/21/2012

I know and i am going to try and get him to come home for awhile. Hubby thinks that would be overreacting but at this point i hardly think so.

Jane - posted on 01/21/2012

He may still need to come home for a while and maybe start at a smaller school closer to home. It is rarely the academics that are the biggest problem. It is often lack of a strong support network. The girlfriend is great, but he may need something more.